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Paranoia
THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
I've been trying to get a message through to you for the last six months. Ever since you started noticing those "coincidences", big brother has placed you under surveillance. In fact, you are being observed right now (your entire family are in on it). The neighbor's dog is actually a robot spy that can see and hear through walls (the binary barking transmits information about you to the aliens), along with 700 other cameras carefully hidden within your home. A chip was implanted in your brain that will allow you to communicate with the alien race. The strings are pulled, you are apart of their network, and everyone will be activated on the day the Earth stands still, the day of the revelation's reckoning. Only you will be able to prevent the imminent pwnage of the planet.
Otherwise the good news is that you are getting close to the truth: 9/11, Jews, chemtrails, and Lindsay Lohan's breasts... They are all connected!!! Just keep working on those theorem equations under your bed covers - and refer to this page for more legitimate clues.
The bad news is that you are in grave danger---yes, you ARE important enough to notice and persecute! According to reliable sources, any day now you will have an unfortunate accident involving the Goodyear Blimp and a can of WD-40. Your only hope is to stay indoors, smear peanut butter over your balls, post equations on walls, and cover yourself in tinfoil, of which is actually aluminum and not tin --so no electromagnetic protection. We are never safe.
Good luck to you! The fate of mankind rests upon your shoulders... or is that what they want you to think?
Symptoms
Warning! THIS PAGE IS WATCHING YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW. |
Leaves long diatribes explaining why they are leaving a community involving aliens, how the CIA is watching them through their teeth, and leaves posts about how the hills have eyes. May also attend Grad school. Is a Prepper.
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Possible Causes
See also
- Big Brother
- Liberal
- Erik Ribsskog
- PeerGuardian
- Stoner
- Doomsday Preppers
- Paranoid personality disorder
- Jared Lee Loughner
Paranoia is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |