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Gawker Media: Difference between revisions
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==Commenter Auditions== | ==Commenter Auditions== | ||
[[File:Stillgamergate60.png|thumb|right|350px]] | [[File:Stillgamergate60.png|thumb|right|350px|Gawker's ethics policy in a nutshell]] | ||
Once upon a time, Gawker's commenter audition policy helped the site maintain a [[incestuous|media-insider]] feel | Once upon a time, Gawker's commenter audition policy helped the site maintain a [[incestuous|media-insider]] feel, but now it is basically a glorified captcha. Although the comments do seem devoid of spambots, most of the commenters are earnest unfunny [[democrat|libtards]] who don't even hail from [[nyc]]. | ||
If you want to become a Gawker commenter, the first thing you should do is re-[[ass]]ess your priorities seeing as how zoophiliac scat porn would be a more dignified choice. | If you want to become a Gawker commenter, the first thing you should do is re-[[ass]]ess your priorities seeing as how [[Zoophile|zoophiliac]] [[scat]] porn would be a more dignified choice. [[DO IT FAGGOT|But maybe you want to infiltrate Gawker for purposes of trolling]], in which case you should just follow these simple guidelines when penning your audition: | ||
* Mention Si Newhouse, Graydon Carter or the Conde Nast cafeteria. The rest of your comment can be total shit. Gawker has long harbored an obsession with all things Conde, since most of them are too fat to work there. | * Mention Si Newhouse, Graydon Carter or the Conde Nast cafeteria. The rest of your comment can be total shit. Gawker has long harbored an obsession with all things Conde, since most of them are too [[fat]] to work there. | ||
* Comment as a gay man. | * Comment as a [[gay]] man. They'll worship you as a sassy affluencer regardless of what you say. | ||
* Use mostly immaculate spelling and punctuation (Gawker are olds), except when writing about the internets you should throw in some icanhazcheezburger-derived piss-poor caturday-tribute language, channeling your mom who just discovered an impossibly tame image macro and spammed it delightedly to her AOL buddy list. | * Use mostly immaculate spelling and punctuation (Gawker are olds), except when writing about the internets you should throw in some [[icanhazcheezburger]]-derived piss-poor [[caturday]]-tribute language, channeling [[your mom]] who just discovered an impossibly tame [[image macro]] and spammed it delightedly to her [[AOL]] buddy list. | ||
* Try to seem [[unwarranted self importance| knowing and disaffected]], except if commenting about [[Apple]] or [[Obama]] in which case you should bleed sincerity. | * Try to seem [[unwarranted self importance|knowing and disaffected]], except if commenting about [[Apple]] or [[Obama]] in which case you should bleed sincerity. | ||
Alternatively, if you wish to become an approved Jezebel commenter, rather than opting to place a finger in a Rapex-guarded vagina, follow these rules for super success to-the-max FTW: | Alternatively, if you wish to become an approved [[feminazi|Jezebel commenter]], rather than opting to place a finger in a Rapex-guarded [[vagina]], follow these rules for super success to-the-max FTW: | ||
*Share your [[rape]] story. Even if you don't have one, try re-imagining that time you were lying in bed with your husband and he rubbed his MANhood against your back whilst you were trying to sleep. In your slumbery state, know that both your free will and faculty for consent were limited. It was a violation, whether or not you are willing or able to come to terms with that. Your husband is a latent rapist. All men are. | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
Revision as of 16:33, 21 October 2014
Gawker Media is an American blog network founded by Nick Denton a cockmongling Jew. It comprises 13 or 14 different web sites, which try desperately to churn out snippy, “hip” remarks that will garner pageviews from middle-aged fats in Methtown, USA -- i.e., the only people who still consider Gawker relevant. All commenters must be a daily cum bucket for the mods and worship all that is spoken on the crap blogs, there is no trolling or lulz in comments EVAR (besides "Jezebel"). Obtaining +v requires a newborn for jew sacrifice and a thorough probing by large webmaster cocks. It's important to note this article is edited at least once a day by contributors to Gawker Media. You can help by reverting their edits, identifiable because they read like advertising copy written by faggot Brooklynites who were unable to land real jobs.
Anything published on Gawker can hardly be considered news and won't even be touched by the worts tabloid. Whenever you hear about Gawker it usually has something to do with some new scandal their inept staff has gotten themselves embroiled in, including: bribe, not paying their interns, threatning their readers and getting the comment section at Jezabel spammed with rape porn.
