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{{corner|br|[[File:Cornercat.png‎|link=]]}}
<center><youtube>qpl5mOAXNl4</youtube></center>
{{corner|br|[[File:Cornercat.png‎|75px]]}}


<center><youtube>qpl5mOAXNl4</youtube></center>
[[File:Egyptian Pyramids.png|thumb|right|The Ancient [[Egypt]]ians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.]]
[[File:Egyptian Pyramids.png|thumb|right|The Ancient [[Egypt]]ians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.]]


'''Cats''' are [[furry]] ornaments owned by people who fuck up in life and will [[dying alone|die alone]]. They serve as [[childfree|child-substitutes]] for lonely fags and dykes, many of which like to photograph their cats and post the pictures in whatever social networking site they drain their life at. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are lazy, antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied cynics that overreact to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet.
'''Cats''' are <del>[[furry]] ornaments</del> vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to [[dying alone|die alone]]. They serve as [[childfree|child substitutes]] for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever [[social media]] site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are [[lazy]], [[antisocial]], [[ego]]centric, never-satisfied [[depression|cynics]] that [[snowflake|overreact]] to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called [[Kittens]]
 
__TOC__{{clear}}  
__TOC__{{clear}}  


==Hazards==
==Hazards==
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[Nigger|black ''man'']] crosses your path, as cats are completely useless.
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[nigger|black ''man'']] crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.


Because their claws and teeth are just for show, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk. Pointing it at their target will cause most people to [[DO NOT WANT|weird out]]; ''most'', not [[furries|all]]. Once they turn away, the cat will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives] and eating their owners.
Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people [[DO NOT WANT|distress]] (''most'', [[furries|not all]]). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives] and eating their owners.
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|right|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|right|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Montecore (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church of Fudge|Schwester]]]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Montecore (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church of Fudge|Schwester]]]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]


=="Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit==
==Killing Cats for Fun and Profit==
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Insert at your nearest river]]
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Insert at your nearest river]]
As [[city_glitter]] has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been set on fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because it raises [[money]], creates [[internet drama]], and as long as you [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html claim later] it's all a [[social experiment]], it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising [[money]] on [[LiveJournal]] by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
As [[city glitter]] has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because it raises [[money]], creates [[internet drama]], and as long as you [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html claim later] it's all a [[social experiment]], it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.


But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any [[Caturday]] thread on [[4chan]], and [[moralfag]]gotry and [[RAGE|rage]] typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the [[Internet]]. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are [[Kenny Glenn]] and [[Luka Magnotta]].
But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any [[Caturday]] thread on [[4chan]], and [[moralfag]]gotry and [[RAGE|rage]] typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are [[Kenny Glenn]] and [[Luka Magnotta]].


==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
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'''Day 765''': Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]
'''Day 765''': Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to [[strike]] fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. [[JUST AS PLANNED|Not working according to plan.]]


'''Day 768''': I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[Furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
'''Day 768''': I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.


'''Day 771''': There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
'''Day 771''': There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.


'''Day 774''': I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than [[happy]] to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...
'''Day 774''': I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The [[bird]] on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...


==Galleries==
==Galleries==
===Animated===
===Animated===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Animated|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Animated|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
File:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
Image:Kitten burrito.gif
File:Kitten burrito.gif
Image:OMGItWasYou.gif
File:OMGItWasYou.gif
Image:Cat kick.gif
File:Cat kick.gif
Image:Whack a Kitty.gif
File:wtfcats.gif|Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===Captioned===
===Captioned===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Captioned|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="6">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Captioned|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Frank.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Frank.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Hey_Carl.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Hey_Carl.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Nope.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Nope.jpg
Image:BizarreGoretoCatsSouthAmerica.jpg|Adorable image
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Retailer.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Retailer.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Tail.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Captions_-_Tail.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===Fauxpics===
===Fauxpics===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Fauxpics|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Fauxpics|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:LOL Cats - Captions - Meowls.jpg|After the "Owl and the pussycat"
File:LOL Cats - Captions - Meowls.jpg|After the "Owl and the pussycat"
Image:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
File:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
Image:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
File:Surrender_cat.jpg|I surrender!
Image:Kittyaww.jpg
File:Kittyaww.jpg|bread
Image:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
File:Catbread.jpg|The [[Japanese]] eat all sorts of things.
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===Costumes===
===Costumes===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Costumes|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Costumes|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:.shadowcatbeing.jpg|[[Meanwhile]] in [[Japan]]...
File:.shadowcatbeing.jpg|[[Meanwhile]] in [[Japan]]...
Image:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
File:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Image:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]
File:Eltonjohncatnodirt.gif|[[Elton John]] cat is [[Gay|FABULOUS]]!!!
Image:Stylist-cat.jpg
File:Stylist-cat.jpg| [[Muslim]] cat...
Image:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
File:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===General===
===General===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/General|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/General|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Covert_Operation_Kitty.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Covert_Operation_Kitty.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Domestic_Abuse_Kitties.jpg
File:snuggles the cat.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Glove_Snatcher.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Domestic_Abuse_Kitties.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_I_Refuse_To_Come_Down.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Glove_Snatcher.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Lick_Lick.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_I_Refuse_To_Come_Down.jpg
File:LOL_Cats_-_General_-_Lick_Lick.jpg
File:Mimsie.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons===
===Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Art|See More]]|meow|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Art|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:LOL Cats - Art - Avenger Cats.jpg|Ladies and [[The_Incredible_Hulk|Gentlecats]], [[Iron Man|The Avengers]]!
File:LOL Cats - Art - Avenger Cats.jpg|Ladies and [[The_Incredible_Hulk|Gentlecats]], [[Iron Man|The Avengers]]!
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Apptils_And_Gravy.gif|Littil Newtin Is Lully
File:LOL_Cats_-_Apptils_And_Gravy.gif|Littil Newtin Is Lully
Image:Gamer cat.PNG
File:Gamer cat.PNG
Image:Asian cats.jpg
File:Asian cats.jpg
Image:LOL_Cats_-_Comics_-_Best_Friend.png
File:LOL_Cats_-_Comics_-_Best_Friend.png
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|}}<br>
Image:Cat gamer.jpg|Cat gamer
Image:Mr pants.jpg|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBXEmyQmj44 Mr. Pants]
</gallery>}}<br>


===Disgusting & Disturbing===
===Disgusting & Disturbing===
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Disturbing|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[Cat/Disturbing|See More]]||center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
File:Killthatcat.jpg|Don't make me kill it.
Image:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
File:Meowschwitz.jpg|Jew
Image:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
File:Fagcat.jpeg|Fagcat is a [[faggot]]
File:Cat52.jpg|A Barrel Of Dead Cats
File:Kittypaint.jpg
</gallery>|}}<br>
</gallery>|}}<br>


===Memes===
===Memes===
{{collapsegallery|Memes|CG8|center|<gallery perrow="5">
{{collapsegallery|[[User:Mr_Jonzz/SKC|See More]]|CatMemes|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
File:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
Image:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
File:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
Image:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
File:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
Image:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
File:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
Image:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
File:Cover-tom2.jpg|[[That Fucking Cat]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
File:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
Image:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
File:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
Image:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
Image:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
File:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
Image:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
File:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
Image:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
File:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
Image:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
File:Heil kitler.JPG|Heil [[Kitler]]
Image:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
File:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
Image:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
File:CovercatVoyeurweb.png|[[Covercat]].
Image:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
File:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
Image:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
File:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
Image:FactCat.png|Factcat
File:FactCat.png|Factcat
Image:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
File:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
Image:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
File:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
Image:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
File:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
Image:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
File:Frinkle_cat.jpg|[[Frinkle]]cat
Image:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
File:Tulip.jpg|[[Tulip]]
Image:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
File:Gravitycat.jpg|Gravitycat
Image:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
File:Octocat scream.PNG|[[Octocat]]
Image:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
File:Hovercat.jpg|Hovercat
Image:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
File:OscarDeathCat.jpg|[[Death Cat]]
Image:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
File:Awe cat.jpg|Awecat
Image:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
File:Burgertheangrycat.jpg|[[Burger the Angry Cat]]
Image:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
File:Basementcat.jpg|[[Basement Cat]]
Image:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
File:Abusedcat.jpg|[[Kenny Glenn|Dusty]]
Image:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
File:Peter.jpg|[[Peter]]
Image:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
File:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
Image:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
File:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
Image:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
File:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
Image:HipsterKitty1.jpg|[[Hipster Kitty]]
File:HipsterKitty1.jpg|[[Hipster Kitty]]
Image:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
File:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
Image:Maru4.jpg|[[Maru]]
File:Maru4.jpg|[[Maru]]
Image:Grumpy Cat had fun once - it was horrible.jpg|[[Grumpy Cat]]
File:Grumpy Cat had fun once - it was horrible.jpg|[[Grumpy Cat]]
File:Friday_the_13th_business_cat.png |[[Business Cat]]
File:Friday_the_13th_business_cat.png |[[Business Cat]]
File:Admiral Cat.jpg|Lenin cat
File:Admiral Cat.jpg|Lenin cat
File:Hypnocat.jpg|All glory to the Hypnocat!
File:Kitty merchant.jpg|[[Happy Merchant|Merchant]]
</gallery>}}
</gallery>}}
<br>


==Cat Videos==
==Cat Videos==
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<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<center>{{fv|v1|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>PKffm2uI4dk</youtube>|
<youtube>PKffm2uI4dk</youtube>|
<youtube>_BRp7ezUqbI</youtube>|
<youtube>yRy3q8-NFfc</youtube>|
<youtube>yRy3q8-NFfc</youtube>|
<youtube>Of2HU3LGdbo</youtube>}}</center>
<youtube>Of2HU3LGdbo</youtube>}}</center>
Line 165: Line 168:
<youtube>e3Qca-16HSM</youtube>|
<youtube>e3Qca-16HSM</youtube>|
<youtube>J2pJHlew7rQ</youtube>}}</center>
<youtube>J2pJHlew7rQ</youtube>}}</center>
===Sunflower Noms===
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>PLaeJahuySw</youtube>|
<youtube>c-jf62OuhFU</youtube>|
<youtube>a1FZPN3iTPs</youtube>|
<youtube>QNHKOpuewZk</youtube>|
<youtube>hxbWUfrqvyo</youtube>}}</center>
===Cat video series===
<center>{{fv|v3|background-color: #FFFFFF;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>6POFCs-AOUQ</youtube>|
<youtube>gIyacqEIDjI</youtube>|
<youtube>zi3xXEljKP4</youtube>|
<youtube>1ek5EN1s08A</youtube>|
<youtube>MqeKwKSq07g</youtube>|
<youtube>PVi2SGNsEwk</youtube>|
<youtube>kZXk-Gs-uAo</youtube>}}</center>
===Cats Getting Bathed===
<center>
{{fv|v4|background-color: #D7D7E0;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>_VfSl0iGAus</youtube>
|<youtube>jQZtk-fCWQ4</youtube>
}}
[[Lies|They love it!]]</center>


==See Also==
==See Also==
Line 171: Line 200:
*[[Badmachine]] - An ED user who has a notable love of cats.
*[[Badmachine]] - An ED user who has a notable love of cats.
*[[Business Cat]]
*[[Business Cat]]
*[[California Pet Laws 1/1/19]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Cat fight]]
*[[Catnarok]]
*[[Catnarok]]
Line 186: Line 216:
===Things That Make Kitty Sad===
===Things That Make Kitty Sad===
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[BlueCatRiolu]]
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Bonsai Kitten]]
*[[Chase 'No Face']]
*[[Chase 'No Face']]
*[[Snake|Cucumber]]
*[[Dog]]s
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[NEDM]]
*[[NEDM]]
Line 197: Line 230:
* {{UkrED|Кіт|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
* {{UkrED|Кіт|UkrDramatica's article on this}}
*[http://current.com/community/90633834_bad-kitty-fla-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads.htm Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://current.com/community/90633834_bad-kitty-fla-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads.htm Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20110221140620/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Cat ED's old Cat article]


{{cat}}
{{cat}}
Line 203: Line 237:
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article August 7, [[2009]]|[[The Real Chris Chan‎]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Bug Chasers‎]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 8 & 9, [[2012]]|[[Kloeri]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[JEWS DID WTC]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article September 8 & 9, [[2012]]|[[Kloeri]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[JEWS DID WTC]]}}
{{Timeline|Article of the Now September 20 & 21, [[2022]]|[[Kirtaner]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Doom]]}}


[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]

Latest revision as of 21:59, 12 July 2024

The Ancient Egyptians worshiped cats, because they thought they were funny. These vast cat heads were built underground and seen by no one.

Cats are furry ornaments vermin owned by the godforsaken; those who are destined to die alone. They serve as child substitutes for neglected pussies, fags and dykes, many of whom like to photograph their cats and post them for their own self-esteem on whatever social media site they drain their lives through. Most internet users find it easy to relate to cats (as both are lazy, antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied cynics that overreact to everything), which is why cats have become the official animal of the internet. Baby cats are called Kittens

Hazards

Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path; however, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a black man crosses your path, as cats are completely powerless.

Because their claws and fangs are just camouflage for their warmth, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk (*). Aiming it at their target will cause most people distress (most, not all). But when they stand-down, the cat will be free to further his diabolical deeds, the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by downloading thousands of kiddie porn onto humans hard drives and eating their owners.

Keep out of reach of children
Montecore (center) took umbrage at two German buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his Schwester
Tatiana: Her penchant for SOUSAge was to be her ruin

Killing Cats for Fun and Profit

Insert at your nearest river

As city glitter has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on LiveJournal that your cat has been burned in fire and ask them to donate money to your PayPal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because it raises money, creates internet drama, and as long as you claim later it's all a social experiment, it's okay. Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your pussy is on fire.

But sometimes, simply pretending to kill cats is not enough. Kitty gore can be found on any Caturday thread on 4chan, and moralfaggotry and rage typically follow. An especially effective tactic is to videotape the act and upload the video to the internet. Among the people who have utilized this method to great effect are Kenny Glenn and Luka Magnotta.

Excerpts From a Cat's Diary

The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly Topeka, KS, following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile weeaboo, deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent jenkem diet.

Day 752: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their pillow.

Day 765: Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day 768: I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774: I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...

Galleries

Animated

  • Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
    Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
  • Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
    Cat fights are often amusing to watch!
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Captioned

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Fauxpics

  • After the "Owl and the pussycat"
    After the "Owl and the pussycat"
  • Also Link
    Also Link
  • I surrender!
    I surrender!
  • bread
    bread
  • The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
    The Japanese eat all sorts of things.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Costumes

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General

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Drawings, Art, Comics & Cartoons

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Disgusting & Disturbing

  • Don't make me kill it.
    Don't make me kill it.
  • Jew
    Jew
  • Fagcat is a faggot
    Fagcat is a faggot
  • A Barrel Of Dead Cats
    A Barrel Of Dead Cats
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Memes

Cat Videos

General

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Watermelon Noms

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Sunflower Noms

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Cat video series

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Cats Getting Bathed

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They love it!

See Also

:3
:3

Things That Make Kitty Sad

External Links

Cat is part of a series on Internet Cats

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Featured article October 24, 2006
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