Maine: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 22:26, 21 October 2018

BREAKING NEWS!!
HOLY SHIT WEED'S LEGAL NOW!!!

Maine, (abbreviation: ME) colloquially referred to as the bastard stepchild of Massachusetts, is inhabited almost entirely by lobsters. The few humans willing to reside there are known as the Southerners of the North. Maine is home to dead cows, flannel jackets and Portland, a small city not to be confused with Portland.

Maine is as cold and icy as a Maine woman's vagoo in the winter and wicked fucking hot in the summer. There is little point to visit Maine unless you are hankering to become the subject of Stephen King's next book. Everybody in Maine is batshit insane.

Maine economy

Maine's chief export is lobster, shipped to fine restaurants across the world to give food poisoning to the socially elite. Lobster is followed closely by blueberries, potatoes, and frogs.

The bulk of Maine revenue is generated from disability payments.

Maine natives

	“	Where does that road go?	„
	—Tourist

	“	That road? That road don't go nowheah, stays right theah.	„
	—Old Man from Pet Cemetary

Approximately 91 percent of Mainliners are actually descended from Quebecois who came over and done took our jobs. Mainers feel a strong urge to promote and continue their backward lifestyle. The average driveway contains six rusted cars as any more would be showing off. Mainers eschew the merits of large cities, believing them to be full of criminals constantly gang-raping innocent passersby. Thus, most have never left the safe confines of their own county, much less the state.

While most Mainers despise tourists, they will never show it. Second only to government checks, tourism is Maine's primary business, as people from other states flock to see a third-world country in their own backyard.

As the average Maine family has never had enough money to own a slave, the colored population is among the lowest in America.

See also: Damien Zygote and Fox Azure

Regions of Maine

East Maine is a mythical land near Canada where surnames peak at 5 and they hate Indians. Down East Mainers have the thickest, most disturbing of Mainer accents, bordering on the intelligibility of Alabama.

Eastern and Central Maine have some of the best banjo playing north of the Mason-Dixon, so grab your corporate buddies, head up to the river, and get in some fly fishing. Don't worry about that toothless redneck, he's there to make sure you are safe.

Central Maine has a higher sex offender count than major cities like Boston and New York, a side effect of the cracked leather skin Mainers inherit on their 14th birthday, rendering them additionally unattractive.

A large influx of Somali refugees in Southern Maine prompted many of the Maine Natives to worry that the lazy refugees might cut into their hard-earned food stamps and social security benefits. Many refugees left immediately upon arrival to find greener pastures, while others remained since they had found the one place in America that felt like home.

The Maine Accent

The most common mistaken assumption people make when going to Maine is that the accent is like that of Massachusetts. They are wrong. The Maine accent has more swearing and the vocabulary level of a seven year old. Throw in a lack of vowel pronunciation equivalent to a deaf child and you'll get the hang of it.

Maine is home to a number of colloquialisms deriving from their inability to describe common objects within their limited range, much like the Orwellian newspeak of 1984. "Front yard" or "lawn" becomes "dooryard." A "purse" or "handbag" becomes a "pocketbook."

Using proper pronunciation or words longer than three syllables will single you out as a faggot and you will receive a proper course in Maine etiquette.

Casino

Bangor now has a casino. It is not an actual Casino of course, because Maine couldn't possibly allow poker or roulette or other actual table games to be played, but it has slot machines.

Unlike in other regions, Indian tribes have not been allowed any slot machines or a casino in the state. While many would have you believe this an example of racism, the truth is that the Indians would spend most of their money on alcohol and jenkem.

Many feared the birth of gambling in Maine, believing it would lead to further evils like electricity or even work.

	“	I'm sorry, but I think Hollywood slots is a bad idea for Maine. It draws the wrong type of crowds, it causes addiction problems for some, it does not help poor families who need to save their money rather then hope they win a big game. Right now people are struggling just to buy gas for their car and food, the last thing we need right now is a slot business. I'm ashamed we have this in our area now. To me, it is not part of Maine history or what we'd hope to convey to tourists. :(	„
	—Kaylan of Corinna, ME

Politics in Maine

There is an old adage oft repeated, "As Maine goes, so goes the nation." This is wrong. Nobody cares about Maine, but like the average camwhore, it continues to believe itself important.

