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Chris-chan/Sonichu
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Warning! SONICHU IS AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT FUCKING STEAL!!!!!111 |
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SONICHU IS NOT A RACIST POKÉMON AND HE IS AN ORIGINAL CREATION |
Original character,
DO NOT STEAL!
Starting on March 15, 2005, Sonichu The Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, the horrifying product of notorious overweight man-child Chris-chan's feeble, autistic jelly of a brain — is a webcomic hybrid of the two already-established video game characters of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu — was published on the internet, with the sole intention of scarring the minds of the uninitiated masses, and forever searing the crayon-rendered terror into the widened retinas of the innocent. Over the years, Chris's webcomic has served as a medium through which he reinvents his experiences in real life. These events include his adventures at the local mall where he is accompanied by his imaginary friend Sonichu and ambushed by Jerkops (a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop").
Most of his rage and artistic inspiration comes from the fact that he was arrested for being a creepy fucking stalker at the mall, and resisting arrest. The comic's plots center around Chris, Sarah (a former female friend that shared a platonic relationship with him) and her villainous girl-stealing boyfriend, people gaining the ability to transform into hedgehogs, elderly people getting killed, depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu fucking and a failed attempt at loli.
The comic's main characters were Sonichu, a Pikachu/Sonic hybrid, and CWC, who for some reason is Sonichu's father. (Since Sonichu's supposed to be eighteen, this results in them born within ten years of each other!) Supporting roles consist primarily of electric hedgehogs who pretty much hang around having sex the entire time. Eventually, Chris stole the spotlight by making himself the comic's main character, and now the entirety of the comic focuses on him and all of his personal predispositions. He writes himself as being idolized as a god by all of his hedgehog friends who, throughout the comic, assist him in the endeavors of his "love quest".
The comic takes elements from all of the following; all meshed together with Chris' creativity:
- Pokémon
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Dragon Ball Z
- Yu-Gi-Oh
- Sailor Moon
- Inuyasha
- South Park
- Excel Saga
- Christian Weston Chandler's personal life
The Official Comic
The whole thing is available on Chris-Chan's very own wiki for your reading pleasure. But for the sake of sanity, and brevity, a summary is also available below.
Issue #0
Super Sonic accidentally a Pikachu while fighting a blue tentacle monster, and somehow shits out Sonichu and Rosechu. The two meet and immediately fall in OMG TRUE LOVE. Back in CWCville, Sonichu fights Naitsirhc, who has kidnapped Rosechu (totally original, amirite?) but easily kicks his ass because he's a Pokémon-playing faggot... just like Chris-chan himself.
Issue #1
Naitsirhc, Dr. Eggman, and Giovanni create a Sonichu clone for no good reason, but some dumbfuck scientist spills cherry cola on it and turns it into a nigger. Blachu/Black Sonichu/whatever is sent on a mission to kidnap Rosechu, succeeds at first, then predictably gets his ass kicked when Sonichu and his faggot knock-off Sonic decide to team up.
Issue #2
Chris-chan and Sonichu fulfill an "anchuent" Cherokee prophecy so that Chris can change into a furfag along with Sarah Hammer and her boyfriend Wes Iseli. Wes tries to cap Chris-chan but is pwned by Sarah who promptly breaks up with him. Chris has hopes of getting it on with Sarah, but this never happens. For no apparent reason, some gigantic rock monster controlled by Mary Lee Walsh tries to destroy CWCville. The trio kick its ass using their awesome furfag powers. Unfortunately, Chris-chan fails to die during the battle.
Issue #3
Chris-chan shits out another five useless Sonichu recolors, each based on another Pokémon and having unique traits: Wild Sonichu, Bubbles Rosechu, Angelica Rosechu, Punchy Sonichu, and Magi-chan Sonichu. Blachu, like the nigger he is, steals a Sun Stone or something from a bird furry living on a floating island that is totally not Angel Island or anything. The five recolors meet and form the Chaotic Combo, who team up with Sonichu to go lynch Blachu. Then they talk about teamwork or some shit. On a side note, Chris-chan managed to keep his fat ass out of the comic, which, after Christian's health and ego began to further deteriorate, was no longer a possibility.
