Telemarketers
Telemarketing (also known as phone trolling) is something that people who have nothing better to do during your dinner time (usually people from India who call themselves Steve) other than call you offering such awesome deals as "thirty bottles of cleaning supply for the price of fifty." No matter what these people say through their thick accents, they are not doing it as a job. They are always doing it for the lulz and sometimes for their millions of Gods.
Though the average phone troller is in it for the lulz, they will also man tech support lines. If you thought you were having trouble with your computer before you called tech support, just wait until the person helping you advises to clear you hard drive, then says, "You lets gets manage?" which you later figure out means "Hang on, let me get my manager." Of course five seconds after you figure it out and say "No thanks" you're already on hold with elevator music playing. When he finally comes back, you have died of starvation.
A typical conversation with a phone troller (WARNING: very unfunny. Scroll at your own discretion.)
The phone rings right in the god damn middle of your conversation, possibly interfering with your ability to score that night.
"Hello?"
"Yes? Hello? Mrs. Sandlemargel?"
"What? My last name is Smith! AND I'M A DUDE."
"Yes Mrs. Sandlemargel, can I be interesting to your in the vacations?"
"WHAT?! LEARN ENGLISH!"
"I knows the Englishes very well. Why would I nots? My name is Steve."
"Steve? You sound like you're from India."
"So I can sign you up for three vacations? Bill you without permission, yes?"
"No!"
"Why not? Can you gives me reason?"
"I cant afford to go on a vacatio-"
"Well, if you can't give reason I just sign you up for six vacation."
"No!"
"Ok, how about the cleaning solution?"
"GO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE YOU FUCKING TROLL!"
You hang up. However, the chick you were eating dinner with is already at a bar fucking some dude in the back room. Tough break dipshit.
It may be of interest to note that most tele-marketers aren't allowed to hang up on you. Conversations consisting only of the word "Bye" on both sides can go on for hours if you don't hang up your phone.
Push Pollers
There is a rare sub-species of phone trollers called "Push pollers." They only come out of their caves during election time to convince you that some candidate has an illegitimate [insert race] baby or committed [insert crime] with such subtle tactics as;
"Do you support Barack Obama? ... Would you still support him if you found out he raped a white woman, then made a rap song about it?"
"Do you support John McCain?... Would you still support him if you found out that when he was being mercilessly tortured by the Vietcong through electro-shock to the balls that he was secretly planning to join their side?"
"Do you support Rudy Giuliani? ... Would you still support if you found out he once field kicked a puppy into on-coming traffic? You would? Is this Dick Cheney?"
"Do you support Mitt Romney? ... Would you if someone told you he was a Mormon? Oh... that's why you're voting for him... Ok, well what if someone told you he was a Jew?"
Prank Callers
Yet another nigger of phone troll. They Troll you by prank calling you in the middle of the fucking night, then like the little pussies they are, giggle and hang up. They are all douche bags, like most of the people who play RuneScape who are coincidentally mostly 13 year old boys. All you need to know? They Did it for the lulz.
PROTIP: Prank call Tele-marketers for maximum idiot on idiot lolz.
How to deal with Tele-marketers
See Also
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Telemarketers is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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