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Writing an article for Uncyclopedia
 CAUTION: NSFW stuff aheadThis page contains very If caught |
So, you decided you were sick and tired of Encyclopedia Dramatica and want to move on to other inferior wikis because you were banned for "no reason"? Upon searching for a new home, it is most likely that one who was b& from ED for their faggotry will migrate to Uncyclopedia as they feel their hilarious sense of humor is not appreciated here. Fortunately for you, writing an article for Hitler's Uncyclopedia requires a very intelligent variety of satire and takes years of practice, determination and effort. Luckily, you just so happen to have all those useful skills. Uncyclopedia is the "content-free wiki" (example of a common Uncyclopedian joke: More like free content, amirite?) in which "content" is used to sugarcoat the word "funny"; one must adapt to the styling of their writing-method. As ED archives the events of Internet drama, memes, trolling and anything else that generates lulz, Uncyclopedia documents on the significant topics to which no sane human being is aware of or concerned about.
As any Uncyclopedian will tell you, Encyclopedia Dramatica is nothing but a cheap knock-off wiki that's copying Uncyclopedia (fun fact: ED was around before, albeit only about a month older). So everything on their website is clearly original content and much better than anything on ED.
Getting Started
In ED, writing an article about some stupid shit about Dew Chun Educational Foundation that isn't even relevant to anything will quickly be baleeted right on the spot. However, on Uncyclopedia, anything goes whether it be about some made up alien planet or something in the lines of the Dodgeball Massacre of 1332 (there really are articles like that). In a nutshell, the main goal is to write whatever the hell comes of out your massively stretched anus. Additionally, as ED is bias, Uncyclopedia is known for many articles being first-person for added faggotry. As for what to include in your article, the basis for content would be whatever you can generate from smashing your head upon the keyboard repeatedly until you either fill the page or go unconscious. Or you could always have a monkey high on Adderall type for you as they make up the majority of users in Uncyclopedia.
If one word was used to describe their articles and sum up the entire website in general, it would be unfunny anarchy. It's pretty self-explanatory.
What to Write About?
The wonderful thing about Hitler's Uncyclopedia is you can write about anything! And that is no exaggeration; it's literal. You can write about that huge zit on your left testicle named Bobington CriggleJornpuff, or an article of the menacing meditation of infrastructures polluting the galaxy Zenonpotinfdf in the 7th dimension of your marbles. You can even write about yourself since Uncyclopedia is about everything that everybody else couldn't care less about. Always remember that the key point of every article in Uncyclopedia is to spam the shit out of the page with meaningless nonsense until you run out of space that their nigger servers cannot handle.
Another helpful asset concerning ideas on potential new articles is to look at the heap of all the other shitty articles. The main idea is to cuntpaste everything from one of their "good" articles (if one can even call it good) but giving it a different title. Remember, you'll need to be funny and not just stupid.
Knowing When It's Good
Uncyclopedia prides themselves in being random, witty, and funny and want to continue being good at what they do best. And since it's approved by Wikipedia, it must be a good website! For every good article by their standards (which is really, incredulously low), the article must contain lotsa TRUFAX as well as a detailed explanation on how "epic" your article is within its respective page and how everything on any other website is an "fail Epix Fail lolololol". When writing an article, you must strive to be exactly like Carlos Mencia or Family Guy in which you steal material and buttfuck it in your own idiotic rendition which drains the comedy dry out of any droplet. Of course, it will appeal to 13 year old boys and frat boys drunk off their ass who deny being gay even after licking their best bro's ass. Additionally, if your article doesn't make anybody laugh, fret not as you're clearly doing your job and halfway to getting a featured article!
Rating System
The thing Uncyclopedia has that many other Wikis do not is a rating system. The rating system justifies a quicker view of just what others feel about a particular article. To them, the higher the rating, the better the article is. But to the rest of the world, the higher the rating the more reasons it'll give you to rid the internet of your cancer and kill yourself. Unsurprisingly, it's not very difficult to achieve a 5-star rating for your article on Uncyclopedia. Just suck some cockz and you're well on your way of earning plenty of 5-stars on all your articles! But remember: any article that is actually funny and relevant to matters that people actually care about will be instantly given 1-stars and it is highly probable that it will get deleted within a week. The reason for this degree of resentfulness towards funny articles is that all Uncyclopedians are extrememly insecure and any sign of good content will make them lash out in jealousy and nerd rage.
Another useful tip to know about the rating system is learning how to rate all your articles by yourself. If you're having a hard time getting any ratings on your article (and let's face it, you're nobody important) your best bet is to create multiple accounts on Uncylopedia and rate-spam until you feel like you're somebody important when you're clearly not. Don't forget that you're not the only one using this method; the entire website is along with all the admins. But seeing as the admins control the website, it would be redundant for them to create multiple accounts as they can automagically set their articles to 5-star selfishly like the arrogant, greedy Jew whores they are.
And if that doesn't work out, you can always go and blank all the pages you see. DO IT FAGGOT!
The Know-Hows
Simply put, if Uncyclopedia was a cartoon character, it would be Milhouse. They both sadly think they're hilarious, important and feel they should be taken more seriously yet everyone is too busy to point and laugh at them. Now that you have a basic sense of what to write about you should try to understand what goes in these articles rather than just keyboard smashing. You'll also have to know the fundamental equation that goes with every Uncylopedic article: Random gibberish - Humor - Effort + Stupidity (admin dick sucking)^2 = Featured Article.
As you proceed, these are basic know-hows you must include in any article down there.
Quotes
"Quotes like this are necessarily important in Uncyclopedia "
~ Jimbo Wales on Quotes
"Quotes is a sad attempt to make things funny, FOO! "
~ Mr. T on Quotes
"The more you have the funnier it is. HAHAHAHAH THAT IS SO FUNNEH"
~ Oscar Wilde on Quotes
"Quotes are....what the fuck am I doing here?"
