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Mega Man
Mega Man (sometimes stylised Megaman or MegaMan) is a perfect modern-day example of a once beloved franchise being mercilessly milked of all of its worth. Originally introduced as a side-scrolling platformer in the 1980s, the series still runs to this day and has expanded to incorporte shitty RPGs & 3D adventures. Don't worry though, there are still MOAR samey horrible platformers. Each of these games are exactly the same in concept although each new iteration usually comes with slightly better anti-aliased graphics. Also, Mega Man cannot crouch. This nigger can shoot lemons out of his fucking hand and absorb the powers of the dead, but spikes kill him instantly and he can't crouch.... ¿Explain that?
Classic Series
Mega Man: The game that started the whole mess. It had no save feature, no passwords, and only 6 bosses. It also had a scoring system that was relatively useless and served no real purpose. Mega Man 1 also introduced the revolutionary idea of "Mandatory Cheating" by making it impossible to beat the bosses unless you cheated by pausing the fuck out of the game while attacking them.
Mega Man 2: The second game in the series added two more bosses, bringing the total to 8. This was much better than the original, but that doesn't say much. People who played this game say it's the best out of all the classic Mega Man games, but that's because the super OP metal blade and an optional easier mode in the American version simplify the game to a retards level. Along with cannibalizing the corpses of his defeated enemies like a fucking ghoul for their weapons, Mega Man's Santa-like creator and creepy father figure Dr. Light would appear and give Mega Man special devices to use. These devices consisted of a rocket, a hovering platform, and a bouncing piece of shit. This game also introduced Energy Tanks and a password feature to save progress.
Mega Man 3: This game introduced Mega Man's red robot dog Rush. Rush had a trampoline in its back, and could transform into a dog-headed jetboard and a dog-headed submarine. Both ran on limited energy, meaning the dog would frequently bail and let you drop to your death. It is also the first appearance of Mega Man's brother, Protoman. Protoman had a scarf, a bike helmet, a completely useless shield, and a tendency to attack the fuck out of his little brother for no good reason. The release of Mega Man III was around the time when Capcom held contests where fans could submit their ideas for upcoming Mega Man bosses. This may explain some of the more fucked-up ideas they put in their games. For instance, Hard Man, a guy with a dial on his ass whose name spawned too many cock jokes, Snakeman, the series' first robot furry, and Top Man, whom beating obtained Mega Man the Top Spin ability where he could spin in the air like a jackass. Despite being the worst weapon in the series, Top Spin was the only way to beat Dr. Wily at the end of the game. Either that or that retarded snake weapon.
Mega Man 4: Mega Man has to defeat an evil Communist who was forced to fight Mega Man when Dr. Wily kidnapped his daughter. One of the deadlier foes is Dust Man, a robot master who had the powers of a vacuum cleaner AND the powers of a vacuum cleaner in reverse, which essentially made him a prostitute. The ability to defeat this amazing robot is considered to be a super-skill. Also of note was Dive Man, who was basically an underwater version of Hard Man. This game also saw the introduction of Eddie, the little red suitcase looking thing who would give you useless items, especially in critical moments of gameplay. Also the programmers thought it would be rich to stop recording your E-tanks with the password feature.
Mega Man 5: A fucking bird was introduced...what a surprise. you get to fight and kick protom- no wait nothing happens The agony of disappoint.
Mega Man 6: Some guy who goes by the name of Mr. X has been controlling Dr. Wily from the very beginning, so now Mega Man has to enter a tournament to stop him and his 8 weapons of worldly destruction (Robot Masters). As fate would have it, X reveals himself as Wily after his plans for world domination have once again faild. Two new items appear in this game: the Rush Jet Adapter and the Rush Power Adapter. The Jet Adapter allows you to fly into every fucking spiked ceiling there is, and the Power Adapter allows you to knock down every fucking object in your path in a blind rage; both of which involve fusing with Rush in typical DBZ fashion.
Mega Man 7: This game followed the same basic Wily-will-take-over-the-world crap storyline, but with a twist. Apparently, Mega Man was successful at capturing Wily in the previous game, but has now escaped with the help of his robots (yet again). To make matters worse, Mega Man just FUCKING STANDS THERE as Wily makes his escape. Capcom added several new features to this game: a new emo character names Bass (later ripped off by Sonic Team), Protoman returning to kick your ass once again, and they even decided to rip off the vastly superior Mega Man X series by adding an introductory stage and blatantly copying their password system. You only get 4 robot masters at the beginning, the other 4 appear after you defeat the first ones. You now have to buy them from the store run by some frankenbot named "Auto". You need bolts to purchase the items and there isn't really anything good from the start. If you want the good items, you have to find his Hyperbolt, which takes long hours of gameplay to find, and then it takes even more bolts to buy those items. This game introduced Weapon Tanks, or simply W-Tanks; these would refill weapon energy and you were able to carry up to 4 of these. It's also a noteworthy fact that this game is responsible for the creation of several MS Paint webcomics.
Mega Man 8: A robot named Duo crashes into Earth after a fight in outer space against what is believed to be dark energy. In his lifelong attempt to conquer the world by any means possible, Wily wants to use this energy for his evil purposes. Capcom thought this game was so awesome, it got released onto TWO systems: Sony's Playstation, and Sega's Saturn. It is important to note that the Playstation version got ported to the release of Mega Man Anniversary Collection and is the version more familiar to the Internet, therefore rendering the Saturn version a forgotten failure in the sight of its own creators. This game isn't really different from the others at all, since all you do is run around fighting 8 more Robot Masters, all in a feigned effort to stop Wily again. Unlike the previous game, however, there are only 40 bolts in the entire game, making it impossible to buy every single item in the shop. Also, following the tradition of the first game, there are NO Energy Tanks at all.
Mega Man & Bass: Some android by the named King takes his army of Robot Masters on some sort of rampage. You soon find out, however, that this is all just Dr. Wily is up to his shenanigans again. This game recycled the character sprites from Megaman 8, reused Tengu Man and Astro Man, and copied the abilities from the X series. Bass, now a playable character, is able to dash and double-jump, giving him an advantage over Mega Man in stage completion. Some of these stages were horribly designed and made as if the only playable character was Bass; getting through these stages as Mega Man was impossible at best. Like in Mega Man VII, there are bolts that can be collected to purchase items at the shop, only without the "ZOMG find my Hyperbolt so I can make better items" garbage that plagued Mega Man VII. Interestingly enough, sometimes Auto would misplace a single bolt when making an item for you, which really made no difference at all as each item cost at least 50 bolts to make; that, and the price difference between items far exceeded 1 bolt. Again, like Mega Man VIII, this game did not have any Energy Tanks.
Mega Man 9: Realizing that retrofags were still worth marketing to, the creator of the Mega Man games decided to use pseudo-8-bit graphics in this game, thereby pissing off graphicfags everywhere, especially IGN. This made retrofags cream their pants. It also has one Robot Master that is a girl. Dr. Light is the one who gets framed this time, by really fucking obviously Dr. Wily. It is also rumored to be almost as difficult as Battletoads. Mega Man lost his charge/slide abilities, which caused mass fanboy bawwwing worldwide. Protoman has these abilities, but takes double damage and has goes further backwards than his brother when hit, making him a total pussy. Robot masters include Jewel Man and Concrete Man who teaches you the deadly Cum Shot maneuver.
Mega Man 10: Nobody cared about this one because it has a fucking sheep for a boss. Oh, and there's some dumb shit about a robot virus. Protoman and Megaman will be returning along with Bass as a downloadable character. The same day the game came out, hackers found out all the downloadable data was already in the game and fully playable. Silly Capcom, did you learn nothing?
Mega Man 11: After failing 10 times in a fucking row, Dr.Willy relies on 2 gears he made in a grade school nobody cared about and thus tries to take over the world, Because that worked so well the last 10 times. Hearing the news, Dr.Light installs the 2 gears on megaman, thus alowing him to slow down time and power himself up. The game looks even worse than the original NES game.
