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[[Image:Dancing cats.gif|thumb|wat]]
<center><youtube>qpl5mOAXNl4</youtube></center>
A '''cat''' is a small, ornamental, furry automaton often used to provide you with [[Dying alone|love and companionship]] when you fuck up your [[no life|shit life]]. The [[childfree|substitute child]] for lonely spinsters and [[fag]]s, a cat is a household pet that people like to photograph and [[post]] in [[community|communities]], and the [[fact|official animal of the Internet]]. [[Jameth]] has [[Poko Ono|two]] [[Porsche|cats]] that he [[nobody cares|very much loves to photograph]].
{{corner|br|[[File:Cornercat.png‎|75px]]}}


==Lore==
[[File:Egyptian Pyramids.png|thumb|right|The Ancient [[Egypt]]ians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.]]
Cats were worshiped by ancient [[Egypt]]ian cultures, which isn't so great considering that they [[dumb|weren't very smart]]. They inspired the naming of the sixth planet Caturn, the Greek city of Cathens, and a day in our weekly calendar is [[Caturday|devoted entirely to them]].


==Internets relevance==
'''Cats''' are <del>[[furry]] ornaments</del> vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to [[dying alone|die alone]]. They serve as [[childfree|child substitutes]] for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever [[social media]] site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are [[lazy]], [[antisocial]], [[ego]]centric, never-satisfied [[depression|cynics]] that [[snowflake|overreact]] to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called [[Kittens]]
<blockquote>''When John Atanasoff and Clifford Berry developed the first digital computing machine at Iowa State University in 1937, little did they know that their invention would become an integral part of a sophisticated worldwide cat picture distribution system.''<br/>
:&mdash; [http://iowahawk.typepad.com/ Iowahawk], 12 March 2004</blockquote>


The cat is the official animal of the internet lol. [[I Can Has Cheezburger?|Macros]] are generated, blogs are blogged, and many, many photographs are taken of cats. It is generally accepted that cats are the only thing /b/tards have any love for in their lives, because they remind them of their antisocial, furry-loving selves.  It is well documented that a cat is the only thing a /b/tard won't [[rape]], except for [[a cat is fine too|one particularly lonely one]]. Cats haven't ever been unlike rental furniture, the main difference being that one day they will die horribly in front of you and leave you alone forever, [[Lonely|just like everyone else.]]
__TOC__{{clear}}


==Are good for... ?==
==Hazards==
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|[[Justice]]]]
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[nigger|black ''man'']] crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.
Unlike large dogs, cats are useless for [[sex]].  A domestic cat's [[vagina|junk]] is too small for even the smallest [[Asian]] person's penis.  And a large cat can attack you like Siegfried and Roy's tiger.  However when a cat hisses at you, it is telling you it wants to give you a blow job which can be quite pleasurable [[Lie|because their tongue feels even better than a vagina.]] Interestingly, [http://www.<!--Stupid spam filter-->livenudecats.com talking about sex with cats] is quite distasteful to lovers.


There are rumors that cats are conspiring to take over the world. This is [[a bit sus]]. Their main plan of attack is showing people, other animals and inanimate objects their anus a cats anus looks like this  * . By doing this, they [[DO NOT WANT|weird out]] most normal people, animals and inanimate objects (except furries), causing them to turn away so they are free to further their [[sleep|own nefarious goals]], the greatest of which is eating unwatched meals of food.  Their plan of attack may also include tripping people up by winding between their legs, irreversible damage to furniture, hanging out on stairs and [[diaperfur|peeing on carpets]]. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives].
Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people [[DO NOT WANT|distress]] (''most'', [[furries|not all]]). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives] and eating their owners.
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|right|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Montecore (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church of Fudge|Schwester]]]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]


[[Image:ED-LJVulv-DDoS-OOPS.jpg|thumb|Those pesky cats..]]In September of 2006, an obese [http://theorangecat.livejournal.com orange cat] (not to be confused with [[Garfield]]) exploited a vulnerability in LiveJournal's video subsystem to redirect people attempting to load [[pro-ana|LiveJournal eating disorder communities]] to pictures of the [[Donut Girl]]. Every time they loaded the page. Invite a bunch of [[16 year old girl|drama whores]] to ED, some of them probably even want to take a look around. Oops.... The cat then proceeded to [http://theorangecat.livejournal.com/1992.html attempt to invite people] to [[lulzcon]].
==Killing Cats for Fun and Profit==
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Insert at your nearest river]]
As [[city glitter]] has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because it raises [[money]], creates [[internet drama]], and as long as you [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html claim later] it's all a [[social experiment]], it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.


==Scientology==
But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any [[Caturday]] thread on [[4chan]], and [[moralfag]]gotry and [[RAGE|rage]] typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are [[Kenny Glenn]] and [[Luka Magnotta]].
[[Image:Heilhitlercat.gif|thumb|Like Scientologists, Cats are known to be organized [[anti-semite]]s]]
[[Scientologist]]s are rumored to despise cats, and have accused them of being in cahoots with the [[batshit insane|Marcab Confederacy]]. [[Rorschach]]'s cat, Mudkips, was poisoned shortly after he (Carasov) was identified on a [[CO$]] video.  Naturally the cat, a stray whom Carasov fed, was a mortal threat to Scientologists everywhere and was also most likely a [[lolwut|suppressive feline]], therefore it was immediately designated fair game and was terminated by [[Tom Cruise]]. Cruise failed to destroy or even affect the cat using his OTVIII [[mind control]] powers, proving yet again that the cat itself was a deadly conundrum for CO$ followers everywhere, so he instead resorted to poisoning Mudkips by adding ammonia to the food that Carasov was leaving out for him - no, [[srsly]].  These events were documented in the forthcoming Mission: Impossible-IV which, like its predecessors, was a box office smash.


==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
[[File:YourCatIsTryingToKillYou.jpg|thumb|300px|Your cat is trying to kill you.]]
[[image:MurderKitten.png|350px|right]]
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly Topeka, KS, following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet. Only a fascist, democratic, rebel, [[Jewish]], or god fearing soul would dare write such a blasphemous and obvious fabrication, as all cats are inherently powerful, and any attempt to submerge a holy Cat in liquid would necessarily be followed by swift, dishonorable evisceration of all parties involved. LONGCAT IS ALL. ALL FOR LONGCAT.
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly [[WBC|Topeka, KS]], following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weeaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet.
   
   
*DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
'''Day 752''': My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
*DAY 761 - Today my attempt to [[kill]] my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite [[chair]]...must try this on their pillow.
*DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body,in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]
*DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
*DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
*DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than [[happy]] to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time.......
<br clear="all" />


==Ancient Folklore==
'''Day 761''': Today my attempt to [[kill]] my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite [[chair]]...must try this on their pillow.
[[Image:Nazicat.jpg|thumb|200px|Nazicat]][[Image:Jewcat.jpg‎ |thumb|200px|Jewcat at bay]]
Cats have been associated with a variety of superstitions for [[over 9000|over 9,000 years]], and [[some argue]] that this is due to them having a [[it is a mystery|mysterious]] nature, while others maintain that it is simply because all cats are badass motherfuckers with special powers and [[shit]].


Cats are often even associated with the ancient [[asian]] [http://garfieldlostintranslation.blogspot.com art of zen].
'''Day 765''': Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]


Indeed, there have been several very influential cats revealed on the [[Internets]], including [[Longcat]] and [[Ceiling_Cat|Ceiling Cat]]. Others, such as [[Serious_Cat|Serious Cat]] or [[BIKECAT]] are merely henchmen with less significant abilities.
'''Day 768''': I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.


Until recently it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path. However, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a black person ''man'' crosses your path, and subsequently you will die.
'''Day 771''': There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.


==Ship Cats==
'''Day 774''': I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The [[bird]] on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...
It is a long standing tradition to get a cat when going away to sea. There are multiple reasons for this.
*They [[pwn]] mice
*They are [[lulz|lulzy]]
*They stop the crew from going batshit insane
*They keep everyone happy
:*Objections to the continual [[Gay|sodomy]] on board can be answered with, 'Hell! at least we are not swiving the CAT!!!'
:*(Later, the speaker will swive the cat.)
*They are [[AWESOME]]
*They can play the piano, like [[Keyboard Cat]].


=="Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit==
==Galleries==
===Animated===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Animated|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
File:Kitten burrito.gif|Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
File:OMGItWasYou.gif
File:Cat kick.gif
File:wtfcats.gif|Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
</gallery>|}}<br>


{{Squote|CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. |Ambroce Bierce|The Devils Dictionary|color=silver|size=360%|textSize=85%|textColor=red|textSize=200%|sourceColor=green|sourceSize=100%}}  
===Captioned===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Captioned|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Frank.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Hey_Carl.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Nope.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Retailer.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Tail.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>


<center><youtube>KCPA__l-pWc</youtube></center>
===Fauxpics===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Fauxpics|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:LOL Cats - Captions - Meowls.jpg|After the "Owl and the pussycat"
File:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
File:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
File:Kittyaww.jpg|bread
File:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
</gallery>|}}<br>


You can also pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your [[Citty Glitter|cat has been set on fire]] and ask them to donate money to your PayPal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because:
===Costumes===
*it raises [[money]]
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Costumes|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
*it raises [[lulz]]
File:.shadowcatbeing.jpg|[[Meanwhile]] in [[Japan]]...
*it creates [[Internet drama]]
File:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
*as long as you claim later [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html it's all a social experiment] then it's okay, right?
File:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]!!!
File:Stylist-cat.jpg| [[Muslim]] cat...
File:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
</gallery>|}}<br>


NB: There are a variety of options for raising [[money]] on [[LiveJournal]] by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
===General===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/General|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Covert_Operation_Kitty.jpg
File:snuggles the cat.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Domestic_Abuse_Kitties.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Glove_Snatcher.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_I_Refuse_To_Come_Down.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Lick_Lick.jpg
File:Mimsie.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>


You can make money on [[Facebook]] by pretending to kill your neighbor's cat then waiting for reward money for your name and outing yourself!
===Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Art|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:LOL Cats - Art - Avenger Cats.jpg|Ladies and [[The_Incredible_Hulk|Gentlecats]], [[Iron Man|The Avengers]]!
File:LOL_Cats_-_Apptils_And_Gravy.gif|Littil Newtin Is Lully
File:Gamer cat.PNG
File:Asian cats.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Comics_-_Best_Friend.png
</gallery>|}}<br>


<s>It is illegal to kill cats on [[Caturday]].</s> It's always illegal to kill cats.
===Disgusting & Disturbing===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Disturbing|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
File:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
File:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
File:Cat52.jpg|A Barrel Of Dead Cats
File:Kittypaint.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>


Fun Fact: /b/tards are jaded husks of human beings, able to crack jokes at everything from 9/11 to Rodney King, [[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser|but will go apeshit if you harm a cat]]. I guess when you're at your computer with nothing but a [[Rootbrian|2 hour break]] your only friends are your [[IRC|IRC channel]] and your diabetic cat. Top scientists are still speculating why this occurs, but leading studies usually point out they're [[Internet Tough Guy|basically full of shit]], considering the typical Btard mocks [[PETA]] mercilessly.
===Memes===
{{collapsegallery|[[User:Mr_Jonzz/SKC|See More]]|CatMemes|center|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
File:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
File:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
File:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
File:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
File:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
File:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
File:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
File:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
File:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
File:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
File:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
File:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
File:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
File:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
File:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
File:FactCat.png|Factcat
File:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
File:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
File:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
File:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
File:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
File:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
File:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
File:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
File:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
File:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
File:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
File:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
File:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
File:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
File:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
File:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
File:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
File:HipsterKitty1.jpg|[[Hipster Kitty]]
File:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
File:Maru4.jpg|[[Maru]]
File:Grumpy Cat had fun once - it was horrible.jpg|[[Grumpy Cat]]
File:Friday_the_13th_business_cat.png |[[Business Cat]]
File:Admiral Cat.jpg|Lenin cat
File:Hypnocat.jpg|All glory to the Hypnocat!
File:Kitty merchant.jpg|[[Happy Merchant|Merchant]]
</gallery>}}


==Sometime, Kitty Kill U==
==Cat Videos==
[[Image:Satan_Cat.jpg|thumb|left|220px|This is [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1046684/Meet-Yoda-cat-FOUR-ears.html Yoda] the Satan Cat in a stare-off with the [[Ceiling Cat]] over our very [[pokemans|souls]].]]
===General===
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|right|220px|[[hardcore|Montecore]] (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] [[furry|buttbuddies]]' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church_of_Fudge|Schwester]].]]
<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]], RIP. Her penchant for [[Carlos_Sousa_Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin.<br>''Who's laughing now, chulo?'']]
<youtube>PKffm2uI4dk</youtube>|
<youtube>_BRp7ezUqbI</youtube>|
<youtube>yRy3q8-NFfc</youtube>|
<youtube>Of2HU3LGdbo</youtube>}}</center>


==Galleries==
===Watermelon Noms===
{{cg|Namecats|namecatsgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
<center>{{fv|v2|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
Image:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
<youtube>sS93lar9_20</youtube>|
Image:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
<youtube>NXyyfhCzxGc</youtube>|
Image:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat</gallery>|<gallery>
<youtube>i3cHNObcEh8</youtube>|
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
<youtube>e3Qca-16HSM</youtube>|
Image:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
<youtube>J2pJHlew7rQ</youtube>}}</center>
Image:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
Image:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
Image:Nazicat.jpg|[[Nazicat]]
Image:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
Image:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
Image:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
Image:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
Image:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
Image:FactCat.png|Factcat
Image:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
Image:Arguecat.PNG|[[Arguecat]]
Image:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
Image:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
Image:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
Image:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
Image:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
Image:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
Image:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
Image:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
Image:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
Image:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
Image:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
Image:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
Image:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
Image:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
Image:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
Image:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
Image:Kid_Vs_Kat.png|Mr. Kat
Image:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
Image:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
Image:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]


{{cg|Classic Macros|classicmacrosgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Relevant.jpg|Indeed
===Sunflower Noms===
Image:Jesus Christ it's a lion Get In The Car!.jpg|[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!|Get in the car!]]
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
Image:IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES CAT.jpg|[[IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES?]]
<youtube>PLaeJahuySw</youtube>|
Image:Pokemans.jpg|He has [[Mudkip]] on his team.</gallery>|<gallery>
<youtube>c-jf62OuhFU</youtube>|
Image:Cat Moar Internets.jpg|Infant cats feed on [[internets]].  Only by providing internets can a cat-owner raise it to be worthy of [[Caturday]].
<youtube>a1FZPN3iTPs</youtube>|
Image:Zombiecat.jpg|Zombie Cat
<youtube>QNHKOpuewZk</youtube>|
Image:Suprise buttsecks cat.jpg|[[Rape|Oops!]]
<youtube>hxbWUfrqvyo</youtube>}}</center>
Image:I Has A Flavour Cat.jpg|As certified by [[AZN]]s
Image:Wtfdoocat.jpg|Whoopdefuckingdoocat [[DO NOT WANT|DOES NOT CARE]]
Image:Willitblend cat.jpg|[[Will it blend?|Nutritious and delicious!]]
Image:Burrito.jpg|Buritocat
Image:Coke_cat.jpg|[[cocaine|Deviatedseptum]]cat wants to party hard.
Image:Invisible bike.jpg|[[Invisible]] Bike
Image:Halp.jpg|Halp Meee!
Image:fuckthisshitcat.jpg|Fuck [[you]] too.
Image:Broccoli_cat.jpg|[[Moar]] [[Broccoli_dog|broccoli]]splz.
Image:MoarCAT.jpg|Moarcat wants moar.
Image:Inurfridgecat.jpg|Warning: cats will eat your delishuss foodz
Image:I'm delish.jpg|Only in [[Asia]]
Image:INDIAN.jpg|HAY GUISE
Image:QUESTIONCAT.JPG|QuestionCat
Image:Chikin cat.jpg|He's a chikin
Image:Imlink.jpg|He's Link.
Image:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
Image:Whathasbeenseen.jpg|[[Pain series|Painseries]]cat is not amused
Image:Doyouhasaflavorcat.jpg|Flavor testing tiem plees.
Image:TAKETHISCAT.jpg|Comes in handy on road trips.
Image:KINGCAT.jpg|For your image macro needs
Image:Hardday-mike.jpg|One more for the road.
Image:OMFG.jpg|OMFGcat
Image:Heavenlycat.jpg|Heavenlycat says: "Where is your God Now?"
Image:Aw man why did you do that cat.jpg|Aww maaaan
Image:Nuggetscy3.jpg|[[Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this|I can't believe you've done this]]
Image:Whoopdefuckingdoocat.jpg|WTFcat
Image:PicsPlzCat.jpg|He wants your n00dz.
Image:Kittyaww.jpg|[[^_^]]
Image:My Spider.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
Image:Bat country.jpg|[[Hunter S. Thompson|Huntercat]] knows the score.
Image:KeyboardKat.jpg|Earth's [[God|greatest]] weapon
Image:Cat scared.gif
Image:Kitteh rawr.gif
Image:Smitten.gif|Chipcat likes chip.
Image:Raepcat.jpg|[[Rape|Raep]]cat
Image:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
Image:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
Image:Catbaguette.jpg|[[Moar]] catbread.
Image:firecat.jpg|FireCat the sweater kitten
Image:Lenincat.jpg| [[Peter|Lenin Cat]]
Image:Hateseverythingcat.jpg|Hateseverything cat even hates [[you]].
Image:1179071074787.jpg|[[OM NOM NOM NOM]]
Image:Itaresnow.jpg|It are snow
Image:Morphballaquired.jpg|Metroidcat
Image:nosmoke.jpg|Some cats do not follow rules.
Image:TL;DR.jpg|[[TLDR]]cat
Image:Lookatmyfuckinballs.jpg|Look, dammit!
Image:Curiouscat.jpg|Curiouscat wants to know
Image:Asiancatapproves.jpg|[[weeaboo|Asiancat]] approving
Image:DiabeetusCat.jpg|[[Diabeetus|Wilford Brimley]] cat
Image:Plasticbagtrapcat.jpg|[[It's a trap]]!
Image:Poofkins.jpg|Poofkins
Image:Unsee.jpg|A common reaction to [[/b/]]
Image:Whore.png|Pimpcat takes no shit from his [[your mom|bitches]]
Image:Nyooom.JPG|Nyooom cat
Image:I lol'd.jpg|OMG funnay.  Now put your cock away, fgt</gallery>}}


