Avril Lavigne

	“	I'm getting more famouser by the day.	„
	—Avril Lavigne, High school dropout

Avril Lavigne is the cancer of pop, punk and rock. She is talented at having no particular talents, like most Canadians. Her various "music" videos have caused global depression and she is currently at large on seven counts of world ruining. She can’t really play a guitar, skateboard or sing and all those songs she “wrote” at sixteen are actually coauthored by others. She doesn’t know who the Sex Pistols are, because whatever happened before her birth was irrelevant, yet she fancies herself as a modern day Sid Vicious.

Her lyrics are thought provoking, in the way that she makes you realize the only way out of this world is suicide. No matter how much she wants to kick and scream that it’s not, it is. She’s got a fashion line full of things that are already popular in the mainstream (ex. Short shorts, foil graphic tees, skinny jeans, oversized graphic hoodies) but with slight differences (Her clothing started out at the ever glam Kohl's but you can find it at Ross now for dirt cheap).

If you've never been subjected to her music and are thinking of looking some of it up now on YouTube, you do so at your own risk.

2 Girls 1 Cup was never this shitty.

Learning to Play Guitar and Skate

	“	What's happened to Britney (Spears) is all down to who she is as a person. If you want a piece of this business you have to be able to deal with it. You can't complain about the pressures, the paparazzi, the madness because that's the job.	„
	—Avril lavigne, moments before spitting on paparazzi, yelling fuck you at them and fans alike, and signing fan’s merchandise with “fuck you”

	“	Today, I rejected some gorgeous publicity shots because they just didn't look like me. I won't wear skanky clothes that show off my booty, my belly or boobs. I have a great body. I could be Britney. I could be better than Britney, but I'm selling my music, not my body.	„
	— Avril Lavigne

It sounds like she rejected them because she thought she was showing off too much…in which case, why did she pose like that in the first place?

“Image is a personal choice. I'd rather be seen as me than for not wearing anything. When I first started out in music I was 17. I didn't want to wear the clothes that everyone wanted me to wear. I wore my tank top and Doc Martens boots and I'm glad I did because I was so different from everyone else.” Now she wears her fashion label “Abbey Dawn” which she mass markets as unique even though it looks exactly like what’s in fashion right now, just in a different pattern, glittery skulls with hearts and bows, zebra print, and lots of pink, purple, and black. She also wears Chanel, which is totally ALT3RNAT1VE!!!111

“Nobody tells me what to wear. Trust me. I'm a girl and I'm growing up. I wrote my first album when I was a 16-year-old skater who wore size 32 pants and hoodies. I was a tomboy. I had an older brother I looked up to, and I hung out with mostly guys. Now I'm into skirts. I'm growing up, I'm changing, I'm becoming a woman. That happens to girls - they become women.” I understand that your style has changed, but are you saying that females that dress more masculine aren’t “women” and haven’t grown up? Also, you were a skater? Really? See above.

	“	"I want people to watch my video and not be staring at my girl parts but to be listening to my lyrics, and hearing what I have to say, and watching me rock out on my guitar."	„
	— Avril Lavigne

First of all, she can't even play guitar. Second, why did she do a show wearing a Hooters outfit? She also subsequently got a noticeable breast augmentation, and wore outfits that showed it off.

Don't look at my body! Listen to my shitty lyrics!

Now about what she has to say in those deep lyrics…

“You’re trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me” (Complicated) The song that made her famous is about a person that changes their looks and personality to impress others. In the video, Avril and co. are trashing a mall and causing all sorts of teenage mayhem. She smashes her guitar in the end of the video, presumably symbolic of what she has done to modern music. She has the image of a “rebellious” skater teenager with an attitude. Yet the song is about someone who’s doing the same thing.

“I never spend less than an hour, washin’ my hair in the shower, it always takes five hours to make it straight. So I’ll braid it a zillion braids though it may take a friggin’ day, there’s nothin’ else better to do anyway” (My World). Oh, what a small shallow world it must be…

Avril’s also said, "I don't write 'Oh-baby-baby' songs. I'm a skater punk who writes guitar driven rock." Allow me to cite her song, “Things I’ll Never Say”:

I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you're worth it You're worth it Yeah La da da da La da da da

Fake Image: Wannabe Punk Poseur

	“	People are like, 'Well, she doesn't know the Sex Pistols.' Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff's old, right?	„
	— Avril Lavigne

Yes, it’s old but it’s part of the origins of punk. Should really learn about history.

	“	I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation.	„
	— Avril Lavigne

If you don’t know about the Sex Pistols, what the hell do you know about Sid Vicious ^卐 – the bassist of the Sex Pistols? Punk has been around much longer than she has, despite the fact that she’s apparently not willing to acknowledge the existence of anything that occurred before she was born. She’s nowhere near as counter-cultural as punk was when it started, and acts NOTHING like Sid Vicious. Though hopefully she’ll OD on heroin soon (though more likely Oxycontin and Xanax cuz she's a pussy).

	“	I never once said I was punk. I don't want to be punk. I'm just a really strong, opinionated person. Though I do like punk	„
	— Avril Lavigne

I thought you were quoted as saying you CREATED punk for “this day and age”, and also claimed to "sing punk"? Plus you have the word “PUNK” written on several of the items from your own fashion line.

"When it is suggested that even then her tastes were kind of pop-oriented, her head snaps up as though she's been slapped. 'New country,' she says, as though pop music is somehow less cool than new country. Then again, it seems any music is better than pop music in Lavigne's eyes. Later, when it is mentioned that she seems poised for pop stardom, she is quick to correct. 'No, no, no. Rock stardom,' she says forcefully. 'I don't like using the term pop star because that's not my personality. My personality is like a rock star. I'm hardcore.'" (Taken from Nationalpost.com.) She sings pop music (I’d say she writes it, but her coauthors might take offense), but insists on labeling herself as something other than what she is, because obviously, she hates herself and delusions make her feel better.

Being punk is, at its core, being yourself and not being ashamed of who you are, regardless if society says it’s acceptable or not. Yet Avril constantly contradicts herself, and is so ashamed of who she is, a pop singer, she has convinced herself otherwise and is intent on trying to convince others as well. Frankly, if you have to say you're tough and hardcore, you're not.

	“	I'm convinced we could solve the world energy needs if we could somehow manage to harness the energy of Joey Ramone and Sid Vicious turning in their graves every time some one used Avril Lavigne and Punk together in a sentence.	„
	—JSP

Fake Image: She's Retarded

Her tits...If you can name those as tits.lol SMALL

Strung out, trying to promote her fashion line by wearing her own shit clothing.

“Fans at Avril Lavigne's Canadian homecoming were left stunned after the singer displayed an embarrassing lack of geographical knowledge. Lavigne, 23, shocked concertgoers at her Montreal show by incorrectly stating what province she was in. "I love you Montreal, I'm so happy to be back home...in Ontario, Canada," Lavigne said to the crowd. Montreal is actually a city in Quebec." (Ninemsn). This seems like a good time to remind everyone that she is FROM Canada.

	“	"People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."	„
	—Avril Lavigne

If she’s so comfortable with herself, then why does she constantly try to convince people she’s a “rock star” when she’s a pop star. If she was actually comfortable with herself, she'd accept that and move on. This reminds me of something a notoriously filthy, self-righteous, self-centered, bitchy slut once said: "I'm smart, and anyone who thinks I'm not is stupid." Great logic.

Avril Lavigne has a star tattoo on her wrist, which she got at the same time her friend and associate Ben Moody got an identical one. She also has a heart with the letter "D" in it, in honor of her (then) husband. Her tiny badly placed tattoos are VERY hardcore.

"Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It's good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not." Actually, with Avril, you get an image of a wannabe-rebel/punk who constantly contradicts herself. Not to mention she says she has a rock/punk sound when she doesn't. At least Kelly Clarkson knows who the fuck she is.

Typical Skanky Hollywood Socialite

She's been photographed on vacation without her husband, flirting with other men, getting drunk and partying, but namely hanging around Brandon Davis. He's an oil heir that's dated both Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton (which Avril has been photographed hanging out with). She’s divorcing her husband, Deryck Whibley (singer of Sum 41) and plans on moving in with Brandon Davis (who has never lived with a woman before, as he's never reached that level of commitment. Guess she wants to clean up Lohan's and Hilton's left overs).

She uses her false status as a "rebel" as an excuse to be a bitch, parties and flirts just like any other Hollywood socialite, and has been safely packaged as a plastic image of what it means to be “punk” for the masses, complete with shallow music, a fashion line with nothing original, and a perfume.

Avril on the Internet

In addition to being a modern day Sid Vicious, Avril spent considerable amounts of time on the internet. Because Canadians don't natively have any computers, it was like watching a child try to do calculus. In 1997 before Cetacea Jimbo invented freedom of speech, there was a lame Wikipedia vandal nobody liked who did something unremarkable nobody remembers.

Many years later they listened to her lyrics that are thought provoking, and the songs themselves have a very pop sound because…they ARE pop. No matter how much she wants to kick and scream that it’s not, it is. She’s got a fashion line full of things that are already popular in the mainstream. If you've never been subjected to her music and are thinking of looking some of it up now on YouTube, you do so at your own risk. In late 2008 the Avril finally died. With the introduction of the edit filter over at Wikipedia most large scale vandals have admitted defeat, instead became part of the corporate machine they were fighting against, in the ultimate irony of the internet where everything is recycled into new me-mes.

Avril Lavigne is a fucking alcoholic

Avril Lavigne is a fucking alcoholic. The bitch can drink more booze than your typical Russian, since she is your typical Canadian, after all. Avril Lavigne likes to get drunk and enjoy life.