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Liz Shaw
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Obviously Liz claims these diagnoses are incorrect and that this just indicates the rest of the human race has these disorders too (sauce in external links section). Liz should know better. The Internet is never wrong.
“
Get your facts straight: I commented on the occupy winz post, someone posted the link to the page. TO THE PERSON DOING THIS: have the decency to block out friends' names. And get your facts straight, my birthday was a SATURDAY and do not ...try to discredit my friends. If you spent half the time working as you do stalking you would probably have a good job. And please learn to spell: it is 'source' not 'sauce' unless you're talking about the thing you put on food etc. don't bring my friends into this.
„
—Liz Shaw setting the record straight.
(it's worth noting Liz was fired from her last job for wasting time on Facebook running her political campaign during work hours)
Being the craptastic Singer that she is, she decided to do what any rational person would do when presented with an insurmountable cliff between them and their chosen career path. She went out and spent money she didn't have on climbing equipment and singing lessons. Liz is so amazing, when she sings she cums like this: http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/4905/lizshawo.png
“
The bottom line is, once you can sing you can sing anything.
On the 25th of January Liz reminded everyone that she can definitely sing, but singing her vlog:
“
I sung my vlog tonight following my practice, and you will see, I DEFINITELY have a talent for singing:-). I challenge people to listen to my vlog and then tell me I can't sing because I think I prove my ability in that video. It may sound arrogant or whatever, I KNOW I can sing now! I challenge people to still call me names Hahahaha I can DEFINITELY sing.
„
NZ Idol
Following the airing of her disastrous performance, Liz took to Idol Blog to tell the world that she had been offered a recording contract with Record Label in the USA. Fortunately for the world, this turned out to be an inspired prank!
The X Factor New Zealand
In October 2012 Liz got word that New Zealand On Air are spending $1.6million dollars on X Factor New Zealand. Being the amazing talent that she is, and hearing that Dominic Bowden would be presenting, Liz has decided that she will recreate her New Zealand Idol experience by entering this prestigious competition. Liz has even hinted that she might wear the same outfit for old times sakes.
Liz has also stayed on top of praise by adoring public, addressing all comments in her riveting blog (the content of which would give Stephenie Meyer, E.L James and anything published by Harlequin a run for their money). In a heartfelt entry on the 13th of November 2012 Liz revealed the real reasons she is auditioning for X Factor:
“
When I was a kid I was bullied by this boy called Gregory... and I never stood up to him. I was too chicken. One day I was walking through the teachers college after school and he peed on my shoe. I didn't do anything...
What's this got to do with X Factor? Well, there have been some disgusting comments posted on my You Tube channel and this hate page dedicated to my life. Well here's the thing people. It's exactly that, my life. I never said I was a good singer. I have never once actually said that. What I have however said is that I'm having lessons and I've posted videos of my practices on You Tube but that's mainly because I don't like to clog up my computer with files. But to call me tone deaf, hmmmm, tone deaf is when you literally cannot differentiate the different notes, which I can do. I just can't yet sing in tune all the time..
„
—Liz gets peed on, retaliates by "singing"
However, Liz once again contradicted herself, taking to Twitter to gloat of her musical brilliance.
“
Some people doing karaoke are tone deaf & should not sing. Sure they could improve like I have but I'm not your average person... Being honest though, I can realistically hope to get to the 2nd tv round before elimination.
„
—Liz Shaw not your "average" singer
Sadly, Liz fails to realise that "bullying" and warranted criticism are two different things. According to the extremely reliable sourceWikipedia, bullying is the "force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others". Criticism on the other hand is "practice of judging the merits and faults of something or someone in an intelligible or articulate way" and "may be unpleasant". Therefore saying "Liz is a dipshit hambeast who smells like the north end of a donkey facing south" could be considered bullying. However making the assertion "Liz Shaw couldn't hold a tune if her life depended on it" is criticism and is, based on ALL youtube accounts to date, true. Got it Liz?
Turn to the left
As if hambeast couldn't get any more fucked up. She now supports Labour. After spending years as a right wing nutter she decided that she has a social consience. After seeing the shit flinging Laboorr she decied that would be the shizz
Repertoire
Having thought long and hard about her repertoire, and her vocal limitations (she only has a range of 1.5 octaves), Liz now has several potential audition songs. The full playlist can be accessed at Youtube; it is being updated on a near daily basis: [1]. Songs include:
Secret Song Number 9 - Don't Cry For Me Argentina (given away by her blog!)
Liz has also provided some pretty hilarious commentary on her song choices, even going so far as to say that "I KNOW (You're So Vain) is about me":
“
My heart will go on, time after time, there are do many great songs. Having a repertoire of songs wouldn't hurt though. I can see myself doing hero. It resonates emotionally - dreams are hard to follow...and you cast your fears aside. My immortal... I love the song but it's a bit too depressing, though I do love it. It's going on the list & printing tonight...
