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NeoGAF
NeoGAF, or GAF for short, is an indie group website full of fat, sweaty, delusional, fedora-wearing pedophiles, who are 40-year-old social justice virgins that emit the foul stench of Doritos chips and Monster energy drinks, and who are white knights for Sony. NeoGAF is revered for its excellent mods and profound discussion. However, the site is plagued by constant GIF spamming and ridiculously esoteric "inside jokes". Its self-obsessed users are referred to simply as NeoFAGs, and are a collection of would-be trolls who talk shit one second but then bend over and take it up the ass from the admins the next, after they're forced to pretend to be feminists or get banned, because they hate SJWs but needs their money.
The entire site is a shithole dictatorship created to make its owner money by promoting video games on it. Due to this, anything from saying a Sony game is bad to telling one of the mods he is wrong is grounds for a ban. Since it only lets you make an account with a paid e-mail, if you want to troll them, post nothing so you don't get banned, and then dox everyone and spam the entire forum with it while the mods are asleep so that no one can stop you.
In recent years the site has become a hunting grounds for pedophiles and incest lovers. Its users today mostly spend their time debating over various bullshit SJW causes, like making Link female, or crusading against those with non-politically correct opinions.
The Owner: Tyler Malka
Tyler "EviLore" Malka is the sad loser who runs this site. He has been implicated in several dramas including leaking revenge porn and facepainting it, making racist posts, calling Leigh Alexander names before changing his mind and going SJW for pageviews and shoving his fat fingers up some woman's ass because he bought her a drink so now she owes him sex.
Tyler is a giant nerd, desperately trying too hard to impress his internet friends into thinking he is cool and banning anyone on NeoGAF who say that he isn't. But despite making a bunch of money from shilling Sony on his site, he still can't find one woman to sleep with him and spends most days doing group activities alone so that he can take pictures of it and later post about it on NeoGAF.
Going to NeoGAF: A Primer
Hey there honest citizen. So you found the internet. I'm sure you'll be wanting to visit internet based locations relevant to your interests. If you like purchasing items, you may try eBay, the internet auction site. If you like watching entertaining videos, you may want to peruse Youtube. But if you interests are focused on the new phenomena of "gaming", then you should try IGN Gamespot Gamespy Engadget Joystiq NeoGAF.
Hold on there Mr. Anxious. You're only getting started at this whole "world wide web" thing, so you need to learn a few rules before you go to sites like NeoGAF.
Step 1: Buy an Email
Though many alternatives that are free exist, you have to pay to get into NeoGAF. I hear your pleas. Enough of this "I already paid money for the internet, now the email too? Why can't this 'internet' thing make like evolution and take a hike?". Well, NeoGAF is a quality site. Think of it as paying to post there. This is to prevent the harmful cancer of trolls from having their way with this site.
Step 2: Learn the Lingo
At NeoGAF, you'll experience all kinds of people. As such a "lingua franca" begins to emerge. Terms like LTTP (Late to The Party) and IIRC (If I Recall Correctly) are used profusely in NeoGAF, and it is essential that you use terms like these alot. Some other ones to spam is GAF>(Something here)>GAF and "Ponyfying" your avatar with the courageous visages of the MLP ponies.
Step 3: Write "GAF" correctly
NeoGAF is not written as Neogaf, neogaf, NeoGaf, Neo Gaf, or especially not Neo gaf (This is blasphemy to the GAFFERs). Do this wrong and you will be banned.
Step 4: Making GIFs
At NeoGAF, Graphic Interchange Format or "GIF" based Animations is important. You may have to upgrade your modem to support it. Worry not, though, as GAFFERs feel that GIFs are very important, and now you must too. To make one, get a series of images and put them into an image editing program like GIMP and GIF away. Don't give me that look. GIFs are very funny and important, and are not just people's stupid avatars. Get GIFing.
Step 5: Repetition is Key
In NeoGAF threads, make sure to repeat a similar message over and over again. Also, unless a message has been quoted 1000 times, if someone clarifies something, ignore it. It's not important enough to read.
So honest citizen, you now know how to use the internets. You can now go to sites like NeoGAF and not feel afraid. Happy surfing citizen.
The Rules
The mods at NeoGAF are like the Jews of the internet (Jews can't use the internet normally. Their claws are too big for the keyboard) and they have many a rules:
- NO going to Joystik
- NO fraternizing with members of the opposite sex.
- NO shooping or whooping. Srsly.
- NO Rickrolling
- NO
RapingSaying "Rape Time" - NO CATURDAY WTF??!?!?
- NO Racism (Towards the inferior races like Jews, Spics, or Niggers. Hating white people is okay).
- NO Lolicon, because it instantly summons the SJWs to battle over the legal rights of fictional characters and the mods are too lazy to properly tame both sides of the ensuing flamewars.
- NO non-normal anime.
- NO big tits, because they would complain how women with big tits are disgusting and prefer flat chested titties instead.
- NO helping anyone outside NeoGAF.
- NO daily blowjobs to any gaming companies except Sony.
- NO cheap jokes about Sony PlayStation, even if PS3/PS4 has no games.
- NO disagreeing with feminazis like Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu, and Alison Rapp.
- NO AdBlockers! If Tyler Malka finds out you have AdBlockers on, you're banned.
- NO saying 'reich' and using facts and history or else NeoGAF will ban you for racism & white supremacy.
- NO GamerGate people, because GAAAAAMERGAAAAAATE!
- NO 4chan or 8chan users, because they're basement dwelling white male terrorists.
- NO disobeying their queens (Anita Sarkeesian, Laura Kate Dale, etc.).
- It's totally OK to promote racism and cultural discrimination against Japanese people though. Hypocrisy is a lovely loophole.
- Either you're with us or against us. You don't have a choice.
- And, most important of them all, NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE MODS!!
The biggest rule of GAF is that the mods are always right and doing so much as asking something like "wtf is this thread?" in a topic started by a mod about his support of pedophilia will get you banned right away... That's not an overly specific example, that's something that actually happened.
And the rules of NeoGAF don't stop at NeoGAF. They follow you everywhere. Like some guy who was banned for viral marketing a Professor Layton game on Twitter that he had no financial stake in. And despite the guy creating tons of lulz on GAF, they threw him to the dogs (THOUGH IN THE END THE GUY GOT HIS OWN WEBSITE AND WENT TO E3 while the guy who owns the site could even get a fucking invitation.
NeoGAF Bans
Reasons for ban from NeoGAF: Posting on NeoGAF About missing Pics
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Other ban reasons includes:
- Being a junior member with less outrage in a Tamir Rice thread.
- Asking an honest question about hormones transgenders.
- Certain games like Undertale is not the best game.
- Being a woman telling NeoGAF there's nothing wrong with a fictional female character such as Quiet from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.
- Pointing out Anita Sarkeesian's bullshit.
The Mods
The moderation team is a collection of sad cucks, like the fat fuck it the picture that you already saw in this article who is standing next to a tranny he would love to fuck. All of them are sad, self hating losers, which explains why one of the mods had a vasectomy... wait, that's the same guy again.
Their modetorial duties consist of making sure the users are shilling for whichever game they are getting paid to promote this week and finding excuses to ban users they dislike while also looking for ways to justify never banning any trannys or niggers from the forum no matter what they do. All this can be seen in a thread where one of the users leaked private mod conversations with, you guessed it, the same fat fuck.
In them, he discusses looking for "ammo" to ban a user he dislikes and how to best protect coons and dick-girls from the banhammer. Ten minutes later the thread was deleted and the user banned (but not before everything was saved).
amir0x The Pedophile
On July 19th, 2017, former NeoGAF mod Christopher Goldberg who goes by amir0x is now in court to be charged for two felonies of child pornography and will be facing state prison. The court also registered amir0x as a child porn loving pedophile of 25 years. With his time facing a reality check in prison instead of fapping to some CP in NeoGAF (oh wait he's no longer a mod), amir0x will finally live in a cell with a big black cellmate that will easily make amir0x bend over and take it in the ass like the little bitchGAF he is.
The Users
After the cleansing of every rational individual that used to post there by feminazi mods, the site is now full of autistic shut-ins who go on social justice crusades and pretend to be better than everyone else judging them using unrealistic standards that make no sense in real life and their own admin can't hold himself up to because he's literally a racist and sexual harasser. Opa-Ages is frequently hosting neoGAF special olympics threads to decide on the biggest awkward aspie of the month. These are actually photos they chose and posted of themselves in the FaceGAF thread which means they were the best they could find. Yes, these people look like that at their best.
The members spend all their time dodging bullets because, on one hand, NeoGAF wants to be known as an "edgy" troll forum (even though not a single member on it has ever talked to a girl), but on the other, Tyler wants to suck-up to SJWs whom he hates despite the fact he's almost raped a girl. So posting is a russian roulette where you have to guess if this week people are being banned for being too racist or for not racist enough.
You also can't say a single thing against the mods without getting banned. And we're not even talking about insults, just opinions. If a mod like Bruce Springstine and you like Jon Bon Jovi then you're fucking outta' here.
Lastly, you have to be mindful of which game company is paying Tyler to promote is this week. Praise or criticize the wrong one and you are banned.
As a result, being banned on this forum is a guessing game and its autistic member spend their time schizophrenically switching between trying too hard to be trolls who are "Too cool for the Internet", and feminist allies who white knight Anita.
The result is both sad, and hilarious to watch... Mostly sad.
Members of NeoFAG: Pedophiles in Denial?
Posted on August, the third, 2012, RurouniZel, a roneryfag and a shittyFan, of 2D Sonic games, insisted with a TL;DR message that NeoFags who enjoy the Atelier series were being Accused of being pedophiles without giving examples of said accusations. It seems a those accusations came up on previous threads and the result was a garbage circlejerk of people arguing over the pros and cons of pedophilia.
This may seem like an isolated incident, but it fucking isn't. Apparently, NeoGAF is a safe-haven for child molesters who troll the site for (not even) jailbait. Various thread about kiddie fiddling have been posted over the years and a number of real-life pedobears operate fairly openly on a forum filled with children. One particular thread has been saved by TheRalphRetort where the entire forum, including one of the moderators (and not the one quoted above... Yes, there are several pedo-sympathizer mods on GAF) rushed to the defense of someone who admitted to being sexually attracted to little kids.
