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Camrose Cat Killers: Difference between revisions

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{{Quote|You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!|Scrawled on the wall}}
{{Quote|You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!|Scrawled on the wall}}
== They got away with it ==
After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL [[troll's remorse]], and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and [[noone]] went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.
{{quote|Remorse. Just flat out remorse.|Crown lawyer John Laluk|on the motivation for the plea change}}
Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the [[Operation Restoration|former regime]] was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two [[it is a mystery|is still a mystery]]. Except not, here is {{twitter|THESAB3|Sabian Jordon Ryan}} on Twitter.


== Vengeance ==
== Vengeance ==

Revision as of 18:18, 24 April 2017

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Donny, these men are cowards.
Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)
Mac and Sabian Ryan, 2013

Sam Sheppard, Sabian Jordan Ryan, Macaully (Mac) Ryan, and Jesse Gillis, known collectively as the Camrose Cat Killers are four pussies who microwaved a cat named Princess after robbing[1] their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, Canadia on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because the Internet loves cats, but also because of the strange Canadian law that prohibits publishing their names, since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.

   
“ 		 
You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!
  		„
  		 

—Scrawled on the wall

Vengeance

Internets tube junctions, like Facebook and Nexopia, immediately rose up and formed the hate forums. Even Bill Cosby hated them and refused to send pudding pops. The Canadian version of The Man showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names. When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook. Because the names were nowhere to be found, internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names[2].

Guise, it's illegal to publish their names

  • Sam Sheppard
  • Sabian Jordan Ryan
  • Mac Ryan
  • Jesse Gillis

Updates

All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:

See also

External links

Camrose Cat Killers
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal Abuse • Bestiality • Furry • Hunting • Taxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

Badgers • Bats • Bears • Bees • Birds • Bunnies • California Pet Laws 1/1/19 • Cats • Chickens • Chihuahuas • Cows • Crabs • Crows • Dinosaurs • Dogs • Ducks • Eagles • Fish • Foxes • Frogs • Giant Isopods • Octopuses • Pandas • Parakeets • Parrots • Penguins • Pigs • Rats • Sharks • Sheep • Snakes • Spiders • Turtles • Walruse • Wolves

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