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Emma Jones: Difference between revisions
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[[File:Emma Jones.jpg|right|frame|Arabian jail... or [[an hero|some other way out]]??]] | [[File:Emma Jones.jpg|right|frame|Arabian jail... or [[an hero|some other way out]]??]] | ||
'''Emma Jones''' was once your average [[British]] [[woman]] in the [[Middle East]]: [[asking for it|prim]], [[asking for it|proper]], and forever maintaining the necessary degree of vigilance lest an unwashed Arab grab her kicking and screaming off the street for a little international [[surprise sex]]. Employed in the noble (if futile) practice of trying to [[English motherfucker do you speak it|teach Arab | '''Emma Jones''' was once your average [[British]] [[woman]] in the [[Middle East]]: [[asking for it|prim]], [[asking for it|proper]], and forever maintaining the necessary degree of vigilance lest an unwashed Arab grab her kicking and screaming off the street for a little international [[surprise sex]]. Employed in the noble (if futile) practice of trying to [[English motherfucker do you speak it|teach Arab children to speak English]] rather than their godless jib-jab [[moonspeak]], the twenty-four year old seemed to be making the best of a bad situation in '''Abu Dhabi'''... right up to the point where one of her co-workers searched for her on [[Failbook]]. | ||
Little did Emma Jones know, she was about to be ''trolled to death''. | Little did Emma Jones know, she was about to be ''trolled to death''. | ||
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==How do I avoided jail?== | ==How do I avoided jail?== | ||
The images were brought to young Emma's attention at work one day, when a colleague casually stuffed a | The images were brought to young Emma's attention at work one day, when a colleague casually stuffed a handful of [[Jew gold]] down her blouse and inquired about the going rate for a [[blowjob|blowjorb]]. Because the only women in Sandniggerland who ''have'' anything under their burkas are [[prostitute]]s ([[lolwut|right?]]), the mere existance of n00ds makes one a whore under UAE law! The punishment? Well, [[rape]], obviously; and then prison. Undoubtedly followed by a lot moar rape. | ||
She couldn't flee the country, because Abu Dhabi's [[cops|1337 camel-mounted police force]] would surely have it as [[USI|top priority to hunt her down and stop her]] at the airport. What other choice, then? A [[man|sensible person]] might have calmed down, and decided that ''at worst'' a jaunt to the embassy to consult an [[attorney at lol]] may have been in order. But no. The chick decided that the best solution was a [[final solution|final one]], and chugged a bottle of drain cleaner. | She couldn't flee the country, because Abu Dhabi's [[cops|1337 camel-mounted police force]] would surely have it as [[USI|top priority to hunt her down and stop her]] at the airport. What other choice, then? A [[man|sensible person]] might have calmed down, and decided that ''at worst'' a jaunt to the embassy to consult an [[attorney at lol]] may have been in order. But no. The chick decided that the best solution was a [[final solution|final one]], and chugged a bottle of drain cleaner. | ||
Revision as of 05:00, 11 May 2011
Emma Jones was once your average British woman in the Middle East: prim, proper, and forever maintaining the necessary degree of vigilance lest an unwashed Arab grab her kicking and screaming off the street for a little international surprise sex. Employed in the noble (if futile) practice of trying to teach Arab children to speak English rather than their godless jib-jab moonspeak, the twenty-four year old seemed to be making the best of a bad situation in Abu Dhabi... right up to the point where one of her co-workers searched for her on Failbook.
Little did Emma Jones know, she was about to be trolled to death.
N00ds? In MY United Arab Emirates?
It seems that before she got on a plane to Camelsville, Emma had broken up with IT consultant Jamie Brayley. Being a responsible grown-up, Jamie reacted with what would usually be an unremarkable response for a man in his position: upload all the noods of his ex that he could get his hands on to The Internets, specifically Facebook.
When pwnt in this manner, most women go down the same predictable route: first BAWWWWWW, then a botched attempt at DMCA, followed by allegations that the ex almost raped them, and finally, acceptance that they have been put in their rightful place. Given that she was in Dubai, however, made the whole thing more dangerous for Emma Jones, because Muslim countries tend to take a more old-fashioned attitude to these sorts of things.
How do I avoided jail?
The images were brought to young Emma's attention at work one day, when a colleague casually stuffed a handful of Jew gold down her blouse and inquired about the going rate for a blowjorb. Because the only women in Sandniggerland who have anything under their burkas are prostitutes (right?), the mere existance of n00ds makes one a whore under UAE law! The punishment? Well, rape, obviously; and then prison. Undoubtedly followed by a lot moar rape.
She couldn't flee the country, because Abu Dhabi's 1337 camel-mounted police force would surely have it as top priority to hunt her down and stop her at the airport. What other choice, then? A sensible person might have calmed down, and decided that at worst a jaunt to the embassy to consult an attorney at lol may have been in order. But no. The chick decided that the best solution was a final one, and chugged a bottle of drain cleaner.
What did we learn, children?
Sadly, this means the sandnigger children will not learn to English. But for the average slovenly netzian, there is at least one time-honoured lesson to be derived from this moderately lulzy episode:
