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Animal Crossing
Animal Crossing is one of the shittiest games on the planet. It was designed by a team of furries who were ridiculed irl and therefore decided to make a little virtual community where they could chat and not get their ass kicked for showing their faces in public.
As this so-called "video game" neared completion, the internet was making its way out of the uterus, and the team of furries realized there were other furries who were also getting ridiculed around the world. So it was decided to release the game to everyone. It was originally going to be online, but fortunately Nintendo knew what would happen if furries could all band together, so they b& it.
In the game, furries talk to other furries, aka a furfag community. Due to a high amount of furries, which thankfully is a lot less now thanks to W, this exploded with the release of the second Animal Crossing game titled Wild World. The name implies that there will be plenty of hot animal porn. There was also an online mode, in which furries show off their new hats and clothing in an attempt to be erotic, and stand on both sides of animals to do emotion signs that make it look like they're gangbanging the neighbor elephant.
Many normal people have been turned furr-curious as a result of those strangely arousing, flat-chested anthropomorphic ragamuffins. Fortunately, the unexpected increase in the furry population was cut short when George Bush banned foreign trade in 2003. However, all was lost when the ban was lifted and the fourth Animal Crossing game was released in 2013, thus ushering forth another tsunami of furries.
In June 2013, Nintendo announced the release of Super Smash Bros. 4 which showed the Villager with tools from Animal Crossing to fight others. Many people gone apeshit and post pics of him all over the internet and posted porn pics of him with Wii Fit Trainer all over Rule 34 and Google Images. Few months later, the porn between the two stopped and people moved on to other things...by turning him into an "edgy" murderer.
In 2020, Nintendo released the latest and likely final version of Animal Crossing called New Horizons. New Horizons was significant as it was the first version of Animal Crossing that officially allowed online co-op gameplay and replaced or outright removed many long-time characters such as Joan and Tortimer. Nintendo completely changed the way most people play Animal Crossing with the release of New Horizons, By completely fucking up the entire game. New Horizons also replaced the town aspect of the game with you buying a getaway package from Tom Nook and moving to a deserted island to create your own furry paradise. You're initially limited as to how you can customize your island, but eventually you unlock more ways to destroy your island's environment. The game also added a new currency called Nook Miles which can be used to buy plane tickets to other uninhabited islands to destroy for resources, among other things. Character design options became gender neutral as Nintendo finally understood who Animal Crossing's target audience is. New Horizons graced the Nintendo Switch right as Covid was beginning to take off worldwide, causing mentally unstable women and gay men alike to play it for 6 months straight until they got bored of it and decided to find a life outside Animal Crossing, starting many arguments on Twitter over virtual hair in the process. Nintendo also added a new cat villager named Raymond to the game which many pissed themselves over for looking like any conventionally attractive man in a suit. People were even selling Raymond on e-Bay for real life money, proving that Animal Crossing is Srs Bsns. Eventually the game fell into irrelevancy after a couple of years as Covid slowly went away and people crawled out of their mom's basement and got back to their lives. Nintendo themselves eventually stopped caring about Animal Crossing and only released one single major free update and paid DLC for New Horizons, A house designing game that cost $25.
List of things to do in Animal Crossing
- NOTHING
- Get the golden statue, golden shovel, golden axe, golden net, golden rod and golden dildo.
- Buy Furniture.
- Troll for fish.
- Send erotic letters to the squirrel next door.
- Get sent flowers by Nintendo in a sweet gesture.
- Find out that the flowers from Nintendo were actually a glitch item that ruins your game.
- Put on your fursuit and shove the Gamecube controller as far up your anal cavity as possible. Leave the vibrate on.
- Change every neighbor's catchphrase to curse words or moaning.
- Catch at least 100 sea bass on rainy days while fishing for the rare as shit coelacanth.
- Hook up your Game Boy Advance to remind you why you bought the connection module.
- Scrape the cum off a random cat's face on the train.
- Listen to the indie nude dog express his wet love for you through music on his guitar.
- Live in fear of Tom Nook, the
raccoontanuki running the store, or just put up message board bulletins about how Nook is secretly Hitler. - Murder your neighbors and turn them into coats .
- Sell "fruit and furniture".
- Make your town flag a swastika.
Awesome Crossing: the entire game summed up in 30 seconds, made by yours truly.
Animal Crossing Movie???!!!
Animal Crossing Community?!
Yes, it has its own forums in the asshole of the interwebs. All the people there are either furries, trolls, pedophiles, niggers or faggots; but they aren't allowed to admit it due to the Communist rules that prevent everything lulzy from flaming/trolling to saying the word "Freak". You're not even allowed to link to YouTube (You'll get banned in a second if you do). Your mom also loves visiting this site, as do all her friends. Feel free to chat with them about their husbands, children and shallow depressing lives that they attempt to fill through fur faggotry.