Gawker is easily hacked. Use it at own risk
Sunday 12th of December 2010, oh the lulz. Passwords and personal data for 1.3 million, 1.3 MILLION, Gawker Media readers — this includes readers of sites like Gizmodo, Kotaku, and a few other fag sites — have been released as a torrent by a group of hackers called Gnosis, who also managed to gain access to both the Gawker CMS and Gizmodo's Twitter account. Brilliant. You can download the torrent here.
In short- never use Gawker.
Gawker Stalker
Despite Gawker's current grandstanding against such Internets 'horrors' as cyber-bulling and White Knighting against Anonymous, Gawker's initial claim to fame in 2006 was when they started a "stalker map", called "The Gawker Stalker", so Manhattanites could get mobile alerts as to where their fave celebrities were getting Starbucks and shit and go harass them IRL.
After this interview, Emily Gould had a nervous breakdown an BAAWWWED about it in the Jew York Times. You can help by tracking her down and cyber-bullying her.
Commenter Auditions
Once upon a time, Gawker's commenter audition policy helped the site maintain a media-insider feel, but now it is basically a glorified captcha. Although the comments do seem devoid of spambots, most of the commenters are earnest unfunny libtards who don't even hail from nyc.
If you want to become a Gawker commenter, the first thing you should do is re-assess your priorities seeing as how zoophiliac scat porn would be a more dignified choice. But maybe you want to infiltrate Gawker for purposes of trolling, in which case you should just follow these simple guidelines when penning your audition:
- Mention Si Newhouse, Graydon Carter or the Conde Nast cafeteria. The rest of your comment can be total shit. Gawker has long harbored an obsession with all things Conde, since most of them are too fat to work there.
- Comment as a gay man. They'll worship you as a sassy affluencer regardless of what you say.
- Use mostly immaculate spelling and punctuation (Gawker are olds), except when writing about the internets you should throw in some icanhazcheezburger-derived piss-poor caturday-tribute language, channeling your mom who just discovered an impossibly tame image macro and spammed it delightedly to her AOL buddy list.
- Try to seem knowing and disaffected, except if commenting about Apple or Obama in which case you should bleed sincerity.
Alternatively, if you wish to become an approved Jezebel commenter, rather than opting to place a finger in a Rapex-guarded vagina, follow these rules for super success to-the-max FTW:
- Share your rape story. Even if you don't have one, try re-imagining that time you were lying in bed with your husband and he rubbed his MANhood against your back whilst you were trying to sleep. In your slumbery state, know that both your free will and faculty for consent were limited. It was a violation, whether or not you are willing or able to come to terms with that. Your husband is a latent rapist. All men are.
Relationship between Gawker and internets
Gawker's internets coverage has been steadily increasing since Project Chanology. The reasons for this are twofold. First, Gawker is desperate to keep its brand young and edgy, and just like the dumbfucks in the old media they are endlessly fascinated by web 2.0, memes etc which they believe are the future. The result is a bunch of pussy 27-year-old Greenpoint residents trying to be youthful and clever by writing their same old posts about Conde Nast (srsly), then filling them with expressions like IDK and then tagging them "epicfail." (Then they try to criticize old media for doing the exact same thing). Gawker is like the character Eugene Levy plays in every shitty teen comedy: he vomits up lewd teen lingo in effort to seem "with it" but just ends up embarassing himself and everyone watching. The second reason for Gawker's rampant homosexual lust over ED, /b/ et al. is that Gawker bloggers are paid based on the number of pageviews they generate, and believe that baiting the chans will earn them a big fat paycheck. You can help by not even visiting these links,since enabling adblock, while helpful, does not diminish pageview count. Raiding gawker and its employees is futile unless you have dogmongling pics of them, since they are all aspiring new media personalities who welcome the traffic and lack any sense of shame.
Adrian Chen's coverage of Jessica Leonhardt cyberbullying
Last Thursday, Gawker resident gaysian Adrian Chen decided to farm pageviews by attempting to rile /b/ with his coverage of Ebaums's raid on "Kerligirl13"/Jessi Slaughter/Jessica Leonhardt and trolling of her supposed rapist. While /i/nsurgents and Gawker commenters alike quickly deduced this chink's self-serving plot, a small number of newfags started threads urging a DDOS of Gawker and, predictably, a raid on Chen himself. Gawker contributors, hoping for some of Denton's sweet sweet jewgolds, greedily screencapped these cancerous posts and re-published them as evidence of a /b/-Gawker feud. Of course, in doing so they ignored the replies of the majority of /b/tards who, in a display of uncharacteristic wisdom, saged the cancer and disregarded Chen's attention-whoring. Gawker continues to milk this non-incident, portraying itself as a muckraking martyr standing strong against cyberbullies.
