METOKUR

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METOKUR's logo.

We've all heard about them: wannabe "trolls" incapable of trolling, who instead try to associate with actual trolls, in attempt at troll shielding. Such is the case with the Faust and Pory article. What started out as some bitch doxing some poor sap that fell in e-love with her, quickly turned into a lollercaust as she soon found her own dox and pix added to said article, as well. In the beginning it was "ZOMG LOOKIT ME I'M SUCH A HXC TROLL I POSTED SOME GUIZE DOX THAT HANDED THEM 2 ME", but this quickly turned into "HOLY SHIT MY DOX ARE ON THERE TOO NAO! TAKE IT DOWN! TAKE IT DOWN!!!111".

Fast forward now to the EDS1 debacle. During her hilarious fall from grace, certain wannabe trolls were once again offended that one of their own was, yet again, summarily trounced. Predictably, the Streisand Effect flung this drama further and faster then it ever would have gone, had it simply been allowed to blow over. In the course of events, as trolls smelled blood in the water, an article was created on METOKUR.org about EDS1 and her secret lifestyle. The resulting butthurt about that article (and the two main contributors to it) led to the creation of this one - an article about an irrelevant website with 5 active users.

Background of the website

METOKUR was hatched from the brain of a naïve 13-year-old boy named John who played with his anime-loving nerd friends on Gaia Online and Newgrounds. Beyond that, METOKUR's genesis is the classic YouTube Commentaries troll club story. Kids who desired e-fame saw the advantages of YouTube and went for the gold. John changed his name to Habermann, put on a headset, and began making fun of YouTube videos.

“	They have gone out of their way to distance themselves from other shit commentary channels, even going so far as to force some of them to put an end to their faggotry in a series of videos they called "Commentator Control". An example of this was their involvement in shutting down a channel shamelessly calling itself MrRetsupurae, who took their love of Retsupurae a bit too far. They've also called out commentators such as Boomstick545 and RandomDCE as being talentless hacks, to which they did not take too kindly. Don't expect any collaborations with BigAl and the rest of the ranting gang any time in the near future.	„
—How Habermann described METOKUR on the YouTube Commentaries article.

The next step for Habermann was to gather some other users together and make a private site with no actual YouTube videos to comment on. There they could hold their covens in secret and be free from spies and enemies. There they could try to metastasize and spread their ideals and products to other trolling clubs.

Folks from METOKUR

• John Habermann - Founder of the site and personality from ED IRC. He eventually got banned from ED because he dared to speak the truth, that EDS1's GOTIS faggotry had reached critical mass proportions. The EDS1 Fan Club kicked their whambulance into high gear to get him b&. Now the proprietor at METOKUR, he first started out on Gaia, and made shitty flash animations at Newgrounds. Ironically, so did many of the people that started this article.

• Lmte (aka Lemite and FUBUXLMTE) - The moderator of the website and very valued member, so valued that he even owns a personal blog on the site filled with gibberish. Although he identifies himself as a buck-toothed chop yo dolla black person, he is actually a filthy kike. Lmte is also a member of the YouTube Yahweh Clan and an ex-sysop on Encyclopedia Dramatica. EDS1's cuddle crew got him banned by constantly crying to ED staff about him trolling weeaboos, tartlets, and other Assburger's victims.

	“	<%Thayo> EDS1 has so much power on ED. <%ShardDax> She's probably the most immune to faggotry on ED since...EVER	„
	—Irony in action

	“	<%ShardDax> I would like to type <%ShardDax> A song... <%ShardDax> DING-DONG THE KIKE IS DEAD <%ShardDax> THE KIKE IS DEAD, FUCKING DEAD <%ShardDax> WE ONLY AIMED TO RID THE MICK <%ShardDax> BUT THEN WE GOT LMTE INSTEAD <%ShardDax> AND THEN BY PURE SHEER LUCK <%ShardDax> THE MICK WAS FELLED, THE STORY TELLED <%ShardDax> DRAMA, AIDS, AND PURE LOL <%ShardDax> DING-DONG THE KIKE IS DEAD <%ShardDax> THANK YOU FGTS!	„
	—ShardDax, admission of guilt

File:Gfffff ahh too many fs to count.PNG

This sure beats X-Play.

• Game Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuck Fucking Fuck Fucker - That's the name he goes by - you can check yourself. Of course, METOKUR giggles when they think of a name with so many cusses. GFFFF-however-many-"F"s-there-are is a game reviewer who wears a bag over his head and has a high-pitched voice.
• Sir Jimbo (aka Jim81Jim and GamesGoodMeBad) - Self described Internet Aristocrat. Best known for making a way-too-long video series of him nitpicking Spax3's videos.
• Bill Gates = SATAN (aka ~MyChEmIcAlRoMaNcE666~) - A forum mod.

Their Victims

As an attempt to show off their skillz at the trolling game, METOKUR constantly makes its visitors aware that they have “destroyed” their share of victims. Take note that it does not take much effort to troll these groups, if not the common victims of any troll. Also take note that most of the contributors to this article fit into one or more of the categories below. METOKUR's excellence must be noted, folks.

• Tartlets
• Weeaboos
• Furfags
• Camwhores
• Neckbeards
• Lolcows
• Retro Video Game Kids

Oftentimes they are able to provoke much butthurt from they're targets. Here is but an example from a white knight of one of their targets.

“	Wow, I think you assholes are the reason <Lacey the Snow Leopard's> account is deactivated. Why do you have to make fun of intelligence along with the art? Those two have nothing to do with each other. of course you would say “good we have triumphed once again cleaning the scum off of deviantart!” but that just makes you dicks who enjoy causing others pain. Her art isn’t bad, and she will always improve even more the more she draws. my art used to look like that way back when I first started drawing. Stop being dickheads	„
—A white knight on DCQC

Content of the Website

• Films for the Fustilarian - The actual reviews of YouTube videos.

Previous Video | Next Video

• deviantART Coalition for Quality Control - This portion of the site finds deviantArt members worthy of ridicule and proceeds to ridicule them. There's lousy art, lousy artists, and lots of comments.
• That Guy with the Bag - Someone with a bag on his head complaining about things. As of now the self described "baggot" responsible for this is flouncing.

“	FUCK YOU ENCYCLOPEDO DRAMATICA FUKKEN LINKING TO MY SITE AND CALLING ME “UNFUNNY” YOU PRICKS THEN COMPARING ME TO THATGUYWITHTHEGLASSES? FUK U I ONLY WATCH LINKARA AND HE IS SHIT NOW, HE AIN’T A MAN NO MORE AND NO I WILL NOT LINK TO THE ARTICLE TO PROVE IT SO FUKK YOU I’MA GONNA BLANK THAT SHIT MESS OR AN ARTICLE I KNOW IT WONT WORK BUT I’LL PRETEND I WON SO GO SUCK A NIGGER UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET A BAN!	„
—That Guy with the Bag, [1]

• Game Fuck' - A kid who complains about video games in a ridiculously pre-pubescent voice. The name of his website segment is probably a pun on GameFAQs.
• Speed Deaths Archive - Attempts to die as quickly as possible while playing video games.
• Lmte's Blog - Blog of former ED sysop Lmte.
• METOKUR forums - Not particularly active or full of expert trolls, like one might be led to believe.

METOKUR on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Never Forget

	“	[18:50] <%ShardDax> lol Lmte [18:50] <%ShardDax> Will never Admin again [18:50] <%ShardDax> Cry moar [18:51] <%ShardDax> Because one of them couldn't stop being greedy with dox [18:52] <%ShardDax> "LIEK POKEMON, I MUST HAS DEM ALL LOLOL"	„
	—ShardDax, knows greed

Various members of METOKUR have come to ED in the past, though the only notable ones are Habermann and Lmte, since both of these people said some mean things on the internet to some of the authors of this article. Both were known for being faggots, but Lmte managed to become a sysop anyhow. Both are currently banned. Habermann noted in his last article prior to getting the boot that ED was a trolling organization because he thinks every group that discusses or associates with trolls must be a trolling organization.

Lmte made light of his own b& and started selling shirts commemorating the event. Cuddle crew weeaboos not capable of understanding that you can't troll a troll thought they had "made METOKUR upset".

Trolls Portal

METOKUR's collective (and ultimately destructive) troll fetish manifested itself early on in the campaign to have a trolling portal made to focus on articles about trolls and their acts. The idea wasn't actually a bad one, and the portal has proven to be pretty good, but initially it seemed like it would be a rehashing of about 4-6 other portals, and some thought it was pointless, like the Music Portal. Habermann did fuck-all to fight for it, leaving it up to Dunecat to make a stronger case while he worked on the formatting and colors. The campaign was finally successful when some actual sysops agreed on having a portal occasionally exclusive to non-Tartlets and YouTube Nobodies. After it was created, Habermann went right to work updating a little and bitching a lot, while Dunecat quietly milled away and cleaned up 100-200+ articles about doxing, DDoS usage, shock images, and the like. Hindsight is 20/20 and foresight is 20/400, so the hints of Lmte's and Habermann's delusions of grandeur were totally overlooked during the initial discussions about the trolling portal.

LMTE-pedia

Lmte and Habermann sprang from the same sick source, and it showed in the way they edited the wiki. Lmte was a sysop and Habermann was a regular user, but they would cooperate occasionally on their articles. It became impossible to revert the edits they performed though, because reverting a sysop is a no-no and Habermann's edits were intertwined with Lmte's. This wouldn't matter too much if their edits were actually good, but the reality was that their edits often weren't. They consisted of such things as lies, self-promotion, and completely made-up stories of trolling. Oftentimes, they'd expand on stories of the actions of other trolls and insert themselves in the stories.

ED Singers

The fateful turn came during the summer of 2010. Seasoned EDitors who watched this article turn into a giant puff piece posted on the ED Singers talk page, which quickly spawned into a debate about whether or not the three singing weebs one singing weeb, with multiple personality disorder, was bad for ED. The debate spread to irc, mostly #wiki, where it proved to be very divisive. Some people just wanted the thing to end and all parties to cool it. Some people wanted bad things to happen to other people. Some people just wanted everybody to LEAVE ALLYCHAN ALONE.

	“	<%Habermann> I'm totally chill <%Habermann> You're offended because I don't like EDS <%Habermann> lol <%ShardDax> No, I'm offended because you're a limp-wristed Armchair EDitor <%Habermann> lol what <%Habermann> I run a portal bro <%Habermann> And edit tons of shit <%Thayo> He does too lol <%ShardDax> And yet you complain about something and say, "Meh, let someone else do it" <%Habermann> Stop tossing around wiki insults <%Habermann> Alright <%Habermann> Here's my fix for the EDS article <%Habermann> Delete it all, let it fester on YouTube <%Habermann> Or turn it into a two paragraph article <%Habermann> With the video gallery	„
	—NO DEAL! We will worship Bellofatto as hard as we possibly can!

In fact, it wasn't even possible to make any real edits to the article at that point because EDS fans and enemies alike were edit warring. Furthermore, sysops were banning people who were making edits to the article. Pretty much the only way to talk about the Singers was on IRC - where Habermann became a central figure in the fight and began to catch a lot of flak from various EDS1 fans. He was feelin' the heat, so he decided to do the only thing he knew how - throw more gas on the fire. The ED Singers had released, around that time, a new shit song called "Tentacle Rape," which was supposed to be a parody of "Telephone" by Lady Gaga. Habermann had some underling (Sir Jimbo to be exact) at METOKUR churn out a YouTube Commentary of the video. Habermann continued to add a complete section to the EDS article about the YouTube Commentary, claiming it was made by an ED member. Pressed on the issue, he backtracked and admitted the truth: it was made by some peon at METOKUR.

Some fat people knew it was all bullshit, but when ShardDax called Habermann out in the article for being useless, Lmte went and reverted his edit. ShardDax cried about Lmte and Habermann and was banned for 3 days because he had "reverted a sysop." Angry, ShardDax got on IRC to ask for an unban. His plan was to call Lmte a faggot, but such a brilliant plan was wrecked by an extra 4 days being tacked on to his ban.

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File:Metokurdcqcarticle smaller.jpg

DCQC article that led to Bawwwing by EDS1

An FFF mockery video by Habermann's underling

Before coming up with the idea for writing this article, EDS1 and her cuddle crew sought out troll shielding from legi0n to help them exact their vengeance. At the time, legi0n was still under the stranglehold of Ickeriss69. Here you can hear the king of troll shielding whiteknighting for Allychan:

YOU SEE HABERMANN? YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE CUDDLE CREW?

Faust and Pory

The original article was written by an actual party to the drama, Pory. Lmte felt the need to improve the article by making it fair and balanced. Even though the article was pretty bad to begin with, being nothing more than an attack article about Faust, Lmte was able to drastically improve it by trolling the author into raging over it. Pory and a new friend of hers went and reverted his edits, but Lmte was a sysop and had the upper hand, so Pory and her new friend savored their angst until they could vent their anger by writing this article. He changed the article name and rewrote it to target Pory and Faust. No fair!

