Sandalgate

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This is the tale of a man named Dubya and his unannounced last visit to his fave Club Med in Baghdad. After trolling the troops he'd sent to Arab Hell to throw combat boots at him, he took meetings with his puppet government in the heavily fortified and totally safe Green Zone where he decided to have a press conference with the Iraqi president, Ali Baba, to try and put a shine on his tarnished legacy.

DongCopter

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks...

As he stood at the podium being his usual smugfag self, patting himself on the back for a job well not done, one of the thoroughly vetted, professional reporters for the Iraqi media stood up and lobbed two shoe grenades he'd cunningly snuck through security at Bush's head, whilst calling him "a dog".

Although the shoe bombs failed to explode, he was still completely pwnt-despite being spared from über-pwnage by his lightning quick reflexes- as both shoe throwing and being called a dog are the ultimate insult in Arab cultures, (not to mention that the footage plus YouTube equals global lulz 4lyfe), and a fitting closing argument for his claims on the title: LULZIEST PRESIDENT EVAR.

About Our Hero

Ok, he wasn't really TIME magazine's man of the year for 2008. He threw the shoe in January 2009, after all. But there's probably a few billion people who agree that he deserves it anyway.

Muntadar al-Zaidi

Muntadar al-Zaidi throws a shoe at Abe Lincoln W.

In December 2008, George W. Bush was almost Abraham Lincoln'd by an Iraqi John Wilkes Booth.

Muntadar al-Zaidi is an Iraqi cobbler and traveling salesman for Payless Shoes who had the brilliant idea to attend George Bush's last press conference of the war and give him some shoes for Xmas. Details emerged of how the 29-year-old Shia shoe huckster, who has been moonlighting for al-Baghdadiyah television for three years, had been "victimised" by both US forces and Al Qaeda /i/insurgents during the Iraq war.

Zaidi is currently the toast of the Arab world but you wouldn't know it from the 'chest-bumps' he took from his fellow Iraqis, after they wrestled him to the ground, hauled him off to jail and beat him senseless. He's been charged with "offending the head of a foreign state" and is currently kicking it in a cell whilst the Iraqi parliament of frenemy Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds goes batshit crazy arguing his fate.

He has since apologized, said he'd do it again, not exactly apologized for his "ugly action" and asked for a pardon. Of course this has nothing to do with the 7 years (that's 28 in Bush years) in an Iraqi jail he's looking at if he gets convicted.

The Magic Slippers

Rumors are flying about like size 10 shoes re. the fate of his magic, flying slippers. Some say, that the offending footwear has been destroyed by the Iraqi military after undergoing explosives tests, whilst other sources are saying that they are up for auction; one Saudi has already offered $10M for at least one shoe.

Meanwhile the origins of the famous "Bush Shoes" (said to be the Ducati Model 271 model) are being hotly contested as the potential for hueg profits are up for grabs. So far, shoemakers in Turkey, Lebanon, China and Iraq are calling dibs on the patent. The front runner however, is a Turkish cobbler - Ramazan Baydan - who has already put 19,000 pairs into production and taken orders from around the globe for 95,000 pairs of the $40 shoes.

If you're too dense to be playing along at home, that's $4,560,000.00 motherfucker. And if you're an Jew intellectual property lawyer, that there Muntadar al-Zaidi is a motherfucking goldmine client.

5,000 posters advertising the shoes, on their way to the Middle East and Turkey, proclaim "Goodbye Bush, Welcome Democracy" in Turkish, English and Arabic.

Iraqi Reaction

Iraqi president Maliki shows off his range in his bid for a Yankees contract.

After the incident, our hapless shoe huckster was wrestled to the ground and hauled off to jail where he is currently facing assault charges: not for throwing shoes at W but for throwing a shoe near the Iraqi president!

Iraqis were divided on the propriety of hurling sandals at the leader of the free world lame duck 'president'. Whilst the majority were in favor of the shoe grenadier's actions and called for him to released from the Abu Ghraib (where he was awaiting transportation to Gitmo) as a national hero, many thought it was ill-mannered and imprudent...because it was insulting to the Iraqi president, as Bush was his guest!

Nonetheless, Iraqi TV played patriotic songs all day with a picture of our hero Muntadar in the background, as a crawling news feed displayed the joyous comments of Iraqi viewers.

On Arab Street

In Saudi Arabia, a newspaper reported that a man has offered $10 million to buy just one of what has almost certainly become the world’s most famous pair of crocs. Meanwhile, Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi, the Libyan leader, reportedly awarded the shoe thrower a medal of courage.

Major League Baseball Reaction

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $12 million.

The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush.

While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great velocity and good movement," said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.

"The first shoe was high and outside, but the second one was right down the middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said.

An online petition was also set up removed :(

All manner of wit and wisdom immediately started flying around the tubes like flies on shit. Once again, W had brought the lulz and maybe for the last time. Libtard blogs and forums overflowed with joy, for this president is the gift that keeps on giving and what better gift could he give a severely depressed nation at Christmastime?

One wag even decided to start a campaign on Facebook. closed

Why were shoes thrown at Bush?

Some argue that Bush was almost too cool under fire -like he was expecting the attack- leading to tinfoil hatters to speculate that he set the whole thing up for a stab at winning America's Funniest Home Vidyas.

There is also speculation that there could have been a second shooter (moar liek shoeter, amirite?) behind the grassy knoll sandy dune. This after our hapless hero's mother told reporters that her son wore a size 9 shoe and - thus - couldn't have been the lone gunshoeman.

Other world leaders in politics and the arts, had their own explanations.

Facepalm

1. Plato: For the greater good.
2. Aristotle: To actualize their potential.
3. Epicurus: For the fun of it.
4. Machiavelli: So that the subjects will view Bush with fear.
5. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
6. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of expression the Establishment would allow them.
7. The Sphinx: You tell me.
8. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What shoes?
9. Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long into the shoes, the shoes gaze also into you.
10. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to themselves, the shoes found it necessary to hurl themselves at him.
11. Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "throwing" was encoded into the objects "shoes" and "Bush", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
12. The Living End:Cuz' we don't need no one to tell us to do.
13. Conspiracy Theory: It was Bush who threw himself on the shoes.
14. Ron Paul: Why is there a president to throw shoes at in the first place?
15. Aleister Crowley: Shoe what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
16. Hitler: Exterminate the shoes!
17. Ayn Rand: By throwing the shoe, he made it a communal item, which is highly immoral.
18. Noam Chomsky: United States terrorist state hegemony caused the shoe to be thrown.

???...Profit!!!

In less than 24 hours of the epicness, enterprising Internets denizens who weren't too busy ROFLing or slicing and dicing it OTI started churning out Bush-meets-shoe crap, including the domain name BushDuckShoes.com offered for $10,000 and a shitty flash game called Sock & Awe, that sold for almost $8,000.

Bush's Boot Camp

George W. Bush just lost the game. Now you can too: report directly to Bush Boot Camp.

First up is the crappy flash game Bush's Boot Camp. Bush's Boot Camp puts players in the role of the Secret Service agents (who didn't actually protect the president) who shoot at a barrage of shoes being lobbed from the peanut gallery. Unlike our hero Muntadar al-Zaidi, the game's supply of shoes to toss is unlimited. Each shoe costs Bush a bit of "health", and the game ends when his health reaches zero. After the short game, one can enter ones handle -any handle- into the space provided and if you hadn't spent the whole game trying to shoot Bush with the two guns and, rather, tried to pick off the airborne shoes like clay pigeons you might end up on the high score list.

Quotes from Dubya and the Like

	“	So what if a guy threw a shoe at me.	„
	—W

	“	It's like driving down the street and having people not gesture at you with all five fingers.	„
	—W

	“	This is a gift from the Iraqis. This is a farewell kiss, you dog!	„
	—Iraqi shot putter.

	“	All I can report is it is a size 10.	„
	—W

	“	Thanks be to God, Muntadar's act fills Iraqi hearts with pride, I'm sure many Iraqis want to do what Muntadar did. You know...give him some good shoes.	„
	—Udai al-Zaidi, Al's brother

	“	He hates the American material shoes as much as he hates Iranian shoes.	„
	—Dhirggham, Al's other brother.

	“	The shoes should be exhibited in a museum as they resemble a rocket that talks on behalf of all Iraqis.	„
	—Zahraa, posting on website of Arabian Business magazine.

	“	Listen again. This is the sound of the shoe hitting the wall and missing President Bush. Please try again.	„
	—Radio announcer in Tehran.

	“	The shoes were examined by the Iraqi and American security services and then destroyed. Arf!	„
	—Bomb sniffing dog

	“	Given their light weight, just under 11 ounces each, and clunky design, I was amazed by their aerodynamics.	„
	—Shoe expert

	“	Al-Zaidi should do jail time because he missed.	„
	—Iraqi blogger

	“	Mr. Bush served some good purpose to the economy before he left.	„
	—Iraqi economists

	“	Someone should have clocked the shoes' velocity....if it's over 40 mph, sign the guy!	„
	—Omar Maniya, Mets GM

	“	History will record Mr Bush's last trip to Iraq, a country his government has left such an indelible mark upon, was greeted with a volley of shoes and a cry of 'dog'	„
	—democraticunderground.com

	“	He did go on to say throwing shoes is an important step towards freeing a nation, once America wakes up and we reclaim our freedom I think we need to have a shoe drive, the whole Bush/Clinton/Obama administration lines up and we can pelt them with shoes, all proceeds go to the homeless (there will be about 300 million of us by them).	„
	—YouTuber

	“	We should all hang shoes from powerlines like in Wag The Dog. Good old shoe.	„
	—Twitterer

	“	There are going to be three-plus million in DC for the inaugural. How cool it would be if they would all go to the Blight House on the day before and each leave a shoe outside the fence. Don't throw it - just place it on the sidewalk, like people did with all the tributes of Princess Di outside Buckingham Palace. What a visual that would be - millions of shoes piled up, giving the boot. Those who aren't going to DC could go down to their local GOP headquarters and leave them on the sidewalk there - or to the local office of their GOP congress critter. I think it would be a fantastic non-violent protest. And don't leave a pair of shoes - otherwise you'll just encourage people to take them. Use the rattiest, nastiest shoes you have. You know you all have at least one pair that's fit only for the trash.	„
	—Libtard

	“	We have been producing that specific style, which I personally designed, for 10 years, so I couldn’t have missed it, no way. As a shoemaker, you understand.	„
	—Biff Loman Ramazan Baydan, shoe huckster.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Epilogue

In September 2009, our hero Zaidi Muntather was released from jail early for good behaviour and keeping his shoes on his feet for 9 months. He had been in custody since the December 14th incident and was sentenced to a year in jail after pleading not guilty to animal cruelty. Although his original sentence was 3 years it was reduced to a year because -ultimately- even though he missed W's head, he had at least tried.

Video Shoops of the Incident

Someone's got potential!

NAO WITH MOAR OBAMA!

OH SHI-

VATS failure

Previous Video | Next Video

Merch

Shortly thereafter, the first in what is bound to be unlimited shitstorm of merchandise coming down the pike popped up on Cafe Press here, here and here. Crappier yet were the offerings on eBay.

How You Can Help

• PLAN A

Are you comfortably rich with a bit of money to spare?

Do the world a favor and make yourself a god among men.

Hire a crack team of Blackwater Mercenaries to go to Iraq, figure out where they're keeping "The Shoe Thrower", and then break him out and bring him to American soil.

There shouldn't be too much trouble finding people who would gladly see to it he would live out his days in complete comfort.

• PLAN B

I suppose we could give Anon a try given their recent track-record...

Gallery

shoe-ps About missing Pics

• 
  The shoe-ter himself.
• 
  Oh exploitable
• 
  Fixed
• 
  It was rumored that Dubya was the elusive "Fourth Stooge". Rumor-Confirmed.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Duck and cover.
• 
  You are doing it wrong
• 
  As W seen himself
• 
  Lol Wut
• 
  W shows of his Matrix moves.
• 
  Artist's impression of the shoes.
• 
  Put shoe on head!
• 
  Whack a mole
• 
  High concept Iraqi art.
• 
  Popular in certain quarters.
• 
  WHEN I WAS.
• 
  A new form of terror stalks the Middle East.
• 
  OH
• 
  SHI-
• 
  They don't even fit.
• 
  DO IT FAGGOT!]
• 
  wat
• 
  Bitches don't know.
• 
  Che Guevara's got nothing on this guy.
• 
  FOR GOD SAKES, FUCK DIS SHOE
• 
  POKEBALL GO!!!
• 
  Just throw it.
• 
  Crap from Cafe Press.

See Also

Someone threw a shoe at the Chinese prime minister at a University when he visited England, but also missed lol[[1]]

• Put Shoe On Head
• Abraham Lincoln
• Dong Copter
• Iraq
• Juba
• Pwnt
• W

External Links

• Bush fends off shoes in new viral computer game.
• A Shoe In The Bush T-Shirts at Cafe Press.
• "December 14 - World Day for Celebrating Bush's Humiliation" Facebook
• "George Bush Shoe Thrower Muntadar al-Zaidi" Facebook
• "Let the bidding began: $5,000 bucks for the shoes thrown at Bush" Facebook
• Online petition to Major League Baseball on behalf of al-Zaidi.
• Florida New Times offers al-Zaidi a job.
• Shoe-thrower hailed as a hero in Mideast.
• Pakistan cracks down on shoes at Bush press conference.
• Shoe-Hurling Iraqi Becomes a Folk Hero
• Another crappy flash game. BALEETED!
• Sock & Awe yet another shitty flash game.
• An entire Russian festival is dedicated to tossing shoes at Bush

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Featured article December 27, 2008
Preceded by Christmas	Sandalgate	Succeeded by Nurse-kun