Maine has a history of electing troll politicians, beginning with Ed Muskie and most recently, Paul LePage. After beating the woman and the jew, LePage was given the ability to lead the state into a new era of lulz.

LePage ran on a platform of cutting budgets, beating gays, and promoting fireworks. Upon taking office, he righteously refused to meet with the NAACP, followed quickly by disregarding chemical warnings, leading to massive butthurt.

	“	From what I've heard, that's a little like estrogen. So worst case, women will grow little beards.	„
	—Paul LePage, on traps

His shenanigans managed to briefly thrust Maine into the national limelight it had so long craved, only to discover that like Chris-chan before them, sometimes it is better to remain anonymous.

Be Like A Mainer

Say wicked in front of every word, for example: "Daddy took his wicked penis and raped me up good."
Learn to swear. A LOT. For example: "Fuckin A, dudeguy, I'm gonna slap you sillay foh stickin ya dick in my woman's shithole."
Smack your mother because she gave chlamydia to your brother.
Get a girl pregnant, drop out of high school, and live on the system.
Be shocked and awed at neon lights.
Sell heroin.
Run over Stephen King with a minivan.
Wait for your life to end.

Things to do in Maine

Watch a bear shit in the woods.
Dialup some internets.
Drink, fight and fuck pinecones.
Count trees.
Smoke weed every day.. Legally! [1][2]
Hunt tourists.
Commit Suicide.
Be an hero.

