- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Michelle Phan: Difference between revisions
imported>90 percent |
imported>90 percent |
||
| Line 39: | Line 39: | ||
Again, like every [[internet celebrity]], Michelle copies complete nobodies, like Arissa Cheo (some boring [[bitch]] from [[Singapore]]) and the [[Japanese]] slut MANWOMANFILM [http://www.youtube.com/manwomanfilm]. When confronted, Michelle denied copying Arissa, and said she was inspired by the "rocker chic" of [[Lindsay Lohan]] and women in [[China]]. Yeah, right. | Again, like every [[internet celebrity]], Michelle copies complete nobodies, like Arissa Cheo (some boring [[bitch]] from [[Singapore]]) and the [[Japanese]] slut MANWOMANFILM [http://www.youtube.com/manwomanfilm]. When confronted, Michelle denied copying Arissa, and said she was inspired by the "rocker chic" of [[Lindsay Lohan]] and women in [[China]]. Yeah, right. | ||
Since Michelle's debut with Lancome, her videos have pretty much jumped the shark. This is evident in the fact that her recent videos are rehashes of her older tutorials, only with different colors. Compare how many tutorials she has done for glasses, airplanes, and eyeliners. The amount of times she does the same tricks can practically become its own drinking game. | |||
Similar to her laziness in trying new tricks or improving her make-up applying skills, Michelle's lack of research the latest fashion trends is evident on looks she's never even heard of, yet she is compelled to introduce it as if people lack the IQ to acknowledge its existence. Kudos to embarrassing the hell out of yourself and the company you represent, Michelle. | |||
<center>{{morphquote|makeupresearch|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|How is this cybergoth? If she had scary looking contacts I'd be more convinced...|Bobert100, generous in not mentioning Michelle is already scary without contacts|Don't name it "Cyber Gothic Anime", because it's not cyber gothic nor is it Anime. Also, "it was improvised" doesn't make for a good excuse.|MissesCrue|You know, Michelle, if you didn't know what cyber goth was [[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|you could have just googled it]].|ToriMidorio|border=white|background=white}}</center> | <center>{{morphquote|makeupresearch|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|How is this cybergoth? If she had scary looking contacts I'd be more convinced...|Bobert100, generous in not mentioning Michelle is already scary without contacts|Don't name it "Cyber Gothic Anime", because it's not cyber gothic nor is it Anime. Also, "it was improvised" doesn't make for a good excuse.|MissesCrue|You know, Michelle, if you didn't know what cyber goth was [[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|you could have just googled it]].|ToriMidorio|border=white|background=white}}</center> | ||
Revision as of 05:02, 3 August 2012
|
Michelle Phan = infected with GOTIS You can help by not giving her any attention.
|
Michelle Phan (also known as RiceBunny) is an azn Vietnamese makeup guru on JewTube who came to mainstream fame after posting a Lady Gaga tutorial showing off her Phan love of wanting to look like a hermaphrodite. Since then, she has started working for Lancome, but we all know it's a lie to cover up the fact that she does blowjobs regularly to keep up with the bills. Phan used to own her own skin care line called IQQU, but only dumb sluts buy that shit. Sucks for you if you contracted herpes from using the products, because Michelle's already got your money.
Michelle is regularly regarded as someone to stay away from in the beauty community, for she is prone to unoriginal, half-assed make-up tutorials, her necessity to shove her religion in everyone's faces, her unwarranted self-importance, and her frequent bursts of immaturity when people give her constructive criticism. Surprisingly, for someone who represents Lancome, her works hardly offer the same caliber and her professionalism leaves much to be desired. Take great caution when viewing any of her videos.
—Spoken like a true professional | ||
Her Beautiful Story
Michelle's rise to fame on JewTube is striking considering she allegedly came from a poor background, to the point where her family survived on food stamps. You really have to wonder if that's true when you see her running around with expensive shit like La Mer creams, $12,000 Balmain jackets, and new cars. In order to balance out all her spending, Michelle was left with several options: study hard for a well-paying career, marry rich, or whore herself out.
Realizing it was impossible to snag anyone with her looks, Michelle decided to be sensible and go with her first option. She repeatedly claims she majored in dermatology throughout her academic career, which is utter bullshit, because Tampa Bay Technical High School doesn't even have a dermatology program. Instead, she graduated with a certification in radiology. Rather than putting that license to use, Michelle realized that she was an artist at heart, and all the money her allegedly poor mother spent on her education was all for naught! Thus, ignoring all the sacrifices her mom made for her, Michelle skipped off to an expensive ass art school, the Ringling College of Art and Design. In spite of her major in illustration, her crappy drawing skills would indicate otherwise. The only evidence we have of her artwork is Michelle's shitty Final Fantasy fanart on her DeviantART account.
When Michelle discovered JewTube, she realized that she was meant to shine! Thus, her lifelong dream of earning money without moving a muscle was set. Since becoming a YouTube celebrity, Michelle Phail dropped out of college to dedicate all her time to her YouTube career. Occasionally she releases some new artwork claiming she came up with the concept all in her head even though she obviously traces photos of landscapes and celebrities.
At some point later on, Michelle had a sugar daddy boyfriend named Carl Choi, who is rich (and fugly) enough to have his own page on Wikipedia! According to that article, he works on "Asian American representation in the media." In other words, he is a pimp who advocates for equal rights for Azn hookers in the prostitution industry. Since he's traded up Michelle for someone else, Michelle has lost her one chance to wealth and the title of being the next Kim Kardashian, thank God.
Religion
Michelle Phail likes to project herself as a perfect and pure woman, continually reminding everyone that she is a devout Christian (though she once claimed to be Wiccan on her Blogger page).
Michelle also likes to remind her viewers that she believes inner beauty is the most important thing, which is clearly a load of shit, since even Michelle herself can recognize that she's fucking ugly without any makeup on.
Regarding her religion, Michelle has made some pretty fucked up observations that even the Westboro Baptist Church would find weird. For instance, one of the most glaringly obvious examples of her contradictory Christian beliefs is her love of bragging about the ugly shit that she owns. Oh, and who can forget about the "Chicken and Rice" story?
—Michelle Phail, thinking rice and chicken could prove the existence of God | ||
Claims to originality
In her videos, Michelle displays her artistic ability via a penchant for rubbing weirdass shit on her face to make millions from her viewers. Her viewers consist mainly of 16 year olds, sick fucks, and you; most of them either complain about not seeing enough boobs or not being able to afford the crap she's using. In November 2010, Phail became the No. 1 most subscribed female on YouTube and the first person to reach 1 million subscribers, but it's obvious she paid her way through with her hard-earned money.
Again, like every internet celebrity, Michelle copies complete nobodies, like Arissa Cheo (some boring bitch from Singapore) and the Japanese slut MANWOMANFILM [1]. When confronted, Michelle denied copying Arissa, and said she was inspired by the "rocker chic" of Lindsay Lohan and women in China. Yeah, right.
Since Michelle's debut with Lancome, her videos have pretty much jumped the shark. This is evident in the fact that her recent videos are rehashes of her older tutorials, only with different colors. Compare how many tutorials she has done for glasses, airplanes, and eyeliners. The amount of times she does the same tricks can practically become its own drinking game.
Similar to her laziness in trying new tricks or improving her make-up applying skills, Michelle's lack of research the latest fashion trends is evident on looks she's never even heard of, yet she is compelled to introduce it as if people lack the IQ to acknowledge its existence. Kudos to embarrassing the hell out of yourself and the company you represent, Michelle.
—Bobert100, generous in not mentioning Michelle is already scary without contacts | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
As a gamer girl and anime nerd
She's also particularly vocal about her being an otaku and hardcore video game nerd, but apparently she doesn't play video games frequently, just Final Fantasy like every other weeaboo. And she doesn't even play that often. It's pretty obvious since girls who do play video games are fat virgins. When people began to doubt these statements, she made a gaming channel called PressStart with some friend of hers who nobody cares about.
Michelle had an agreement with her friend to produce videos for PressStart on an alternating schedule. She has since stopped making any sort of content for PressStart out of pure laziness. This is not really a loss for anybody, because it is obvious that less than 0.1% of Michelle's subscribers actually give a shit about her gaming, and she only talks about it just to get some cock. Clever, innit?
Generosity
Aside from her makeup and gaming channels, Michelle also has a third channel, Ricebunny [2], where she uploads videos of random shit and uses whatever measly proceeds she collects to donate to charity.
At first, she barely uploaded videos to this channel at all. Michelle started producing more content for Ricebunny when a bunch of fans and haters called her out on it. After a few months of making content, Michelle stopped making content for her third channel again. People can only speculate that she stopped making videos for charity because she is a lazy and greedy bitch.
Michelle once took part in a cause to donate to victims of malaria. The charity campaign involved texting a word to a certain number. Michelle claimed to be donating "all day" despite the fact that the system only supported three donations per person. [3]
As you can see, she loves to donate to charities. She also RUUUUUVES eco-friendly stuffs! So what if she uses Lancome, a company that is notorious for testing on animals? She gets paid for it, so she can use all that money for eco-friendly causes!
