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Jack Sparrow: Difference between revisions

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{{warning|text=Woops, forgot my hat}}
{{spoiler|JACK SPARROW [[Octopus Girl|GETS EATEN BY THE KRAKEN]] IN PIRATES 2, BUT THEN [[zombie|GETS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE]] IN PIRATES 3!!!11!!1}}
{{warning|text=Woops, forgot my hat!}}
[[Image:Barbossa Cross.jpg|thumb|left|Other pirates react to Jack Sparrow's faggotry.]][[Image:Depp 468x572.jpg|thumb|right|The man himself.]][[Image:Buttpirates_Of_The_Caribbean.jpg|thumb|right|[[Fat|AVAST]] [[Ass|BEHIND]]!!]]


The protagonist of [[Disney]]'s [[shit]]-pile [[movie]] ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' is a terminally drunk pirate ninja captain played by [[Johnny Depp]]. [[13-year-old boy]]s the world over have since wished they could be the infamous [[goatse|pirate]] captain themselves, and perpetually stumble about, feigning [[alcohol|inebriation]] and using the sheer [[moron|cluelessness]] of their [[cosplay]] as a clever tool to outwit [[mom|authority figures]]! When not doing so, they tend to [[Role-playing|roleplay]] him in [[Pirate]] themed [[MMORPG]]s, and take some some version of "Captain Jack Sparrow" for their name.
'''Jack Sparrow''' (full name, ''Captain'' Jack Sparrow, Esq., OBE, CBE, Pirate Lord Of The Caribbean, The [[Poor|Pauper]] Of The Surf, The [[Troll|Jester]] Of [[4chan|Tortuga]]) is a [[homosex|camp]], terminally drunk [[pirate]] captain and the protagonist of [[Disney]]'s [[shit]]-pile [[movie]], ''Pirates of the Caribbean'', played by FUCKING AMERICAN [[Johnny Depp]].
 
[[13-year-old boy]]s the world over have since wished they could be the infamous [[goatse|pirate]] captain themselves, and perpetually stumble about, feigning [[alcohol|inebriation]] and using the sheer [[moron|cluelessness]] of their [[cosplay]] as a clever tool to [[pwn|outwit]] [[mom|authority figures]]! When not doing so, they tend to [[Role-playing|roleplay]] him in [[pirate]]-themed [[MMORPG]]s, and take some some version of "Captain Jack Sparrow" for their name. Jack Sparrow can unfortunately not get a boner. He is, however, in possession of a [[magic]] compass that points at what [[Cock|'he wants']] instead.
 
Every Halloween from [[2004]] to the end of eternity, an army of Jack Sparrow impersonators shall roam the land, strutting and quipping lines about [[stupid]] [[shit]] like missing [[alcohol|rum]] and [[Buttsecks|taking it in the ass]] from the Lord Of The Shitdicks himself, Johnny Depp, and [[Doctor_Who#Other_Actors|John Barrowman]].
 
{{fv|jacksparrow|background-color: white; margin: auto;|font-weight: bold;|<center><youtube>GI6CfKcMhjY</youtube></center>|<center><youtube>tjyUmkcsMW8</youtube></center>}}


Every Halloween from [[2004]] to the end of eternity, an army of Jack Sparrow impersonators shall roam the land, strutting and quipping lines about [[stupid]] [[shit]] like missing [[alcohol|rum]] and [[Buttsecks|taking it in the ass]] from the Lord of the Shitdicks himself, Johnny Depp, and [[Doctor_Who#Other_Actors|John Barrowman]].


'''[[PROTIP]]''': Go to Blockbuster and switch ''Pirates of the Carribbean'' with the porno ''Pirates'' (Blockbuster carries both). The covers are nearly identical to each other and are indistinguishable to parents who are in a hurry.
'''[[PROTIP]]''': Go to Blockbuster and switch ''Pirates of the Carribbean'' with the porno ''Pirates'' (Blockbuster carries both). The covers are nearly identical to each other and are indistinguishable to parents who are in a hurry.


{{bigpic|Jack Sparrow Leaving Thread.jpg|700|300|Jack Sparrow [[slashfic]] on [[/b/]].}}
 
 
 
{{bigpic|Jack Sparrow Leaving Thread.jpg|700|300|Jack Sparrow [[slashfic]] on [[B|/b/]].}}


