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Job: Difference between revisions
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<table style="width:100%; border: 1px solid #CDCDED"><tr><th>Uh oh..</th><td>[[Image:Shortcat.jpg|60px]]</td><td>'''{{PAGENAME}} is a bit [[stub|short]] on content, and may leave you wanting [[moar]].'''<br><small>''You can help by adding relevant content, [[Special:Upload|pictures]], links, [[drama]] and [[lulz]]. Be sure to [[Win|improve]] the article, not [[shit|mess it up]]. For tips, read [[ED:101|The Manual]].''<br><small>This article has been tagged since [[Shit nobody cares about|May 23]]</small></small></td></tr></table> | <table style="width:100%; border: 1px solid #CDCDED"><tr><th>Uh oh..</th><td>[[Image:Shortcat.jpg|60px]]</td><td>'''{{PAGENAME}} is a bit [[stub|short]] on content, and may leave you wanting [[moar]].'''<br><small>''You can help by adding relevant content, [[Special:Upload|pictures]], links, [[drama]] and [[lulz]]. Be sure to [[Win|improve]] the article, not [[shit|mess it up]]. For tips, read [[ED:101|The Manual]].''<br><small>This article has been tagged since [[Shit nobody cares about|May 23]]</small></small></td></tr></table> | ||
<br clear="all"> | <br clear="all"> | ||
As well as being another word for [[boring]], a '''job''' is something that [[Niggers|unemployed people]] and [[student]]s don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a [[robot]] could do better, a [[human]] is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are [[Mexican]], as paying a Mexican is [[PROTIP|purely optional]]. Why don't blacks like [[blowjobs]]? It's a job. | As well as being another word for [[boring]], a '''job''' is something that [[Niggers|unemployed people]] and [[student]]s don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a [[robot]] could do better, a [[human]] is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are [[Mexican]], as paying a Mexican is [[PROTIP|purely optional]]. Why don't [[Niggers|blacks]] like [[blowjobs]]? It's a job. | ||
== How to Get a Job == | == How to Get a Job == | ||
| Line 17: | Line 17: | ||
* Free [[coffee]], if you work as a [[pilot]], at a hotel or a [[Starbucks]]. | * Free [[coffee]], if you work as a [[pilot]], at a hotel or a [[Starbucks]]. | ||
* See that pen over there? [[Theft|Take it]]. | * See that pen over there? [[Theft|Take it]]. | ||
* No [[seriously]], take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary. | * No [[seriously]], take it. There's a [[over 9000|shitload of them]] in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary. | ||
* Here, have a company [[car]] too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW! | * Here, have a company [[car]] too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW! | ||
* Get promoted to [[Darth Cheney|Senior VP]] of [[Fails|Sales]] and make more money than [[God]] | * Get promoted to [[Darth Cheney|Senior VP]] of [[Fails|Sales]] and make more money than [[God]] | ||
* Some people will cruelly call you 'a [[loser]]' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a [[luser]] with a job', with all the [[Semen|humiliation]]-guzzling [[Skillz|sqiLlz]] that implies. | * Some people will cruelly call you 'a [[loser]]' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a [[luser]] with a job', with all the [[Semen|humiliation]]-guzzling [[Skillz|sqiLlz]] that implies. | ||
And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so [[Bubba|boss]] has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company [[Dental Plan|insurance plan]] might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and [[George Washington|false-teeth]] supplies! | And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so [[Bubba|boss]] has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company [[Dental Plan|insurance plan]] might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and [[George Washington|false-teeth]] supplies! | ||
== Some Disadvantages of Having a Job == | == Some Disadvantages of Having a Job == | ||
* Less time to play on the [[internets]], unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself | * Less time to[[fap|play]] on the [[internets]], unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself | ||
* Too much [[ | * Too much [[IRL]] [[drama]], from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough | ||
* More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst | * More opportunity for your head to [[Cum|explode]]; workplace tension is among the worst | ||
* Most [[Walmart|jobs]] don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and [[Illegal|during breaks mandated by law]] | * Most [[Walmart|jobs]] don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and [[Illegal|during breaks mandated by law]] | ||