Issue #4
...but not for long. In this issue, Chris-chan whines about how he can't get any and how the Jerkops are keeping him from having a girlfriend. He then puts on his fursuit to go fight some fatass black mall cop, and tries to kill him by shouting "CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HA!" Then, he chronicles how he got his heart broken by an epic troll who asked him out on a date, and bitches at Mary Lee Walsh for doing her job. Chris-chan's ears turn into wings, allowing him to defeat her. He somehow creates a female clone of himself called Crystal, who ALSO turns into another fucking Sonichu; only this time she's a Sailor Soldier too. Some other shit happens, but no one cares because there are not many lulz to be had in this issue.
Issue #5
Chris-chan decides his comic isn't KAWAII enough for his new TRUE LOVE Megan, so he decides to weeaboo it up by giving everyone anime SHINY DESU eyes. Chris's best friend Sarah gets married to a Yu-Gi-Oh character but Wes comes back to fuck everything up. Chris has to get Megan to save the day for him. Meanwhile, the Jerkops are cockblocking everyone in CWCville, so Chris and his legion of recolors have to save the day. Crystal gets locked in a dark mirror for some reason, and Megan cries in Chris's arms, which everyone knows will never happen in real life.
Issue #6
Chris's dog died. Rather than BAWWWWW like ANY OTHER NORMAL PERSON, he makes her yet another shitty character in his shitty comic. The multiple Sonichu recolors have to search for the mystical super special awesome Sonichu Pokéball Crystals, which are OMG SO NOT THE CHAOS EMERALDS OR THE DRAGONBALLS OR ANYTHING. For some reason Blachu and a green Sonichu show up; the green Sonichu is revealed to be Redlnahc Notsew Naitsirhc Ha-Taque or something and also has a thing for BDSM. Of course, Chris-chan sucks dick, so he almost gets defeated, but Bionic the Hedgehog (surprisingly, not a Sonichu, but almost as bad) saves his sorry ass.
Issue #7
Chris-chan and some of his recolors travel back in time to get one of the Sonichu Pokéball Crystals. For some reason, Chris-chan threw a shitty Family Guy-esque episode in there, featuring a version of himself that looks like Peter. He then proceeds to get completely lost in time, THANK GOD. Meanwhile, everyone Chris hates teams up to try and rape him.
Issue #8
This issue was apparently created to retaliate against 4chan for making Chris look like the idiot he is. Rosechu and Sonichu have gratuitous amounts of sex before setting off to try and convince "4-cent-garbage.com" (run by the Devil himself) to take down pictures revealing Rosechu's true nature as a dickgirl. After the owner throws a pickle at Rosechu, she UNLEASHES THE FUCKING FURY and crushes his head with her VAGINA. Also contains Chris's personal stash of furry yiff porn.
Meanwhile, Chris-chan is still trapped in a swirling time vortex, so instead of rescuing him, his legion of recolors decides to go to the beach. Some whore named Silvana shows up and fucks Blachu... ahem, "Blake", while pretending to be Bubbles. Meanwhile, Bubbles goes to search for the last Pokéball Crystal thing then comes back and almost fucks Silvana, who's pretending to be Blake, but ends up pwning her instead.
Issue #9
All of CWC's characters who haven't been romantically partnered yet have to take a dating class because apparently they do not know how to shot semen. Chris still fails to get a girlfriend, so he takes the class too; only Divine Intervention is able to hook him up with a girl named Ivy. After more (albeit implied) creepy furry sex, Rosechu pantyshots, and Sonichu whining about people who think Chris is gay, Mary Lee Walsh tries to fuck up CWCville again... again. She sends a bunch of ripped-off robots from Transformers to kill them all. Chris-chan's merry band of retards and recolors have to stop fucking each other in the ass for once and defeat Mary Lee Walsh/Slaweel Ryam/whatever the hell her name is now with the power of LOEV!!!!1!! The Real Chris Chan eventually shows up in Sonichu form. He promptly gets his ass kicked and Sonichu rescues Rosechu. The multicolored retards eventually win out and peace returns to CWCville once more. In the epilogue, Chris finally gets back from the time void he's been trapped in for... what, three issues? and promises not to feature himself in his own comics anymore. We can trust that he'll keep his word.
Also, Sonichu and Rosechu apparently got married and spawned three cute Sonichu babies. Please, make it stop.