Moar info: Adrian Chen.
Gawker's GamerGate Fiasco
During GamerGate, Gawker personality Sam Biddle steped in with his retarded opinion, saying that he supports bullying and told people to beat up a nerd. Since this was anti-bullying day, this was a perfect chance to fuck over Gawker.
Gawker's advertisers were flooded with emails until Mercedes and probably hulu pulled out. Gawker responded by trying to hide thier list of sponsors on their site, but when that didn't work said it was all a "joke".
fite me irl fgt
Mega lawyer Mike Cernovich hates bullies and decided to use this as a way to screw with all of Gawker, who he also despises.
Sam quickly tucked his tail between his legs, because he doesn't have any balls , when Mike Cernovich challenged the pussybitch to a boxing match. Not even a sweetener of 10,000 dollars for charity made Sam go 3 rounds as he is nothing but a keyboard warrior to a degree where even EDiots would be ashamed.
LOL guys we were just joking! About missing Pics
[Expand Gallery]
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Can't keep track of them all:
Gawker Media comprises these web sites:
- Anthropophage: News for the on-the-go, net-savvy gay German cannibal
Consumerist: Like Consumer Reports, for faggots who majored in Marxist Labor Theory at someplace like Tufts.Broke away from Gawker, now owned by Consumer Reports.- Deadspin: Sports news and gossip
- Defamer: It's like a tabloid, but attracts fewer unique visitors.
- Flagella: A website about celebrities in the protozoan world
- Fleshbot: Shitty pr0nz blog with no loli
- Gawker: Still Denton's nominal flagship, the cool kids have jumped ship to awl and commentariat is now infested with soccer moms.
GizmodoJizzmodo: About the latest gadgets and gizmos, as long as they are made by Apple- Gridskipper: Travel
- io9: Shitty recaps of sci-fi/fantasy TV shows, movie spoilers, transhumanism, science news.
- Idolator: Basically the same dumb pieces of shit who write Pitchfork.
- Jalopnik: For automobile fetishists
- Jezebel: Fat far-left cumdumpsters who graduated from mediocre liberal arts colleges, wear crap purchased off Etsy, and are on a perpetual righteous feminist crusade to get fashion mags to feature more obese nigras. The Gawker commenter-audition filter tries to prevent you from trolling these whores; fortunately, they are weaklings who take everything supersrsly, so it doesn't take much to set them off. Staff writer Tracie Egan once declared in an interview that she was "too smart" to be raped - a comment which outraged much of the readership and led to calls for her resignation - but Nick Denton kept her on staff, because she generates lots of pageview$, which in turn funds his penchant for fudgepacking Manhattan rent boys.
- Kotaku: About the latest new games; critique, nostalgia, prediction, design. Always 2 weeks behind in news. Basically the national enquirer of gaming blogs.
- Lifehacker: hotkeys, useless apps, browser wars, getting your OS to act like a different one, bullshit fringe health advice, projects stolen from Indestructibles.com, reader's opinion of the latest MSPaint clone, sucking Firefox's cock
- Partyvan: Sightings of girls in the 'tween set, with speculation about their underwear colors
- Valleywag: Silicon Valley gossip and news
- Wonkette: WALNUTS! Warning: Rose to fame by being edited by a modestly non-fugly chick. Now run entirely by an emo fuck. Denton sold the blog to some warmed-over Web 1.0 loser when it became clear he couldn't make any money off of it.
Related Articles
External links
- Partyvan's Gawker Raid
- Gawker (flagship) DO NOT LINK VERSION TO PREVENT GAWKER FROM GETTING SHEKELS
- Jezebel (feminists ripe for trolling)
- Article by former Gawker editor Emily Gould, exposing their attention-whoring techniques
- Too chubby to be raped: Tracie "Slut Machine" Egan, Gawker feminist-blogger, hires a male whore to pwn her fat cunt but he declines. Srsly.
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Gawker Media is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Gawker Media is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article July 24, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Jessi Slaughter |
Gawker Media | Succeeded by Blood on the Dance Floor |