The Secret

The Secret

The Secret reveals the natural law that is governing all lives. By applying the knowledge of this law, you can change every aspect of your life. This is the secret to prosperity, health, relationships and happiness.

	“	There's a sucker born every minute.	„
	—P.T. Barnum, Getting it right

RL troll

“	The Secret reveals the most powerful law in the universe. The knowledge of this law has run like a golden thread through the lives and the teachings of all the prophets, seers, sages and saviors in the world's history, and through the lives of all truly great men and women.	„
—Rhonda Byrne, priming for jewgolds

The Law of Attraction

No secret here. Just bullshit.

The central idea here, The Law of Attraction, states "like attracts like." People's thoughts dictate reality (regardless of if they know it or not), and whatever you think of, you will experience. Essentially, "if you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you'll get it", but putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want means you'll probably get that too. Granted, the law of magnetism states that opposites attract, but fuck science, we've got DVDs to shill.

How The Secret Works

Just add zeros.

There's no need for prayers, chanting, long-winded rituals or messy sacrifices - the path to enlightenment and cold, hard cash is thus.

1. Ask
2. Believe
3. Receive

That's right, folks. In just three easy steps, you too can live your dreams in the wealth and comfort you so deserve.

Step 1 - Ask. Just know what you want and focus on it with all your intent.

Step 2 - Believe. You must believe in the law of attraction, otherwise it doesn't work.

Step 3 - Receive. PROFIT!!! Literally. Just fill out that there check and put 'er under your pillow. The wish fairy will be making her rounds shortly.

	“	...if you think really, really hard, say, about vigorously cavorting with Salma Hayek on a soft, fluffy bed of Google Series A preferred stock, you will emit a magnetic signal to the universe that will make your vision a reality.	„
	—Greg Beato, Reason

Amazing Claims

	“	I've seen kidneys regenerated. I've seen cancer dissolved.	„
	—Michael Beckwith, Agape International Spiritual Center

The film features one man who was paralyzed, mute, and on a ventilator after his spine and diaphragm were crushed in an airplane accident. He credits his full recovery to the power of his mind. A similar story is told by another interview whose breast cancer went into spontaneous remission without medical intervention. Those who died from lack of medical treatment were unavailable for comment.

Evidence of Success

Even though, as the DVD claims, "quantum physics is a part of the Law" - particle physics isn't listening.

The Author

Rhonda Byrne is the Australian television writer best known for her New Thought works, The Secret — a book and DVD by the same name. She happily admits that the entire DVD was lifted from The Science of Getting Rich, written 100 years ago. Being the good reality t.v. producer she is, old Rhonda recycled a mishmash of Dan Brown cutting-room scraps, Rosicrucian images and muzak over a message of unadulterated greed. By the Spring of 2007 the book had sold almost 4 million copies, and the DVD had sold more than 2 million copies, proving yet again that a fool and his money are soon parted. It's not often you find a plagiarized book turned into a DVD, which is then turned back into a book, but this is America - anything can happen.

	“	We used the law of attraction during the making of the program. We went very unconventional, in terms of scheduling and budgeting. We allowed things to come to us... We just had faith that things would come to us.	„
	—The producers, also known as 'making shit up as we go'

Quotes about The Secret

	“	You know what's insane? That you slept with a guy who read The Secret!	„
	—The Monarch, re:Phantom Limb

	“	We all want to be in on a secret. But to present it as the secret, that was brilliant.	„
	—Donavin Bennes, a buyer for Borders Books

	“	...a creed so transparently ugly and stupid that it seems impossible that anyone could take it seriously.	„
	—Catherine Bennett, The Guardian

	“	Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.	„
	—Albert Einstein, "secret teacher"

	“	Just a new spin on the very old (and decidedly not secret) The Power of Positive Thinking wedded to 'ask and you shall receive'. [Rhonda Byrne] took the well-worn ideas of some self-help gurus, customized them for the profoundly lazy, [and] gave them a veneer of mysticism.	„
	—Karin Klein, LA Times

	“	..pseudoscientific, psychospiritual babble.	„
	—John Norcross, psychologist

	“	You know what's better than sitting on your fat ass asking nothing for a million dollars? Actually learning to how to make a million dollars.	„
	—Thatguywiththehat

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Misquotes from The Secret

While it's fun to take quotes out of context and twist the truth to fit one's agenda, it's also a red flag that the author is either retarded or full of shit. The Secret (mis)quotes the great Winston Churchill in a very underhanded way.

	“	You create your own universe as you go along.	„
	—Winston Churchill, according to The Secret

“	Some of my cousins who had the great advantage of University education used to tease me with arguments to prove that nothing has any existence except what we think of it. The whole creation is but a dream; all phenomena are imaginary. You create your own universe as you go along. The stronger your imagination, the more variegated your universe. When you leave off dreaming, the universe ceases to exist. These amusing mental acrobatics are all right to play with. They are perfectly harmless and perfectly useless. I warn my younger readers only to treat them as a game. The metaphysicians will have the last word and defy you to disprove their absurd propositions.	„
—Winston Churchill, actual quote

They've even gone so far as to just completely make shit up.

	“	The secret is the answer to all that has been, all that is, and all that will ever be.	„
	—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Noone anywhere has been able to attribute this quote to Emerson except for the lunatics at The Secret.

Facts and fun facts together

THE SMART GOVERNMENT of Australia did not allowed Rhonda Byrne to publish her genius book inside Australia. Later that night Rhonda decides to move to Heaven where she can sell her crap.

Some woman that I don't remember her name sued rhonda byrne and claimed that she stole my work!

Most of the PHILOSOPHERS in the movie are dropouts or didn't even finished high school, the funny thing is they confess this on their seminars! (i.e Bob Proctor)

Logical Conclusions of The Secret

• The WTC DID ITSELF
• The Jews manifested Hitler and his lulzy Final Solution out of sheer self-hate.
• Every rape victim was asking for it.
• Fritzl's kids were naturally inclined towards basement-dwellerism.
• If you kill someone, they brought it upon themselves. It's all cool.
• Every single aborted baby also wanted it - go abortions!

True Believers

Are you surprised?

• Hulk Hogan
• Paris Hilton
• Larry King
• Oprah Winfrey
• Ellen DeGeneres

SNL Parody

Due to the concerted effort of people quietly wishing, the video is nowhere to be found... The March 17, 2007 episode of Saturday Night Live, cast members spoofed The Secret in a sketch with Oprah Winfrey (Maya Rudolph) interviewing Rhonda Byrne (Amy Poehler). It includes a scene of a man in Darfur being interviewed by Winfrey and Byrne. They scolded him when he lamented that his people were starving, saying it was all the result of his lousy attitude.

In truly lulzy fashion, this played out less than a week later on "Nightline". Bob Proctor, author of "You Were Born Rich" and one of the "gurus" Byrne quotes most often, was asked whether the starving children of Darfur had "manifested" -- that is, visualized -- their own misery. In utter seriousness, he replied, "I think the country probably has."

Videos

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Acceptable reactions to The Secret

See Also

• Cults
• Scam
• Unrealistic Expectations

External Links

• Official shite
• yt channel
• Failbook
• imdb - get trolling
• P-p-p-p-products

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The Secret is part of a series on Psychology