John Sakars: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:57, 9 April 2014

ATTENTION CARNISTS:

This article is for VEGANS ONLY. If you want to hurt my animal friends, then FUCK OFF

John gets ready for some hardcore activism.

John Sakars is a vegan porn star, animal rights activist and talented musician who enjoys violating YouTube's upload policy by posting videos of his sexy, wet, naked body. His favorite pastimes include drinking green smoothies, eating out beautiful vegan vaginas and having cats lick syrup off his tiny, malnourished penis.

Musical career

Sakars is best known for his mad guitar skills. He knows about three chords and only uses one per song. John refuses to use any sort of mastering software and as such his voice is horribly untuned. Listening to more than two Sakars songs in one sitting has lead to brain tumors, spontaneous abortions in pregnant women and runs the risk of turning the listener into a vegan. Sakar's interesting voice is possibly a side effect of having his testicles surgically removed which, thankfully, means he can never reproduce and create more mindless pro-vegans (assuming his dick ever actually penetrates a vagina at all). The lyrical content generally revolves around veganism, his penis, other men's penises, bestiality, and bathtubs.

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Go Vegan Muthafucka: The Movie

This should explain everything.

Porn career

John has to bottle and sell his vaginal secretions in order to pay his internet bills

Videos

John also loves licking vegan vaginas, and has produced several softcore porn videos, all of which are hosted on his YouTube channel. Somehow he is unaware of XTube, videos of him licking invisible genitalia, molesting vegetables and strip dancing are listed alongside videos of him protesting, interacting with the general public and sledding with his nephew. Sakars knows that vegan women secretly fantasize about him sticking his limp veggie dick in their assholes. Because of this, he believes it is his duty to cater towards them in his videos as he is way to busy masturbating to cats fucking to travel around the world reaping in the vegan pussy. If you are a homosexual, it is perfectly acceptable to have fantasies of John licking your balls or your cock.

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"Modeling"

John has also modeled for nude photography, which is more or less an excuse to paint himself black in an attempt to make his microscopic penis look bigger. Get the entire book here!

Cat blowjobs

John has confessed to his love of combining his fetish for Canadian food products with animal sickfuckery.

Confession starts at 1:19

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

John Sakars going on a date.

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External links

John Sakars is part of a series on Bad things that happen to animals	Basic Concepts [-+] Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy Meet the Menagerie: Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves
	Victims [-+] Adrian Pomorski • Arrow Cats • Bincat • Bonsai Kitten • Chase 'No Face' • Chevy the Therapy Dog • Harambe • Internet Mascot Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights • Koda The Dog • Monkids • "Mudkips" the cat • Mutant Cats • NEDM • Omarosa • Orvillecopter • Painted Cats • Pebbles the Emotional-Support Hamster • Scared Monkey • Sombra The Drug Sniffing Dog • Staredog • Subservient Chicken • Zippocat
	Opposing Concepts and Causes [-+] Animal Liberation Front • Camille Marino • Carlos Sousa Jr • Dave Warwak • Death Cat • PETA • Steve Irwin • Travis the Killer Chimp • Vegetarian
	BestiLOLity in Action [-+] Alyssa Rosales • Bubblegum Husky • Charles-wolfman • Chibiabos • Cory Williamson • Crusadercat • Dalavesta • Dalhusky • Darkhorseman • Dracoguard • Ebon Lupus • Esachasa • Joel Monaghan • Jonathan Niehaus • John Sakars • Kero The Wolf • Marry Your Pet • Mr. Hands • Neuticles.com • Poeticirony • Sarah Butts • ShadoWolffess • Skylos • Snover • Steven Bonnell II • The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch • Tigersclaw • Whitney Wisconsin • WolfJLupus • Zetaforum •
	Why We Don't Have Nice Things [-+] Alisa Kuzmenko • Belen Aldecosea • Camrose Cat Killers • Cheyenne Cherry • City glitter • David Motari • Duck Dynasty • Igor Suprunyuck • Isabella Loretta Janke • Kenny Glenn • Kimberleigh Ann Keister • LinktheWolf • Lowti3rgod • Luka Magnotta • Marvin Morvan and Alex Teniola • Melissa Bachman • Monkey hate community • Nikki Joly • Peluchin Entertainment • Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Randi Harper • Sasuke • Steve Stephens • Tinkebell • Tyler Weinman • Wang Jeu • Zeriara •

	John Sakars is part of a series on YouTube.
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Featured article April 7th, 2014
Preceded by AdrenalineOn	John Sakars	Succeeded by Neutral Milk Hotel

John Sakars: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 14:57, 9 April 2014

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