X Series
Mega Man X: The game that established Zero, Megaman's first almost-gay-lover in the series (Known as X here). The game also had robot furfaggots, miniature Boba Fett with a ride armor fetish, and a purple armadillo character.
Mega Man X2: One of the bad guys is a sponge.
Mega Man X3: Some robots go berserk, so X has to kill them. Boba Fett returns in another attempt to kill X, as well as these 2 new faggots named Bit and Byte. But in the end, Sigma is responsible for everything, again!. This is the first time you can use Zero, but he's a complete pussy cause when he dies once on a stage, he'll be "Too injured to help anymore!" leaving X to do the rest of the work. Yeah, he's really fucking helpful.
Mega Man X4: This game is only worth remembering for the fully animated cut scenes. Many fans went rage and BAW after watching Iris' death. This may not seem like a big deal in this day and age, but you really have to listen to the voice acting in this game to fully appreciate just how laughably terrible it is.
Mega Man X5: Since the creators of Mega Man love Guns N Roses, all the bosses are based off of them. There's also this faggot named Dynamo who tries to stop X and Zero from doing the obvious and overused plot of stopping Sigma. This game also gives both our boys their biggest and best enhancement ever: The ability to duck!
Mega Man X6: Considered to be the worst one of them all. After Zero's TOTALLY UNEXPECTED DEATH IN X5, X contiues killing stuff, but now he uses Zero's saber.This game usually gets a review rating of 1-5 on Gamefaqs cause most of the stages involve either fighting the same fucking red doughnut, getting attacked by some giant robot, or getting killed by spikes.
Mega Man X7 - X8: Same thing as before. Fans declared the rest shit. On a related note, Mega Man X7 not only sucked hard, but also introduced a new character named Axl who can transform into defeated enemies and bosses (which is probably why he plays the exact same as X). It also had voice acting as bad as X4 and let you play as a chick.
X Command Mission
A 3D Mega Man X RPG. The plot takes place after X8 and apparently Sigma's dead, so now X, Zero, Axl, Spider, Massimo, Marino, Cinnamon, and a million other protagonists save the world from the only black reploid in the entire series.
Mega Man Zero Series
Mega Man Zero: Zero (now wearing a metal thong) Rip Van Winkles himself into the future, and is molested awake by an underage scientist chick and her pet fairy. She forces him to do random errands and commit acts of terror for her and her friends. Then, Mega Man X's clone gets mad and fights him.
Mega Man Zero 2: Ciel is replaced by a rather foppish Reploid named Elpizo, so that Ciel can sit all day on the computer. Elpizo makes Zero do MORE random errands and acts of terror. Then, he breaks into a giant tree, and Zero has to stop him, but is too late. Elpizo then calls on Satan to get more power, but instead becomes an hero.
Mega Man Zero 3: A cyborg named Dr. Weil, and his big, black Reploid named Omega try to troll Zero and his friends by getting to the Dark Elf first. He goes about this by using people who fight wearing fursuits. After they get defeated, Weil nukes people, and then gets six more people in fursuits to fight Zero, before Zero cuts down Omega and Weil poops his pants and runs away.
Mega Man Zero 4: Dr. Weil and his eight new furries are trying to troll Zero by wrecking the trees. Then, Weil reveals that he made an XBOX-HUEG space station to wreck the trees, and then Zero has to fight Weil after he morphs into a giant tentacle monster.
Mega Man ZX series
Mega Man ZX: Play as a brown-haired Naruto or his hot loli sister as you try to stop furries from stealing evil pieces of metal that eat your soul.
Mega Man ZX Advent: Play as a black guy or annoying albino as you try and stop the furries from taking more evil metal.
Legends series
Notable for having pseudo-incest, a milf mechanic, and green-haired lolis, this series is the most popular among virgins. Even though the third installment got cancelled, Capcom keeps cockteasing Legends fanboys by putting Legends characters in the Marvel vs. Capcom series.
