MAGABomber: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 19:57, 27 October 2018

MAGABomber (not to be confused with the Unabrowmer) is the unofficial pseudonym that has been given to an unknown individual or group of individuals who, starting in late October of 2018, began attempting to assassinate prominent members of an obscure, quickly dying American political party known as the Democrats by duct taping a bunch of wires and plastic crap onto pieces of pipe and then hoping that all of their intended targets end up dying of heart attacks upon seeing the devices – a truly ingenious plan, considering that all Democrats are older than slavery and have a tendency to completely freak out over the absolute dumbest shit imaginable.

On October 22, 2018, the first "bomb" was received by Sith Lord George Soros. This was quickly followed up by moar "bombs" that were sent to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her wife; former God-Emperor of Black People, Barack Hussein Obama and his husband; former Mexican gun-runner, Eric Holder; batshit insane old person, Maxine Waters; former Vice President and notorious Lolicon, Joe Biden; former CIA Director turned traitor to the United States, John Brennan; unfunny ginger prop comic, Debbie Wasserman Schultz; washed up Hollywood actor, Robert De Niro; science fiction television network, CNN; bisexual rapist, Cory Booker; ex-intel chief James Claptrap; and Californian retard, Kamala Harris.

On October 26, 2018, the FBI arrested a cis-gender, heterosexual, Trump-supporting, "white" man from Florida named Cesar Altieri Sayoc and claimed that he had somehow magickally teleported fake bombs halfway across the country over the course of a mere 4 days. Despite the fact that Sayoc is an obvious patsy and literally dindu nuffin, the media was more than willing to immediately accept his guilt without question because fuck Drumpf.

Despite being christened as "The MAGABomber" by die lügenpresse and a bunch of liberal retards on Twitter, the name is a clear misnomer when you realize that the MAGABomber is neither an actual bomber nor is there a single shred of evidence that he/she/xe actually supports Making America Great Again. In reality, it is far more likely that the so-called MAGABomber is a liberal false flag operation designed to influence the 2018 mid-term elections.

Sayoc's Van

	“	Career decision of becoming a Horse Doctor was always a love for animals, which were here first and never do anything to anyone. And respect all living things. My family very sound Sayoc name in Medical field Grandfather Col. Baltazar Zook Sayoc that perfect the conversion oriental eye to Americanize. The first plastic surgeon to be observed by 8 million people in NY city Hospital. He over through Communist Philippines liberated island. He built all hospitals in Philippines islands and sets standards highest level. Most surgeon use his instruments which are patented. And a lot surgeon use today. Also Sayoc intl. schools marshals arts Kali that used to over throw communist party . Also one 5 Hero’s disciplinary my mother Madeline Sayoc Giardiello First president Pharmacy Cosmetic Association, Who Who Business Women of Year, Soul buyer consultant for Home Shopping Network, head number 1 marketing consul in World Aventura Marketing consul, up for city counsel women Aventura	„
	—from the education section of Sayoc's LinkIn

The /pol/ Man's James Bond About missing Pics

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Graded score

Kills:	0/20 Fake bombs don't kill people, Hillary Clinton does
Accuracy:	0/20 None of the so-called bombs even worked
Style:	0/20 Believed that Larry the Cable Guy is actually funny
Butthurt:	0/20 The liberal butthurt caused itself
Bonus:	0/20 Try to actually kill some people next time, faggot
Total score: 0/100 (F-)