{{cg|Computer Cats|computercatpicsgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Catmouse.jpg|delicious
===Cat video series===
Image:Tech support cat.jpg|[[Microsoft]] certified
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
Image:Cat-like typing.jpg|Spam machine!
<youtube>6POFCs-AOUQ</youtube>|
Image:Maccat.jpg|[[Mac]]Cat is pwning Windows</gallery>|<gallery>
<youtube>gIyacqEIDjI</youtube>|
Image:Pervert_cat2.jpg|Just Watching... meaoooo
<youtube>zi3xXEljKP4</youtube>|
Image:Wait ill fix it.jpg|It'll cost you, though
<youtube>1ek5EN1s08A</youtube>|
Image:Let me in.jpg|[[Crossmack|LOGGING IN WITH HIS MIND]]
<youtube>MqeKwKSq07g</youtube>|
Image:Mousepadcat.jpg|Don't be fooled!
<youtube>PVi2SGNsEwk</youtube>|
Image:Startkeycat.jpg|Lol, pwned
<youtube>kZXk-Gs-uAo</youtube>}}</center>
Image:Do not worry.jpg|Kitty fixxes you up!
Image:Megahurtz kitty.jpg|HAX
Image:Cat in tower.jpg|MOAR RAM
Image:Bluescreencat.jpg|MacCat is laughing at [[Windows|you]]
Image:Cailingcatiswatchingyouhibernate.jpg
Image:Placecathere.jpg|Follow instructions, plzkthx
Image:Dr33mcat.jpg|1337 cat!
Image:Haxxor cat.jpg|Haxxorcat
Image:Woops.jpg|Eh, still better than AOL tech support.
Image:Anykeycat.jpg|Lol, n00b
Image:Why.jpg|What a disappointment you became
Image:COMINT_cat.jpg|miauu..2U understand?
Image:Internet sensibilities cat.JPG|This cat suffers from a [[victim complex]]. Take pity on the kitty.
Image:Don't copy that floppy.jpg|Piracy is bad
Image:Grass_cat.gif
‎Image:Futurecats2.jpg
</gallery>}}


