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Scientology Speedrunning

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Come on. Fuck with us, I dare you. I'll make sure you get to see what a $10 million a year retainer for a lawfirm can do to your poor ass
The Church of Scientology Information Center on Hollywood Boulevard

Just when you thought you've seen or heard everything, Lord Xenu, looking to further his battle against the $cientologists that keep him tethered up in his intergalactic prison, if $cientology were a real religion we'd make a comparision to the Archangel Michael and Satan but it isn't, hatched a genius plan.

Recently Lord Xenu was able to release himself from his electronic, wire-cage mountain trap (Seriously???) just long enough to put the idea of Speedrunning through the Church of Scientology Information Center in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California in the mind of TikToker isDurpyy while filming himself running through the halls of the building screaming his powerful name Xenu to strike fear in all of the $cientologist's hearts. The idea that Lord Xenu implanted in isDurpyy's mind is if people will watch someone on Youtube beat Super Mario 69 in less than 5 minutes, just think of all the views you'll get running through a Scientology building with your Dick hanging out.

Like all great ideas on the internet that get a lot of views and likes, Swhileyy wanted some of that sweet, sweet instant E-Fame and did a collaboration video with isDurpyy and on March 31, 2026 they did a video where they ran through the same $cientology building.

The video garnered over 90 million views on TikTok before $cientology's well paid and Scarey lawyers had it removed.

So 90 million views equals, we guess, 0 E-pussy unless you're counting a Japanese Hentai Anime and your Sister's skin moiturizer.

Like all great things that someone else's Genius has brought forth such as The Drive Thru Restaurant, The Batman Arkham Series and the Prison Shiv, everyone and their Mother is looking to capitalize on this trend by imitating it because views and likes on a social site is more important than doing something more important in Life like maybe getting a Girlfriend or moving out of their Mother's basement.