* [[Drug]] testing is mandatory; [[pot]]heads need not apply | * [[Drug]] testing is mandatory; [[pot]]heads/[[Niggers]] need not apply | ||
* Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] while working | * Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at [[Encyclopedia Dramatica|ED]] while [[fapping|working]] | ||
* Security escorting you out of the building by your collar | * Security escorting you out of the building by your collar | ||
* Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired | * Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired | ||
* [[Unemployed|Going back to finding a new job]] | * [[Unemployed|Going back to finding a new job]] | ||
There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality. | [[I did it for the lulz|There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality.]] | ||
==Some Different Jobs You Might Choose== | ==Some Different Jobs You Might Choose== | ||
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* [[Goatse|Yoga Instructor]] | * [[Goatse|Yoga Instructor]] | ||
* [[Subway|Sammich Artist]] | * [[Subway|Sammich Artist]] | ||
* [[Expert|Professional Expert]] | |||
* [[PETA|Eco-Terrorist]] | |||
* [[Virgin|Video game developer]] | |||
If [[you]] [[Sell Out|apply yourself correctly]] you could rise through the ranks of [[McDonald's|the corporate ladder]] to become a [[jew|productive member of society.]] | |||
== People Who Clearly Made Bad* Job Choices == | == People Who Clearly Made Bad* Job Choices == | ||
Revision as of 03:00, 13 July 2011
| Uh oh.. |  | Job is a bit short on content, and may leave you wanting moar. You can help by adding relevant content, pictures, links, drama and lulz. Be sure to improve the article, not mess it up. For tips, read The Manual. This article has been tagged since May 23 |
|---|
As well as being another word for boring, a job is something that unemployed people and students don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a robot could do better, a human is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are Mexican, as paying a Mexican is purely optional. Why don't blacks like blowjobs? It's a job.
How to Get a Job
If that doesn't help, open up those "want-ads" your pop talks about (or alternatively, a new browser window) and start circling interesting ads. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your attention for 8 hours every day!
Some Advantages of Having a Job
- You get some money - After the Government takes its cut for taxes.
- You might meet people you can have sex with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment lolsuit.
- Free coffee, if you work as a pilot, at a hotel or a Starbucks.
- See that pen over there? Take it.
- No seriously, take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
- Here, have a company car too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
- Get promoted to Senior VP of Sales and make more money than God
- Some people will cruelly call you 'a loser' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a luser with a job', with all the humiliation-guzzling sqiLlz that implies.
And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so boss has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company insurance plan might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and false-teeth supplies!
Some Disadvantages of Having a Job
- Less time toplay on the internets, unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
- Too much IRL drama, from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
- More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst
- Most jobs don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and during breaks mandated by law
- Drug testing is mandatory; potheads/Niggers need not apply
- Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at ED while working
- Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
- Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
- Going back to finding a new job
Some Different Jobs You Might Choose
- Airline Pilot
- ED Sysop
- Habbo Hotel Moderator
- Website Administrator
- Furniture Placement Specialist
- Nutritional Sciences Expert
- Sanitation Technician
- Artist
- Performing Artist
- Geek Squad
- Wannabe Artist
- Politician
- Customer Services
- Protection of Merchandise
- Therapeudic Supply
- Insurance Collecter
- Visionary
- Veterinarian
- Preschool Teacher
- Yoga Instructor
- Sammich Artist
- Professional Expert
- Eco-Terrorist
- Video game developer
If you apply yourself correctly you could rise through the ranks of the corporate ladder to become a productive member of society.
People Who Clearly Made Bad* Job Choices
*(for everyone else in existence beside them---THEY did AWWWWRIGHT)