~ Normal people on Quotes
Strikethrough
Lol, you know what's a really good way of sounding funny? It's when you use strikethrough!! Using strikethrough is more effective to piping because it points out the sarcasm even better. You see, scribbling over something puts emphasis on a joke you tried to tell that your friends didn't understand. Strikethrough is a very underrated joke and only fucktards with no sense of humor won't understand it. Usually, people will fucking yell and stuff like that when you do strikethrough! STRIKETHROUGH STRIKE STRIKETHROUGH!!!! Hey are you still reading this? I get a little lonely sometimes...What was I talking about again?
Pop Culture Reference
It worked for hilarious shows like Family Guy, so it should work for you too! Be sure to start it off like them too! (i.e. Remember when or Like that time I...)
One Liners
You need to be a comedian when you're writing! Always start your article with one liners as they tend to be the best attention grabber. Nothing like a good ol' amirite can't do to do the trick. You can also make a pop culture reference and use strikethrough to make your hook even better. But you want people to think you're even funnier, don't you? Well, if you're running out of good material, you always have some Chuck Norris jokes to fall back on. Who doesn't like a good Chuck Norris joke?
Randomness
Images to Include
Almost done with your article but still feel something missing? Fear not, as all you need to spice up your new article is some pretty pictures to add some razzle-dazzle. Since bad images that your mom don't approve are not allowed, you'll have to think outside the box. Below is a gallery of what to include in every Uncyclopedia article as it relates to everything they're about.
Uncyclopedic No-nos
|
Uncyclopedians have Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
Despite being the retarded anarchy they are, Uncyclopedia actually does have some rules. For starters, Uncyclopedia claims they are uncensored when they clearly do not tolerate any kind pornographic or shock images. So that means no Lemon party...of course if one were to upload pictures of little kids playing it will remain there for all eternity. Or at least until the FEDS come by. They will also tell you over and over again that you're not allowed to state clear facts such as all black people like chikins and commit crimes all the time or that women were made for secks and being in the kitchen. It's their policy to state false information yet they will also tell you that lies are unfunny which they admittedly say they're unfunny. Too bad everyone knew that from the start.
—Uncyclopedia with their wishful thinking | ||
There also happens to be no toleration for Internet tough guys. As you may or may not know, Uncyclopedia is guarded by the Cyber Police and cyber bullying will unleash consequences that will never be the same. So you have to be nice and all the articles you write also have to be nice, mmkay :). Additionally, you will also have to show respect for your fellow Uncyclopedian no matter how much of a faggot they are. So no reporting them, no filling their userpage with various shock images, no posting hateful comments on a fucktard's user talk page telling them to either stop their stupid bullshit or GTFO, and NO NAME CALLING!!! Everybody there is very sensitive and they must be treated with respect. You must always have good behavior!
Furthermore, there shall be no cussing. None whatsoever. Since Hitler's Uncyclopedia is a SFW wiki, there shall be nothing of the like on the website. Never forget, they want to keep things G-rated because anything obscure or offensive is being stupid and not just funny.
What Happens if My Article gets Deleted?
If you've been following this guide step-by-step, you would generally have no problem. But since you can't do anything right, even so much as write an article that's good by a shitty excuse for a wiki's standards, you don't have much hope in life. As you were already weren't good enough for ED's standards, you were most likely bad for their standards meaning less faggotry here and more over there. It's a win-win situation. In the event of having your article baleeted, there are only a few options you have to do. But knowing you, you'll just screw this up like you did with everything else in life.
- Declare Vendetta and DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING!!
- Give the admins Pie. They do not like delicious cake
- Submit your deleted article again. If it gets deleted once again, repeat the process until you get banned
- Post some dox
- Upload naked pictures of yourself and post it on as many articles as you can
- Declare e-Jihad
- Spam recent changes with minor edits and add "BLANKING IN PROGRESS" IN THE DESCRIPTION
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
If your attempts of any of the above were all futile (which is no surprise at all), then there is only one Final Solution. Video tape yourself committing suicide and post in onto their site. It'll definitely bring you the attention you've never deserved.
Differences between ED and Unyclopedia articles
| LEARN THE DIFFERENCES | |
|---|---|
| Encyclopædia Dramatica | Hitler's Uncyclopedia |
| Funny and witty without sounding like a complete retard. | Dreadfully unfunny and random shit that only the writers enjoy. |
| Documents on relevant things related to internets, IRL drama, and trolling. | AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
| Your shitty articles will get flushed and repeat offenders will get b&. | As long as it's random, then it'll stay. |
| Uncensored material. Anything goes so long as it's legal. | Nothing too offensive or gross. No porn or anything like that! You wouldn't want to upset mother now, would you? |
| Biased information. ED is NOT a "content-free" Encyclopedia. | Pull it out of your ass and it's gold. |
| In Lulz We Trust. | We're a bunch of kooks! We are SO funny! LOL |
This is What Uncyclopedia Thinks About Encyclopedia Dramatica!!!
Actually that article about How to: Write An Article on Encyclopedia Dramatica is just a bunch of lies because they attempted to Strawman our style of writing into exclusively unfunny, unoriginal, random shock-humour and sexual innuendo. Besides they even spewed bullshit about how ED allows pictures of explicit Bestiality which you ironically might get banned for uploading. This article about their writing style is truthful which again proves how much they suck.
See Also
Known Users of Uncyclopedia
| Featured article September 12 & September 13, 2011 | ||
| Preceded by Osama |
Writing an article for Uncyclopedia | Succeeded by 24.7 Clan |