Issue #10
As expected, Chris is back for yet another issue despite his promise that the comic would focus only on his retarded creations. He finally escapes from the time warp.... again, and reveals that he traveled to the future and got it on with some chick named Lovely Weather. Chris, in an astounding show of scientific knowledge and political correctness, has single-handedly isolated the gene that makes people gay and plans to put a vaccine in the water supply to make everyone not gay. He goes to get his stuff out of storage, but his storage unit (hosted by Tripod) has been infested with bugs that look like naked women with green hair and huge tits. You can't make this shit up. Tim Burton couldn't make this shit up. Anyway, having retrieved all his crap, Chris goes and dismantles 4chan through the power of RAWK, then turns his arch-nemesis Redna... Naitsi... whateverthefuck straight with some sort of straight vaccine. With the world on the path to being completely straight once and for all, Chris expresses his desire to fuck Meg Griffin, who's actually the comic's resident dickgirl, Silvana, in disguise.
Having defeated the trolls for now, Chris and Sonichu go off to right more wrongs. Unfortunately, they don't destroy the comic to this end, but instead power up a la OVER 9000. They save Chris's sister-clone-thing, rescue the emo kid's girlfriend from being asleep forever, destroys teh HEXBAWKS forevar, get some other Sonichu to worship Chris (not like they already don't), save homeless Rosechu recolors and old Rastafarians, free the Jerkops, and send Slaweel Ryam to jail for lyfe. Chris kills off one of his stolen character to dodge guilt and blames it on someone else. The "killers" get sentenced to death and are brutally slashed, stabbed and shot to death by Chris and his Sonichu. No one cares.
Issue #11
Finally, Chris finished Issue 11. At least, so we think. The comic features an art style of even lower quality, but it still resembles Chris's, so it could have just been him being lazy. Considering that the WikiSysop of CWCipedia uploaded the pages, this is likely. He got trolled by his own Sysop. It features the same retarded typos, same stupid, rambling dialogue, and the same "as you can see here" life lesson attempts. However, the issue's events may surprise some people.
It starts with Sonichu and Rosechu eating breakfast while talking about how much they enjoyed their midnight sex (right in front of their children). When they ask what a "seven-inch lightning rod" is, Sonichu says that he'll show them. Chris then has a rant on why Sonichu isn't an incestuous, bisexual pedophile for this. Magi-chan calls Sonichu, saying that Slaweel captured Bubbles and Angelica and has them trapped in a shopping mall. Chris, Wild, Magi-chan, and the CWCville Power Rangers arrive on scene. Meanwhile, Reginald shows his penis to Sonichu's kids, and Rosechu yells at him for it. Apparently, Angelica stopped constantly banging Reginald. Rosechu immediately forgives him, and then makes him leave. Reginald develops lust for Rosechu. Chris makes a rant about how Rosechu is virtuous for not fucking with Reginald. Switch back to Sonichu, having defeated the jerkops. Slaweel throws pickles at him, but Sonichu pimp slaps her, which somehow kills her. However, Wild and Sonichu see the Wal-Mart explode. Magi-chan informs them that Angelica and Bubbles died in the explosion. This is where Chris creating this becomes doubtful. Switch to Sandy, who jaywalks while listening to music, and gets run over by a driver who's texting and driving. Wild learns that she died immediately. Depressed over the death of his daughter, only a month after his wife died, Wild tried to get the driver locked up forever. He can't, however, as Sandy was jaywalking. Wild, fed up with the city's shitty judicial system, commits suicide. Meanwhile, the lesbian Spanish nanny calls Sonichu, telling him that all of his kids drank some drain cleaner. Only Cera survived, and she has permanent brain damage. The cost for her medical care is ridiculously high, upsetting Sonichu. Rosechu suggests getting Chris to help, but Sonichu says that he's too busy with video games and "the Wallflower" (Chris' "girlfriend" that left him IRL a month or two ago). We learn that Chris has all but disappeared from society, holed u in his house. Sonichu turns to drinking, and has sexual fantasies about Angelica. Rosechu smothers Cera with a pillow, and pretends that she stopped breathing by herself. Sonichu divorces her anyway, and Rosechu reveals that she always hated being married to him. Chris makes a final rant about careless actions and unsafe sex, before revealing that Issue 12 will be a reboot. The events of this comic leave Punchy, Blake, the Transformer clones, two of the CWCville Power Rangers, Magi-chan, Chris, the lesbo Spanish nanny, and pretty much every character based from IRL people (except Slaweel Ryam) still living.
After writing the issue, Chris removed it due to its controversial subject matter and general unpopularity with the fans. The good folks at ED, however, have captured all the dramatic goodness. BEWARE: SOME OF THESE IMAGES MAY PROVE SHOCKING TO FANS OF SONICHU!!!!1!!!1!