Not only did they defend the potential statutory rapist, the defended a literal one when at least one user admitted to being an active pedophile.
And what did the mods do to people who criticized these NAMBLA members? They banned them.
That's right, on NeoGAF, a forum filled with kids, saying that pedophilia is bad is a bannable offense.
After the article on TheRalphRetort was posted NeoGAF's army of baby fuckers tried to get their butthurt revenge on Ralph but were unable to take him down because he's not a 12 year old girl.
And gay incest. NeoGAF would argue if heterosexual incest or homosexual incest is better.
FeoNAG
One day on GAF, a discovery was found. Another site called NAG had been literally copying everything they did. Every fucking thing. ToS, layout, announcements, tags, even those little messages under the username. Not believe me? Look for yourself (Archive).
But it gets better. Or worse. However you look at it. This guy who runs NAG is from africa named Miktar. He's also a dragon furry. No,seriously. Also, he admits he faps to dinos in the linked thread and says he does it as a hobby and not for a living (Fursecution would prevent such a market from developing). It gets lulzier here:
—Miktar, on Dragon Penises. | ||
More plot twists! It turns out Miktar's real name is Ed Kock and his husband shows up on NeoGAF to defend him. This is srs bsns. Also, a pic of a naked man humping an inflatable dragon was found on his FTP. Seriously.
Despite all of this, I think we can all agree the site is still 1,000,000 better than NeoGAF. They also have Signatures (CLEARLY SUPERIOR!!!!!!)
How To Troll NeoGAF
- Talk about certain games Tyler Malka forbid to discuss about. Example: Dungeon Travelers 2.
- Duscuss about your favorite anime NeoGAF finds non-normal, like Boku no Pico for example.
- Post images of otaku dolls and big glass cases displaying otaku dolls.
- Ask Tyler Malka a question he doesn't want to answer on his Twitter page. But be warned, you'll be blocked instantly.
- Make plenty of Photoshopped images that would offend NeoGAF and post it on the internet for them to see.
- Ask @NeoGAF a controversial question on Twitter. He'll block you like you've never been blocked before.
- Make a debate about heterosexual incest and homosexual incest. NeoGAF loves these types of incest.
- Login to FFXIV on Ultros and shout GAF'D!.
- Talk about pedophilia. NeoGAF loves pedophilia.
- Disagree with Anita Sarkeesian. You'll get banned quick.
- Talk about their archenemies (examples: 8chan, GamerGate).
How To Troll NAG
NAG is easy trolling material and can be exploited by the average EDiot as it takes disposable email and has a fanbase of idiots (Not unlike GAF). Just go on NAG and talk about the furries and niggers that go there. Also the fanbase is cultish towards their dragon leader, so fucking with him will start a shitstorm.
Also, if that fails, you can always use their IRC at nigger.furfag.gay sa.shadowfire.org for massive win. NAG uses /b/'s memes a lot for some strange reason. Furries are not welcome at /b/. Just make sure to go there and spam this image from his FTP non-stop.
Gather Against Fate: A Final Fantasy XIV Guild
Moar info: Gather Against Fate.
For more information about the origins of NeoGAF's Final Fantasy XIV MMORPG guild and the GAF'D meme, go here.
GalleryGAF
GalleryGAF About missing Pics
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Memes n' Shit
See Also
- Tyler Malka
- Pedophiles
- Sony
- Fat - What all NeoGAF members are.
- Boogie2988 - Literally cyberbullied and banned for attempting to not take a side during the GamerGate era.
- Edwinsoft - Stole their logo.
External Links
- Neo
FAGGAF - FeoNAG Furry Gamers
- GAF's Srs Discussion.
- Rap Song by Seth Dub about how he no liek NeoGAF
- Banning in ACTION
- "NeoGAF Asshole" meme
- NeoGAF is licking Zoe Quinn's rotten vagina over her 1 year anniversary of Five Guys and GamerGate.
NeoGAF- NeoGAF Asshole
NeoGAF - Tyler Malka's Twitter page.- NeoGAF Spreadshirt Store - Protip: Don't waste your money there.
- The cat's out of the bag! NeoGAF straight up admit that they aren't gamers while bitching about GamerGate.
- A Chris-Chan thread on NeoGAF praising him and his idea for a shitty indie game.
NeoFAG Links
- Voat - /r/NeoFAG - A community platform where you can freely throw your uncensored voice against the angst-filled cries from the fat sweaty shithole known as NeoGAF.
- 8chan - /neofags/ - 8chan was bro enough to let them stay now that Voat is more stable.
- Gaffots - Official anti-NeoGAF forums.
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NeoGAF is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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NeoGAF is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
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NeoGAF is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article October 28 & 29, 2014 | ||
| Preceded by Shahn Christian Andersen |
NeoGAF | Succeeded by Halloween |
| Featured article October 23 and 24, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Eminem |
NeoGAF | Succeeded by TBD |