Battle Network
Mega Man had to save the internet from over 9,000 computer viruses that looked like retarded versions of their original counterparts. It really was the same thing over and over again, but no one really gave a shit. After this series wrapped up, Capcom decided to appeal to the small niche that actually liked Battle Network by making Mega Man Star Force, which was essentially the same shit but with 3D graphics and a main character with a tighter, skimpier outfit. Some argue that Star Force is the biggest modern shit Capcom has taken.
Mighty No. 9
Because of the previous failed attempts at a Megadong game, that is even halfway decent, Keiji Inafune decided to go to Kickstarter, so that retarded fanboys would pay for a game, they later had to pay even more for. And some fucking idiots even went as far to pay fucking 10,000 fucking dollars to have gaysex dinner with Keiji Inafune, plus paying for the food and transport. Because Keiji wisely left the sinking shit that is Capcom, it is worth noting that game can not be Megaman, and instead be called Mighty No. 9.
To cater to the vaginas of the world, you can also play as a female robot, because robots have genitalia, right?
The female robot is wisely named Call, because just like all women, she is nothing but an escort service.
The male robot is named Beck, because if you play this game, you are an loser, so why don't somebody kill you?
Mighty No 9 Go support the Kickstarter instead of giving to starving children or more serverspace for ED furryporn.
Galleries
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A Megaman Legends fan's wet dream. -
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Damn, Megaman. You really let yourself go. -
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Bawwwwwww -
Dr. Wily, the arch nemesis of Mega Man. -
A typical day in the life of Mega Man. -
It's weird seeing something this cute without there being any semen involved. -
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The reason why megaman wasn't in brawl -
This is what the ground-breaking series started with. -
An accurate depiction of side effects when playing Mega Man. -
The main plot point of every game. -
Shows the blue bomber's real relationship with Rush. -
Totally not Boba Fett...or Jango Fett. -
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Mega Man, perpetuating faggotry. -
MEGA-HI! -
In the show, there have been amusing positions. -
Same as before. -
Doing it right. -
You know. -
Awesome Man. -
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The ability to JUST FUCKING STAND THERE became a staple in his character development. -
A typical debate over who the superior arm cannon-wielding warrior is. -
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You sad? -
Now in giant size for the giantess lovers. -
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Megaman.exe puts on his fur suit. -
Typical EXE fanart. HAWT!! -
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Armored Armadillo broke barriers and anal cherries. -
Jew Man -
Select a lolcow stage. -
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Oh look, the robots even clean! -
A robot gladly serving Tron Bonne. -
A dildo and a...anal drill dildo?
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TITS! -
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Now why would anyone draw this shit?! -
Huge gaping vagina the size of your monitor.
Videos
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How To Troll Mega Man Fanboys
- Spell Zero's name as 0.
- Call 0 a girl.
- When 0's cataclysm theory is mentioned to have been proven false, claim that Keiji Inafune doesn't care about the series anymore.
- Show them the offical Megaman Zero manga. Reading it usually results in serious nerd rage and lulz. Here is a video of a fan reacting to the last pages of Volume 3.
- Say that Mega Man is a ripoff of Astro Boy.
- Claim that Mega Man X is an upgraded version of the original Mega Man. This will usually cause Mega Man fanboys to go on a full-blown outrage, saying that it doesn't comprehend with the storyline, despite the fact that the storyline is completely overflooded with plotholes and shit that doesn't even make any fucking sense.
- When discussing Mega Man 9 and/or Mega Man 10, constantly remind fanboys that they spent money for "unlockable" characters and levels which were already included.
- Say Protomen > The Megas
- Say The Megas > Protomen
- Constantly ask fanboys when Mega Man Legends 3 is coming out.
- Register Mega Man forums and spam BURN BURN BURN TO THE GROUND!
- Say that Zero's gay.
- Tell them that the Star Force series is the best
See Also
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Megaman is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |