Iowa

Iowa is the place where corn and tofu come from, not to be confused with potatoes or Idaho. It is named after the tribe of natives who were deported to Kansas to make room for immigrant Christians and atheists.

The population of Iowa is generally composed of White Trash

A horrible city to go to is Council Bluffs, Iowa, where crack and meth addicts run rampant, almost half the town is morbidly obese and where if you kill a frigging black squirrel you get in huge trouble with da popo. Also know as C-Bang, C.B., and Council Tuckey.

Dubuque is a fat town on the Mississippi that started as a French lead mine or something, and has had a history of Al Capone owning parts of teh city. Currently the main town gets raided by vikings from East Dubuque across the river in Illinois.

God floods Cedar Rapids every time you look at porn, but they don't mind because people actually notice their cute little shithole of a town.

Iowa is one of the many states that used to be inhabited by French people, hence the weird names for cities. Last Thursday a group of homeless boys from Iowa joined forces to make a shitty Metal Poser band attractive to all 16 year old girls called ShitKnot

How to find Iowa

Cow Pies

Cows and Tornadoes

Farming

Iowa is most famous for corn, pigs and bathtub meth. If you take a deep breath in summer you can smell the stagnant stench of hog shit and methamphetamine.

Things To Do In Iowa

In 1997 Iowa's Department of Natural Resources legalized the hunting and taming of the local wildlife nigger population for sport, but only during the mating season from July until August. If you are in Des Moines, the pathetic capital of Iowa, Slipknot concerts are popular to attend here, as all the members hail from the capital. You'd better be into metal, otherwise there is no other kind of music sold or heard in Iowa.

Weather

During the summer, Iowa smells like corn cum because teh corn fucks slower than old people. Iowa is very flat and has almost no trees, so the wind and odors will find you anywhere you try to hide. Farmers often do too many rain dances to make the cow pies grow, causing the Mississippi River to flood and kill everyone. It's like New Orleans but with tornadoes and rednecks instead of hurricanes and niggers.

During the winter, Iowa is butt cold due to the wind and global cooling, but it does smell better.

Politics

Iowans are famous for always holding their caucuses before anyone else. Ironically, nobody in Iowa actually knows what a caucus is.

Iowa is also politically attractive because it is the birth place of James T. Kirk and the site of Kevin Kostner's baseball diamond.

In the 2004 presidential election, Iowa was a swing State that ultimately voted to re-elect Bush, thereby causing the Iraq war to not end.

They are understandably very sorry for this.

Government

Iowa is one of five Mid-West communist states, bordering on New York, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Wyoming. Iowa is currently leading the nation in the waste of Federal BlackBerry dollars known as their senator, Grandpa Cornpants. Back in his day, they didn't have punctuation or vowels, so please be understanding when you read his Twitter page.

Teh Intertubes

Iowa was once mentioned in Wired magazine 10 years ago.

Rap Stars

The famous Leslie Hall, is from Ames, Iowa.

Leslie Hall - Gem Sweater     “   Author tobi87 '   „

Leslie and the Ly's - RING-A-DING-DING     “   Leslie and the Ly's at a typical Iowa party. Author zombiromance '   „

Leslie Hall - Ring A Ding Ding     “   Author marnjan21 '   „

Other Web Stars

Iowa also happens to be the home for the most funniest comedians. This Jewtube user claims himself to be the funniest man in Iowa. Although some questions arise about his un-funniness, whether he's serious about it, trying to be ironic (because this is probably as close to the funniest thing in Iowa since Napoleon Dynamite), or he's just an IRL DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS.

<

Previous Video | Next Video

See Also

• Ben Johnson