Side note: these were actually done by one of Chris's fans, in Sept 2015 (7 FUCKING YEARS AFTER HE STARTED THE COMIC IN 2008) he released more pages, which are unsurprisingly just as shit. If anything, these pages here are more interesting as something actually happens. Go here if for some reason you want to read comics drawn by a tranny manchild.
Issue #12
Apparently will be a reboot for the series.
Issue #13
Planned to be a shitty crossover with Planet Dolan, Two of the managers behind the channel didn't want that to happen so now it's an MLP Fanfic!
TL;DR
Sonichu fails, Blachu is a nigger, everyone else is a copy/pasted recolor, and Chris is never, EVER going to get any.
Read and/or listen for yourself
Fan Comics
What's this? Fan comics? Holy shit.
Well children, the facts of life are simple. Chris-Chan, in all his autistic man-child glory, has actually managed to create something that inspired people. And what is it that you've done with your life? Nothing. That's why you're all faggots and why we should make our own comic and shit in his mouth.
Sonichu Remade
Recently, a Tartlet by the name of ~gabmonteiro9389 decided to remake the classic Sonichu Comics. Although the quality of the remake is clearly superior to the original, it's still about Sonichu, so it still sucks balls.
Sonichu Finale
Sonichu Finale (by a Mr. Harry D) explores life in CWCville, but with a twist: it's goodshit. The art is entertaining, the dialog is pretty good, and the premise isn't that bad but since it's still about Sonichu, it sucks the living shit out of its own asshole. Certainly much more interesting and refreshing than the usual crap that Charlottesville spawns. Issue 1 is below, follow the link for more.
Sonichu: The Game
After Chris' website was dead for a year, he posted a new entry on August 17th, 2008, calling for all the Sonichu fans to storm Nintendo and Sega with requests that his character be given official merchandise. He also announced the launch of a new blog dedicated to Sonichu: The Game, whose content consisted mainly of "fan art" and a few of his own pictures accompanying Sakurai-like updates to the game's progression.
—Chris, on his upcoming game. | ||
On September 5th, 2008, the official Sonichu game blog revealed itself to be a troll. In a post claiming that SEGA and Nintendo had slapped "production" with a cease and desist order, the resident blogger offered his redesigns of Sonichu and Rosechu; with a member of the upper class and a member of the Village People impersonating anteater/eel hybrids respectively.
He also stated that the game would be only on Gamecube and PS2, but NEVAR on Xbawks. Considering he owns and still plays an Xbox, this makes him an Xbox-HUEG hypocrite.
—JK Productions, being lulzy. | ||
An archive of the site can be seen here BALEETED!.
Shigeru Miyamoto Responds
After countless obsessive e-mails to Nintendo, a clever troll decided to impersonate Shigeru Miyamoto, thus cementing the sheer impossibility of any Sonichu merchandise ever existing ever in.
—Chris-chan, using stupid logic. | ||
However, Chris still fails to realize that nobody wants to play a shitty game with a shitty Gary Stu character. He is still trying to get the game made. He also likes men with hairy bums.
Round Two
4chan's /v/ board was greeted by a thread made by a person using the alias called Andrew Crogonk (known as Pickbothmanlol) on July 16, 2010 with a site called sonichugame.webs.com. What other than another round of trolling Chris with a game based on Sonichu, except the only differences are that it will be released for Linux (free?) and PS3 and the trolls are calling their self Iceman Productions. On August 8, 2010 a e-mail was sent back to PBML saying that the idea was rejected due to being a part of the faggotry according to him that is Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Well...It kinda happened
Nope, Chris'tard didn't get to make his Sonichu game...but the Sonichu character is soon going to be an NPC in Animal Crossing.
The End of Sonichu?
In the middle of 2010, Chris announced he was done with Sonichu forevers because the "trolls drained him of creativity." This is odd, because Chris had no creativity to begin with. In reality, he just didn't care about drawing comics anymore. Many retards pine for the days of old-school Chris trolling, where he'd get his bloated ass kicked out of malls, but the thing is is that Chris is so lazy and drawing comics don't reward him with PSN trophies. His mother also told him to quit drawing the comics of him battling McDonald's managers.
Links
- Sonichu review on The Bad Webcomic Wiki
- "Sonichu" Mock Tumblr
- Other "Sonichu" Tumblr
- "Sonichu" - The Animates Series
- "A Girl Who Brought Down The World" - Vivian's book about Chris.
- Archived Version Of "CWCpedia"
[GOTTA GO FAST!]
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