I was shit back then, literally couldn't sing a note in tune. Now I can do 1.5 octaves... I'm doing You're so Vain! I'm good at that song. Not rock star good but if I practice daily I will be:-) I won't win but may get to round two unless its in the 2nd half of the year, then I may get further:-)
„
—Hate to break it to you Liz but singing lessons don't cure tone deafness. Your singing teacher is robbing you blind and laughing about it behind your back.
Liz is so amazing that a music companies have overlaided Celine Dion's music video for 'My Heart Will Go On' with Liz's own vocalizations:
Liz Shaw Music Video
Daily Practices
After every daily practice Liz feels that she has made a HUGE improvement and posts the best of these practices on Youtube. While audiences try to fathom how Liz can make completely different songs sound the same, Liz bans all those who offered criticism on her attempts at vocal brilliance. Unfortunately for loyal ED readers, when Liz realized that the world was mocking her singing ability, she removed all videos from Youtube, locked down her Twitter, Facebook and Blog accounts and sat in a corner and cried. However Liz can't live without the attention of others, and soon posted more videos of her vocal brilliance.
“
You're blocked coz if YOU can't hear improvement YOU'RE DEAF!!!!!!!!
„
—Seriously can't you hear the difference? It's been 2 hours!
“
Speaking of Twitter and Facebook, I've had a few negative comments so I've deleted both accounts until after the X Factor audition. While I am learning, the last thing I need is to waste my time defending myself when I should be practicing my singing, especially given I'm only 20% of the way there. I think it was 20% I said yesterday, might have been 30%. I'm not sure. Either way, I still have a long way to go and I need to focus on singing improvement, not dealing with cyber bullies.
„
—It's gonna be fun saying 'I told you so'
What makes the whole situation hilarious is that even Liz's well-meaning friends irl have tried to talk her out of singing on X Factor. However Liz refuses to listen, banning all and instead choosing to rely on her singing teacher's 50 years of "experience". Inside sources say that her singing teacher Maurice is well-known for his exploitation of wannabe singers with no talent... how sad for Liz.
Liz Shaw singing My Heart Will Go On
“
Flatmates are out tonight so I'm practicing my singing while I can.
„
— Because nobody wants to hear the sounds of a strangled cat
As well as thinking she can hold a tune, Liz also believes listening to a song hundreds of times will improve her ability to sing. Stalkers found Liz lurking on Youtube where she had this to say in response to a lovely rendition of Hero by Maria Cruz
“
I'm really surprised. You can clearly sing, did you get given any indication of why you didn't [get through to another round in X Factor]. I'm going to add you to Twitter because I'm a singer too and I would love some tips (I'm a 3/10 at the moment). I'd say you're about an 8/10.
„
—Liz ignores opinions of actual musicians.Rates herself 3/10
Liz has also been overheard singing at bus stops, according to Liz's stalker on Facebook, causing several hospitalisations. To the dismay of those members of the Auckland public who catch buses, she also plans on serenading them with her dulcet tones during their daily commute. She also plans to start busking before X Factor auditions, where stalkers predict that people will actually pay her to stop.
The Liz Shaw Method
In December 2012 Liz announced that she had establised a new method for learning to sing. However, nobody in their right mind would use it, unless they were putting on a comedy act.
“
When I practice I sometimes 'method sing', let's call it the Shaw Theory of Singing.
„
The X-Factor Blog
As if uploading videos to broadcast her incredible singing talent wasn't enough, Liz decided to completely overhaul her blog. She got rid of the old one in which she talked about boring current events, because she was simply overwhelmed by the rapturous way in which it was received by her fanbase. In its place appeared an equally boring blow-by-blow account of Liz in her preparation for wowing the country on the X-Factor stage.
In some ways it doesn't really differ too much from her previous blog, because she talks ad nauseum about how people who have tried to tell her not to sing are being cyber-bullies, talks about how her weight loss gives her confidence to sing, and what she does at the gym:
“
I was in the shower at the gym when suddenly I decided to sing My Heart Will Go On, for no other reason than to see what I sounded like and I was interested in developing it.
„
—Liz turning her gym into an unprofitable business for its owners
She also called upon her vast PR know-how and locked it down so that no one could tell her how bad she sounds when trying to sing through her nose. Whoops, didn't see that move coming.
The X-Factor Judges
Liz seems to think that her success in the competition relies on the quality of the judging panel:
“
So I hear Aussie Idol winner Stan Walker is a judge. That's good to know, he's not scary at all, nor is he talented. Bit of a let down really. Will make the audition process a bit easier knowing its a nobody like him.