{{cg|Other Cats|roflcatzgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Kittyaww.jpg|[[^_^]]
===Cats Getting Bathed===
Image:My Spider.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
<center>
Image:Pwned_cat1.jpg|Felis Erectus.
{{fv|v4|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;
Image:Bat country.jpg|[[Hunter S. Thompson|Huntercat]] knows the score.</gallery>|<gallery>
|<youtube>_VfSl0iGAus</youtube>
Image:Bird and a cat daw.gif|D'AWWWWWWW
|<youtube>jQZtk-fCWQ4</youtube>
Image:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
}}
Image:Komachan_Speedy_Long_Cat_.jpg|New [[Animu]] [[Speedycat|Speedy]][[Longcat|Long]][[Cats|Cat]]
[[Lies|They love it!]]</center>
Image:Domestic violence cat.jpg|But even after being subjected to [[animal abuse]], your pussy will still love you. heart*heart*
Image:VaginaCat.png|Vagina Cat Does Not Want
Image:snipercat.jpg|[[bitches don't know]] bout snipercat's magic bullitz.
image:wetcat.jpg|wetcat [[do not want|does not want]]
Image:Anono cat.jpg|I is legion
Image:Upgraded cat.jpg|Cat 2.0
Image:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
Image:Plasticbagtrapcat.jpg|[[It's a trap]]!
Image:Caturdaynighfever.jpg|Travoltacat
Image:InternetCat.jpg|Nobody Luvs Him, whaaa!
Image:Gonna get raped cat.JPG|The warning came a bit too late
Image:Submarinecat.gif|Submarinercat wants your [[cock|periscope]] up.
Image:Subcat.jpg|Submarinercat and his blueprints.
Image:PedoCat.jpg|PedoCat
Image:WTFcat.jpg|WTF cat is WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK
Image:O o-.jpg|o_O
Image:OutOfMyBase.jpg|Fuck off n00b.
Image:Free Cat.jpg|A free cat
Image:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
Image:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
Image:Harblcat.jpg|Bedcat: in ur bed, strokin' [[harbl]]
Image:Seriosekitn.jpg|Seriose kitn
Image:Kaiser_Chief_Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler|Kaisercat]]
Image:Schrodinger.jpg|[[Schrödinger's cat]]
Image:Ice_kitten.jpg|An easy way to transport your pet
Image:Cat catcher.jpg
Image:ZombieCat.jpg|<del>Zombie Cat</del> [[Longcat]]
Image:Inmypooperkitten.jpg|[[put it in her pooper|Pooper]]kitten is not happy
Image:PETAcat.jpg|PETA Cat
Image:Crampedcat.jpg|Cramped Cat
Image:BeerGlassCat.jpg|Beer Glass Cat
Image:B00bzCat.jpg|b00bzCat wants UR n00dz.
Image:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
Image:OICCAT.gif|O I C wut u did thar
Image:Kung fu cat.JPG|[[Kung fu]] cat will show you his moves!
Image:Hallwaycat.gif|Hallwaycat is in ur hallways, eatin ur children
Image:Supcat.jpg|Supcat wants to know, [[Sup]].
Image:Giant Mutant Cat.jpg|Giant Mutant Cat
Image:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]
Image:Luckiest-cat.jpg|Lucky cat
Image:Lord_Happycat.jpg|Lord Happycat of Happyciecster
Image:Rapecat.jpg|Rapecat is about to get imminent on that ass.
Image:CHANGECAT.jpg
Image:CHARLESCAT.jpg|[[The Juggernaut|Juggercat]] wants you to stay out of his head.
Image:COPAFEEL.jpg
Image:Drainage.jpg
Image:Im-in-ur-truck.jpg
Image:Ascension.jpg
Image:Hairz.jpg
Image:Snowcat.jpg
Image:MINDREAD.jpg
Image:Planttrim.jpg
Image:Treachery29.jpg
Image:Helium.jpg|The floaty-light
Image:Dictionary Cat.jpg|Some cats liek to read dictionaries.
Image:Gambling Cat.jpg|Some cats have gambling problems.
Image:Catbus.jpg|Catbus is everybody's favorite mode of transport.
Image:Cat_sandwich.jpg|Cat sandwich
Image:Japancat.jpg|Japancat is stuck in a tree :-(
Image:Unhappycat.jpg|=(
Image:Donotwantcat.jpg
Image:Toupetcat.jpg
Image:Boozecat.JPG|Boozer cat needs his fix
Image:Yarrcat.jpg|Kitty's confused
Image:Spam cat.jpg|[[Spam]]cat got gipped!
Image:Santa-cat.jpg|Teh Santa Cat noes waht joo want 4 xmas!!!1!
Image:Please me.jpg|Moar!
Image:Lol internet cat.jpg|Lololol
Image:Catsex.jpg|Inly an [[Azn|Osia]]
Image:Emoticat.jpg|[[Emoticon|:)]]
Image:Godspeedmooncatsm7.jpg|moar Mooncat
Image:Edumacation.jpg|Public education cat needs to learn more
Image:Yiffcat.jpg|[[Yiff]]cat is not amused!
Image:Vtec cat.jpg|[[VTEC Just Kicked In Yo]]
Image:Shamed cat.jpg|[[Sonic]] suicided with bricks and knives
Image:Japan in trouble.jpg|[[BIKECAT]] senses danger
Image:Save japan.jpg|Hurry!
Image:Khan cat japan.jpg
Image:Dognightmare.jpg|Every dogs worst nightmare.
Image:Hardworkkitty.jpg|Kitty works hard for her money
Image:Mapquest_cats.jpg|WTF!!! This are not Caturday!!!
Image:Douchecat.jpg|Sportycat knows you are holding the team back
Image:CyclopsKitten.jpg|Cyclops cat is watching you.
Image:Proceedcat.jpg|...proceed.
Image:Y_u_do_cat.jpg|Y U DO DAT?
Image:Halpmeh.jpg|halp meh
Image:Cat diswasher.jpg
Image:Lol_cat.jpg
Image:Tubekitten.jpg
Image:SandcatNotamused.JPG|Sand cat is not amused, either.
Image:Omg negroes cat.jpg
Image:Racism cat.jpg|[[No niggers]]
Image:Chingchong cat.jpg
Image:Stfu cat.jpg|[[STFU]]cat says STFU
Image:Abandon ship!.png
Image:Catgasm.jpg|Dr. Kinsey-cat sees through your lies, [[woman]]
Image:Kitty Eat Internets.jpg|Nomnomnomnom
Image:I-has-a-real-doll.jpg|ZOMG [[realdoll]]
Image:Pissoffmoogle.PNG|Pissoffcat says "[[Piss]] Off [[Bitch]]!"
Image:Masterlock.jpg|Nobody escapes ethe masterlock!!
Image:Tomatocat.jpg|Double-check your gardens.
Image:Invisbukkake.jpg|Pussy- n; sperm receptacle.
Image:RAGECAT.png|[[RAGE]] CAT hates you too.
Image:Butthurt delivery cat.jpg|OMG NO!
Image:Internet argument.jpg
Image:Vareareyourpapersjew.jpg
Image:JEW.jpg
Image:Agressive vs. defensive.jpg
Image:Missed me a bus cat.jpg
Image:Desucat.jpg|[[Desu]]
Image:Callouscat.jpg
Image:Wtfrudoin.jpg
Image:Spicecat.jpg
Image:Sorrydave.jpg
Image:Spaz_cat.JPG|A simple cat.
Image:BaconCat.JPG|Bacon cat
Image:Dune-cat.jpg
Image:Terrirst cat.jpg|[[Terror]]
Image:Jihadcat.jpg|Typical muslim cat.
Image:Just_a_cat.png|Eventually, cold hard reality sometimes sets in.
Image:Samurai Pizza Cats.gif|Cats deliver pizza
Image:Pussinboots.jpg|Cute incarnate in Shrek, to draw the ladies to a movie about a [[You|fat disgusting ogre]].
Image:CatTard.JPG|HURRRRR
Image:AnonCat.PNG|AnonCat
Image:Kittycat.gif
Image:asian_cat.jpg|Asian cat is asian
Image:freshbitch-1.jpg|[[Anonymous|Cavities]] don't fuck with cats.
Image:bambitch-1.jpg|Some cats are actually ninjas in disguise
Image:Isabelle.jpg|It Are Cat
Image:IRAprettycloud.jpg|
Image:That's nice.jpg
Image:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Image:Catclog.jpg|Call a Plumper!
Image:Desu cat.jpg|[[DESU]]!
Image:catjesus.jpg|BEHOLD I AM CAT JESUS
Image:This pig is most delicious.jpg
Image:Exploitable cats.jpg|Reaction cats
Image:Pocketkitteh.jpg|Pocket kitty
Image:HOW DO WE KILL SUPERMAN?.jpg
Image:The macro maker.png|The guy that makes all these horrible macros
Image:Fuck you i am cat.png
Image:ShoRyuKen_Cat.jpg|For Great Justice.
Image:33lb_Cat.jpg|"Hurro...I'm 33 PoundCat and here is the news."
Image:Pew pew pew.jpg|[[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|HESA FIRIN HIS LAZER]]
Image:Invisible deep throat.png|[[Invisible]] deep throat
Image:SawsidgeNOMNOM.jpg|delishuss sawsidge
Image:Abortion cat.jpg|Better not tell the [[fundie]]s
Image:Rawrcat.jpg|[[Lion|JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION!  GET IN THE CAR!]]
Image:A most educated kitten.jpg|Fourth Year Theoretical Physics Degree Cat
Image:CatComic.jpg|Difficult to spell
File:CatGoingWuuut.gif
Image:Kid_Vs_Kat.png|Mr. Kat
File:Domestic house cat.jpg|[[Shit Bricks|A domestic house cat]].
Image:Cat_killer.jpg‎|Sometimes gets mad
</gallery>}}{{clear}}


==See Also==
==See Also==
[[File:Thawing Cat.jpg|thumb|cats hate water for a reason...]]
[[image:Cool4Cats.png|250px|right|:3]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
 
*[[Bincat]]
*[[Badmachine]] - An ED user who has a notable love of cats.
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Business Cat]]
*[[Camrose Cat Killers]]
*[[California Pet Laws 1/1/19]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Catnarok]]
*[[Catnarok]]
Line 387: Line 206:
*[[Caturday]]
*[[Caturday]]
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[Inception Cat]]
*[[Invisible]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[Kittens]]
*[[Kittens]]
*[[LaraTheDarkAngel]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
*[[NEDM]]
*[[OMGWTFBBQCATS]]
*[[OMGWTFBBQCATS]]
*[[Schrödinger's cat]]
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[TrashCat]]
*[[Tyler Weinman]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Wang Jeu]]
 
*[[Zippocat]]
===Things That Make Kitty Sad===
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[BlueCatRiolu]]
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Chase 'No Face']]
*[[Snake|Cucumber]]
*[[Dog]]s
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[NEDM]]
*[[Rorschach#Co.24_killed_Rorschach.27s_cat_Mudkips_NEVAR_4GET|Mudkips the Cat]]
*[[Schrödinger's cat]]
* [[Zippocat]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/index.html?flow=yes Many cats, oh yes.]
* {{UkrED|Кіт|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
*[http://www.catster.com Catster: a place for scratching furniture.]
*[http://current.com/community/90633834_bad-kitty-fla-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads.htm Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://infinitecat.com The Infinite Cat Project.]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20110221140620/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Cat ED's old Cat article]
*[http://www.themoggy.com/solos1.htm The Sleeping Cat Olympics]
*[http://kittenwar.com Kittenwar!]
*[http://bbqcats.mine.nu OMGWTFBBQCATS?]
*[http://www.stuffonmycat.com Stuff + Cats = Awesome]
*[http://www.kibo.com/exegesis/panty_cat.shtml Panty Cat: <i>"I don't understand why a cat sniffing panties is funny... it just is."</i>]
*[http://erroraccessdenied.com/funnyanimals Moar catz]
*[http://www.nobeliefs.com/cat.htm NoBeliefs]
*[http://www.thecuteproject.com Some semi-decent ones without the lols that will some day make it to the galleries above]
*[http://www.randomkittengenerator.com You can literally waste hours of your life here.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WMGFni8bX8 There is a community of cats called Catland]
*[http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Leviticus_18#22 lolcatbible.com ... Recently discovered texts show cats may have written the bible]
 
===News===
*[http://newsok.com/fla.-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads/article/3391170?custom_click=rss/ Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090713/sc_livescience/catsdocontrolhumansstudyfinds New study finds that cats are taking over the world]
 
===LiveJournal===
*[http://community.livejournal.com/brutal_honesty/2803162.html Cruelty involving cats will offend even borderline trolls.  OSCAR: NEVAR FORGET]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/ljgenie/464803.html "help me or kitty gets it"]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/glamur_koshki/ Just Cats.]


