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Mast Brothers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Lavrentiy Beria (Jr) at 02:42, 19 December 2015. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
Are you a foodie snob? Then bend over and grab em. Here comes a chocolate rectum-reamer.
If you've been in an extra-snobby coffeeshop, restaurant or boutique food shop in the last few years, you have probably seen Mast Brothers chocolate bars for sale. For example, Trader Joe's sells them. Few brandnames have more cucksucking joy with hipster douches than Mast chocolate. Mast usually sells for an extortionate $10 for a beautifully wrapped two-ounce bar.
Since 2007 they've been pulling this shit. And their competitors have mumbled about how awful the actual chocolate really is and how sneaky-secretive the bearded dickbrothers are, especially to other food industry people. Yet the Mast just kept growing and growing.
Well here's the big 2015 exposé showing that the Mast brothers are actually lying Brooklyn hipster con-men. LOL.
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“There is a certain kind of jealousy,” Bernardini told Quartz over email, “but more of an anger.” “But (chocolate makers) should also be angry with the media as it is the fault and responsibility of the media that Mast Brothers became so famous (with a mediocre and sometimes also bad quality). Only because they wore clothes like Amish people with long beards.”
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The best part about a chocolate bar is unwrapping it, and in this the Mast Brothers are geniuses: The thick, artisanal paper, printed by a single lonely cowboy living with three blind nuns, is well worth the $10 price tag. It’s what lies underneath that’s in question.
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But “Scott,” an unknown blogger who recently published a series of exposés on their practices, and Quartz, which followed up with a survey of chocolate-industry insiders, both report that the Mast brothers actually began their company by selling commercially produced, French chocolate, which was melted down, re-wrapped in pretty paper, and sold for $10 a bar. (They also marketed themselves as the first chocolatier in America and the first chocolatier to make small-batch chocolate, claims that Quartz shot down.)
As their company grew and, according to Quartz, they actually attempted to become single-source chocolatiers, however, their peers in the chocolate industry began noticing that the quality of their fancy chocolate had dropped precipitously. Aubrey Lindley of Cacao in Portland, Oregon, initially noted that Mast Brothers chocolate “had an overly refined, smooth texture that is a trademark of industrial chocolate. No small equipment was achieving a texture like that. It also tasted like industrial chocolate: balanced, flavorless, dark roast, and vanilla.” But by 2010, when they switched to single-source, “most of the chocolate [became] simply inedible, by my standards,” said Lindley.
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Scott and Quartz — which independently verified many of the blog’s claims — say that the company refused to answer specific questions related to the company’s production and sourcing process.
Neither Scott nor Quartz claim that the Mast Brothers have never made bean to bar chocolate. In fact, the blog chalks up a major decline in the taste of Mast Brothers offerings, from smooth and “blandly competent” to "coarse" and "muddy", to the switch from remelting to the more difficult process of handcrafting their own chocolate.
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“There is a certain kind of jealousy,” Bernardini told Quartz over email, “but more of an anger.” “But (chocolate makers) should also be angry with the media as it is the fault and responsibility of the media that Mast Brothers became so famous (with a mediocre and sometimes also bad quality). Only because they wore clothes like Amish people with long beards.”
What the fuck is the point of that?!?!?
Gaaag
Rick Mast
Mike Mast
How to eat their choc