„
—Liz hates on Stan Walker
However, Liz is once again proving that she has not learned anything from her NZ Idol experience: Insulting the judging panel will not do her any favours in her attempts of world vocal domination...
Liz Shaw and The Edge Radio Station
Say what you want
“
Liz on The Edge
„
Response to her Adoring Fans
Liz's typical response to adoration and praise is to lock down her Twitter, Facebook and other social media accounts, in order to prevent "bullying" and lots of mean words. However, in November 2012 Liz personally responded to the adoration of her loyal fans on ED:
“
I love those who criticise me on encyclopaedia dramatica and I love how they don't think practice makes perfect. Unbelievable. *rolls eyes* And I love how they don't think drawing inspiration from other singers helps. I mostly just feel sorry for the idiot writing the page. I mean really, what's with the obsession? Don't they have a life of their own?
On the 17th of November 2012 Liz took to Twitter to respond to the adoration of her neighbours:
“
You would think that a note under my neighbours door would lead to them turning their annoying bass down but maybe I have to call noise Control seeing as they won't take my polite request to please turn the bass down because I start work at 7am....To call noise control or to not call noise control on my neighbours who insist on having their bass on.
I went home at lunch for 5 minutes & they were blasting the music. They must think only they live in the building.
„
—Or they are trying to drown out the wailing cat they have as a neighbour!
x factor critic
The Liz Shaw Remix
This piece of artistic genius speaks for itself. Enjoy!
Liz Shaw: The Remix
Liz Shaw: The Second Remix
Previous Video | Next Video
Countdown to Auditions
With just over two weeks until auditions, Liz upped the anti, increasing gym time to fit into her Karen Walker dress, dying her hair red, practising in toilets and vlogging about the whole torrid affair. In order to further establish herself as a crazy person, she also started singing live in parks. She announced on Twitter that her final decision on which song to murder is between SSN9 (Don't Cry For Me Argentina from Evita) and You and I by Lady Gaga. Liz also announced her future intentions on her daily affairs blog, guaranteeing a larger audience for her massive fall:
“
Getting closer - 15 days to go
15 days until X Factor Auckland auditions.
9 years ago I auditioned for NZ Idol as a piss take, knowing full well I couldn't sing and I ended up 2005's anti idol. The media took the piss out of me. I was called a talent free zone and my audition was used in a Telecom ad.
In 2009 I went through a Christian phase and started lessons because I wanted to join the choir. I started improving gradually and went from not being able to sing a single note in tune to being able to sing. Because I've been improving the whole way through, even though I'm no longer Christian I started to think, 'hey maybe this is a possibility' and had a goal to start gigging.
Then the X Factor auditions were announced and I thought to myself, 'why the hell not?'. In my preparation I've improved a great deal and though I only rank myself a 6/10 I have a talent for singing so if I get nowhere with X Factor I'll continue writing and gig in 6-12 months with a view to release some tracks on iTunes. There's a few songs I really want to record and cover.
It's funny that the one thing I was told I'd never do, and never wanted to do, is now the very thing I'm committed to.
„
Liz also draws inspiration from this PAYCHO:
PURE GENIUS
THE AUDITION
The Story Where The Producers Said Yes
The day after Liz announced to the world that she was not going to be part of X Factor, she changed her tune and said that she actually got a yes from the producers, thus putting her through to the televised audition. The truth in this is questionable, however, as it is widely understood that at this stage people are either getting told no, or maybe to call backs. Could this be evidence that Liz is the world's greatest troll? You be the judge.
The Story Where She Didn't Audition
We think Liz must be having a mental break or a severe identity crisis. On the 4th of February after receiving an unmanagaeable amount of constructive criticism on the Trademe Community Message Boards Liz dropped another bombshell about the X Factor:
“
So I lied again, I actually chickened out of auditioning.
„
We'd like to think that this is the end of Liz's singing career, but unfortunately she seems intent on pursuing the creation of her own album. What Liz doesn't seem to get, is that she needs people to buy the album for it to be worth making. At this stage anyone with any form of hearing is unlikely to do so. But who knows, perhaps Liz will be a hit with the deaf community?
The Story Where She Got A Maybe
As if it were a joke, Liz announced on the 5th of February that she doesn't know the results of her audition, implying that she got a maybe. Psycho bitch needs her head check.
“
Oh so hey, I actually don't yet know the results of X Factor, I think I find out in a couple of weeks:-)... Likes poker and the song Poker Face, and I'm excellent at calling people's bluff. It's how I beat a boss in Sydney.
„
Samsung Insider
And just to make things even more exciting, Liz has decided that she could actually be the X-Factor 'insider'. She made a predictably high quality video to record why she thinks she is worthy of this esteemed position. You can watch it here: https://www.facebook.com/SamsungMobileNZ?sk=app_625864094096301&app_data
Please do vote for her, as it would be funny for us all.
