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[[Image:Blackshatecats.gif|thumb|200px|'''Cat''': ''n''. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. -[[The Devil's Dictionary|Ambroce Bierce]]]]
{{corner|br|[[File:Cornercat.png‎|75px]]}}
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Insert at your nearest river]]
'''Cats''' are [[furry]] ornaments signaling someone who fucks up in life and will [[dying alone|die alone]]. Being [[childfree|child-substitutes]] for lonely homos and dykes, said [[Jameth|fags]] like to photograph their cats and [[post]] the pictures in Facebook. And because all internet users are antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied, pussies that overreact to everything, '''cats''' became the official animal of the internet.
<center>__TOC__</center>


==Dangers==
[[File:Egyptian Pyramids.png|thumb|right|The Ancient [[Egypt]]ians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.]]
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black '''cat''' crossed your path. However, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[Nigger|black '''man''']] crosses your path, as cats are completely useless.


Because their claws and teeth are just for show, '''cats'''' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk. Pointing it at their target will cause most people to [[DO NOT WANT|weird out]]; ''most'', not [[furries|all]]. Once they turn away, the '''cat''' will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives] and eating their owners.
'''Cats''' are <del>[[furry]] ornaments</del> vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to [[dying alone|die alone]]. They serve as [[childfree|child substitutes]] for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever [[social media]] site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are [[lazy]], [[antisocial]], [[ego]]centric, never-satisfied [[depression|cynics]] that [[snowflake|overreact]] to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called [[Kittens]]
 
__TOC__{{clear}}
 
==Hazards==
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[nigger|black ''man'']] crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.
 
Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people [[DO NOT WANT|distress]] (''most'', [[furries|not all]]). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives] and eating their owners.
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|right|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|right|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Montecore (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church of Fudge|Schwester]]]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Montecore (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church of Fudge|Schwester]]]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]


=="Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit==
==Killing Cats for Fun and Profit==
[[File:YourCatIsTryingToKillYou.jpg|thumb|350px|Your cat is trying to kill you. Take it out before you're the next thing buried in its litter box.]]
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Insert at your nearest river]]
As [[City glitter]] has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been set on fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because:
As [[city glitter]] has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because it raises [[money]], creates [[internet drama]], and as long as you [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html claim later] it's all a [[social experiment]], it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
*it raises [[money]]
*it raises [[lulz]]
*it creates [[internet drama]]
*as long as you [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html claim later] it's all a [[social experiment]], it's okay.
 
Note: There are a variety of options for raising [[money]] on [[LiveJournal]] by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
 
For some, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any [[Caturday]] thread on [[4chan]], and [[moralfag]]gotry and [[RAGE|rage]] typically follow.
 
An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act, and upload the video to the [[Internet Hate Machine|Internet]]. Here is an incomplete list of people who have utilized this method to great effect:


*[[Kenny Glenn]]
But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any [[Caturday]] thread on [[4chan]], and [[moralfag]]gotry and [[RAGE|rage]] typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are [[Kenny Glenn]] and [[Luka Magnotta]].
*[[Luka Magnotta]]
*[[Zippocat]]


==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
[[image:MurderKitten.png|350px|right]]
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly [[WBC|Topeka, KS]], following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weeaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet.
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly [[WBC|Topeka, KS]], following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weeaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet.
   
   
Line 40: Line 32:
'''Day 765''': Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]
'''Day 765''': Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]


'''Day 768''': I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[Furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
'''Day 768''': I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.


'''Day 771''': There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
'''Day 771''': There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.


'''Day 774''': I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than [[happy]] to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...
'''Day 774''': I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The [[bird]] on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...


==Galleries==
==Galleries==
{{cg|Newfag shit|Newfag Cat gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
===Animated===
Image:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Animated|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Dancing cats.gif|Isn't it sad what people do in their spare time these days?
File:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
File:Kitten burrito.gif|Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
File:OMGItWasYou.gif
File:OMGItWasYou.gif
File:Surrender cat.jpg
File:Cat kick.gif
File:Cat Machine Gun.gif
File:wtfcats.gif|Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Imlink.jpg|He's Link.
 