The mods are the most lulziest out there and some have even banned themselves by accident. Seriously. The people on that site can be categorized easily into one of five areas. Furries, Mods, the mods bitches who report and donate for that star next to their name (blowjob anyone?), faggots and azns. 80% of the people there don't even play Animal Crossing anymore/have never played it in their life, but have become soft and decided to hide in the website for fear of sites like 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica (If anyone linked to a site like this they'd be banhammered anyways). If any of them ever saw something like Goatse, they would probably become an hero as quickly as possible (unless Bob the Cat was doing Goatse, then they would fap to it).
Most people on there are people who are in fear of the words Damn and Hell (they even put OMG into the filter due to "religious reasons"). Many mods live there as well who are constantly breathing down your neck waiting for you to screw up. For instance if a girl posted a fanfic that has the title "CRITISIZMZ WANTED!!!!!111one" and you typed "It could be better but it's okay", then the author, mods, newbies and several others would come crashing down upon you like an H-bomb on Hiroshima. However instead of dying in a horrible fiery inferno you'll get the banhammer.
Despite it being a shitty Kidz-only site, mods here are just as arrogant as they are on any other site. OH NOES. They implanted flood control! Currently, the most known 1337 h4x0rs are ACFan192 and Nintendrew101. LULZ.
Oh noes! They now have a FaceBook page! The irony of this is that two weeks before the account was made, the word Facebook was banned on the website. Many believe a raid from one anon was inspired by this, but they fail to realize that the account was created long before.
In fact, there are three Animal Crossing communities like this: ACC, AXA and Nookipedia BBS. However, all are equally shitty as AXA is really unpopular but had smart people, which eventually got ran out by an influx of weeaboos, while ACC is more popular but has people who have no idea how to spell, read, write, eat, sleep or find a game that is worth buying instead of fapping to Bob holding a fishing rod.
Exchanging Friend Codes
Getting into somebody's town through Animal Crossing Community is the worst choice ever. It's nearly impossible. First off, you're not allowed to just post friend codes in public where people can see (Lol another way to get banhammered), they set up a friend code system themselves so it helps "protect people's towns from massacre" or "pedobear". The friend code system works by requesting to exchange friend codes with someone else via the button on their profile, and once they approve both of your friend codes will be revealed only to each other. After seeing somebody's town you get to write a 1 star review about how un-fun, un-family-friendly and disrespectful their shithole was. You're thinking "Not that bad" right? I mean, how hard is it to not fuck up a simple friend code system? WRONG! Setting up this system is just as much of a bitch as finding people to meet up with. Here's how it works:
- Step 1- Instead of clicking on the friend code button, you have to look for the map button and create a little map on their stupid map creating feature (Because that's totally obvious).
- Step 2- Save it then click create a character, put your name, town's name and friend code on it.
- Step 3- Save it then go back to your map and attach it with the drop down menu.
- Step 4- Add town to your profile.
After going through that totally unnecessary shit you're ready to ask to visit people's towns. Start sending 20 requests an hour because usually only about 3 of 20 people actually read them. Most people will disapprove and afterwards will PM you saying:
—I dare you to go on there and see how much of this you get. | ||
That or
—Somebody who needs to chill. | ||
But what are these losers on ACC so worried about? Which brings us to...
Seeders
One day, a few basement dwellers posing as hackers (Who in reality are too stupid to actually hack so they just use a cheating device for the DS called the Action Replay) discovered a way to destroy people's Animal Crossing: Wild World copies. It was a seeding cheat that was originally intended for placing trees, buildings, rocks and other shit into their town for personal convenience. The little cheaters found out that they could use these "seeds" online to place in other peoples towns in awkward places such as on a spot right on the town gate. Once the game was saved, the owner of the town could BAWWWWW in butthurt as their game turned completely black screen and they could no longer get past the Nintendo logo when first turning it on, AKA bricked.
Seeders soon began making little seeding gangs dedicated to seed everyone's town that wasn't involved in it. What a fun thing to do on a Friday night! Every ACWW owner (especially Animal Crossing Community) wept, shook in their boots and ran to their nearest hugbox for help on how to prevent this. Their solution was making their town as safe as possible by letting only the ass-kissiest, most innocent popular little 12 year olds in and forcing every newbie to work for reviews as slaves. Some also tried being whiteknights and created anti-seeding clubs.
They're back...
T3h Crookz were a well known seeding gang for quite awhile but disbanded years ago. Note the gangster music.
No Moar Seeding?
Animal Crossing for Wii moved the building locations to a separate part of memory from "trash lying about", and seeders realized they couldn't use the action replay anymore. This left the good guys winning this round, no thanks to them, and the n00b hackers ended up the ones butthurt. It's been rumored that to this very day there are real hackers still trying to create seeds to ruin this game, but for now nothing has been exposed. It might even stay that way. However, considering it's been proven in the past that basement dwellers have been this low and how stupid Nintendo can really be, don't count on it.
Tom Nook
Tom Nook is a nigger who runs the local mafia and can also be seen in your house watching you fap. You can earn money by selling things to Nook, unless you want to be a hobo, although it's not advised by Nintendo as you've got to compete with hobo Joan the fucking pig creature or Pascal the stoned hippy otter.
At the beginning of the game Tom Nook makes you his personal nigger forcing you to do landscaping for his shitty shop, giving him blow jobs and performing tasks which require you to run around in circles for an hour.
In his last "shop" upgrade Tom summons two other Nazi raccoons, which he uses for pissing you off constantly while you shoplift. Tom Nook likes to keep you in debt by making your house bigger every time you pay off your mortgage (If you pay him 14,136 bells and give him a blowjob he'll even install a KFC to satisfy all your nigger needs!). Try to hop town when you're working for Nook? Bad idea. Srsly folks, there's no escape from the clutches of this gangster raccoon. Tom Nook's first words to you? "Bitch, plz."
Mr. Resetti
Mr. Resetti is a complete asshole who will flip dick at you for shutting down or restarting the game without saving. He usually just ends up yelling at you, but if you turn off the game without saving too many times he shoves a pick-axe up your ass and smacks you around for two minutes while all you can do is watch. On rare occasions however you may be visited by his brother Don who will do one of three things: Talk about his brother, show you pictures of his cock or if you're lucky, shove his head up your ass (as you can see the Resetti family has an abnormal attraction to putting things in your ass).
Crazy Redd
Crazy Redd is a conniving little bitch that will charge you a lot of bells for his fake paintings and ugly furniture. He is also wanted by the police for selling this stuff and also known for killing poor victims that won't become his cousin... Oh, and he works for Satan.
Tom Nook Copypasta
That's right, this furry little bastard right here, this little fucker's caused me so much trouble, So yeah, one day, I hopped on the train to 'fuckin nowheresville, and this fucking cat starts goddamn talking to me, that's right, a talking goddamn motherfucking cat, seemed normal enough, started asking questions about stupid shit like "Are you a girl?", I mean motherfuckin' seriously, do I look like a fuckin' goddamn woman? No, I motherfuckin' don't, so we had a nice fucking pleasant talk, he moved over and talked on goddamn the phone, I was glad that furry little motherfucker was gone at least for a minute, I was sick of hearing that fucking terrible robotic goddamn voice, fucking douchebag.
Anyways, I got off the train a few hours later, and this goddamn raccoon motherfucker jumps out of fucking nowhere, saying that I bought a house, what the fuck man, I'm like a little kid, I shouldn't be goddamn motherfucking worrying about stupid fucking responsi-fucking-bilities like that shit, so he showed me the fucking house, went inside, and god-fucking damn that house sucked, it was dusty and small, and all it had was a fucking box and radio, fuck. So I asked the furry bastard how much for the goddamn house, he said it would be about 10 grand.
That's right, motherfucking ten fucking grand, how the fuck am I suppose to goddamn afford that shit? So he said "YOU CAN WORK PART TIME IN MY MOTHERFUCKING SHOP" and I was like, fine you douchebag. So I went to the freaking shop and what do you know, it's got spiderwebs, fucking hate spiders. Goddamn, I have a fucking sarcastic furry male boxxy as my goddamn landlord, fucking fucker assholes. So the first motherfucking thing he asked me to do is change in the goddamn store, no changing rooms or fucking privacy, motherfucking ass balls.
So I wore the uniform which looked like it had a goddamn leaf that some asshole took a bite out of. I had to plant shit outside of the goddamn store, no big fucking deal, he doesn't seem to understand the goddamn child labor laws, gonna fucking sue his ass when I can afford a goddamn fucking phone. So then he asks me to talk to everyone in town, FUCK THAT SHIT, I did it anyway.
Anyways, after many repetitive tasks, I had finally paid off the goddamn house.. OR DID I? Fucking shit. I have to pay about a fucking million more bells for the goddamn motherfucking house. That furry little bastard. I don't even remember buying a fucking house, fucking shit.
See also
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Animal Crossing is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Animal Crossing is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
