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Thiopental Sodium
Thiopental Sodium is the hot new shot that all the cool cats and hipsters on death row are clamoring to get. Sometimes called “Sodium thiopental” and used as a “truth serum” the drug has now become the only “one shot execution method” in the United States. The chemical acts simply; by giving murdering scum a very high dose, the chemical induces coma and then the inmate drifts off to the big sleep, causing no visible pain or discomfort. Opponents of the drug cite that the chemical might take up to 5 times as long to induce death in the subject when compared to the current cocktail of drugs that are in use now, but that rubbish has been tossed in the garbage as the first use of the drug only took 10 minutes to end the life of the initial homicidal maniac it was used on.
With the execution death of Kenneth Biros, a convicted murderer who bludgeoned to death Tami Engstrom and then deposited her chopped up body over a wide territory that included more than ten counties, Ohio has leaped to the forefront of this popular, hip new method of getting rid of unwanted scumbags that seems to be all the rage these days.
Of course, any new method of execution is going to have some simpering nay-sayers and will cause all the anti-death penalty crowd to start up their “cruel and unusual” yammering, and this is just what has happened. Leftist faggots, upon hearing that Biros was going to be receiving the new Thiopental Sodium hot shot, fired up their bullhorns, began furiously painting protest signs, practiced singing "Kumbaya," and, as usual, forgot completely about the victim of Kenneth’s brutal murder.
Background
In September of 2009, Romell Broom, a convicted murderer who was also found to have raped the cold body of his dead victim, was scheduled to die by lethal injection in Ohio. During the execution procedure, prison medical staff officials could not find a suitable vein to inject the old school “three drug cocktail” that most other states use for execution. This bungling, along with a pack of crying lawyers, caused a two hour delay in the execution and also led to eventually causing a total stay of execution as jabbing a raping, kidnapping murderer with a little needle is considered cruel and unusual.
Ohio had a problem. They have all these criminal douche bags on death row, but what if the procedure screws up again? They simply could not allow a bunch of cutthroat butchers to languish in their prisons, sucking the federal teat to the tune of over $40,000 dollars per year. They had to find a solution, as the solution of chemicals they were currently using, was just not getting the job done.
Enter Thiopental Sodium. Normally, this drug is used to euthanize pets and to induce coma in patients that have intracranial pressure, but Ohio prison officials figured it was good enough, if used in large doses, to off their prisoners who were convicted of homicide and were taking up bed space on death row. Also, and here is the best part, you don’t have to inject the stuff in any vein! You can simply stick a person in muscle tissue or bone, and if you have enough of the chemical, it will kill them in about ten minutes…the same amount of time that the older cocktail takes.
Ohio had their problem solved…or so they thought. On December 8, 2009 at 11:47am Kenneth Biros was greased in an Ohio death penalty chamber using the new single drug shot and most everybody thought that a new, kinder method of rubbing out criminals had finally arrived. That’s when the ACLU wackjobs entered into the picture and started screaming.
Wackjob Reactions
—Aaron Marshall, Cleveland Plain Dealer. |
Of course, the internet is a sounding board for the average Amnesty International whiners, but this case, like many landmark cases, was special to them. They argue that because this method is new, it must be bad, citing the following reasons for why this excellent method of rubbing out murderers is wrong:
- Time of death could take too long.
- Other, civilized countries don't practice capital punishment. I guess he should have raped and decapitated that chick some place else.
- But what if this form of execution doesn't work? Well, we just start it all over, I guess...
- But but but...what if he is innocent? Biros confessed to the brutal bludgeoning, decapitation, dismemberment, and final distribution of the body, so this point is kinda moot.
- The new chemical could pose risks to the humane treatment of a prisoner.
- Vein access issues are still unresolved (as if that problem has not been completely taken care of by this new method).
- Oh God! This new method is just human experimentation!
- This new chemical might be more painful than the last one (despite the fact that the same people have been using this stuff on puppies and kittens for over fifty years).
- The rights of the convicted outweigh the rights of their victims.
Overheard at the Execution
—Kenneth Biros, right before they put out his lights. | ||
—Debi Heiss, Tami Engstrom's sister. | ||
—The prison guards took all the good stuff. | ||
Wackjob Quotes
—Karen Torley, human rights activist who only cares about criminal rights. | ||
—Some idiot who believes in ghosts. | ||
—Slower execution my ass, it worked faster. | ||
—hahahahahahaha! | ||
Normal People Quotes
See Also
External Links
- An experiment on involuntary human subject. LOL.
- A really fun forum to keep an eye on.
- Another lulzy page.
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Thiopental Sodium is part of a series on Life [Go Live One] |
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