{{cat}}
{{cat}}
{{animals}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2006]]|[[Jake Brahm]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Wigger]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2006]]|[[Jake Brahm]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Wigger]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 8 & 9, [[2012]]|[[Kloeri]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[JEWS DID WTC]]}}
{{Timeline|Article of the Now September 20 & 21, [[2022]]|[[Kirtaner]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Doom]]}}


[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]

Latest revision as of 19:54, 9 April 2025

The Ancient Egyptians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.

Cats are furry ornaments vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to die alone. They serve as child substitutes for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever social media site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are lazy, antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied cynics that overreact to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called Kittens

Hazards

Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a black man crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.

Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people distress (most, not all). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his diabolical deeds, the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives and eating their owners.

Keep out of reach of children
Montecore (center) took umbrage at two German buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his Schwester
Tatiana: Her penchant for SOUSAge was to be her ruin

Killing Cats for Fun and Profit

Insert at your nearest river

As city glitter has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on LiveJournal that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your PayPal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because it raises money, creates internet drama, and as long as you claim later it's all a social experiment, it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your pussy is on fire.

But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any Caturday thread on 4chan, and moralfaggotry and rage typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are Kenny Glenn and Luka Magnotta.

Excerpts From a Cat's Diary

The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly Topeka, KS, following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile weeaboo, deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent jenkem diet.

Day 752: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their pillow.

Day 765: Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day 768: I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...

Galleries

Animated

  • Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
    Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
  • Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
    Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
  • Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
    Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Captioned

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Fauxpics

  • After the "Owl and the pussycat"
    After the "Owl and the pussycat"
  • Also Link
    Also Link
  • I surrender!
    I surrender!
  • bread
    bread
  • The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
    The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Costumes

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


General

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Disgusting & Disturbing

  • Don't make me kill it.
    Don't make me kill it.
  • Jew
    Jew
  • Fagcat is a faggot
    Fagcat is a faggot
  • A Barrel Of Dead Cats
    A Barrel Of Dead Cats
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Memes

Cat Videos

General

Previous Video | Next Video

Watermelon Noms

Previous Video | Next Video

Sunflower Noms

Previous Video | Next Video

Cat video series

Previous Video | Next Video

Cats Getting Bathed

Previous Video | Next Video

They love it!

See Also

:3
:3

Things That Make Kitty Sad

Cat is part of a series on Internet Cats

A Cat Is Fine Too • Almost-Chan • Arguecat • Arrow Cats • Basement Cat • Berry And Friends • Bikecat • Bincat • Binkers • Bonsai Kitten • Bukkake Milk • Burger • Business Cat • Cat in Microwave • Cat on a keyboard in space • Catnarok • Caturday • Ceiling Cat • Chase 'No Face' • Colonel Meow • Covercat • Dangerous Kitten • Death Cat • Dodge Cat • Drillcat • Emo Cat • Fishing Cat • FLOATERCAT • Frinkle • Garfield • Grumpy Cat • Happycat • Hipster Kitty • If it fits I sits • Inception Cat • Jarcat • Jewcat • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Keyboard Cat • Kitler • Lasercat • Lenincat • Lil Bub • Limecat • Lioncash • Longcat • Maru • Monorail Cat • Mutant Cats • Nyan Cat • Octocat • Orvillecopter • Peter • Poko Ono • Pusheen • Scuba • Secret Kitty Club • Serious Cat • Shironeko • Shocked and Appalled Cat • Shortcat • Shotacat • Silencer Cat • Spaghetti Cat • Speedycat • Stalking Cat • Standing Cat • Starecat • Stalking Cat • Stubbs the mayorcat • Tacgnol • That Fucking Cat • Trollcats • Tubcat • Tulip • Weathercat • Wisdom Cat • YOUR CAT • Zippocat

Cat
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves

Featured article October 24, 2006
Preceded by
Jake Brahm 		Cat Succeeded by
Wigger
Featured article August 7, 2009
Preceded by
The Real Chris Chan‎ 		Cat Succeeded by
Bug Chasers‎
Featured article September 8 & 9, 2012
Preceded by
Kloeri 		Cat Succeeded by
JEWS DID WTC
Article of the Now September 20 & 21, 2022
Preceded by
Kirtaner 		Cat Succeeded by
Doom
Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Cat&oldid=1918235"