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Trona
Trona California, otherwise known as "The Detroit of the Desert", current population 1,739 and falling. It is home to the only DIRT football field in the continental United States. This is due to the fact that the town is on the edge of Death Valley and the fact that it's home to a dry lake bed which has irreversibly contaminated the soil with alkaline deposits. In case that was too vague, let us simplify... nothing grows here. Even WEEDS don't grow here.
Who Cares About Trona
Trona is worth reading about in order to prepare you for what life will eventually be like in many parts of the United States. That is, a seemingly post apocalyptic wasteland of ruin and desolate destitution the likes of which will drive you to crushing depression and despair. Odds are, you have actually already seen Trona, you just didn't realize it. This is because Hollywood has, for countless decades, used the Trona area as a backdrop for barren alien worlds, tapestries of the end times and doorways into damnation. From the original Star Trek to more modern films like Planet of the Apes it's a favored hell amongst media makers.
Warning Signs On The Road To Trona
If for some horrible reason you ever find yourself going to Trona you will encounter a number of prominent warning signs along the way trying to steer you away from hell's outhouse.
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The first sign you will come across is a broken heart painted into the road, warning you of what you can expect if you stay too long in the eternal fetid desolation that is Trona.
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The second sign is giant rocks painted with the imagery of hell spawn, warning you of what's coming to eat your mortal soul if you proceed any further down the road.
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Just before entering the town you will be offered a wide variety of worshiping places where you can attempt to pray for your damned soul before it's flushed down Satan's glorious thunder bowl.
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Frequent chemical laden dust storms also serve as a deterrent to try and keep wayward travelers from entering the unholy city of impoverished ruination.
Things To Do In Trona
You won't find a whole lot to do in Trona, but what you will find... you'll find LOTS of it!
Attending School In Trona
If by some exceptionally horrible circumstance you wind up living in Trona, you or your spergs, may get to experience the wondrous joy of attending school here! To try and put things into perspective, the most exciting thing that ever happened at a school in Trona was "Commander Mark" showing up for a day to give everyone a free drawing lesson. That's, uh... yeah that's basically it actually.
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The high school.
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School auditorium.
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The DIRT football field.
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The school mascot.
Dead Things
In addition to being a festering chemical hole that continually smells like a mixture of sulfur and rotten eggs you can also find dead buildings!
Hey Trona, Yer Shit's On Fire
The entire fucking town is littered with dilapidated, run down, largely condemned fire traps just waiting to happen. To the point where houses randomly catching fire and burning to the ground is a regular occurrence in the town and largely considered a convenient way of culling the cockroach population. We ain't even being facetious here...
A Tour Of Trona!
See Also
External Links
| Featured article July 5 & 6, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by United States |
Trona | Succeeded by HanAssholeSolo |