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Hannah Crapps: Difference between revisions
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Latest revision as of 20:25, 31 October 2011
Hannah Crapps is the resident target of TF bullies, TF being a community of eating disordered liberal vegan feminists. (Other famous posters of note: Unified_Diversity, HeidiFleiss, and Moviestr_20.) She is most known for posting her cutting photos, obsessing over Elliot Smith, and creating lots of drama and lulz. She has Asperger's Syndrome and has posted her medical history on the internets. Hannah has been kicked off damn near every message forum on the internets, most recently an Elliot Smith board in which she threatened to be an hero over and over. Here(Baleeted) is a video where Hannah is begging to return to the Elliot Smith forum, Sweet Addie, after being repeatedly banned for making several posts about her cutting and Assburgers. Note that her scars have healed.
Hannah can always be relied upon to react to drama, as well as stir it up all by herself. For example, when first introducing herself to the forum members of a pro-wrestling and attack-caricature website, she made sure to mention all of her psychiatric, psychological, and social difficulties, both real and imagined. The result was as predictable as the outcome of a frog in a blender.
Drama Recursion Overdrive
Of course, it was inevitable that she'd find this article. At least, it was after the author sent her a message with a link to it. After posting a tantrum thread, Hannah Crapps contacted Wired Security about this page. The person who wrote her back did give her some e-solid, helpful advice: She was told to seek professional help, and that she ought to take down, from her own website, pictures of herself, or failing that, at least remove her cutting pictures. It appears at this point she decided to switch to VIDEOS of her cutting herself!
The real gem however, was that Hannah's case worker is named Alinor. Alinor also happens to be another name for Atenolol, a heart-pill also sometimes used to treat Social Anxiety. LOL indeed!
Why is this article even here?
To this day Hannah never gets a straight answer because the entire Internets is busy making fun of her and her Series of YouTubes, still, even tho YouTube has joined the ever-growing list of websites that won't have anything to do with her.
In a desperate attempt to get their fix of obese cutter action, Hannah's fans have taken to actually purchasing, and now her CD-BABY stockpile has been completely depleted of discs! If you know Hannah, tell her to release moar discs, or you will cut yourself!
Thinkpages.net drama
Hannah Crapps remains a member of thinkpages.net in spite of not being bulimic, and clearly not being engaged in any sort of weight-loss activities anymore. She has no interest in becoming a runner again, as it was merely a high-school extracurricular activity she was forced into by her parents. She regularly posts personal slice-n-dice photos, threatens suicide, and probably worst of all, spells words and forms paragraphs in ways only a true asspie can dream up or understand. She got on Phentermine, only to gain even more weight. If you thought asspies were annoying, wait till you get a load of this assburger hopped up on fake speed: Hannah is a religious nut who has seen the face of Jesus in a phentermine bottle.
Yet Hannah's presence at TF was tolerated for many reasons. She is a very vocal reminder of every negative fat-person stereotype ever thought up. Hannah has been known to blowdry her ass with a fan and has been quoted as saying her nether regions smell like "corn chips." Perhaps most terrifyingly to the poor anorexics, she also used to be skinny and thus serves as a larger-than-life warning of just how fast the pounds can pile on should one start eating without puking or running marathons.
Well, it used to be tolerated.. According to one of her latest posts on The Joy Project Online, a fat-acceptance group for lonely expired anorexics, she has finally been smacked down with the almighty banhammer by TF administrators. According to Hannah's own post, she's a rat, and in this case, the whack-a-mole won't be popping back up at TF for another 6 months. For some reason or another, Hannah felt compelled to rat out TF members who were vigorously trolling redbraclet - yes its spelled that way - in what was also widely regarded as an attempt to buy their friendship. Of course, it didn't work, since even the teen wannabe's at Club Bracklet are simply unwilling, and morally prohibited from, accepting someone that fat who is still gaining even more weight, at a break-neck pace, into an anorexia community. Big surprise there. UPDATE: She's back, larger than ever, and shooting flames out her nostrils. UPDATE 2: She's not back anymore!
On August 19, 2008, Hannah Crapps was finally banned permanently. Her offense: photoshopping an image of a monstrously huge bong into a picture of one of the hotter female members, who was dressed up in latex fetish gear last Halloween.
Music and Bootlegs
Hannah has a website which showcases her own, and others' music as well as "art" which consists mainly of cutting photos photoshopped with emo lyrics on top.
She was also banned from The Trader's Den for selling bootleg copies of Elliott Smith videos. No word on whether the conflict stemmed from actual ethical opposition to bootlegging, frustration at being barraged with fucking Elliot Smith memorabilia, or the horror and disgust that ensued when unsuspecting fans would open the packages only to find a disc covered in sticky, dried blood with 'XO' scratched into the surface.
Hannah Crapps also was involved in the voice work for an interpretation of the Tori Amos song "Me and a Gun".
Hannah boldly left her YouTube videos up despite repeated pleas from family and neighbors to delete them; for this bravery we applaud her. She was eventually suspended from the service for pornography after placing several fake nipples all over her thighs backside during a sobbing guitar performance. There is some suspicion this happened after a rumor circulated that a nipple makes 5 pounds of fat look good.
In late 2007, Hannah released Shattered, a followup to the now sold out release of "Broken girl to the side". On the CD, Hannah encourages her fans to "Mistreatment me some more". Sadly, the CD is lacking the full uncut version of "Chips 'N Spread", which is one of the most darkly intense pieces Hannah has released to date.
Cultural Influences
- Elliot Smith, emo musician, stabbed himself fatally in the chest October 21, 2003 after learning that Hannah Crapps had cited him as a primary musical influence.
- Sad Kermit, emo musician, was forced to cancel a series of concerts in 2006, after Hannah Crapps threatened to to make him into "French fried frog legs".
- Hannah Crapps is to blame for Hurricane Katrina. Her fat ass dive bombed into the ocean, causing the enormous waves that flooded New Orleans.
Hannah Facts
- Hannah uses a remanufactured jet turbine to blow dry her ass.
- Hannah has a slight weight problem.
- No one loves Hannah Crapps.
- Hannah has vaginal phlegm.
- Hannah is a piece of shit for ruining Alice In Chain's 'Nutshell'.
- Hannah wants to be the girl with the most cake.
- On January 21, 2007, Hannah's disgusting, bloated ass was banned from yet another forum for being mongoloid.
- Hannah claims to vote Republican and is against any government support of health care, because even she knows she's undeserving of the minuscule amount of help Uncle Sam does give Americans.
- Hannah's snatch smells like corn chips.
- Hannah merchandise is available at Cafe Press
- On November 5th, 2007, Hannah was banned from ANOTHER forum for sending images of her flabby, sliced-up arms to various members with no warning, claiming that the idea of someone not believing in her precious God triggered her to cut.
- May 30, 2008, Hannah wrote her first blog on her site PrettyBurn.com where she is constantly posting videos of her cut up bloody flesh and rants about how the diet pill (and illegal drug trade) has done her wrong in her pursuit of thin.
- On June 03, 2008, Hannah was banned from yet ANOTHER forum for somehow logging into the admin account and changing her viewing permissions. Her attempts to convince administration the her & her aspies are not to blame was met with the banhammer
- August 19, 2008, Hannah Crapps - Permanently banned from Thinkpages.net
- As of late 2008 Hannah has been seen sucking up to anamadium on Project Shapeshift and Project Shapeshift:Evolution. Keep the faith alive fat ana soldier.
Hannah is a 1337 Haxxor with Super Powers
- Hannah gets disability checks but claims she "works hard to get them", so you'd better treat her right.
- Downloading Hannah's music can erase your WinAmp Playlist, but not your actual files.
- Hannah grows back much, much faster than typical cutters.
- Saving pictures of Hannah to your hard disc can affect the usability of your emulator software.
- Hannah once ate an entire civilization.
- Hannah morphs into a Juggalo once every 28 days.
See Also
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Hannah Crapps is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |