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Gawker Media: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 12:21, 22 October 2014
Gawker Media is an American blog network founded by Nick Denton a cockmongling Jew. It comprises 13 or 14 different web sites, which try desperately to churn out snippy, “hip” remarks that will garner pageviews from middle-aged fats in Methtown, USA -- i.e., the only people who still consider Gawker relevant. All commentators must be a daily cum bucket for the mods and worship all that is spoken on the crap blogs, there is no trolling or lulz in comments EVAR (besides "Jezebel"). Obtaining +v requires a newborn for jew sacrifice and a thorough probing by large webmaster cocks. It's important to note this article is edited at least once a day by contributors to Gawker Media. You can help by reverting their edits, identifiable because they read like advertising copy written by faggot Brooklynites who were unable to land real jobs.
Anything published on Gawker can hardly be considered news and won't even be touched by the worst tabloid. Whenever you hear about Gawker it usually has something to do with some new scandal their inept staff has gotten themselves embroiled in, including: bribe, not paying their interns, threatening their readers and getting the comment section at Jezebel spammed with rape porn.
Gawker is easily hacked. Use it at own risk
Sunday 12th of December 2010, oh the lulz. Passwords and personal data for 1.3 million, 1.3 MILLION, Gawker Media readers — this includes readers of sites like Gizmodo, Kotaku, and a few other fag sites — have been released as a torrent by a group of hackers called Gnosis, who also managed to gain access to both the Gawker CMS and Gizmodo's Twitter account. Brilliant. You can download the torrent here.
In short- never use Gawker.
Gawker Stalker
Despite Gawker's current grandstanding against such Internets 'horrors' as cyber-bulling and White Knighting against Anonymous, Gawker's initial claim to fame in 2006 was when they started a "stalker map", called "The Gawker Stalker", so Manhattanites could get mobile alerts as to where their fave celebrities were getting Starbucks and shit and go harass them IRL.
After this interview, Emily Gould had a nervous breakdown an BAAWWWED about it in the Jew York Times. You can help by tracking her down and cyber-bullying her.
Commenter Auditions
Once upon a time, Gawker's commenter audition policy helped the site maintain a media-insider feel, but now it is basically a glorified captcha. Although the comments do seem devoid of spambots, most of the commentators are earnest unfunny libtards who don't even hail from nyc.
If you want to become a Gawker commenter, the first thing you should do is re-assess your priorities seeing as how zoophiliac scat porn would be a more dignified choice. But maybe you want to infiltrate Gawker for purposes of trolling, in which case you should just follow these simple guidelines when penning your audition:
- Mention Si Newhouse, Graydon Carter or the Conde Nast cafeteria. The rest of your comment can be total shit. Gawker has long harbored an obsession with all things Conde, since most of them are too fat to work there.
- Comment as a gay man. They'll worship you as a sassy affluencer regardless of what you say.
- Use mostly immaculate spelling and punctuation (Gawker are olds), except when writing about the internets you should throw in some icanhazcheezburger-derived piss-poor caturday-tribute language, channeling your mom who just discovered an impossibly tame image macro and spammed it delightedly to her AOL buddy list.
- Try to seem knowing and disaffected, except if commenting about Apple or Obama in which case you should bleed sincerity.
Alternatively, if you wish to become an approved Jezebel commenter, rather than opting to place a finger in a Rapex-guarded vagina, follow these rules for super success to-the-max FTW:
- Share your rape story. Even if you don't have one, try re-imagining that time you were lying in bed with your husband and he rubbed his MANhood against your back whilst you were trying to sleep. In your slumbery state, know that both your free will and faculty for consent were limited. It was a violation, whether or not you are willing or able to come to terms with that. Your husband is a latent rapist. All men are.
Relationship between Gawker and internets
Gawker's internets coverage has been steadily increasing since Project Chanology. The reasons for this are twofold. First, Gawker is desperate to keep its brand young and edgy, and just like the dumbfucks in the old media they are endlessly fascinated by web 2.0, memes etc which they believe are the future. The result is a bunch of pussy 27-year-old Greenpoint residents trying to be youthful and clever by writing their same old posts about Conde Nast (srsly), then filling them with expressions like IDK and then tagging them "epicfail." (Then they try to criticize old media for doing the exact same thing). Gawker is like the character Eugene Levy plays in every shitty teen comedy: He vomits up lewd teen lingo in effort to seem "with it" but just ends up embarrassing himself and everyone watching. The second reason for Gawker's rampant homosexual lust over ED, b et al. is that Gawker bloggers are paid based on the number of pageviews they generate, and believe that baiting the chans will earn them a big fat paycheck. You can help by not even visiting these links, since enabling adblock, while helpful, does not diminish pageview count. Raiding gawker and its employees is futile unless you have dogmongling pics of them, since they are all aspiring new media personalities who welcome the traffic and lack any sense of shame.
Adrian Chen's coverage of Jessica Leonhardt cyberbullying
Moar info: Adrian Chen.
Last Thursday, Gawker resident gaysian Adrian Chen decided to farm pageviews by attempting to rile /b/ with his coverage of Ebaums's raid on Jessi Slaughter and trolling of her supposed rapist. While insurgents and Gawker commenters alike quickly deduced this chink's self-serving plot, a small number of newfags started threads urging a DDoS of Gawker and, predictably, a raid on Chen himself. Gawker contributors, hoping for some of Denton's sweet sweet jewgolds, greedily screencapped these cancerous posts and re-published them as evidence of a b-Gawker feud. Of course, in doing so they ignored the replies of the majority of /b/tards who, in a display of uncharacteristic wisdom, saged the cancer and disregarded Chen's attention-whoring. Gawker continues to milk this non-incident, portraying itself as a muckraking martyr standing strong against cyberbullies.
Gawker's GamerGate Fiasco
LOL guys we were just joking! About missing Pics
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During GamerGate, Gawker personality Sam Biddle steped in with his retarded opinion, saying that he supports bullying and told people to beat up a nerd. Since this was anti-bullying month, this was a perfect chance to fuck over Gawker.
Bye Bye Money
Gawker's advertisers were flooded with emails. The first thing Gawker tried to do, in a classic display of Gawker professionalism, was to hide their list of sponsors. However Internet Archive was soon used to dig them back up and continue mailing. Soon enough a number of companies announced that they are pulling their ads from the site while others responded to emails by saying that they had pulled their ads from Gawker over a year ago and have no idea why the fuck thier name is still listed up there. Again, classic Gawker.
After this, Gawker tried to do damage control and said it was all a "joke" and that they were "sorry". But the emails didn't stop and neither did the internet detectives with nothing coming even close to a life, who soon leaked emails between a Gawker's senior staff member and his employees. The most interesting part of the email is the one underlined.
As you can see, he mistakenly admits that they have been trying to control the narrative about GamerGate using their various sites.
And, since this is Gawker and the people on top have no control over their own fucking staff, the writers ignored what they were told and went on to post an attack article about the people emailing their advertisers and try to troll Christina Hoff Sommers on twitter (and subsequently lose to an old lady at trolling).
fite me irl fgt
Mega attorney at lol "Mike Cernovich" hates bullies decided to use this as a way to screw with all of Gawker, who he also despises.
Sam doesn't have any balls so he quickly tucked his tail between his legs when Mike Cernovich challenged the pussybitch to a boxing match. Not even a sweetener of 10,000 dollars for charity made Sam go 3 rounds as he is nothing but a keyboard warrior to a degree that even EDiots would be ashamed.
Can't keep track of them all:
Gawker Media sites the internet actually gives a fuck about:
- Kotaku: About the latest new games; critique, nostalgia, prediction, design. Always 2 weeks behind in news. Basically the national enquirer of gaming blogs. Mostly known for its writers exchanging sex for favorable reviews. As Nathan Grayson did with Zoe Quinn, Patricia Hernandez with two of her roomates/lovers and pretty much everyone else on that site who will gladly give you 5 stars for one blowjob.
- Jezebel: Fat, far-left cumdumpsters who graduated from mediocre liberal arts colleges, wear crap purchased off Etsy and are on a perpetual righteous feminist crusade to get fashion mags to feature more obese nigras. The Gawker commenter-audition filter tries to prevent you from trolling these whores; fortunately, they are weaklings who take everything supersrsly, so it doesn't take much to set them off. Staff writer Tracie Egan once declared in an interview that she was "too smart" to be raped - a comment which outraged much of the readership and led to calls for her resignation - but Nick Denton kept her on staff, because she generates lots of pageview$, which in turn funds his penchant for fudgepacking Manhattan rent boys.
"Jizzebel" is currently known for being the site that calls anything and everything rape.
The rest of the turds:
- Anthropophage: News for the on-the-go, net-savvy gay German cannibal
Consumerist: Like Consumer Reports, for faggots who majored in Marxist Labor Theory at someplace like Tufts.Broke away from Gawker, now owned by Consumer Reports.- Deadspin: Sports news and gossip for people who can't read long words.
- Defamer: It's like a tabloid, but attracts fewer unique visitors.
- Flagella: A website about celebrities in the protozoan world.
- Fleshbot: It's a fucking porn site. Gawker, classy as ever.
- Gawker: Still Denton's nominal flagship, the cool kids have jumped ship and it is now infested with soccer moms.
GizmodoJizzmodo: About the latest gadgets and gizmos, as long as they are made by Apple.- Gridskipper: Travel for people who can't afford it because is they were smart enough to make money they wouldn't be reading a Gawker site.
- io9: Shitty recaps of sci-fi/fantasy TV shows, movie spoilers, transhumanism, science news. Tabloid for people who will never get laid but not even popular enough for you to mention to your nerd friends.
- Idolator: Basically the same dumb pieces of shit who write Pitchfork.
- Jalopnik: For automobile fetishists who ride the bus.
- Lifehacker: hotkeys, useless apps, browser wars, getting your OS to act like a different one, bullshit fringe health advice, projects stolen from Indestructibles.com, reader's opinion of the latest MSPaint clone, sucking Firefox's cock.
- Partyvan: Sightings of girls in the 'tween set, with speculation about their underwear colors. Failed attempt to get pageviews from people who mistook it for Partyvan.info.
- Valleywag: Silicon Valley gossip and news. Most boring thing on Gawker.
- Wonkette: WALNUTS! Warning: Rose to fame by being edited by a modestly non-fugly chick. Now run entirely by an emo fuck. Denton sold the blog to some warmed-over Web 1.0 loser when it became clear he couldn't make any money off of it.
Related Articles
External links
- Partyvan's Gawker Raid
- Gawker (flagship) DO NOT LINK VERSION TO PREVENT GAWKER FROM GETTING SHEKELS
- Jezebel (feminists ripe for trolling)
- Article by former Gawker editor Emily Gould, exposing their attention-whoring techniques
- Too chubby to be raped: Tracie "Slut Machine" Egan, Gawker feminist-blogger, hires a male whore to pwn her fat cunt but he declines. Srsly.
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Gawker Media is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Gawker Media is part of a series on Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article July 24, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Jessi Slaughter |
Gawker Media | Succeeded by Blood on the Dance Floor |