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Pennsylvania School Stabbing: Difference between revisions

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[[File:Alex Hribal im gonna kill you.jpeg|frame|center|"KNIFE TO MEET YOU." School <s>shooter</s> knifer Alex Hribal. [[Nikolas Cruz|Remind you of anyone else?]]
{{ib|[[File:Alex Hribal im gonna kill you.jpeg|250px|]]<br>"KNIFE TO MEET YOU." School <s>shooter</s> knifer Alex Hribal. [[Nikolas Cruz|Remind you of anyone else?]]}}
{{Ibhead|<big>'''Alex Hribal '''</big>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|October 1, 1997 ({{age|1997|10|1}} years old)}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality:'''|[[Americunt]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[high score|Highscore]]'''|Killed 0, injured 23}}
{{Ibrow|'''Top 50?'''|[[HAHAHA, OH WOW]]}}
{{Ibrow|'''Style'''|Hack'N'Slash}}
{{Ibrow|'''[[An Hero]]?'''|Unfortunately, no}}
{{Ibend}}


On April 9th, 2014, [[Pennsylvania|'''Franklin Regional Senior High School''']] became the latest map available to the [[Super Columbine Massacre RPG|school shooter gaming]] community. The objective, of course, being to [[Virginia Tech|shoot as many teachers and students]] as possible before the authorities are notified. Unfortunately for expectant [[lulz]] seekers around the world, the underage fucktard playing this map decided it should be played in the [[special]] game mode of [[Weak|knives only]] and didn't even place on the [[High Score|high scores]] list as a result.
On April 9th, 2014, [[Pennsylvania|'''Franklin Regional Senior High School''']] became the latest map available to the [[Super Columbine Massacre RPG|school shooter gaming]] community. The objective, of course, being to [[Virginia Tech|shoot as many teachers and students]] as possible before the authorities are notified. Unfortunately for expectant [[lulz]] seekers around the world, the underage fucktard playing this map decided it should be played in the [[special]] game mode of [[Weak|knives only]] and didn't even place on the [[High Score|high scores]] list as a result.
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Unfortunately for Alex, he was a [[Noob|casual gamer]] and [[ADHD|wasn't paying attention]] when he showed up in the radar of [[The Man|Assistant Principal Sam King]], who was [[A challenger appears|the mini-boss]] of that particular area of the battlefield.
Unfortunately for Alex, he was a [[Noob|casual gamer]] and [[ADHD|wasn't paying attention]] when he showed up in the radar of [[The Man|Assistant Principal Sam King]], who was [[A challenger appears|the mini-boss]] of that particular area of the battlefield.


Before the scrawny teen was tackled by King and subsequently handcuffed by a [[Fat|doughnut-grubbing]] [[cop]], he had managed to slash 22 people, with 7 teens and one adult being listed in [[SRS BSNS|serious condition]]. Alex's kill count ended up being a fat, jolly [[fail|zero]]. The exact reason for this failure is still open to debate, although [[Some say|experts say]] Alex simply forgot that [[Call of Duty]] cheat codes don't actually work IRL, and that you [[Stupid|don't automatically slide]] [[Nerd|directly into someone's vitals]] [[Shit|when you swing a blade]] [[Nobody cares|in their general direction]].
Before the scrawny teen was tackled by King and subsequently handcuffed by a [[Fat|doughnut-grubbing]] [[cop]], he had managed to slash 21 people, with 7 teens and one adult being listed in [[SRS BSNS|serious condition]]. Another two [[Lulz|happened to get injured while fleeing from our wannabe Samurai anti-hero]]. Alex's kill count ended up being a fat, jolly [[fail|zero]]. The exact reason for this failure is still open to debate, although [[Some say|experts say]] Alex simply forgot that [[Call of Duty]] cheat codes don't actually work IRL, and that you [[Stupid|don't automatically slide]] [[Nerd|directly into someone's vitals]] [[Shit|when you swing a blade]] [[Nobody cares|in their general direction]].


<center>'''The Contestants'''</center>
<center>'''The Contestants'''</center>
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== Graded Score ==
== Graded Score ==
{{GradedScore|0|(24 Injured)|9| |12| |5| |20|bonus points for close range combat|46|'''F'''|TRY AGAIN, FAGGOT}}


{| style="{{roundy|18px}}{{gradlinear|red|orange}}box-shadow:0 3px 6px gray;padding:1em;margin:0 auto 1em auto;" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" border="0"
{{wanted|1}}
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:red;box-shadow:0 3px 6px orange;" | <big>Graded score</big>
|-
| colspan="2" style="height:9px;overflow:hidden;" |
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Kill count:
|0/20 (24 injured)
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Accuracy:
|9/20<br />
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Style:
|12/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;" | Butthurt:
|5/20
|-
! style="text-align:right;vertical-align:top;" | Bonus:
|20/20<br />''bonus points for close range combat''
|-
! colspan="2" style="{{roundy|9px}}background-color:orange;box-shadow:0 3px 6px yellow;" | <big>Total score: 46/100 ('''F''')</big>
|}
 
<center>'''TRY AGAIN, FAGGOT.'''</center>
<center>'''[[High Score| See full ranking]]'''</center>
 
 
 
<center>
<div style="{{roundy|10px}}border:2px solid #000;width:30%;background:linear-gradient(#d32f15, #227e84);background:-moz-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-webkit-linear-gradient(#002db3, #4da6ff);background:-o-linear-gradient(#e18f80, #666c05);padding:10px;font-weight:bold;font-size:larger">
<span style="font-size:16pt;">'''Wanted Level:'''</span>
<br>
<span> ___________________ </span>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wantedstar.png|40px]]
|}
<span> ___________________ </span>
<br>
{|align="center"
|[[File:Wanted1mallcop.png|128px]]
|}
<br>
<span style="font-size:12pt;">'''Mall Cop'''</span>
</div><br>
</center>


== Quotes ==
== Quotes ==
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* [http://www.heavy.com/news/2014/04/franklin-regional-stabber-alex-hribal/ Alex Hribal, Franklin Regional Stabbing Suspect: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know]
* [http://www.heavy.com/news/2014/04/franklin-regional-stabber-alex-hribal/ Alex Hribal, Franklin Regional Stabbing Suspect: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know]
* [http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2016/11/21/attorney-teen-to-plead-guilty-but_ap.html Attorney: Teen to plead guilty but mentally ill in stabbings] {{Archive|ejuW2}}
* [http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2016/11/21/attorney-teen-to-plead-guilty-but_ap.html Attorney: Teen to plead guilty but mentally ill in stabbings] {{Archive|ejuW2}}
* [[Catnarok|RAGNAROK:]] [https://schoolshooters.info/sites/default/files/Hribal_Letter.pdf The Manifesto (yep, he's a Columbiner)]


{{trolls}}{{High Scores}}{{Psychopaths}}{{Education}}
{{trolls}}{{High Scores}}{{Psychopaths}}{{Education}}{{columbine}}


[[Category:IRL Shit]][[Category:Events]][[Category:2014]][[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]][[Category:Events]][[Category:2014]][[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]

Latest revision as of 16:28, 30 September 2024


"KNIFE TO MEET YOU." School shooter knifer Alex Hribal. Remind you of anyone else?
Alex Hribal
Born October 1, 1997 (27 years old)
Nationality: Americunt  
Highscore Killed 0, injured 23
Top 50? HAHAHA, OH WOW
Style Hack'N'Slash
An Hero? Unfortunately, no


On April 9th, 2014, Franklin Regional Senior High School became the latest map available to the school shooter gaming community. The objective, of course, being to shoot as many teachers and students as possible before the authorities are notified. Unfortunately for expectant lulz seekers around the world, the underage fucktard playing this map decided it should be played in the special game mode of knives only and didn't even place on the high scores list as a result.

Game mode set to close range combat only.

Knives > Guns

This tragedy brought to you by Proactiv™.
A level 2 mini-boss.

Alexander Brandon Hribal is the faggot in question, and no one is sure why he showed up equipped with such an interesting choice of arsenal. The 16-year-old was apparently uninspired by the recent Fort Hood sequel to V-Tech, where the shooter only managed to kill 3 victims before killing himself. At least that fucktard knew to use a fucking gun. This kid wasn't even Muslim, he was just a pizza-faced nobody who got punked at school all the time.

After making one final entry in his tear-stained diary, the acne-ridden sophomore equipped himself with a blade and hit the battlefield, stabbing most of his enemies in the abdominal area like an abortion specialist.

A hall monitor spotted the knife-wielding teen and pulled the nearest fire alarm, then immediately proceeded to make a run for the exit doors, trampling several expendable weaklings in the process, and leaving them shitting their pants and vulnerable to a good old fashioned knife raping.

Unfortunately for Alex, he was a casual gamer and wasn't paying attention when he showed up in the radar of Assistant Principal Sam King, who was the mini-boss of that particular area of the battlefield.

Before the scrawny teen was tackled by King and subsequently handcuffed by a doughnut-grubbing cop, he had managed to slash 21 people, with 7 teens and one adult being listed in serious condition. Another two happened to get injured while fleeing from our wannabe Samurai anti-hero. Alex's kill count ended up being a fat, jolly zero. The exact reason for this failure is still open to debate, although experts say Alex simply forgot that Call of Duty cheat codes don't actually work IRL, and that you don't automatically slide directly into someone's vitals when you swing a blade in their general direction.

The Contestants
  • Knifer Alex Hribal's avatar.
    Knifer Alex Hribal's avatar.
  • Mini-boss Assistant Principal Sam King. 5% of an epic drop.
    Mini-boss Assistant Principal Sam King. 5% of an epic drop.

The Aftermath

"I got a boo-boo."

Reporters flocked to the scene in search of shocked parents and traumatized/bloody students to film, but immediately lost interest when they heard there were no guns involved, as there wasn't any liberal agenda to push. The only "news" that continues to report this story is Fox.

Band-aids and hugs were given to Alex's victims, all of whom denied needing any sort of therapy as a result of the "tragedy." The fact that this dweeb used a knife instead of a gun is laughable, and comparable to cutting down a tree with an ice pick instead of a chainsaw. His victims actually secretly thanked Alex for what he did, as it made them temporarily famous on the news, and one faggot even posted a knife-wound selfie of himself in the hospital on his Instagram.

As is always the case in following any school or theater-related attack, it was time to play the blame game. Alex used a classic defense of "I have multiple handicaps" and of course blamed the school for allowing him to be bullied on campus. With this defense, he hopes to be released as soon as possible so he can retry his mission and beat his current score.

   
“ 		 
One of the kids he stabbed was a good friend of his.

He didn't have a lot of friends, but he was not bullied.
  		„
  		 

—Santino, with a friend like Alex...

Theories

Der lib'ral meedya derd it!

Some argue that this game was created by the liberal media✡ to push their agenda of disarming the populace by making it clear that if a kid does not have access to guns, he will be incapable of killing a single person.

This same idea was presented last year in Ryan Lambourn's hit game The Slaying of Sandy Hook Elementary School, which used score manipulation to convince the player that if Adam Lanza had used a sword, he could not have possibly killed anyone. In the cases of Alex Hribal and Adam Lanza this may be true, as their complete lack of hand-eye coordination can be attributed to their diagnosed autism.

Other theories include that this entire ordeal was planned by Obama to mock the Chinese, whom for the last 4 years have been struggling with strings of knife attacks at their schools. Obama's plan unfortunately backfired, as the Chinese are affluent in Kung-Fu and can actually inflict more than a graze wound with a blade. Most of these theories were of course brought forth by the king of tin-hatters himself, Alex Jones.

Autism Aftermath

Alex's fate in Prison.

Sometime in mid 2015, our autist Alex confessed to psychologists that he thought he was being controlled by the deceased Columbine shooters; Reb & VoDKa. A defense psychiatrist said Hribal thought he was being "egged on or controlled by Dylan and Eric all the way from hell." The defense psychologists claim that he was psycho and severely depressed at the time of the autistic rampage assault, and that he planned to be killed by the pigs. Unfortunately for Alex the autist's plans, he's white so of course the police immediately detained him peacefully without injury. Like every faggy school shooter, Hribal was obsessed with lolumbine.

It is quite possible Alex will be locked up for a very long time.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 0/20 (24 Injured)
Accuracy: 9/20
Style: 12/20
Butthurt: 5/20
Bonus: 20/20 bonus points for close range combat
Total Score: 46/100 (F)
TRY AGAIN, FAGGOT
See full ranking


Wanted Level:

Mall Cop


Quotes

   
“ 		 
He's a nice kid from a nice family," said Owen, an 11th grader. "We're not really sure what came up -- why he did this.
  		„
  		 

—Owen, because he was a nice kid from a nice family

   
“ 		 
He talked to me and a couple other people, but he was really quiet around other people. He's really smart.
  		„
  		 

—Jake, Hribal's lab partner in biology

Previous Quote | Next Quote

YouTube

Alex Hribal had 'minor' social media presence

Student: "I saw blood gushing from his stomach."

Witness: 'In 30 seconds I saw 3 people get stabbed...

Previous Video | Next Video

Gallery

  • Better luck next time, faggot.
    Better luck next time, faggot.
  • The carnage could have been so beautiful.
    The carnage could have been so beautiful.
  • The battlegrounds
    The battlegrounds
  • Time for a knife-wound selfie.
    Time for a knife-wound selfie.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • The only solution.
    The only solution.
  • He obviously didn't look up to any professionals.
    He obviously didn't look up to any professionals.
  • LOL didn't even place.
    LOL didn't even place.
  • Wait, he used a WHAT?
    Wait, he used a WHAT?

See Also

External Links

Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.


 Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

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Banned From Scoring

Alex Hribal • Anthony Warner • Anton Bichivin • Asa Coon • Ben Moynihan • Billy Mitchell • Brandon Clegg • Brian Isaack Clyde • Charles Bishop • Clay Duke • Dillon Cossey • Faisal Shahzad • Frank James • Hayden Jagst • Hugo Jackson • Ilya Ivanistov • John Earnest • Kyle Rittenhouse • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Logan Clark • MAGABomber • Mikhail Pivnev • Nasim Aghdam • Nicky Reilly • Philip Manshaus • Richard Reid • Ryan Routh • Sam Hyde • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • Stephan Balliet • Todd Rogers • Willem Van Spronsen • William Atchison • You

 
Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Psychopaths
[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]
Spree/One-time Killers:

Aaron Alexis • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Alyssa Bustamante • Anthony Warner • Audrey Hale • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dylan Klebold • Dylann Storm Roof • Eric Harris • Gerry McCann • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew de Grood • Matthew Murray • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Richard Speck • Robert Hawkins • Stephen Paddock • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • TJ Lane • Tyler Peterson • Wade Michael Page • Woo Bum-kon

Career/Serial Killers:

Academy Maniacs • Adolf Hitler • Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs • Dubya • Jack the Ripper • Jeffrey Dahmer • Mao Zedong • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy

Terrorists:

Al Qaeda • Anders Behring Breivik • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Dzhokhar Tsarnaev • Elliot Rodger • George Sodini • Maniacs Murder Cult • Mark Essex • Nidal Malik Hasan • Osama bin Laden • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Ted Kaczynski

See also:

Antisocial personality disorder • Jews • Murder • Paranoid personality disorder • Pittsburgh Paint Job • Police Brutality • Sick fuck

Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Education

[Drop OutGo To School]
Pennsylvania School Stabbing is part of a series on Columbine
[All jocks stand up!NBK]
Columbine:

Columbine • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Super Columbine Massacre RPG • Do you believe in god • Columbine Copycats • Columbine Gallery • Columbiners

Admirers

Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • Bob8466 • Brooke Higgins & Sienna Johnson • Cho Seung-Hui • Dillon Cossey • Ichverbot • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Kimveer Gill • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Lynn Ann • Neocities • Nghtmrchld26 • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Robert Butler Jr. • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Ryan Schallenberger • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • TheAmazingAtheist • Tim Kretschmer • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Atchison • You

Locations:

Colorado • United States • School • Suburbs

Related:

Doom • Police Brutality • Postal • School Shooting • Mass Shooting • Video games • Trenchcoat • Marilyn Manson • KMFDM • Rammstein • Goth • Concerned Mother • Newgrounds • Ryan Lambourn • School Shooter: North American Tour 2012 • The Matrix • South Park • Michael Moore • Quentin Tarantino • 1990s • Jack Thompson • Gun control

Featured article April 11th & 12th, 2014
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