Elon Musk

BREAKING NEWS!!
Elon Musk has bought Twitter

This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Elon Musk is, surprisingly, not a brand of designer cologne that costs $500 and makes you smell like a goat's ballsack for several months. Born in South Africa on June 28, 1971, Elon Reeve Musk is a 53-year-old billionaire entrepre ttention whore and IRL supervillain who is basically the unholy bastard child of Al Gore and the alt-right and—much like The Avatar—was born with the extremely rare ability to piss off both sides of the political/autism spectrum while barely even trying. He clipped the twitter bird's wings, then he/she/they/xe became an X. He let go several employees at the twatter/X headquarters and raped them goodbye.

As the CEO of Tesla Motors, Elon Musk was long believed to just be another typical liberal treefucker who never shuts up about global warming and cries himself to sleep every single night while thinking about the hundreds of retarded dolphins who kill themselves daily by sticking their heads through six pack rings. While it is true that Elon doesn't STFU about global warming, it is currently believed that he doesn't actually give a fuck about stupid shit like dolphin suicide or Mexican children who entered the United Stated illegally.

Elon is also the founder and CEO of SpaceX, a space travel company that he founded in 2002 with the intentions of colonizing Mars and then annihilating the entirety of South Africa with high-velocity moon rocks to get revenge on the people who bullied him during his youth for being a scrawny white pussy in South Africa.

	“	The father of Elon Musk, the billionaire tech entrepreneur, says it was “God’s plan” for him to have a baby with his own stepdaughter. Errol Musk, 72, described the 10-month-old baby boy he had with Jana Bezuidenhout, 30, as “exquisite”. He married her mother Heide when Jana was four but told The Sunday Times he did not consider her to be his stepdaughter because she had been raised away from the family for long periods of time.	„
	—chip off the old block?

Tesla Motors: Saving The World By Not Saving The World

	“	At about 10 o’clock on Saturday evening, an angry Musk was examining one of the production line’s mechanized modules, trying to figure out what was wrong, when the young, excited engineer was brought over to assist him. “Hey, buddy, this doesn’t work!” Musk shouted at the engineer, according to someone who heard the conversation. “Did you do this?” The engineer was taken aback. He had never met Musk before. Musk didn’t even know the engineer’s name. The young man wasn’t certain what, exactly, Musk was asking him, or why he sounded so angry. “You mean, program the robot?” the engineer said. “Or design that tool?” “Did you fucking do this?” Musk asked him. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to?” the engineer replied apologetically. “You’re a fucking idiot!” Musk shouted back. “Get the fuck out and don’t come back!”	„
	—https://www.wired.com/story/elon-musk-tesla-life-inside-gigafactory/

	“	Enraged that a British cave diver called his idea to rescue the Thai soccer team for what it was — “a p.r. stunt [with] absolutely no chance of working” — Musk took to Twitter and called him a “pedo.” Just like that, Tesla’s market value plummeted by $2 billion. Musk has been in business since 2002. His stated goal is nothing short of transforming humanity through his products: his electric cars, space travel, and an underground high-speed Hyperloop system. He has yet to succeed at anything but somehow spins every failure into proof of imminent success. His only accomplishment has been this decades-long Jedi mind trick. Tesla is best known for blowing deadlines and consistently falling short on production. In November 2017, Bloomberg reported that the company burns through $500,000 per hour. For two years now, Tesla has been suffering an epic talent drain, and in May, two top execs — one the liaison with the National Transportation Safety Board — walked out the door. That’s to say nothing of the human toll.	„
	—https://nypost.com/2018/07/21/elon-musk-is-a-total-fraud/

	“	The Tesla and SpaceX CEO's latest controversy stems from a live video podcast interview late Thursday as he smoked what host Joe Rogan described as marijuana inside of tobacco. The apparent weed puffing incident may not create legal problems for Musk. After all, it's legal in California (though federal law still considers it a crime). But the episode fueled an emerging narrative among his critics that Musk is, at best, unfocused or, at worst, losing control altogether.....Musk stunned Wall Street in early August with a tweet that he had "funding secured" to take Tesla private at $420 per share. Though he maintained that he believed the funding was available to do the deal, he later said it was not a good idea after all. Now the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is investigating.	„
	—https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2018/09/07/tesla-ceo-elon-musk-marijuana-controversy/1222499002/

SpaceX, Rockets On A Walmart Budget AND PIZZA ON MARS

	“	Musk spent about an hour and a half discussing SpaceX's strategy to fund and execute human colonies on Mars — and, certainly, several attendees asked him about that. But a few had more personal inquiries: one person wanted to pass a comic book, The Future of Fusion, to Musk onstage, and another asked if she could kiss Musk "on behalf of the ladies." And the fun didn't stop there. In what was clearly a poorly timed pitch, someone looking to produce a Funny Or Die video asked Musk if he'd use math to ID the "most expendable" person (and thus the most appropriate passenger for a one-way Mars trip) on Earth. He then suggested that person was actor Michael Cera. But the question that took the cake was from a recent Burning Man attendee, who wondered aloud whether Mars would have functional toilets or whether, like Burning Man, it would be a "dusty, waterless shitstorm."	„
	—https://mashable.com/2016/09/27/elon-musk-spacex-mars-questions/#ItyxwCKumqqD

	“	“Are you prepared to die? If that’s OK, then you’re a candidate for going,” Musk said. Would he become the first man on Mars himself? Probably not. “I’d definitely need to have a good succession plan because the probability of death is really high on the first mission. And I’d like to see my kids grow up.” But for those who are willing to risk death – Musk would not advise sending your children – he pulled up a presentation slide that showed SpaceX’s timeline to begin flights to Mars in 2023. The cost of sending a person to Mars right now is about $10 billion, he said. And his goal is to bring that figure down to $200,000, the median price of a home in the US, and hopefully even lower, to $140,000.....“There’s a tremendous opportunity for anyone who wants to go to Mars to create something new and bold, the foundations of a new planet. Everything from iron refineries to the first pizza joint, things on Mars that people can’t even imagine today that might be unique to Mars,” he said.	„
	—https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/priya/elon-musk-spacex-there-will-be-pizza-on-mars

	“	He’d like to expand his franchise to the defense department, but his company has faced a more challenging time displacing the incumbents there: In a no-bid process, United Launch Alliance (ULA), a joint venture of Lockheed Martin and Boeing, received a bulk contract worth billions of dollars for 36 rocket launches earlier this year, despite plans to introduce more competition and other cost-saving measures. Musk’s tweets yesterday focused on what happened next: The man who awarded ULA the contract, defense official Roger “Scott” Correll, was hired soon after his retirement to handle government relations at Aerojet Rocketdyne, a company that builds rocket engines for ULA. Musk didn’t mince words online when offering his interpretation of events: "V likely AF official Correll was told by ULA/Rocketdyne that a rich VP job was his if he gave them a sole source contract" "Reason I believe this is likely is that Correll first tried to work at SpaceX, but we turned him down. Our competitor, it seems, did not."	„
	—https://qz.com/212876/elon-musk-says-he-lost-a-multi-billion-dollar-contract-when-spacex-didnt-hire-a-public-official/

	“	Musk was answering a flurry of tweets this morning when he responded to one from Signal’s Brian Acton, co-founder of the Facebook-owned WhatsApp, that contained the hashtag #deletefacebook. “What’s Facebook?” Musk queried. Afterward, a follower told Musk he should delete SpaceX’s Facebook page if Musk was “the man.” Musk claimed he didn’t even know it existed and then said he would, probably in an attempt to preserve his “the man” status.	„
	—https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/23/17156402/elon-musk-deleted-tesla-and-spacex-facebook-pages-twitter-challenge

Elon Musk vs. Paedo Man

On June 23, 2018, a bunch of Thai boys who were members of a junior football team got themselves stuck in a cave because they're the second least intelligent of all the different types of Azn. After the Thais got Elon Musk to build a fucking submarine, a British paedophile named Vern Unsworth decided to mock Elon's efforts and then steal all the glory for himself by rescuing the delicious cave shotas before Elon could.

Gallery

Elon is a weeaboo. [1]
OwO whats this..? [2]
Elon is actually a catgirl. [3]
Bitcoin-chan so kawaii ^_^ [4]
Elon realizes how much of a meme he is. [5]
AI art generator imagines Elon as a character in GTA 6

Neuralink

Neuralink is Elon Musk's transhumanist vision for brain-chipping actual humans likely to turn them into zombies - or into Autists like himself. Neuralink caught the attention of many due to the fact it killed a bunch of monkeys during its animal testing trial. Despite that, the FDA still allowed Elon to start putting these things into people's brains. Last Thursday some dumb fuck actually willed himself to get a Neuralink implanted into his brain even after news of the chimp deaths broke out after Elon made the claim it will be able to make people walk again.

Twitter Buyout

After flirting back and forth with the bird executives about buying the micro-blogging platform, Elon eventually made a legally binding deal to buy Twitter in early 2022. The Musk then attempted to pull a "I was only kidding guis" stunt but got slapped on the wrist with a lolsuit by the Twitter owners, forcing him into buying it 4real. Fuck around, find out, as they say!

Currently Elon is claiming that he wants to make Twatter a Free Expression Zone, which is sending modern liberals into a frenzied butthurt and mass exodus. Musk went on to make the code for Twitter open-source, but after a fall in users The Zuck of Facebook harnessed its weakness and forked the source-code to make Threads (it was popular for a moment, but died out after a week.)

Twitter Blue aka 4chan Gold: Micro-blogging Edition is a new thing too. You can pay for a blue "verified badge" and to be able to bypass the "new features" such as the tweet view limit, max posts limit, etc! Very cool, Elon!

Later, Elon would also rebrand Twitter as X, which is a nightmare for Search Engine Optimization. As if putting the site behind a log-in only wall wasn't bad enough. Simply a noob-ish move on Musk's part. And what would you call "Twitter videos".

Drug Habits

As it turns out, Musky is a hardcore druggie and has been higher than giraffe tits for the past several years, which caused Tesla investors to and those close to him try to make him go to rehab, but Elon said no, no, no. Elon is seemingly unaware that doing hardcore drugs in your 50s comes with consequences. As of recent his ketamine benders have been causing Elon to go on ~~Twitter~~ Sorry, 𝕏 to raise concern about brown people entering America, although he himself was an immigrant from South Africa. If Musk keeps up these habits, he could end up as a contender for 2024's Golden iPod of The Year.