Mr. Bun Bun drama
Business venture Phails
IQQU-gate
Michelle was one of the owners of the skincare line IQQU and often whores it out in her videos. Noone knows where IQQU is actually headquartered, since Michelle had opened an office for it in Florida but the shit was manufactured in Thailand. Ooh, exported labor?
IQQU, in fact, is basically a cheap attempt at copying the skincare line SUQQU. A cheap second-rate measure to milk off of SUQQU's success under the guise of claiming not to "suqqu", it not only takes upon a name that sounds like someone throwing up, but also "suqqu"'s much worse. Icku is herpes gift-wrapped and you'd have to be really dumb to use that mess. In fact, Michelle only showed off IQQU in her videos, since even she's smart enough to know that shit is fucking dangerous, and uses La Mer and Lancome when no one is looking. Unfortunately, 12-year-old sluts who are not as smart are gulled into believing her skin care miracles and feed her money. Basically, if you bought IQQU, Michelle just trolled you.
In 2009, some 12 year old girl threatened Michelle with a lawsuit, but was too chickenshit to follow through when she realized she'd have to get her parents involved. In early February 2011, however, some no-lifers discovered IQQU wasn't FDA-approved and Michelle actually had no legal rights to market the products anymore unless she renews her already-expired LLC. Ohhh, dang! Michelle pressed the panic button, realizing that she's in a pile of deep shit if this ever reaches court, and now claims that she doesn't own IQQU anymore. Orly?
myGlam and other collaborations
Following the failure of IQQU, last Thursday, Michelle made more business ventures through collaborations with third-rate designers with little success. 2011 saw the launch of myGlam, a shockingly but hilariously sad attempt at copying MySpace out of all the concepts Michelle could have used. Not surprisingly, myGlam naturally flopped and it's now dead to everyone, including Michelle herself.
In an attempt to invigorate her beauty career even further, Michelle introduced FAWN, Inc. (Failing and Wanking Network, Inc.) with her friends. Anyone who has seen videos from FAWN realizes that it's a rehash of her old make-up tutorials on her main channel, but with more embarrassing camwhoring. What did you say about being original, Michelle?
Legion of Phans
—pinkpuddlz101, who is attempting a lost cause | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
—lachichi1708 @ JewTube, who just came back from giving Michelle cunnilingus yet can't even get her name right | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
—Way to represent Lancome, Michelle | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Michelle has a bunch of Phans who will attack you if you insult her faster than you'll ever get laid. Her Phans, which consist of mostly 12 year old girls, will not hesitate to spam with a vengeance, as their dear idol can do no wrong.
The story is all the same: Michelle will make blog/Facebook/Twitter posts whining about how the h8rs hurt her feelings. This call to arms is followed up by her cowering behind her shield of loser Phans as they defend their Guru Goddess. Michelle will sometimes fight back, but, after noticing how much she phails at being witty and that Stephenie Meyer can write a better response than her, will try to walk it off and tell her followers to "let the haters hate."
An example of such cattiness happened in September 2010 on Twitter. When Michelle was busy making yet another crappy make-up tutorial for Halloween. Some 16-year-old girl named Emily told said that Michelle's animu tutorials were dumb. Michelle RAAAEGED because HOW DARE ANYONE MAKE FUN OF HER ANIMUS!!!1111 So, she sicced her army onto Emily, who went on to become an hero.
Despite her number of "supporters", both Michelle and her Phans are ridiculously easy to troll. Just say something like "your foundation is too orange", "you are applying blush to the wrong part of your face", or "you pronounced kabuki incorrectly" and watch the RAAAAEG blossom like a bad case of herpes for the next five days. Telling her to stop trying to be Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson also does the trick. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the lulz.
-
Michelle shows us how classy she is by lying about being poor. -
Copying Arissa Cheo. -
Nothing says devout Christian like a tacky cross ring. -
This overexpensive dogshit she peddles. -
Michelle covers her ass with a chocobo. -
Ur trying too hard
Useful Links
- Template:Youtube2 - The makeup vidz
ricebunny - A great way to troll her is to make her butthurt by saying "Michael Jackson/animu/video games/your make-up product sucks".- Template:Youtube2 - Her retarded charity channel
- Template:Youtube2 - Michelle Phail creates lots of accounts to make extra subbers.
- Facebook account
- ~Official~ Facebook account
- Michelle Phail tumblr
- Her blog
- DeviantART account
- IQQU Beauty - Does she still own this shitty skincare line?
 |
||
|
|
||
|
Michelle Phan is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