The Daniel Bedingfield Incident
In late May hammy thought she had scored a sweet gig as Bedingfield's unpaid assistant. Why anyone would work unpaid is way beyond comprehension but on planet hambeast anything is possible.
Liz Shaw has also tried her hand at acting. She failed.
Shortland Street
A terrible show
Liz, also an aspiring actress, was the first extra to be blacklisted from Shortland Street and all other South Pacific Pictures productions after leaking storyline details about the soap's romance of the year to a fan website. The trolls then dobbed her into the studio who sacked her sorryarse.
Shortland Street sucks anyway though. So no great loss.
The leak gained media attention as can be seen at ytmnd.com
Response to Reality TV and career aspirations
On Sunday the 9th of September, 2012, while not watching the final of The Block NZ (A completely crap Reality TV show similar to |Britain's got talent), Liz reflected on her failed TV career, her kinky relationship with "spongebob" and somehow concluded that the world has failed to recognize her acting genius and incredible fashion sense. In true Liz 'fashion' she has thrown a massive tanty and now refuses to support reality TV. It has been suggested that Liz will instead continue to famewhore her way to success through her literary adventures described in The Liz Shaw Files, which will ultimately be made into a reality TV show not unlike The Ridges. The following is Liz's failed attempt at writing a thought-provoking literary piece. However any disagreement or logical argument against her point of view will result in Liz exercising her massive banhammer skills :
“
New Zealand's Got Talent started tonight. It's a show which attempts to find a star, and make them loads of money. Im not watching the show so I won't comment on it specifically. I will however talk about the pitfalls of reality from the eyes of someone who has been on a number of reality shows.
Back in 2003 I sent in a random application to be on a Touchdown Production. I forgot about it but then on the 8th of December 2003, Fiona McDonald ring me for a casting. I had to answer some questions and then audition. I knew I was going to be on the show but it wasn't confirmed until a few days later after I dyed my hair.
I was flown down to Wellington to Avalon Studios where I met another contestant before going and watching the current contestants on CCTV. I told my fellow contestant that I was gonna sleep with Spongebob who was already in the house (It was Big Brother meets Who Wants to be a Millionaire).
We both went into the 'house' and I was eliminated quickly. I was gut, gut, gutted. A few days later Spongebob returned to Auckland and we made contact. To cut a long story short, we had a fling.
I was left with a lot of regrets so when I heard NZ Idol was auditioning I decided to do it for a laugh, and that backfired. I wasn't serious about singing back in 04, but I was angry when I was told I couldn't present and that I had poor taste in clothing.
Fast forward a year and I was in the media again for 'leaking' a Shortland Street storyline when really I'd just accurately guessed it.
This leads me to why I'm doing this blog tonight. I have absolutely no regrets and if I could be 18 again I would still do Captive & I'd still do Idol but I'd take the joke further and rap the national anthem as id originally planned to do.
No but seriously, as we saw in the finale of The Block this week, reality tv builds you up only to crush you. Rachel & Tyson walked out with nothing.
My motivations for doing reality tv in the first place were quite simple. Id seen Big Brother stars get acting careers and I thought that could happen to me.
Although I'd do Captive and NZ Idol again in a heartbeat because of the great memories, I'd say it's better to just go the conventional way to a media career otherwise you may end up 5 years behind, or at least get a PR executive to manage your media interviews.
It is based on my own personal experiences that I do not support reality tv, and refuse to watch.
„
— The Liz Shaw Files: Reality TV - the truth behind it
Liz strongly opposes reality TV. However everyone knows that aspiring journalists cannot be choosy when it comes to subject matter, and as such, Liz endured a whole episode of The Ridges in order to obtain more content for her literary and politicalgenius. Unfortunately for Liz this backfired because everyone can see she is just butthurt that Jaime has everything she wants: a TV show, brains, a modelling career, people who want to sleep with her, and a life. Oh and money. Liz is always on the lookout for more money so she can pay back Felicity:
“
Tonight was the premier of The Ridges starring Jaime Ridge and mother Sally Ridge. Sally was formerly married to Matthew Ridge. It was revealed early on in the show that Jaime does not have a relationship with her father or her other siblings, namely her half brother.
I'm not going to review the show on a "what are the Ridges like?" manner, instead I'm going to review it in a "what's wrong with society?" way, to highlight some really important issues that are ever increasing in this nation.
As I've mentioned, Jaime doesn't have a relationship with her father and this is both sad and pathetic. It's sad that someone with so much privilege in their life doesn't have the basic love of both of her parents, and it's pathetic that the parents cannot put their differences behind them for the sake of their children.