Originally, the article had included a link to Faust's dox. The mods at the ED Forums were encouraged by this to find Pory's dox. They're idiots, though, so they were totally incapable of doing so. Lmte managed to find Pory's aunt's number, which he proceeded to call in search of dox. He got the dox, and when Pory found out, she shat bricks. The irony of all that is that Pory had done the same thing to Faust, essentially. Regarding Faust's dox, they had been taken down by a sysop more senior than Lmte (in part because the actual pastebin that contained the dox had been deleted). A warning had been put in their place not to add any more dox. Lmte was forced to quiet down with Pory's dox for a short time, but eventually managed to sneak them back in to the article.

Troll Shielding

In a strange way, this article would prophetically describe most of the initiators of this one. After finally doxing EDS1, Habermann created the Troll Shielding article in yet another attempt to paint himself as the true troll menace and the voice of ED. It never really occured to him that Lmte's support was the only thing that had kept him from getting thrown out of ED earlier, since the EDS1 cuddle crew had been conspiring against him for quite some time. He let the irony build by working on the article, proclaiming himself king with no need of defenders.

The article discussed how some losers, weeaboos, furries, et cetera would use Encyclopedia Dramatica to hide from the other trolls, as if they would be allowed into the treefort and offered some kind of protection. It also pointed out that "ED is not your personal army," in contrast to the METOKUR gang's desire for ED to be just that - their personal army. The article became pretty much universally contested among those who were actively seeking troll shielding, and many tears were shed over it. Lmte used his sysop status to revert a lot of the same kind of faggotry in that article that can be seen all over this one.

Wise words of their members

“   [7/12/2010 10:23:39 PM] Habermann: i wouldn’t dare stick up for it in it’s current form [7/12/2010 10:23:47 PM] Lmte: it is [7/12/2010 10:23:50 PM] Lmte: it’s [7/12/2010 10:23:54 PM] Habermann: there’s hardly anything to say about it’s “glory days” [7/12/2010 10:24:02 PM] Lmte: you seem to have a fascination with “it’s” [7/12/2010 10:24:21 PM] Habermann: the apostrophe means that it’s possessive [7/12/2010 10:24:25 PM] Habermann: see what I did there? [7/12/2010 10:24:34 PM] Habermann: that’s because it’s proper [7/12/2010 10:24:40 PM] Lmte: there is no such rule [7/12/2010 10:24:40 PM] Doug: i dunno man i dunno [7/12/2010 10:24:45 PM] Lmte: it’s is a contraction [7/12/2010 10:24:46 PM] Lmte: OWNED   „     —Common Skype convo with those from METOKUR     “   [16:52] <%Habermann> I don't brag about my little trolling organization like it's the best   „     —But he wrote it into an ED article more than once.     “   02:57 <Habermann>Psychological trolling is far funnier than brute-forcing people off the web   „     —And yet again... Previous Quote | Next Quote

The End of METOKUR and Habermann trying to rewrite history

Eventually the site was shut down. The reason was probably some combination of in-fighting, a lack of funds and the site just generally being shit and not being worth the effort. However, this didn't stop Hab from trying to retcon what happened so that his identity doesn't get in the way of his next bound-to-fail business venture. He wrote this tl;dr bullshit, describing METOKUR like they were the fucking CIA and their raids like some kind of high level spy-ops. In reality, they didn't so anything different than any other troll forum besides the fact other forum's members are nowhere near that delusional.

After spending half the time bragging about what an internet tough guy he is, he went on to write his repentant "apology", talking about the evils of internet trolling all the while trying to plug his new site. Sadly for him, even if his new site wasn't shit, no one who knew him from his trolling days would use it after he pussied out like a faggot and no NORP would go there after they find out who he is. That is of course if the site wasn't so shit that there was a reason to go there in the first place... but it is.

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"I'm a nice guy now, monies plz"

See Also

• ShardDax
• Disgraced Encyclopedia Dramaticians
• Done with ED
• Shameless self promotion
• Troll Shielding
• Trolls Trolling Trolls Trolling Trolls
• Trying too hard
• YouTube Yahweh Clan

External Links

• METOKUR - Prepare to get bored to death. Also, they won't let you join. Gone.
•  metokur
• METOKUR
• No More Metokur.org - A petition to take METOKUR down that has been up since July 1st (probably put up by the authors of this article).
• Doghouse Comics - Habermann's old website.

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