Scouse

The current Lord Mayor of Liverpool

File:Typical scouser (daily mail, march 30, 2018).png

A typical scouser

Scouse is another fucked up form of the English language used by retards in the North-West of England, particularly in Liverpool, a tiny third-world country attached to (but not part of) Great Britain. The patron saint of the city was a dirty smelly wife-beating smackhead layabout, who dwelled in a local cavern 100 years ago, and preached renouncing all earthy possessions but then got rich with the donations of his followers and moved into a luxurious penthouse with a Jap. He was rightfully shot dead in 1981 by a disgruntled former fan and now has an airport named after him, which is ironic because he got so high he never came down. To this very day, departures are delayed by the locals, who jack planes up on bricks and steal their tyres to burn for warmth because their "leccy" has been cut off due to non-payment of bills due to their having spent all their welfare cash on DRUCKS.

Scousers

Voted Liverpool's sexiest granny, 2014

Toy-boy of the above

Not to be confused with Chavs, although a lot of Scousers may be considered as both. Scousers are yet another type of British scum who have been around for at least 100 years and should be greeted with total disregard. This is because they are cocky, obnoxious and full of it. You may be wondering how this makes them any different from Chavs. The answer to this question is that some Scousers are generally nice people and are capable of possessing even an ounce of talent. There are no black people on the Internet.

It is also well known that they will steal anything that isn't nailed down, even when their own were dying at the Hillsborough "tragedy " in 1989 it is well known that other Scousers pickpocketed the bodies. When not stealing, Scousers are also addicted to grief and this massively fueled their addiction. They demand that justice be served by punishing the Cops when justice would have been served if the other Liverpool fans who caused the crush got life without parole.

Scousettes

The real reason the scousers whinge and moan about Hillsborough all the time is because killing off 96 of their species means that they will have to fuck a scouse lass to restore the population of true-descent liverpudlians. Here are some entirely representative samples of scouse scorchers.

Scousespeak

English-to-scouse translator

Are they even human?

Cool story bro - Liverpool variation.

Scousers are well known for sounding like complete downers when they speak. This is called 'Scouse'. You should never reply to a Scouser with grammatically correct sentences, as it will probably not understand what the fuck you are talking about. Instead, you can respond by hitting them with a bat. Here are some examples of what you might hear a Scouse person say, and the grammatically correct translations:

• 'Ihe Lah?' - How are you?
• 'Gizza' - Give it to me, often said during a game of Foohball in order to get a team-mate to make a pass.
• 'Dey don'h do dah dere doh do dey doh?' - No-one performs such an action in that location.
• 'Bang yer lighs ouh' - Could either mean I'm going to have some rough sex with you or I'm going to kick the shit out of you. Can cause major confusion.
• 'Sheccken' - Chicken (the k is often pronounced with a 'grr').
• 'Maccie D's - McDonald's (again, the double c is pronounced with that 'grr' noise). Scousers often go to McDonald's because they are too poor to afford actual food.
• 'Chippy' - Fish and Chip shop. Another cheap source of food.
• 'Sowwwnd' - A general expression that something is awesome.
• 'Skewwl' - A concentration camp for many Scouse children. Generally, sending a Scouse child here is pointless because Scousers are fucking brainless due to all the fights they get into at football matches when they're older, so all that shit they learn will be knocked out of their heads anyway.
• Bizzies - Police. Short for "Busybodies."
• Scally - Criminal. Short for "Scallywag."
• 'Scatty' - Unpleasant or unclean.
• 'Kecks' - Pants, Trousers.
• 'Mingin' - Also a word to describe something that is Unpleasant or Unclean. Used more by female Scousers . A slight variation of the word is 'Minger', which also used by girls, means an Ugly or Unpleasant Man.

It should be nohed dah many Scoucers cannoh pronounce their t's unless they are at the starh of a wiiirrrd or lead by an 's', and will instead use a rough 'h' sowwwwnd. Scousers will also ascend from a low pitch to a high pitch when saying wiiirrrds.

Origins

They are named after their vomit-like cuisine

Apparently, Scousers contain roots mainly from Ireland, which may explain why they are so disorderly and antisocial. The name, on the other hand, comes from a type of lamb or beef stew called 'Scouse', which was imported from Norway by seamen. Because Liverpudlians loved this food and ate it all the time, they were nicknamed 'Scousers'. This probably explains why black person as the only meat niggers like is chicken.

Mancs

It is arguable as to whether fags from Manchester are also Scouse because their accents are fairly similar. However, since most Scousers hate Mancs for supporting Manchester United, they will disagree. This causes a lot of butthurt for Wayne Rooney, who is a Scouser that plays for the Mancs.

A typical display of Scouse faggots singing their National Anthem

Liverpool was considered to be the European Capital of Culture in 2008. This is wrong for two reasons: 1) It is a country. 2) It is a shithole.

Despite popular belief, most Scousers will always walk alone.

What Scousers sound like lahhh

Oh the lulz!

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Notable Scousers

Typical scouse stud

• All of The Beatles
• Kate McCann
• James Bulger
• Darth Maul
• Rhys Jones
• Rick Astley
• Alexei Sayle

See Also

• Chavs
• Britain
• White
• Purple Aki
• Moonspeak

External Links

• Liverpool's Tourist Site - full of lies
• Faggots in red shirts with too much money
• Scouse lulz