Right from the outset of the program it is clear that this has had an impact on Jaime's life and level of independence. She was scared of a mouse. Now I know, not many of us like mice, but we don't scream at them. Someone who had grown up with boys wouldn't see it as a big deal. They may not like it, but they would take care of it themselves. It is basic things like this that are lacking from Jaime's life.
In the show, Jaime said she was never going to go flatting because she loved her mother, and their bond is apparent in the show. The problem is, she's missing out on life. She won't have that experience of learning independence and she won't have the experience of making some great memories. I can't imagine a world where I didn't go flatting. Some of my best memories are from flatting, and when I go past my old flat I do always feel a sense of nostalgia.
I want to return, for a moment, to the mouse incident, Jaime has no concept of reality. She was complaining that her ipad bag would get dirty. Does she not realise just how good she has it? There are children starving in south Auckland, and she is concerned about her ipad bag and getting her hair messy? I find it such a disgrace that someone can lack the basic necessities of life.
Jaime says she is studying Law and Commerce, but I find that hard to fathom, unless there are two sides to her but I highly doubt that. She doesn't just come across as simple, she comes across as so incredibly clueless about real life.
I would like to see Jaime have to spend time with a charity in South Auckland getting her hands dirty and learning what real life is.
Jaime may have all the money and technology in the world, but the things she lacks are so much more important than money - independence, a sense of reality, a good family life (and although I can't stand her, I really do feel sorry for her that she comes from a broken home and that her parents can't put their differences aside - it genuinely makes me sad) and a work ethic.
Broken family homes and relationships are something that, as a nation, we need to address.
„
— The Liz Shaw Files: A dose of reality - The Ridges
Liz's Acting Come Back
On September 11 2013 Liz Shaw announced to the world that she was selling her ticket to Taylor Swift, and three items of vintage Karen Walker to fund a new venture: acting classes. On the Liz Shaw files Liz wrote:
“
"There's only two types of people in the world
The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe"
That's what Britney Spears sings about in her song, Circus on her 2008 album of the same name. Anyone who has followed me, or my blog knows that I write and sing, and that I act, but they also know that I gave up acting a while ago to focus on my singing and to focus on my weight loss.
A couple of years ago I had given up acting because I needed to lose weight and I still have 3-4 kilos to go but I'm now at a weight where I can get back into acting. Despite having been out of acting for the last couple of years I have been focused on singing. It was because of singing that I decided to quit smoking and start running. I needed to start running for my breathing.
Last week I rejoined Les Mills where I had been a member from the ages of 14 through to 20 and the gym has hair straighteners. On Monday I decided to straighten my hair for a date that night. I took some photographs to tweet and upload to Facebook. I realised something, am very good looking.
A few days ago I was on the Home and Away website and I noticed that someone I did acting classes with a few years ago scored a role on the show. This is my favourite show for those of you who don't know so I am more than a little bit jealous.
It made me think when I saw this.
I've always planned to return to acting but I just wasn't ready because I wanted to focus on my looks and weight and my singing. I wanted to wait until I was in the right head space. There is no point in acting if you aren't truly committed to it and if you won't give it your all. You have to be 100% present and in the moment.
When I was a kid, I always used to promise myself that I wasn't going to look back when I was 90 regretting what could have been but what never was. I always promised myself that even if I was 90 I would still focus on acting and making it. I'm not even a third of the way there and like I say there is no point in looking back with regret and that is why I am returning to acting.
I've missed it and without sounding like that terrible quote, you only live one and you might as well make the most of it. There is no point in looking back with regret, especially when it's something you're passionate about in the first place. There is also no point in being jealous of someone else's achievements when you can do the same thing yourself if you commit and focus.
You see I'd rather live to 90 knowing that I tried than to think I gave up when I was only 27. There would be nothing worse than seeing other people's successes and thinking, "why didn't I try harder?" It is with that in mind I am selling some of my Karen Walker clothing so I can return to acting. Yes, nice clothes are nice, but I'd rather have experienced life and fought for my goals than worn nice clothing. I would rather it say on my tombstone, "never gave up on what she was passionate about", than "wore heaps of Karen Walker clothing".
Life is for living, and that is why I am going to do everything I possibly can to make a success of both acting and singing. I'm ready to return, especially now that I am happy with my looks again and getting good at singing.
„
— The Liz Shaw Files: There's only two types of people in the world
Following her Sydney job-retraction debacle Liz decided she really needed to put herself out there and set up a StarNow profile. As well as including some way-too-heavy make-up selfies, Liz listed current career achievements such as:
Step Dave : Extra - Audience member, Auckland, NZ - 2013
TV Series - Outrageous Fortune : Extra, Auckland, NZ - 2006
TVC - Listerine "I love a parade" : Extra, Auckland, NZ - 2006
TV Series - Captive : Reality - Myself, Auckland, NZ - 2003
Fortune Theatre - Alice Through the Looking Glass : Alice, Dunedin, NZ - 2002
She also claims to be able to do New Zealand and Australian accents. Sounds like her career has so far equated to sweet fuck all!
She got a set of political slogan cards produced for $500
In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. She took the suggestion that a bridge be built between New Zealand and Australia extremely seriously, even though it was an obvious attempt at a troll. This generated many lols all over the internet and even got her a mention in Sideswipe, which Liz took extreme offence at. However, many lulz were had and her facebook political page was up and down more times than a Vietnamese hooker on crack.
Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy.
What ? Violating Human Rights ? Not allowed to censor ? I think I'll just delete that and it will go away !
Anyway, after censoring the Human rights commission, Liz went on to tackle larger problems, like how to build a bridge between Auckland and Sydney. This of course got picked up by various Media outlets and she became a bit of a laughing stock.
Liz: Like bridges? Well, do I have a proposal for YOU!
“
Remember Liz Shaw? She is a fame-seeker who has auditioned for NZ Idol, was dumped as an extra on Shortland Street for leaking plot details, and posed for photos with Steve Crow and was interviewed about it on 20/20. Now she's running as an independent for the Auckland Central seat and appears to be taking the suggestion that a bridge be built between Australia and New Zealand er, seriously.
„
—Ana Samways' highly amusing take on Hambeast's career, June 20 2011.
Liz got all offended at Sideswipe taking the piss because she doesn't like people to think she's dumb, even though this was, ironically, the most media coverage the woman had had in a while. Which is what she craves. Her tack was to then pretend that she had ALWAYS considered the Auckland-Sydney bridge idea as a joke when we all know that she totally took the question seriously.
Undaunted by the stupid people laughing at her, she added other things to her slowly growing list of policies and things she stood for (I know, most politicians work this stuff out BEFORE running, but not our favourite Attention Whore)
Right before she once again Failed to actually finish something she started, and removed her political campaign page, she had written: "Standing for parliament has been a long term goal of mine, and I'm doing it this year because I feel I have something very worthwhile to contribute and the time is right.", I guess the time was actually wrong.
Some of Liz Shaw's Policies
Burqas can be sexy !
Building a Bridge between Auckland and Sydney (distance 2,153,610 meters. Currently, the longest bridge in the world is 164,800 meters)
The declining rate of the two parent household is leading to an increase in child poverty and crime rates, so we need to work to keep families together by increasing the role that CYFS will play in the raising of the child. By keeping a family together, this will also ideally lead to a reduction in the welfare spend.
Children need two loving parents so regardless of sexual orientation adoption will be open to all couples who meet the criteria.
For families who are no longer intact, there will be in emphasis on both parents contributing to the upbringing of their child - both financially and with custody.
Compulsory paternity testing where the identity of the father is contested.
Company tax to be reduced to 23% to encourage business growth and development within New Zealand, which will ultimately create more jobs and less reliance on welfare.
Secondary tax to be axed. Total income to be assessed together.
GST on food to be removed entirely to increase affordability for families and reduce the burden on the taxpayer to assist with welfare payments.
Tax refunds can be obtained from the IRD for up to 10 years eg;; in 2012 you could still claim for 2002.
Personal tax rate to be cut to 15% across the board.
90 day trial to remain so that employers and employees have an "out" clause.
Ability to trade annual leave for extra pay. To be negotiated with the private employer.
Minimum wage to be raised to $17.50 per hour to reduce the rate of welfare payments and to help families. On a 40 hour week it would increase one's income by $160. This will assist with saving and self sufficiency.
Kiwisaver to remain optional for all employees. No automatic sign up when commencing new employment.
Health
Liz if she were playing Mimi from the Drew Carey Show
Working with groups in society to reduce the rate of suicide to 450 by 2020.
Promotion of society groups so people are active in the community and there is less chance of becoming an alcoholic or suffering other debilitating mental health conditions.
Drug abuse will be treated by the Ministry of Health and not seen as a crime in the eyes of the Government. Drug legislation to be modified.
Compulsory health insurance for those who can get it, public health as a backstop for those who have preexisting conditions.
Healthy living to be promoted with advertising - personal growth of fruit and vegetables to ensure that children and adults are getting the nutrients they need to stay healthy.
Crime
Murder will always carry life imprisonment without parole.
Manslaughter will carry a minimum of 20 years imprisonment.
Petty crime will carry at least 500 hours community service with extra funding for rehabilitation (to be funded out of a capital gains tax)
For youth offenders there will be rehabilitation programmes and a promotion of attendance in either a sports or arts club to prevent the likelihood of reoffending.
Promotion of community groups and participation with increased funding for advertising.
Zero tolerance on drink driving. Increased minimum fine to $500 and 35 demerit points for the first offence, fine of $1000 for the second offence and loss of 70 demerit points.
Increased police on the roads patrolling the nation. New Police colleges to be built so one doesn't have to relocate to Wellington for the training.
Instead of increasing welfare, we will seek to help families develop the self esteem and the social networks so that the rate of abuse drops by 20%.
Driving age to be increased to the age of 18 for those in the city and stay at 16 for those in the rural areas.
Free anger management classes provided by the community for those with a violent disposition or previous history of violence
Transport
More frequent services on Auckland's North Shore.
Increased wheelchair access on buses - more modern buses.
Lower fares (which will be subsidised by an increase in the fuel tax for Aucklanders).
Increased hours of public transport - buses and trains will finish at 1am on weekdays and 24 hours for Fridays and Saturdays.
Reinstatement of train line to go from Piction down to Bluff. Daily services.
Reinstatement of North Island trains to go from Wellington - Cape Reinga.
Another bridge from Auckland City through to the North Shore with Capacity for trains and cyclists.
Increased cycle facilities throughout NZ starting with Auckland.
A 11/17/2013 vandal message from Liz Shaw herself.
During an hourly session of Googling herself one day, Liz discovered this article and immediately became shocked and appalled that anyone would dare write something mean about her on the internet. Her current plan of action includes taking this page to her local police, and somehow getting them to track down the author, as well as ED admins and having them promptly arrested. Unfortunately, Liz's two brain cells do not allow her to realize:
Free speech ≠ slander
Local police have no technological experience or training
ED is hosted in a completely different country, there is nothing her government can do
“
This is blatant defamation. Either the page goes or I contact the police. I've already made contact with the police and I will happily have them track who has set this up. Your IP will be reorded and you are stalking me (in real life) so either this page goes or I report you to the police and have you arrested for stalking, defamation and unwanted attention. Same with the admins of this site, either they disallow this page or I will have the police deal to them too.
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After discovering her page on ED she has fixed things by adding a copyright notice to her personal facebook page that reads.
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Everything on this Facebook page/profile is personal & private information. It is copyrighted to Elizabeth Joan shaw as of 3/10/11. If anything is reproduced without prior written consent you are in breach of the copyright regulations which govern this page. By having me as a friend you agree to these terms and conditions.
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This will obviously ensure no one will ever post her private information she makes public ever again.
Liz seems to always forget painfully quickly that the police just laugh her out the station every time. On 30 December 2011:
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...Going to the police tomorrow with a list of suspects who live in Auckland. I'm sorry but if you knew what was good for you, you wouldn't have taken it this far. And I'm sorry you have a mental illness but that is not my fault, nor should you be harassing me, and the fact you think this behaviour is acceptable makes it even worse. Either remove the page by 5:30pm or I go to the police with a list of suspects, and chances are, if you live in Auckland you're on the list!
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Ooooh, the LIST. This sounds like serious biz. As if the cops don't have anything better to do with their time!
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This page has gone too far, please remove this once and for all. I'm now begging. Please. Have a heart.
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—How the mighty vandal has fallen. November 16, 2013.
I know I said a few days ago that you would not hear from me again if my work info was removed. When I go to the talk page to edit it I receive threatening images when logged in as blonde. can you please remove the entire page. I'm going back to the police as I think I've tracked down the person who is doing this and I am now fearing for my safety. The person I think it is has a known track record of stalking and harassing women in Auckland.
Can you please remove the page as it isn't just a hate page anymore. It's basically death threats with mutilated bodies showing. Please remove it immediately.
Liz has made some absolutely fantastic sound bites over the years, and the following is a list of some of them.
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Bad attitudes cause poverty. Bad attitudes cause abuse, lack of money doesn't cause poverty. Poverty is caused by bad attitudes.
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—Liz Shaw explains poverty
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I support same sex marriage. I don't support same sex adoption at this stage without further research being done into how children who are raised with homosexual parents do compared to those who are not in the same area.
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—Gay people should not have children
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I can listen to myself now without cringing now. Last week I was still cringing but now I've intensified practicing I'm getting results
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—Liz Shaw is going to dominate X Factor
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Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow But don't let anyone Tear them away Hold on There will be tomorrow
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—Some lyrical brilliance from Liz Shaw
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Oh my god. I'm listening to myself right now. I'm amazed! Is this actually me?
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—No Liz you must be listening to Mariah Carey because you sure as hell can't sing!
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It's odd, I struggle with emotion and voice production in lessons but I'm practicing and they're my strong points!
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— Nope, wrong again.
