Gossip Girl

Is a shitty teen drama marked by it's overfunded production, uncreative storylines, and OBVIOUS lampshade-hanging. Once again a creation of bastardizing a decent franchise like every other movie/tv show/dogshit that comes out these-days, the writers are obviously chimps desperate to keep viewers and ratings (aka their paycheck) so they spoon feed everything fans/viewers notice and complain about. There is no interesting plot, no character development, and no dimensional chracters for that matter seeing as if a person irl were to go through what the characters go through; they would be in permanent therapy.

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trying too hard

Gossip Girl in a nutshell

Is about a bunch of white rich teenagers living in New York who wallow so deeply in their own filthy wealth, stepping outside of their world is comparable to us and Africa. Constantly being stalked by Gossip Girl, a website dedicated to keep the gossip mill churning who apparently has more undercover agents/cameras/and leaks than the CIA, KGB, Facebook and Big Brother combined. Okay with the constant stalkage, assuming since everybody else is, it's okay; the characters pretend the website is merely another aspect of their lives despite the fact the creator of the website is still anonymous, won't be revealing themselves, and has been running the website for over 9000 years. Everyone has a vendetta against everyone, everyone fucks everyone, and everyone is related to everyone. If Gossip Girl were a War, the world would be destroyed in less than a minute. In order to keep things interesting, the writers enjoy bastardizing perfectly okay irl subjects like France, NYU, GOOD movies & literature, big business world, politics, and fashion to crush and pasteurize into substance to feed to insecure 16 year old girls. Constantly creating drama for the Chuck/Blair Chair ship and only using the other characters to create intense tension between them, the show is literally a slave to its viewers and what the viewer's want.

How to use this chart? Following the lines/dots until it comes back full circle. For example: Serena fucked Carter who also fucked Blair who's been fucking Chuck who fucked 9000 prostitutes who also all fucked his buddy Nate who fucked a lonely housewife called Duchess Catherine who was also fucking Lord Marcus who fucked Blair who's constantly fighting with Jenny who wants to fuck Nate who fucked Serena at least 100 times.

The Characters

Serena VD Woodsen

Is a idiot blonde whore who's constantly asking for it yet freaks out when she gets it. She has the attention span of a four year old, considering she can only juggle one emotion at a time. One day she can be sad because she breaks up with Dan but two hours later is in love because she's fucking Nate. Then two days later, she runs off to another guy and is willing to sacrifice anything for him, only to break down but then be happy again because she's fucking more dudes. Too stupid to be Paris Hilton, not enough of a druggie to be Lindsay Lohan, and too old and used to be a Miley Cyrus, and too boring to be a successful camwhore, Serena will most likely end up popping out puppies for a abusive Jew while she desperately gets plastic surgeries to keep the one redeeming quality she has; her looksboobs.

Blair

Is a sociopathic materialistic Jewess hungry for power and being treated like royalty. She's into kinky sex with her boyfriend Chuck which includes roleplaying in russian fur suit whatever that is and using handcuffs. Apparently unable to break her old habits (and doesn't care to try), she should just become a dominitrix while she still has time to escape. She forces random girls to be her minions; most of them being insecure and is comparable to a tyrant who shoots all who oppose and has over 9000 harems of girls at disposal.

Nate

Needs to be lead around on a leash, has feelings for everything that moves, and can only think far ahead enough to be easily pwned by others. Easily trolled and easily butthurt, the only reason why such a idiot exist must be some wack daddy shit ass weed that pwned his brain.

Chuck

Suffers from serious cases of troll's remorse seeing as he is the only character intelligent enough to successfully maneuver his world, not be phased, and still get the last lulz. Yet falls into depths of depression when he realizes his dad harbors a grudge against him, dies and becomes CEO of a empire, also getting pwned by his Jewess girlfriend, and abandoned again by his mom. Viewers think this developed him into a dimensional character; actually most likely Chuck will become an hero after his first wife divorces him and takes his money, seeing as he pimped his girlfriend for his empire.

Dan & Vanessa

Are two best friends who both want to become famous writers/film makers. Constantly bastardizing and throwing references to classic intelligent movies/books but choosing to write stories/screenplays about love and rejection. Vanessa comes from a family of niggers trying to get back to their roots and Dan comes from a family of creative artists including his artist mother, musician father who likes Sonic Youth, and fashion designer sister. In real life, people like Dan and Vanessa would shun their parents, escape to Portland or LA, waste their money on art school and become crazy poor artists who will die alone.

Jenny

Is the only redeeming character but writers ruined her as well. Being told she's ungrateful for having the oppurtunity to attend a elite private school, Jenny has no choice but to deal with her classmates seeing as there are no nerds to hang out with other than her brother. While most people in this position buckles up, study hard and gets into a good college, and complain about their problems on the internet, Jenny becomes a sociopathic whore like a combination of Blair & Serena but looks like Courtney Love. Becoming poserpunk and eventually fucking the dude who tried to force it on her when she was a loli.

Other Characters

1. Georgina Sparks Reformed christfag russian
2. Rufus Humphrey Most likely an alcoholic; how else would he cope with his life?
3. Jew
4. Jew
5. Uncle Jack Bass a little too obssesed with Chuck & his life
6. Eric van der Woodsen
7. Dorota
8. Carter Baizen
9. Agnes
10. the Archibalds & Buckleys
11. Olivia Burke
12. Eva
13. Juliet

GG Writers Lampshade Hanging

1. Rumor about Serena having a STD; previous complaints about how since everyone fucks everyone someone should have gotten an STD by now
2. "She (Gossip Girl) even made a chart (to show who fucked whom)"; chart was made numerous times on forums oti
3. After continuing with the Chuck/Jenny storyline, Chuck's previous "attempt" with Jenny was obviously ignored. Users online complained, then in an recent episode, this was brought into the light.
4. "Who slept with Dan, Nate, and Chuck, who slept with Blair... who slept with Serena blah blah" bringing in light of the massive orgy that is GG
5. Blair/Chuck ship name: Chair

See Also

• 16 year old girl
• The OC
• Glee
• White people
• Twilight
• New York City

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