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+{{Breakingnews|HOLY SHIT WEED'S LEGAL NOW!!!}}
+[[File:Obama's Arrival In ME.png|thumb|right|300px|Maine is one of [[Barack Obama]]'s favorite States.]]
-Tourist - "Where does that road go?"
+'''Maine''', (abbreviation: '''[[Me|ME]]''') colloquially referred to as the bastard stepchild of [[Massachusetts]], is inhabited almost entirely by lobsters. The few [[retards|humans]] willing to reside there are known as the Southerners of the North. Maine is home to [[shit nobody cares about|dead cows, flannel jackets]] and Portland, a small city not to be confused with [[Portland]].
-Old man from Pet Cemetery - "Don't go nowhere, stays right there."
-'''Maine''' is inhabited almost entirely by lobsters, and its few human residents are the southerners of the north. Maine is also home to [[shit nobody cares about|dead cows, flannel jackets]] and Portland, a small city not to be confused with Portland. Maine is fucking cold in the winter and [[kill it with fire|fucking hot]] in the summer, and there is no point to ever going there. The video game [[Resident Evil 4]] Is based off the book "Escape from Maine"
+Maine is as cold and icy as a Maine woman's [[vagoo]] in the winter and [[kill it with fire|wicked fucking hot]] in the summer.  There is little point to visit Maine unless you are hankering to become the subject of [[suicide|Stephen King's next book]].  Everybody in Maine is [[batshit insane]].
-== More About Maine ==
+== Maine economy==
-[[Image:SeenInMaine.jpg|right|thumb|This is what your taxes go on in Maine.]]
+<!-- [[Image:SeenInMaine.jpg|right|thumb|This is what your taxes go on in Maine.]] -->
-Maine's chief export is [[shit|Lobster]], a creature which is not unlike a cockroach that lives at the bottom of the ocean. Lobster is shipped to fine restaurants across the world to give food poisoning to [[Unwarranted self importance|the socially elite]]. The second largest export is logs, but they are uninteresting so fuck them.
+Maine's chief export is [[shit|lobster]], shipped to fine restaurants across the world to give food poisoning to [[Unwarranted self importance|the socially elite]]. Lobster is followed closely by blueberries, potatoes, and [[French|frogs]].
-[[Image:Mainecoon.jpg|right|thumb|Maine coons are not like other coons.]]
-== Maine Natives ==
-While Maine is considered by its inhabitants to be the most backwards state in [[America]], no one else in the world could care less. Up north is Aroostook County, whose people are obsessed with potatoes more than Sam from ''Lord Of The Rings''. The capital is Augusta and it cleverly attempts to look like Washington D.C, unfortunately, to date, it has been unsuccessful. Augusta is also known as the [[New Orleans]] of Maine because its filled with black, french people who sell heroin.
+The bulk of Maine revenue is generated from [[aspie|disability payments]].
+<!-- [[Image:Mainecoon.jpg|right|thumb|Maine coons are not like other coons.]] -->
-Lewiston is half an hour down the pike from Augusta and it has even more [[French]] people, only they simply act black and sell heroin without middle class jobs paid for by lobster taxes. Across a Bridge from Lewiston is Auburn. Maine is bordered by Canada, and a frozen body of water that never goes above 3 degrees and is known as the ocean.
+== Maine natives ==
-On the ocean is Portland. To live in Portland you must either smell really bad and work on a boat, or be a [[starbucks]] obsessed office worker. If you know an office worker in Portland then chances are you'll suddenly become tech-savvy.
+{{quote|Where does that road go?|Tourist}}
+{{quote|That road? That road don't go nowheah, stays right theah.|Old Man from Pet Cemetary}}
-== Eastern Maine & Down East Maine ==
+Approximately 91 percent of Mainliners are actually descended from Quebecois who came over and [[South Park|done took our jobs]]. Mainers feel a strong urge to promote and continue their backward lifestyle. The average driveway contains six rusted cars as any more would be showing off.  Mainers eschew the merits of large cities, believing them to be full of [[niggers|criminals]] constantly gang-raping innocent passersby.  Thus, most have never left the safe confines of their own county, much less the state.
-East Maine is a mythical land near Canada where nobody pronounces Rs and they hate Indians. In down east Maine they have the thickest, most disturbing Mainer accent. Ironically they also like to fap off to thick and disturbing things. Down East Maine has recently become the Incest capital of the world beating Germany by a land slide. East Maine is full of gangstas. Fact. [[Image:Maine_niggers.PNG|frame|center|Anon guarantees your safety.]]
-=== Thomaston ===
+While most Mainers despise tourists, they will never show it.  Second only to government checks, tourism is Maine's primary business, as people from other states flock to see a third-world country in their own backyard.
-As arguably the crappiest town in Maine, Thomaston doubles as the place to go if you want to lay up on prescription drugs for months at a time and one of the few towns lucky enough to be situated in the STD Capital of America, Knox County. Feel free to get piss drunk in the middle of the day and walk around, as the locals generally are too busy wanking it to realize that the 5'8 minor is stumbling around like a drunken monkey and is riding his skateboard upside down. Don't ride your bike through the baseball field unless you feel like running over a hypodermic needle and falling face down on a used condom. "An Hero's" are very common in Thomaston, and many have reported that they "Did it for the Lulz." Most just laugh at the stupid Emo, and some have also reported bystanders accusing the emo tard during his last seconds of wasting his cyanide.