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practising my singing now:-) And listening, I say this every time & I mean it, I'm getting HEAPS better:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
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—LOLOLOLOLOL
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Further dumbing down of the media is today's actions by RadioLive. Between 2pm and 3pm today, Prime Minister John Key hosted the show and quite honestly, as a trained media person and someone who is currently undertaking post graduate studies in journalism (and going on to my masters next year).
I am insulted by this... because it demeans what it is to be a journalist and what it is to study media. All too often we see the media domain littered with former sportsmen, and apparently, now politicians. Why is it that John Key, a banker can host a radio show yet there are hundreds of media graduates crossing the ditch or going to the other side of the world because they can't obtain jobs within the industry? I find it really insulting that I, along with others, have studied, and are studying, yet untrained people are stealing our jobs. It makes a mockery of the media and it makes a mockery of the political system.
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— Liz is butthurt that John Key got her gig.
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Prime Minister John Key should be doing HIS job. His job is to address the nation's problems, not to host radio shows talking about cats. If he's really got that much free time on his hands why isn't he out in his electorate meeting with constituents and why isn't he meeting with the Maori Party earlier to discuss the sale of state assets? He was not elected to host radio shows. He was elected to run the country rather than joking around like a little school boy.
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—Liz has a love/hate relationship with the NZ Prime Minister
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I was forced to get the train after work and that's what I want to blog about. The train came on time and was a very fast journey. Some of the stops reminded me of Sydney. It was actually really awesome catching the train, and the stop is so close to my home, the same distance as the bus stop.
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— Liz blogs about really important stuff!
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The quality of journalism is already poor in this country with many articles being a copy and paste job rather than actually going to the location and interviewing people... Don't you think the Councillors are too busy working on fixing the city to contact you? The journalists should have phoned the Council rather than expecting the already busy councillors to call them. That said, there are no journalists to do exactly that because they've all been sacked and the ones remaining seem to think that Twitter and Facebook are credible sources of information (which they are not).
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—Liz is journalism expert.
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Overall though I think we shouldn't judge celebrities based on what the press write about them because more often than not, the press is wrong.
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—In other words ignore everything that Liz writes.
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I have never been particularly pro or against the war in Afghanistan but following the deaths of five New Zealand soldiers in the last two weeks I can categorically say I am now in favour of the war, and think the Government needs to increase defence spending.
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—Is Liz a serial killer???
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I was having a conversation today with someone about fashion, and I uttered the phrase, "I love Karen Walker because her designs are art, they're timeless pieces of art".
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—Because real vintage is too mainstream
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Am I the only one who doesn't care about the Royal family? They're so outdated and it's so pretentious and fake. Ugh!
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—Liz Shaw anti-monarchy since yesterday.
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When I was 13 and started working I was paid $5 per hour, and then at 16 I moved up to $8 per hour at McDonalds before moving up to $10 at 17. I'm significantly higher than those wages now. A new worker, someone just entering the workforce cannot expect to be paid the same rate as an adult who has been in the workforce for 10 years and developed a number of skills and work ethic. That experience is invaluable and will make it easier for them to progress up the career ladder.
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—Liz prostitutes herself for $5 an hour. No wonder she's fucked in the head.
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I am so incredibly OVER hearing about the GCSB (Government Can Suck Balls)... It is NOT important, and it is bloody naive to think that the GCSB doesn't spy on NZ citizens. They wouldn't be doing their job if they only spied within their limitations. This information should not have even been released to the public as national security is at risk, and why is the mole not being held accountable. I cannot believe the absolute level of ignorance from radio announcers and it is seriously frustrating me which is why it's taken me so long to rant about it, but I cannot take it any longer.
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—Liz is a conspiracy theorists
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Under GCSB jurisdiction they are not allowed to spy on permanent residents or New Zealand citizens. I have a couple of issues with what has been reported in the media. The major one is that we are naive if we don't think that the Government spies on citizens and if they only act within their guidelines so I actually have no issue with them spying on Kim Dot Com and I don't think they would be doing their job if they didn't. My other issue is that there has been too much focus on Prime Minister John Key. Does it really matter when he first heard about Kim Dot Com? His job is to run the country and that means occasionally witholding information from the media and the public. He wouldn't be doing his job if he told us everything, and there are some things we simply shouldn't know.
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—Liz tells John Key how to do his job!
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So sick of all these pad ads. Tampons are way better!
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—Liz fails to recognize the concept of TMI
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This lack of female commentators on political shows really pisses me off. Shall we go back to the kitchen?
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—Liz Shaw pretends she can cook, but really the world knows she buys all her meals from Subway
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Many quotes were blatantly stolen from sites around the tubes, Links are in the bottom external links section. Its good to see Liz so grounded in reality.
