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Fikirtepe

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Fikirtepe is the crown jewel of the Constantinople, Turkey and by far the richest region in the city. Its inhabitants consists of guidos, gheys and stylas. They can all be sorted under the title Arab of Turkey.

Overview of Fikirtepe

Located in the Anatolian region of Constantinople, the monthly income of its citizens are estimated roughly around 300$, which is entirely spent on black person. The arsenal of a common citizen can be quite dangerous as seen on the news. [[1]]

File:Hugs.jpg
Give it up for Ottoman Fist Pump!
File:Apaçi stayla.jpg
Turkish people in their habitat

The dwellers can be summed up to these categories:

  • Apaches, this fairly larger group is made of both stylas and strong-silent type emo group called "delikanlı," which means "crazy blood" in Turkish.

Fikirtepe Further Explained

Daily life starts in Fikirtepe by Islamic prayer as wake up call. During daytime, unemployed men can be observed mostly watching gallop races or abusing children, but they take a break from their activites at least 5 times a day to fulfill their duty to Allah. Females are forced to work as a slave in their own house to wash their man's feet and obey. Failure to do so will get them killed or their kidney being sold on eBay. The styla street dancers perform their magic and continue to impress while small starving children are pickpocketing tourist bystanders. Puny police forces cannot subdue these small criminals since they are agile as a Compsognathus[[2]]

File:Fikirtepe.jpg
Fikirtepe, the place where real men is blended everyday to their full potential.

. Part of the youth attends to gatherings of Nationalist Movement Party, where they take oaths to kill Armenians and other minorities, apparently just for kicks, since no sane Turkish Armenian or Kurd would even come near Fikirtepe. Nearly every week a fight due of a love triangle situation occurs and Blood God's will is satisfied. The typical male sings ballads of love to his affectionate by making YouTube videos on her name. In Turkey, every neighbourhood has its psycho, but in Fikirtepe every street has one. They usually ride on oversized kangal[[3]] dogs which are supposed to be dead years ago by rabies, but somehow with hashish and islamic dark energy, survived.


Only people born in Fikirtepe can survive in it, but if you are curious or just passing by, following these rules might help you survive;

  1. Be careful when travelling on buses, greasy seats and bars can be slippery, and you should meditate few hours before to endure the stench of exposed armpits or toxic breath of gypsies.
  2. If you are the last passenger on a public transport, congratulations, you are about to be raped.
  3. You should always keep your act as if you are a local, if they think you are from outside, you are dead. And raped.
  4. Pretend if you know someone from the hierarchy of the town, get creative and always use the phrase Reis before mentioning their name.
  5. If you ever get stopped by a kid, just hand out all your possesions and run, if you try to attack they will swarm on you before you know it.
  6. Carrying few knife wounds exposed on your body will make wonders in your street cred.
  7. Always wear knock-off brands, if they spot you are wearing an original brand, you are about to be stabbed to death while being anally raped before you close your eyes to oblivion.

Music in Fikirtepe

Music is constantly evolving in this creative and artistic neighbourhood. A strong authority in music is MC Kabak. The popular genres are cheesy love ballads, techno, rave, house and sometimes metal.



Fikirtepe on Internets

  • Official fan page of the Fikirtepe on facebook[4].

New Year's celebrations are the longest days for Turkish Police Force since unsexed hordes of Fikirtepeians constantly appear on the news sexually harrasing women, mostly tourists. After public footage was released in 2008 when 82 men was filmed raping women by beating their boyfriends first, they were quickly brought to justice by Istanbul's finest and were sentenced to pay a sum of 31$.

  • Although Fikirtepe's image is constantly being polished by media on the news like "Fikirtepe is the perfect choice for investors in Istanbul"[5], sometimes few heroes step up to deliver the lulz like Ömer Ulusoy, a perfect provacator who escalated a nation wide spread feeling of terror by raiding a University 500 miles away from where he lives. By wearing a sleek suit and a sword tattoo on his forehead, he fired shots to students and walked away. He was caught 2 years after the event when he was shopping for condoms to rape leftist girls. Few months later he was released due to his good behaviour.


Fikirtepe News Bulletin

  • A rich 17 year old kid chops off her girlfriend's head and goes missing for a year. Nation wide drama was imposed to find the man. He was arrested on the day he turned legal on a Fikirtepe internet cafe where he was playing the Fy_Iceworld on Counter Strike.
  • Even Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan stepped up to take his role on the drama, saying: When we see unwanted murders like that, we need to remember the saying: "A left alone girl will be either left to a retarded drummer or a Vuvuzella player." [6]
  • A highly acclaimed TV Show, called Fifth Dimension reached a climactic ending on the last episode when one of the man characters posessed by the devil turns to Islam and was saved. To a mental instution. Musics from popular game title Diablo did well to set the mood for the finale.
  • Apache Serkan aganist the world: A famous kick boxer from the land of the brave, Fikirtepe to kick some ass. Rumours incidate a movie sequel might come up from this legendary warrior.


Fikirtepe's Natural Wonders and Its Upstanding Citizens

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