+As the average Maine family has never had enough money to own a slave, the colored population is among the lowest in America.
-When you aren't busy huffing paint or paying 1.50 for a single cigarette, like most of the minors in Thomaston do, after all, they live in Maine, what else are they supposed to do? Get a License and take Route 1 South till they reach the end of the quarantine zone, take a chemical shower, and are reeducated so that they can more easily integrate into the not so incest and bestiality possesed people's of "Outland" as it is known in Maine, known to the outside world as "New Jersey." That's not to say that New Jersey is better than Maine, but to say that aside from Maine, New Jersey is the shittiest state in the Union, thereby making Maine worse than New Jersey, meaning we no longer count it as a state but a desolate wasteland of goat sodomy and Pot Bellied, Brandy drinking harbor whores
+<i>See also: [[Damien Zygote]] and [[Fox Azure]]</i>
-Try not to look in the eyes of the local children, as you may burst into flames upon eye contact, due to the unusually high level of "WTF," Paxil, and "lulz" wrapped into one 4'2 larvae, which will one day cocoon, and turn into a fisherman or a harbor hog, depending upon sex. Speaking of sex, if your in Maine, you'll be up to your knee's in pussy. Too bad most of it smells vastly like the ass end of a rotten anchovy, which if you happen to have been born in Maine and your family has lived there for more than three generations, will be recognized immediately and relished, as true Mainer's release a strong fishy scent to denote their mating period, which is year round, bad news if your allergic to tuna.
+== Regions of Maine ==
+East Maine is a mythical land near Canada where [[incest|surnames peak at 5]] and they hate [[Injuns|Indians]]. Down East Mainers have the thickest, most disturbing of Mainer accents, bordering on the intelligibility of [[Alabama]].
-{{squote|Why haven't you people left this emo bullshit state yet? Aren't you tired of living in the state with one of the highest property taxes in the nation? Aren't you pissed off that the shitty state legislature won't let you smoke in the car if you have a kid inside with you, even with the window cracked? Aren't you pissed off that your children all have genital warts because you forgot to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend to use protection? Why would you remain in a state where the sheep get nervous when the farmer puts his boots on? Have you even considered that using that thick, bullshit accent you people wield with such such disgrace is probably making your penis smaller with every mispronounced consonant, with every r replaced with ah? You would do well to leave before you contract super ghonerea from your mom you sick fuck|Everyone who doesn't live in Maine}}
-===Would be An-Hero's in Maine===
+Eastern and Central Maine have some of the best banjo playing north of the Mason-Dixon, so grab your corporate buddies, head up to the river, and get in some fly fishing. Don't worry about that toothless [[redneck]], he's there to make sure you are safe.
-Weaboo fags are hard to find in Knox County, however there are many small sects of Naruto fans, and the few generate many [[lulz]], as seen in the popularity among said Weaboo's to wear 30$ Naruto Knock-off headbands and spend their time fapping to Pokepr0n. When asked to comment on this, the manufacturer said simply:
+Central Maine has a higher sex offender count than major cities like [[Boston]] and [[New York]], a side effect of the cracked leather skin Mainers inherit on their 14th birthday, rendering them additionally unattractive.
-{{quote| "Wtf do I care? I make the fucking headbands out of used underwear bands from the salvation army, and throw any random shit on them and call it a Magic-jutsu headband or some shit, and sell 'em to them. Sometimes I'll make trades when they don't have cash, one kid even stole his mother's white gold ring with six diamonds from [[Vietnam]] and traded it to me for one. I can't believe those fags would pay so much for a shitty headband, I guess they need it to soak up the sweat from fapping to the latest Sasuke & Naruto yaoi."}}
+A large influx of [[niggers|Somali]] refugees in Southern Maine prompted many of the [[white Devils|Maine Natives]] to worry that the lazy refugees might cut into their hard-earned food stamps and social security benefits.  Many refugees left immediately upon arrival to find [[drugs|greener pastures]], while others remained since they had found the one place in America that felt like home.
+[[Image:Maine_niggers.PNG|thumb|Anon guarantees your safety.]]
 ==The Maine Accent==
-The most common mistake people make when going to Maine is that the accent is like that of Massachusetts. They were wrong. The Maine Accent has more swearing, and the replacing the r sound in words like far, car, park, parked, ect, ect with the ah sound. So now insted of far its fah, and cah, pahk, pahked, ect. Mainers also say da instead of the.
+The most common mistaken assumption people make when going to Maine is that the accent is like that of Massachusetts. They are wrong. The Maine accent has more swearing and the vocabulary level of a seven year old. Throw in a lack of vowel pronunciation equivalent to a deaf child and you'll get the hang of it.
+Maine is home to a number of colloquialisms deriving from their inability to describe common objects within their limited range, much like the Orwellian newspeak of 1984.  "Front yard" or "lawn" becomes "dooryard." A "purse" or "handbag" becomes a "pocketbook."
+Using proper pronunciation or words longer than three syllables will single you out as a [[faggot]] and you will receive a [[rape|proper course in Maine etiquette]].
 ==Casino==
-Bangor now has a casino. It is not an actual Casino of course, because Maine couldn't possibly allow poker or roulette or other actual table games to be played, but it has slot machines. Row after row of them. Incidentally, Indian tribes have not been allowed any slot machines or a casino in the state, this is an example of [[racism]]. The thoughts of the people of Maine regarding their brand new Casino?:
+Bangor now has a casino. It is not an actual Casino of course, because Maine couldn't possibly allow poker or roulette or other actual table games to be played, but it has slot machines.
-{{quote|I'm sorry, but I think [[Hollywood]] slots is a bad idea for Maine. It draws the wrong type of crowds, it causes addiction problems for some, it does not help poor families who need to save their money rather then hope they win a big game. Right now people are struggling just to buy gas for their car and food, the last thing we need right now is a slot business. I'm ashamed we have this in our area now. To me, it is not part of Maine history or what we'd hope to convey to tourists. :(|[[Bitch|Kaylan of Corinna, ME]]}}
+Unlike in other regions, Indian tribes have not been allowed any slot machines or a casino in the state. While many would have you believe this an example of [[racism]], the truth is that the Indians would spend most of their money on [[alcohol]] and [[jenkem]].
-== Be Like A Mainer ==
+Many feared the birth of gambling in Maine, believing it would lead to further evils like electricity or even work.
-*Every time you say ar, er, ir etc. Stop. Replace with ah. For example:
+{{quote|I'm sorry, but I think [[Hollywood]] slots is a bad idea for Maine. It draws the wrong type of crowds, it causes addiction problems for some, it does not help poor families who need to save their money rather then hope they win a big game. Right now people are struggling just to buy gas for their car and food, the last thing we need right now is a slot business. I'm ashamed we have this in our area now. To me, it is not part of Maine history or what we'd hope to convey to tourists. :(|[[Cunt|Kaylan of Corinna, ME]]}}
-'''Traditional:''' Park the car in the yard behind the barn.
+== Politics in Maine ==
-'''In Maine:''' Pahk the cah in da bahn behind da yahd.
+There is an old adage oft repeated, "As Maine goes, so goes the nation." This is [[wrong]].  Nobody cares about Maine, but like the average [[camwhore]], it continues to believe itself [[USI|important]].
-* say wicked in front of every word ever, for example:
+Maine has a history of electing troll politicians, beginning with [[BAWWW|Ed Muskie]] and most recently, Paul LePage.  After beating the [[woman]] and the [[jew]], LePage was given the ability to lead the state into a new era of [[lulz]].
-"Thats wicked awesome!"
+LePage ran on a platform of cutting budgets, beating [[homosexual|gays]], and promoting fireworks.  Upon taking office, he righteously refused to meet with the NAACP, followed quickly by disregarding chemical warnings, leading to massive [[butthurt]].
-"daddy just got his wicked penis and raped me up good"
+{{quote|From what I've heard, that's a little like estrogen. So worst case, women will grow little beards.|Paul LePage, on [[traps]]}}
-"wicked lulz" and so on...
+His shenanigans managed to briefly thrust Maine into the national limelight it had so long craved, only to discover that like [[Chris-chan]] before them, sometimes it is better to remain anonymous.
+== Be Like A Mainer ==
+*Say wicked in front of every word, for example: "Daddy took his wicked penis and raped me up good."
 *Learn to swear. A LOT. For example: "Fuckin A, dudeguy, I'm gonna slap you sillay foh stickin ya dick in my woman's shithole."
+*Smack your mother because she gave chlamydia to your brother.
-*Smack your mother because she gave genital warts to an Italian and then blamed him for giving to her. She wasn't lying, he gave it to her alright.
+*Get a girl pregnant, drop out of high school, and live on the system.
-*Leave your door unlocked then wait inside with a shotgun.
-*Smoke less than one joint of marijuana then drop out of high school.
 *Be shocked and awed at neon lights.
-*Pretend you're black and sell heroin.
+*Sell heroin.
-*Run over Stephen King with a minivan
+*Run over Stephen King with a minivan.
 *Wait for your life to end.
 == Things to do in Maine ==
-# Watch a bear shit in the woods
+# Watch a bear shit in the woods.
-# Dialup some [[internets]]
+# Dialup some [[internets]].
-# Drink, fight and fuck pinecones
+# Drink, fight and fuck pinecones.
-# Get High, look at trees, repeat.
+# Count trees.
-# Get Drunk, hang yourself, repeat as needed.
+# Smoke weed every day.. Legally! [http://www.businessinsider.com/r-maine-voters-passed-measure-legalizing-marijuana-use-official-2016-12][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpS4ebEtLUE]
-# Fuck your mom because I'm sure it will be free.
+# Hunt tourists.
-#Hunt tourists
+# Commit Suicide.
+# Be [[an hero]].
 ==See Also==
 *[[America]]
-*[[Heroin]]
 *[[Shit Nobody Cares About]]
-==External Links==
-*
-*
-*
 {{clear}}

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Maine: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 22:26, 21 October 2018

Contents

Maine economy

Maine natives

Regions of Maine

The Maine Accent

Casino

Politics in Maine

Be Like A Mainer

Things to do in Maine

See Also

Navigation menu

Maine: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 22:26, 21 October 2018

Maine economy

Maine natives

Regions of Maine

The Maine Accent

Casino

Politics in Maine

Be Like A Mainer

Things to do in Maine

See Also

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