Food
Food is what you eat when vaginas and cocks are no longer available. Eating food is America's favorite pastime as it gives fat people their blubber. Enemy of anorexic 16 year old girls and breatharians alike; food is vital to existence, without it we'd die.
Some people eat too much, others not enough, and others eat Goldilocks. It's a tragic thing. All food eventually becomes poop.
The History of Food
Once upon a time, food was healthy. People ate cheese and ham steaks with buttered cream sauce and followed it up with deep-fat-fried lard for dessert and, lo, it was good. Then, in 1972, scientists screwed everything up by reporting that unless you want to spend your thirty-fifth birthday clutching your chest and turning blue, you better live on tofu and wheatgrass juice. The American populace responded by giving the scientists the finger and becoming the most obese nation on Earth. (See also Nationalized Health Care)
Cheerios
When the cheerios saw him - tired and sitting down- they took the lead and went into all 3 holes. food struck back. Mushing the cheerios into what began to look like a stretched sphincter hole, food began to ass rape the cheerios with surprise buttsex. The Cheerios were shocked, disgusted, and began to retaliate. food maintained a strikingly strong hold with his cock and kept it in the asshole he had formed. The cheerios squirmed and screamed but could not escape the fiery wrath that was food's penis. food began to ram the Cheerios' asshole making it bleed bits of milk through the soft exterior of the grain.
Internets Food
Thousands of websites, blogs and forums exist for the purpose of discussing food because many people can't browse porn at work. These fall into different categories, some of which are not ten-step programs.
- Foods You Are Evil For Eating
- Alcoholics Anonymous Falsely claims that it is impossible to survive on malt whiskey and beer, something the Irish disprove every day.
- Oprah's Hit List of Pro-anorexia sites Sites that angered Oprah by announcing all food is the work of the devil. Sites contain helpful tips on sport vomiting, passing out, and calorie counts for oxygen. Oprah suggests we strike back by eating those with anorexia.
- Atkins Center Caused great rejoicing among all peoples when it announced the healthiest diet was twelve pounds of beef a day but no toast.
- Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine Jealous quack killjoys who say Atkins is a liar and that we should take out big fat life insurance policies on our loved ones if they are on his diet.
- Live Journal Food Communities
- Sample entry: "Well my mom always tells me "Krissi- you got more chins than a Chinese phonebook."
- Sample entry: "I'm sick and have no appetite! Nice! But the bad thing is I can't run..but I guess that's okay."
- Sample entry: "i want waffles and fried chicken and turkey lettuce and mustard wraps and cheese and spaghetti and cantaloupe and strawberries and steak and meatloaf and hashbrowns with eggs and....EVERYTHING ooOoo and frozen peas!"
- Sample entry: "I have to eat when im home cuzthere is always someone around watching me.....they are suspecting things cuz i go into the bathroom during the diner or something, and i actual do go to te bathroom not puke and they are asking me if im throwing up in there.....so if i wanna do that, which i have decided to stop doing i have to do it when no one is around which doesn't happen in this house..."
- Sample entry: "anyone have any funny purging stories?"
Even dogs are getting in on the food. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRyZJzZ85Ww
Gallery
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An appropriate use for food -
Some delicious German sausage. -
Bird Food -
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Everyone loves Mexican food! -
Typical foreign food -
Human cock is also food -
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How to get free food at McDonald's. -
In Asia, animal cock is food. -
Food is served on a plate, and people often drool as they eat -
Mike Tyson's well advertised grill. He often uses the catchphrase "I'm so proud of it, I put my name on it!" -
Some people even like to mix food with their favorite pastime. Or maybe it was just a dell that over heated -
Food thief -
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This passes as food for niggers -
Pineapple is good
See Also
- Ck/
- Eating disorder
- Food pyramid
- Fat
- Fauxlimia
- Pro-ana
- Thinspiration
- Types of Food
- Where to get food
- Burger King
- KFC: If you're a nigger
- Kitchen: If you still live with your mom, you pathetic fuck
- McDonald's: If you're a fatty
- Taco Bell: If you're a basement dweller
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Food is part of a series on Life [Go Live One] |
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| Food is part of a series on Language & Communication | |
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Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry •
The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
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