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
<gallery>
{{cg|Dead Men Tell No Tales|jacksparrowgallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Sparrow exploitable.jpg|OH EXPLOITABLE
Image:Sparrow exploitable.jpg|OH EXPLOITABLE
Image:Sparrow bond.jpg
Image:Sparrow bond.jpg
Image:Terror Of The Seas.jpg|[[FUCK YEAH SEAKING|The Kraken is small time]].
Image:JackLuvsTehTraps.jpg|Captain Jack loves him some [[traps]].
iMage:JackKnowsWhatToDo.jpg|[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR|When confronted with Africa's largest land predator, Jack knows just what to do.]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Sparrow cannabis.jpg
Image:Sparrow cannabis.jpg
Image:Sparrow car.jpg
Image:Jack sparrow.jpg
Image:Jack sparrow.jpg
Image:JackSeaOrg.JPG
Image:Jack Sparrow Does Not Approve Of This Brony Faggotry.jpg|Jack does not approve of this [[My Little Pony]] faggotry.
Image:Johnydepp DONNOTWANT sonic yaoi.jpg
Image:Johnydepp DONNOTWANT sonic yaoi.jpg
Image:HansenJack.jpg|You will always remember this as the day that you were almost caught by [[Chris Hansen|Dateline NBC]].
Image:JackLoli.jpg|The [[pedo|wily]] Captain Jack attempts to recruit a [[loli]] aboard his vessel for [[rape|fun]] and [[buttsecks|adventure]]! [[Lulz|Yo ho ho!]]
Image:Jack Wins.jpg|Jack Sparrow's cameo in ''The Avengers''.
Image:Jack Sparrow Ain't Even Mad, Bro.png|Jack Sparrow responds to [[U mad?|Cam'ron]].
Image:Jack sparrow cockmongler.jpg|[[Cockmongler|He'll hoist yer mainbrace!]]
Image:Jack Is Open To Alternate Gender Identities.gif|Jack keeps an open mind to [[tranny|alternate gender identities]].
Image:Steampunk Pirate.jpg|Cap'n Jack's ill-favored foray into the worlds of [[steampunk]] and [[homosexual deviant|homosexual deviancy]].
Image:Pirates.jpg|Arrgh, he escaped the curse of the ''Black Pearl'', he escaped Davy Jones' Locker, but he could NOT escape [[Rule 34]].
Image:Pirates.jpg|Arrgh, he escaped the curse of the ''Black Pearl'', he escaped Davy Jones' Locker, but he could NOT escape [[Rule 34]].
Image:Piratesporn.jpg|Thank you mommy I couldn't wait to see this again for the 400th time I just LOVE Johnny Deep.
Image:Piratesporn.jpg|Thank you, mommy, I couldn't wait to see this again for the 400th time! I just LOVE Johnny Deep.
Image:Pirates of caribbean bg.jpg
Image:Pirates of caribbean bg.jpg
</gallery>
</gallery>|}}
<br style="clear: both;" />


==See Also==
==See Also==
* [[Captain Jack]]
* [[Captain Jack]]
<br>
* [[Johnny Depp]]
{{stub}}
* [[Pirate]]
* [[Rusty Rockets|Russell Brand]]
 
{{Television}}
{{Britfags}}
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Memes]]
[[Category:Movies]]
{{stub}}

Latest revision as of 01:41, 28 June 2016

This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT JACK SPARROW GETS EATEN BY THE KRAKEN IN PIRATES 2, BUT THEN GETS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE IN PIRATES 3!!!11!!1!!!1
Warning!
Woops, forgot my hat!
Other pirates react to Jack Sparrow's faggotry.
The man himself.
AVAST BEHIND!!

Jack Sparrow (full name, Captain Jack Sparrow, Esq., OBE, CBE, Pirate Lord Of The Caribbean, The Pauper Of The Surf, The Jester Of Tortuga) is a camp, terminally drunk pirate captain and the protagonist of Disney's shit-pile movie, Pirates of the Caribbean, played by FUCKING AMERICAN Johnny Depp.

13-year-old boys the world over have since wished they could be the infamous pirate captain themselves, and perpetually stumble about, feigning inebriation and using the sheer cluelessness of their cosplay as a clever tool to outwit authority figures! When not doing so, they tend to roleplay him in pirate-themed MMORPGs, and take some some version of "Captain Jack Sparrow" for their name. Jack Sparrow can unfortunately not get a boner. He is, however, in possession of a magic compass that points at what 'he wants' instead.

Every Halloween from 2004 to the end of eternity, an army of Jack Sparrow impersonators shall roam the land, strutting and quipping lines about stupid shit like missing rum and taking it in the ass from the Lord Of The Shitdicks himself, Johnny Depp, and John Barrowman.

Previous Video | Next Video


PROTIP: Go to Blockbuster and switch Pirates of the Carribbean with the porno Pirates (Blockbuster carries both). The covers are nearly identical to each other and are indistinguishable to parents who are in a hurry.



Use scrollbar to see the full image

Jack Sparrow slashfic on /b/.


Dead Men Tell No Tales About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

Jack Sparrow is part of a series on

Television

Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Jack Sparrow
is part of a series on

The British
The Pride of Britain [-+]
Our Rich Cultural Heritage [-+]
The United Kingdom [-+]
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