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Christine Chubbuck: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 07:14, 31 October 2011
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Christine Chubbuck was a reporter on Channel 40 in Florida, who, on July 15th, 1974, decided that enough was enough and to give her best (and last) news cast by becoming the first an heroine on live television. After an interview with some fucktards, she pulled out a revolver and shot herself in the head. Unfortunately, she didn't actually die until 14 hours later, which means that she was doing it wrong.
How it all began
Obviously, everyone wants the recognition of becoming an hero, including Christine, who heard about Hitler's suicide when she was a child and thought it was simply win. After serious planning for 20 years, Christine moved to Florida and got a job as a television news caster and began plotting how it would all work out. During her time at the station, she fell in love with a hawt guy and baked him a cake, only to find out that he had already made one because he was gay. Being a homophobe, Christy was freaked out by this, went into a deep depression (a requirement of becoming an hero) and thought that he turned gay because she was quite ugly. She occasionally did puppet shows, but they were completely fail, so she just went on with her an hero plan.
The day of an heroine
After careful planning, Christy decided that she would pwn herself on July 15th, because she wanted a day all to herself for An Heroine day (instead of April 20th). She bought herself a revolver and moar puppets and then, following a news segment in the morning, said on the airwaves:
"In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide."
She then pulled out the gun and shot herself in the head. The screen faded to black and her colleagues, being the retards they were, thought she was pulling a prank, even though there was blood all over the place. Twenty minutes later, someone got smart, realized that she was actually self-pwnd and took her to a hospital. Fourteen excruciating hours later, Christy finally died but was sadly not given the day of An Heroine due to the fact that she was a woman, and that she didn't die at the scene.
Too bad, young heroine. You were an inspiration to us all.
Footage of suicide
Shortly after her suicide, Chubbuck's show was replaced by Gentle Ben reruns and the station's only hope to produce good ratings were dashed when her family filed an injunction to prevent them from re-airing her self-trepanation as a commercial bumper. Only one 2" quadruplex videotape of the incident was released by the local sheriff's department to her family, who later transferred it to Betamax and used it to generate lulz at family functions through the mid-'80s.
Truth
Because there's no pics or video of her self-pwnage, it probably didn't happen, and was instead an elaborate but poorly thought plan to raise ratings for Gentle Ben.
See Also
Links
| Christine Chubbuck is part of a series on people who have slept with Rubberduc 
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Nomadlisa • Rob Levin • Andrewpants • San Francisco • Girlvinyl JWZ • Hepkitten • Bradfitz • Weev • Sloth • Ghettofinger • Battlecry |
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