Image:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
===Captioned===
Image:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Captioned|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Kittyaww.jpg|[[^_^]]
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Frank.jpg
Image:Cat Hat.jpg|Warning: Doing this will result with your IQ dropping ten points
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Hey_Carl.jpg
Image:Willitblend cat.jpg|[[Will it blend?|Nutritious and delicious!]]
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Nope.jpg
Image:Bird and a cat daw.gif
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Retailer.jpg
Image:Suprise buttsecks cat.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Tail.jpg
Image:Relevant.jpg|Indeed
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Jesus Christ it's a lion Get In The Car!.jpg|[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!|Get in the car!]]
 
Image:IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES CAT.jpg|[[IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES?]]
===Fauxpics===
Image:Pokemans.jpg|He has [[Mudkip]] on his team.
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Fauxpics|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Cat Moar Internets.jpg|Infant cats feed on [[internets]].  Only by providing internets can a cat-owner raise it to be worthy of [[Caturday]].
File:LOL Cats - Captions - Meowls.jpg|After the "Owl and the pussycat"
Image:Zombiecat.jpg|Zombie Cat
File:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
Image:I Has A Flavour Cat.jpg|As certified by [[AZN]]s
File:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
Image:Wtfdoocat.jpg|Whoopdefuckingdoocat [[DO NOT WANT|DOES NOT CARE]]
File:Kittyaww.jpg|bread
Image:Burrito.jpg|Buritocat
File:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
Image:Coke_cat.jpg|[[cocaine|Deviatedseptum]]cat wants to party hard.
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Invisible bike.jpg|[[Invisible]] Bike
 
Image:Halp.jpg|Halp Meee!
===Costumes===
Image:fuckthisshitcat.jpg|Fuck [[you]] too.
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Costumes|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Broccoli_cat.jpg|[[Moar]] [[Broccoli_dog|broccoli]]splz.
File:.shadowcatbeing.jpg|[[Meanwhile]] in [[Japan]]...
Image:MoarCAT.jpg|Moarcat wants moar.
File:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Image:Inurfridgecat.jpg|Warning: cats will eat your delishuss foodz
File:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]!!!
Image:I'm delish.jpg|Only in [[Asia]]
File:Stylist-cat.jpg| [[Muslim]] cat...
Image:INDIAN.jpg|HAY GUISE
File:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
Image:QUESTIONCAT.JPG|QuestionCat
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Chikin cat.jpg|He's a chikin
 
Image:Whathasbeenseen.jpg|[[Pain series|Painseries]]cat is not amused
===General===
Image:Doyouhasaflavorcat.jpg|Flavor testing tiem plees.
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/General|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:TAKETHISCAT.jpg|Comes in handy on road trips.
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Covert_Operation_Kitty.jpg
Image:KINGCAT.jpg|For your image macro needs
File:snuggles the cat.jpg
Image:Hardday-mike.jpg|One more for the road.
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Domestic_Abuse_Kitties.jpg
Image:OMFG.jpg|OMFGcat
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Glove_Snatcher.jpg
Image:Aw man why did you do that cat.jpg|Aww maaaan
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_I_Refuse_To_Come_Down.jpg
Image:Nuggetscy3.jpg|[[Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this|I can't believe you've done this]]
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Lick_Lick.jpg
Image:Whoopdefuckingdoocat.jpg|WTFcat
File:Mimsie.jpg
Image:PicsPlzCat.jpg|He wants your n00dz.
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:My Spider.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
 
Image:Bat country.jpg|[[Hunter S. Thompson|Huntercat]] knows the score.
===Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons===
Image:KeyboardKat.jpg|Earth's [[God|greatest]] weapon
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Art|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Cat scared.gif
File:LOL Cats - Art - Avenger Cats.jpg|Ladies and [[The_Incredible_Hulk|Gentlecats]], [[Iron Man|The Avengers]]!
Image:Kitteh rawr.gif
File:LOL_Cats_-_Apptils_And_Gravy.gif|Littil Newtin Is Lully
Image:Smitten.gif|Chipcat likes chip.
File:Gamer cat.PNG
Image:Raepcat.jpg|[[Rape|Raep]]cat
File:Asian cats.jpg
Image:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
File:LOL_Cats_-_Comics_-_Best_Friend.png
Image:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Catbaguette.jpg|[[Moar]] catbread.
 
Image:firecat.jpg|FireCat the sweater kitten
===Disgusting & Disturbing===
Image:Lenincat.jpg| [[Peter|Lenin Cat]]
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Disturbing|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Hateseverythingcat.jpg
File:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
Image:Itaresnow.jpg|It are snow
File:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
Image:TL;DR.jpg|[[TLDR]]cat
File:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
Image:Lookatmyfuckinballs.jpg|Look, dammit!
File:Cat52.jpg|A Barrel Of Dead Cats
Image:Asiancatapproves.jpg|[[weeaboo|Asiancat]] approving
File:Kittypaint.jpg
Image:DiabeetusCat.jpg|[[Diabeetus|Wilford Brimley]] cat
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Plasticbagtrapcat.jpg|[[It's a trap]]!
Image:Poofkins.jpg|Poofkins
Image:Unsee.jpg|A common reaction to [[/b/]]
Image:Whore.png|Pimpcat takes no shit from his [[your mom|bitches]]
Image:Nyooom.JPG|Nyooom cat
Image:I lol'd.jpg|OMG funnay. Now put your cock away, fgt
Image:Catmouse.jpg|delicious
Image:Tech support cat.jpg|[[Microsoft]] certified
Image:Cat-like typing.jpg|Spam machine!
Image:Maccat.jpg|[[Mac]]Cat is pwning Windows
Image:Pervert_cat2.jpg|Just Watching... meaoooo
Image:Wait ill fix it.jpg|It'll cost you, though
Image:Let me in.jpg|[[Crossmack|LOGGING IN WITH HIS MIND]]
Image:Mousepadcat.jpg|Don't be fooled!
Image:Startkeycat.jpg|Lol, pwned
Image:Do not worry.jpg|Kitty fixxes you up!
Image:Megahurtz kitty.jpg|HAX
Image:Cat in tower.jpg|MOAR RAM
Image:Bluescreencat.jpg|MacCat is laughing at [[Windows|you]]
Image:Cailingcatiswatchingyouhibernate.jpg
Image:Placecathere.jpg|Follow instructions, plzkthx
Image:Dr33mcat.jpg|1337 cat!
Image:Haxxor cat.jpg|Haxxorcat
Image:Woops.jpg|Eh, still better than AOL tech support.
Image:Anykeycat.jpg|Lol, n00b
Image:Internet sensibilities cat.JPG|This cat suffers from a [[victim complex]]. Take pity on the kitty.
Image:Don't copy that floppy.jpg|Piracy is bad
Image:Pwned_cat1.jpg|Felis Erectus.
File:Kittens Kill Superman.jpg
Image:Abortion cat.jpg|Better not tell the [[fundie]]s
Image:Rawrcat.jpg|[[Lion|JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION!  GET IN THE CAR!]]
Image:A most educated kitten.jpg|Fourth Year Theoretical Physics Degree Cat
Image:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
Image:Komachan_Speedy_Long_Cat_.jpg|New [[Animu]] [[Speedycat|Speedy]][[Longcat|Long]][[Cats|Cat]]
Image:Domestic violence cat.jpg|But even after being subjected to [[animal abuse]], your pussy will still love you. heart*heart*
Image:VaginaCat.png|Vagina Cat Does Not Want
Image:snipercat.jpg|[[bitches don't know]] bout snipercat's magic bullitz.
image:wetcat.jpg|wetcat [[do not want|does not want]]
Image:Anono cat.jpg|I is legion
Image:Upgraded cat.jpg|Cat 2.0
Image:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
Image:Caturdaynighfever.jpg|Travoltacat
Image:InternetCat.jpg|Nobody Luvs Him, whaaa!
Image:Gonna get raped cat.JPG|The warning came a bit too late
Image:Submarinecat.gif|Submarinercat wants your [[cock|periscope]] up.
Image:Subcat.jpg|Submarinercat and his blueprints.
Image:PedoCat.jpg|PedoCat
Image:WTFcat.jpg|WTF cat is WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK
Image:O o-.jpg|o_O
Image:OutOfMyBase.jpg|Fuck off n00b.
Image:Free Cat.jpg|A free cat
Image:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
Image:Harblcat.jpg|Bedcat: in ur bed, strokin' [[harbl]]
Image:Seriosekitn.jpg|Seriose kitn
Image:Kaiser_Chief_Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler|Kaisercat]]
Image:Schrodinger.jpg|[[Schrödinger's cat]]
Image:Ice_kitten.jpg|An easy way to transport your pet
Image:Cat catcher.jpg
Image:ZombieCat.jpg|<del>Zombie Cat</del> [[Longcat]]
Image:Inmypooperkitten.jpg|[[put it in her pooper|Pooper]]kitten is not happy
Image:PETAcat.jpg|PETA Cat
Image:Crampedcat.jpg|Cramped Cat
Image:BeerGlassCat.jpg|Beer Glass Cat
Image:B00bzCat.jpg|b00bzCat wants UR n00dz.
Image:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
Image:OICCAT.gif|O I C wut u did thar
Image:Kung fu cat.JPG|[[Kung fu]] cat will show you his moves!
Image:Hallwaycat.gif|Hallwaycat is in ur hallways, eatin ur children
Image:Supcat.jpg|Supcat wants to know, [[Sup]].
Image:Giant Mutant Cat.jpg|Giant Mutant Cat
Image:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]
Image:Luckiest-cat.jpg|Lucky cat
Image:Lord_Happycat.jpg|Lord Happycat of Happyciecster
Image:Rapecat.jpg|Rapecat is about to get imminent on that ass.
Image:CHANGECAT.jpg
Image:CHARLESCAT.jpg|[[The Juggernaut|Juggercat]] wants you to stay out of his head.
Image:COPAFEEL.jpg
Image:Drainage.jpg
Image:Im-in-ur-truck.jpg
Image:Ascension.jpg
Image:Hairz.jpg
Image:Snowcat.jpg
Image:MINDREAD.jpg
Image:Planttrim.jpg
Image:Treachery29.jpg
Image:Helium.jpg|The floaty-light
Image:Dictionary Cat.jpg|Some cats liek to read dictionaries.
Image:Gambling Cat.jpg|Some cats have gambling problems.
Image:Catbus.jpg|Catbus is everybody's favorite mode of transport.
Image:Cat_sandwich.jpg|Cat sandwich
Image:Japancat.jpg|Japancat is stuck in a tree :-(
Image:Unhappycat.jpg|=(
Image:Donotwantcat.jpg
Image:Toupetcat.jpg
Image:Boozecat.JPG|Boozer cat needs his fix
Image:Yarrcat.jpg|Kitty's confused
Image:Spam cat.jpg|[[Spam]]cat got gipped!
Image:Santa-cat.jpg|Teh Santa Cat noes waht joo want 4 xmas!!!1!
Image:Please me.jpg|Moar!
Image:Lol internet cat.jpg|Lololol
Image:Catsex.jpg|Inly an [[Azn|Osia]]
Image:Emoticat.jpg|[[Emoticon|:)]]
Image:Godspeedmooncatsm7.jpg|moar Mooncat
Image:Edumacation.jpg|Public education cat needs to learn more
Image:Yiffcat.jpg|[[Yiff]]cat is not amused!
Image:Vtec cat.jpg|[[VTEC Just Kicked In Yo]]
Image:Shamed cat.jpg|[[Sonic]] suicided with bricks and knives
Image:Japan in trouble.jpg|[[BIKECAT]] senses danger
Image:Save japan.jpg|Hurry!
Image:Khan cat japan.jpg
Image:Dognightmare.jpg|Every dogs worst nightmare.
Image:Hardworkkitty.jpg|Kitty works hard for her money
Image:Mapquest_cats.jpg|WTF!!! This are not Caturday!!!
Image:Douchecat.jpg|Sportycat knows you are holding the team back
Image:CyclopsKitten.jpg|Cyclops cat is watching you.
Image:Proceedcat.jpg|...proceed.
Image:Y_u_do_cat.jpg|Y U DO DAT?
Image:Halpmeh.jpg|halp meh
Image:Cat diswasher.jpg
Image:Lol_cat.jpg
Image:Tubekitten.jpg
Image:SandcatNotamused.JPG|Sand cat is not amused, either.
Image:Omg negroes cat.jpg
Image:Racism cat.jpg|[[No niggers]]
Image:Chingchong cat.jpg
Image:Stfu cat.jpg|[[STFU]]cat says STFU
Image:Abandon ship!.png
Image:Catgasm.jpg|Dr. Kinsey-cat sees through your lies, [[woman]]
Image:Kitty Eat Internets.jpg|Nomnomnomnom
Image:I-has-a-real-doll.jpg|ZOMG [[realdoll]]
Image:Pissoffmoogle.PNG|Pissoffcat says "[[Piss]] Off [[Bitch]]!"
Image:Masterlock.jpg|Nobody escapes ethe masterlock!!
Image:Tomatocat.jpg|Double-check your gardens.
Image:Invisbukkake.jpg|Pussy- n; sperm receptacle.
Image:RAGECAT.png|[[RAGE]] CAT hates you too.
Image:Butthurt delivery cat.jpg|OMG NO!
Image:Internet argument.jpg
Image:Vareareyourpapersjew.jpg
Image:JEW.jpg
Image:Agressive vs. defensive.jpg
Image:Missed me a bus cat.jpg
Image:Desucat.jpg|[[Desu]]
Image:Callouscat.jpg
Image:Wtfrudoin.jpg
Image:Spicecat.jpg
Image:Sorrydave.jpg
Image:Spaz_cat.JPG|A simple cat.
Image:BaconCat.JPG|Bacon cat
Image:Dune-cat.jpg
Image:Terrirst cat.jpg|[[Terror]]  
Image:Jihadcat.jpg|Typical muslim cat.
Image:Just_a_cat.png|Eventually, cold hard reality sometimes sets in.
Image:Samurai Pizza Cats.gif|Cats deliver pizza
Image:Pussinboots.jpg|Cute incarnate in Shrek, to draw the ladies to a movie about a [[You|fat disgusting ogre]].
Image:CatTard.JPG|HURRRRR
Image:AnonCat.PNG|AnonCat
Image:Kittycat.gif
Image:asian_cat.jpg|Asian cat is asian
Image:freshbitch-1.jpg|[[Anonymous|Cavities]] don't fuck with cats.
Image:bambitch-1.jpg|Some cats are actually ninjas in disguise
Image:Isabelle.jpg|It Are Cat
Image:IRAprettycloud.jpg|
Image:That's nice.jpg
Image:Catclog.jpg|Call a Plumper!
Image:Desu cat.jpg|[[DESU]]!
Image:catjesus.jpg|BEHOLD I AM CAT JESUS
Image:This pig is most delicious.jpg
Image:Exploitable cats.jpg|Reaction cats
Image:Pocketkitteh.jpg|Pocket kitty
Image:The macro maker.png|The guy that makes all these horrible macros
Image:Fuck you i am cat.png
Image:ShoRyuKen_Cat.jpg|For Great Justice.
Image:33lb_Cat.jpg|"Hurro...I'm 33 PoundCat and here is the news."
Image:Pew pew pew.jpg|[[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|HESA FIRIN HIS LAZER]]
Image:Invisible deep throat.png|[[Invisible]] deep throat
Image:SawsidgeNOMNOM.jpg|delishuss sawsidge
File:CatGoingWuuut.gif
File:Domestic house cat.jpg|A domestic house cat
File:Baseball Kitten.jpg|They also make excellent projectiles
Image:COMINT_cat.jpg|miauu..2U understand?
Image:Grass_cat.gif
‎Image:Futurecats2.jpg
File:Thawing Cat.jpg|Cats hate water for a reason
</gallery>}}
{{clear}}
<br>


{{cg|More newfag shit, "Memes" to be exact|Cat memes gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
===Memes===
Image:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
{{collapsegallery|[[User:Mr_Jonzz/SKC|See More]]|CatMemes|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
File:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
Image:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
File:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
Image:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
File:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
Image:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
File:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
File:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
File:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
Image:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
File:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
Image:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
Image:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
File:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
Image:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
File:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
Image:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
File:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
Image:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
File:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
Image:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
File:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
Image:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
Image:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
File:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
Image:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
File:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
Image:FactCat.png|Factcat
File:FactCat.png|Factcat
Image:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
File:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
Image:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
File:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
Image:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
File:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
Image:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
File:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
Image:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
File:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
Image:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
File:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
Image:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
File:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
Image:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
File:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
Image:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
File:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
Image:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
File:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
Image:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
File:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
Image:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
File:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
Image:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
File:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
Image:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
File:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
Image:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
File:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
Image:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
File:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
Image:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
File:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
Image:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
File:HipsterKitty1.jpg|[[Hipster Kitty]]
File:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
File:Maru4.jpg|[[Maru]]
File:Grumpy Cat had fun once - it was horrible.jpg|[[Grumpy Cat]]
File:Friday_the_13th_business_cat.png |[[Business Cat]]
File:Admiral Cat.jpg|Lenin cat
File:Hypnocat.jpg|All glory to the Hypnocat!
File:Kitty merchant.jpg|[[Happy Merchant|Merchant]]
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
{{clear}}
 
<br>
==Cat Videos==
===General===
<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>PKffm2uI4dk</youtube>|
<youtube>_BRp7ezUqbI</youtube>|
<youtube>yRy3q8-NFfc</youtube>|
<youtube>Of2HU3LGdbo</youtube>}}</center>
 
===Watermelon Noms===
<center>{{fv|v2|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>sS93lar9_20</youtube>|
<youtube>NXyyfhCzxGc</youtube>|
<youtube>i3cHNObcEh8</youtube>|
<youtube>e3Qca-16HSM</youtube>|
<youtube>J2pJHlew7rQ</youtube>}}</center>
 
===Sunflower Noms===
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>PLaeJahuySw</youtube>|
<youtube>c-jf62OuhFU</youtube>|
<youtube>a1FZPN3iTPs</youtube>|
<youtube>QNHKOpuewZk</youtube>|
<youtube>hxbWUfrqvyo</youtube>}}</center>
 
===Cat video series===
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>6POFCs-AOUQ</youtube>|
<youtube>gIyacqEIDjI</youtube>|
<youtube>zi3xXEljKP4</youtube>|
<youtube>1ek5EN1s08A</youtube>|
<youtube>MqeKwKSq07g</youtube>|
<youtube>PVi2SGNsEwk</youtube>|
<youtube>kZXk-Gs-uAo</youtube>}}</center>
 
===Cats Getting Bathed===
<center>
{{fv|v4|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>_VfSl0iGAus</youtube>
|<youtube>jQZtk-fCWQ4</youtube>
}}
[[Lies|They love it!]]</center>


==See Also==
==See Also==
[[image:Cool4Cats.png|250px|right]]
[[image:Cool4Cats.png|250px|right|:3]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
 
*[[Amber Baird]]
*[[Badmachine]] - An ED user who has a notable love of cats.
*[[Bincat]]
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Business Cat]]
*[[Business Cat]]
*[[Camrose Cat Killers]]
*[[California Pet Laws 1/1/19]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Catnarok]]
*[[Catnarok]]
Line 354: Line 207:
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[Kittens]]
*[[LaraTheDarkAngel]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
*[[NEDM]]
*[[OMGWTFBBQCATS]]
*[[OMGWTFBBQCATS]]
*[[Schrödinger's cat]]
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[Tyler Weinman]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Wang Jeu]]
 
===Things That Make Kitty Sad===
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[BlueCatRiolu]]
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Chase 'No Face']]
*[[Snake|Cucumber]]
*[[Dog]]s
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[NEDM]]
*[[Rorschach#Co.24_killed_Rorschach.27s_cat_Mudkips_NEVAR_4GET|Mudkips the Cat]]
*[[Schrödinger's cat]]
* [[Zippocat]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
[http://newsok.com/fla.-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads/article/3391170?custom_click=rss/ Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
* {{UkrED|Кіт|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
*[http://current.com/community/90633834_bad-kitty-fla-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads.htm Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20110221140620/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Cat ED's old Cat article]


{{cat}}
{{cat}}
{{animals}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2006]]|[[Jake Brahm]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Wigger]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article October 24, [[2006]]|[[Jake Brahm]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Wigger]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 8 & 9, [[2012]]|[[Kloeri]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[JEWS DID WTC]]}}
{{Timeline|Article of the Now September 20 & 21, [[2022]]|[[Kirtaner]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Doom]]}}


[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]

Latest revision as of 19:54, 9 April 2025

The Ancient Egyptians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.

Cats are furry ornaments vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to die alone. They serve as child substitutes for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever social media site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are lazy, antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied cynics that overreact to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called Kittens

Hazards

Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a black man crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.

Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people distress (most, not all). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his diabolical deeds, the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives and eating their owners.

Keep out of reach of children
Montecore (center) took umbrage at two German buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his Schwester
Tatiana: Her penchant for SOUSAge was to be her ruin

Killing Cats for Fun and Profit

Insert at your nearest river

As city glitter has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on LiveJournal that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your PayPal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because it raises money, creates internet drama, and as long as you claim later it's all a social experiment, it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your pussy is on fire.

But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any Caturday thread on 4chan, and moralfaggotry and rage typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are Kenny Glenn and Luka Magnotta.

Excerpts From a Cat's Diary

The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly Topeka, KS, following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile weeaboo, deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent jenkem diet.

Day 752: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their pillow.

Day 765: Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day 768: I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...

Galleries

Animated

  • Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
    Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
  • Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
    Kitten being prepared for a good fucking.
  • Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
    Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Captioned

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Fauxpics

  • After the "Owl and the pussycat"
    After the "Owl and the pussycat"
  • Also Link
    Also Link
  • I surrender!
    I surrender!
  • bread
    bread
  • The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
    The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Costumes

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


General

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Disgusting & Disturbing

  • Don't make me kill it.
    Don't make me kill it.
  • Jew
    Jew
  • Fagcat is a faggot
    Fagcat is a faggot
  • A Barrel Of Dead Cats
    A Barrel Of Dead Cats
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Memes

Cat Videos

General

Previous Video | Next Video

Watermelon Noms

Previous Video | Next Video

Sunflower Noms

Previous Video | Next Video

Cat video series

Previous Video | Next Video

Cats Getting Bathed

Previous Video | Next Video

They love it!

See Also

:3
:3

Things That Make Kitty Sad

Cat is part of a series on Internet Cats

A Cat Is Fine Too • Almost-Chan • Arguecat • Arrow Cats • Basement Cat • Berry And Friends • Bikecat • Bincat • Binkers • Bonsai Kitten • Bukkake Milk • Burger • Business Cat • Cat in Microwave • Cat on a keyboard in space • Catnarok • Caturday • Ceiling Cat • Chase 'No Face' • Colonel Meow • Covercat • Dangerous Kitten • Death Cat • Dodge Cat • Drillcat • Emo Cat • Fishing Cat • FLOATERCAT • Frinkle • Garfield • Grumpy Cat • Happycat • Hipster Kitty • If it fits I sits • Inception Cat • Jarcat • Jewcat • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Keyboard Cat • Kitler • Lasercat • Lenincat • Lil Bub • Limecat • Lioncash • Longcat • Maru • Monorail Cat • Mutant Cats • Nyan Cat • Octocat • Orvillecopter • Peter • Poko Ono • Pusheen • Scuba • Secret Kitty Club • Serious Cat • Shironeko • Shocked and Appalled Cat • Shortcat • Shotacat • Silencer Cat • Spaghetti Cat • Speedycat • Stalking Cat • Standing Cat • Starecat • Stalking Cat • Stubbs the mayorcat • Tacgnol • That Fucking Cat • Trollcats • Tubcat • Tulip • Weathercat • Wisdom Cat • YOUR CAT • Zippocat

Cat
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves

Featured article October 24, 2006
Preceded by
Jake Brahm 		Cat Succeeded by
Wigger
Featured article August 7, 2009
Preceded by
The Real Chris Chan‎ 		Cat Succeeded by
Bug Chasers‎
Featured article September 8 & 9, 2012
Preceded by
Kloeri 		Cat Succeeded by
JEWS DID WTC
Article of the Now September 20 & 21, 2022
Preceded by
Kirtaner 		Cat Succeeded by
Doom
Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Cat&oldid=1918235"