Net Neutrality

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Truer words have *never* been spoken.

Commonly known as "the second biggest lie ever told" (right behind The Holocaust and just edging out Evolution), Net Neutrality is a buzzword that was invented by the internet savvy masters of the internets to pacify the bleeding-hearts stupid, liberal furries who are trying to make the world better by blogging about their opinions.

What the fuck is Net Neutrality?

As made obvious in the video, Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T are all Martian space ships out to raep us.

The Conspiracy

By 2012, your internet will either be only crap, crappier or moar crap!!.

File:Netneutrality2.PNG

Fuck you, internet. Fuck you.

While it is popularly told that Al Gore invented the Internet, the only thing he ever invented was global warming. Al Gore is simply a faceman for the Illuminati.

The Methods

A typical Illuminati enforcer.

The Illuminati and Jews want nobody to know of their plots, lest the entire power base collapse. This leads to hooded enforcers to make dissenters disappear at night. They have also awoken sleeper agents in governing bodies. You may find it necessary to sleep with a nightstick for protection.

Bandwidth throttling is another method perfectly justified and ethical way to battle t3h haxx0rz clogging up all the Internet tubes and threatening National Security. Notable cases include Comcast and Cox. Unfortunately, you need degree in Computer Science III to encrypt your traffic and prevent this.

Recipe for net neutrality panic

• One fucking huge internet content provider that wants to set up its own network
• One fucking huge telecom that sells data, Cable TV, and telephone service on the same network cables
• Some vague and out of context quotations from the telecom company's CEO
• Over 9000 obese basement dwellers who live in mortal fear of having to go outside

Combine into a massive PR campaign to convince the basement dwellers that the content provider is a helpless underdog that can't afford the telecom's rates, and if Congress doesn't do something right away they will LOSE THEIR PRECIOUS INTERNET OMG. Continue mixing until the FCC orders the telecom company to lease its network to the content provider for almost free, so that the content provider can use them in direct competition.

The Conspiracy Against Myself

As much as people love to complain about this, what's been lost in the shuffle is how these companies are setting up for self-pwning.

Currently, there are very few big ISPs and a several small ones. The big ones are big because they have bigger, more developed networks. That's why they can charge more for services. With net neutrality removed, there will be a limit where you can go on the internet. Essentially putting a sports car on a treadmill in the basement. Sure, it still looks cool and goes really fast, but you're not going anywhere. Meanwhile, the small ISPs will realize this new law only says you *can* charge for access, but you *don't have to* and they'll immediately have a major edge over the big ISPs. End result, given the choice between being able to go where you want a little slower or go to a few places quickly, most people are going with full access. Hooray for the middle class!

Virgins vs Virgin: The Resistance

Save it.

Without it the Romulans will invade.

Last Thursday, the CEO of Virgin Media announced that he wasn't even going to pretend to maintain net neutrality. Like a butthurt 13 year old boy, he said it was "bullocks" [sic] which gives him the right to sell our interbutt however he sees fit. He plans to make sponsored sites load faster. Obviously, the chans and ED will be forced to slow down for Britfags now.

Bitch with tits says "net neutrality bad".

TL;DR

Some internet content providers are causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay for and lowering profits. This is a classic example of the lawyer and accountants takeover.

Old Internet (Net Neutrality) = You pay for what you use.

• You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
• Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
• Not a big truck.

NO Net Neutrality = We all pay twice

• You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
• Internet content providers will have to charge you for usage.
• Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
• Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to compensation for causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay for.
• Not a series of tubes.

ISP/BACKBONE win because it's the law.

See Also

• Project Freeweb
• Virgin
• Virgins vs Virgin
• Tron Guy

External Links

• THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO FUCK US ALL
• Why Net Neutrality Sucks
• Net Neutrality is Bollocks
• ONLY YOU CAN STOP VIRGINS FROM FUCKING OUR INTERNET

	Net Neutrality is part of a series on Life [BRB HugboxGo Live One]
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