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Ruslan Akhtyamov

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This page contains an hero.
Ruslan Akhtyamov
Nationality: Ruskie
High Score 4 killed, 1 injured
Top 50? FUCK NO
Style Single Player
An Hero? Shotgun mouthwash


On April 26th 2022, two months into Putin's escapades, some batshit insane Vatnik named Ruslan Akhtyamov would go for the High Score after finally snapping. He broke into a gun owner's house then shot up a fucking kindergarten. He racked up an astounding kill count of 4 before logging off for good.

Ruslan in the flesh (and blood)

Ruslan plotting his attack like an evil madman.

So, who was Ruslan really? Was he an alt-right extremist? Was he influenced by these faggots? Was he a glowie? No, not at all. He wasn't any of that. The ongoing investigation shows Ruslan had a personality disorder, was a basement dweller, and was balding at the tender age of 26. Does that remind you of anyone?

Sometime in 1996, Mrs. Akhtyamov would go to the toilet to take a shit, only to find out that that piece of shit could walk, talk, cry and kill kids. And thus, Ruslan was born. Not much is known about him, but just looking at him, he was probably bullied as a kid for having a retarded looking head. You may think that this prevented him from having any friends, but you are wrong. He made 1 friend; an old man who would occasionally invite him over to shoot guns.

A few years later, Ruslan began developing a severe bout of Insane Retard Syndrome, (scientific name: Insanis retardis), or just IRS. This got so bad to the point where he had to be registered as mentally ill by the fucking state! Of course, that didn't stop the old man from letting him onto his property to use his guns.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: IZh-27
  • Perk 1: Stopping Power
  • Perk 2: Sleight of Hand
  • Increases ability to fap on the corpses of the successfully killed children before cops, FSB and other stalkers come in and break up the party.
  • Spell: Tard Rage
  • Lets the player harness their inner retard, letting them deal upwards to 50% moar damage than they normally would. Lasts ~30 minutes. (+10000 Crit Chance) (-7 Intelligence)

The shooting

At first I was like...
...then I was like

April 26th for him was the day of hardcore. And also of rape, so let's see his to-do list! To do a mass shooting you will need a gun. Ruslan wasn't eligible for that, but he had a great idea! Brutally murder his best friend and steal his shotgun for the lulz. With that done, you need somewhere to attack. The target he chose was a kindergarten, serving as yet another major lulzfest. Ruslan entered the school during naptime, in order to fap to the sleeping kiddies first. Suddenly an employee spotted him and tried to stop him, but no one can stop a batshit insane Ruski, so he shot her in the head. Next up Ruslan killed 2 sleeping kiddies before shooting another "hero" who tried to stop him, injuring her in the arm. After a quick nut, he decided to do what the two other Ruski fags couldn't do, and joined the ranks of an hero. This shooting ended up being a proper lulzfest as shootings in Russia aren't very common, especially not kindergarten shootings. As of now, the war made mass shootings less common in Russia and Ukraine, and for lulzy purposes. This shooting was a nice change of pace to Europe. Good job!

Russia and Mass Shootings

Why did Russia become such a hotbed for Mass Shootings? That's our job! >:(

Ever since Dmitry Vinogradov's High Score attempt in 2012, there have been a fuckton of Russian players trying to get onto the European FPS leaderboard, with only one actually succeeding: Vladislav Roslyakov, a pasty noodle-armed Columbiner and faggot that racked up 20 kills using a shotgun and a bomb that actually fucking worked! 3 years later would come Ilnaz Galyaviev, one of Vlad's many, many fanboys who racked up 9 kills despite using a semi-auto shotgun, and Timur Bekmansurov, a copycat of Ilnaz, a copycat of a copycat, who got a shitty K:I ratio of 6:47, and got one of his legs amputated. (Dis)honorable mentions go to some 15 year old retard who held his school hostage and killed a cop, and Daniil Monakhov, who attempted to bring a gun to his school, before his grandma found the gun, and instead went on a killing spree around his shitty little village, killing 4 (including aforementioned grandma) before an heroing near a bus stop.

This has caused the Russian government to shit themselves, first blaming Western culture, before moving onto passing stricter gun laws in Russia, a country that already has a fuckload of gun control, though that didn't really stop our hero from attempting to get the High Score. How? He just stole the shotgun the old man let him use, and killed him with it. Can't really regulate stolen guns, can you :D?

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 4/20 4 killed and 1 injured
Accuracy: 16/20
Style: 15/20 Stole the gun, entered the classroom at naptime and targeted a kindergarten.
Butthurt: 7/20 Moderate asshurt in Russia, overshadowed by more pressing matters.
Bonus: 9/20 Stole an old man's shotgun and killed him with it before shooting up the kindergarten.
Total Score: 51/100 (D)
ТЫ ПОЛНЫЙ ОТСТОЙ (Lanza did it better)
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________


OMOH


See Also


Ruslan Akhtyamov is part of a series on Are You Ready? [GAME OVERInsert Coin] Go!
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Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyDong YanglingGabriel WortmanJack Gilbert GrahamJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPanya KhamrabPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSalvador RamosShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWilliam UnekWoo Bum-kon

Single Player Amateur Division

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAkbarzhon JalivovAli David SonbolyAnderson Lee AldrichAndrea PignaniAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAudrey HaleBrandon Scott HoleBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBrenda Ann SpencerBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles Whitman's TumorChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Police ShootingsDarrell BrooksDavid KatzDavid KozákDavid Malcolm GrayDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDimitrious GargasoulasDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelEuler Fernando GrandolphoFlemming NielsenFort HoodGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriIan David LongIlnaz GalyavievJake DavisonJames Alex FieldsJames HolmesJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeffrey DahmerJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJohn Wilkes BoothJonathan SapirmanJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelKongsberg Bow and Arrow RampageLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LépineMark BartonMark EssexMartin PeyerlMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNathan GaleNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenOrlando HarrisOtoya YamaguchiPatrick PurdyPayton GendronPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtRamadan Van ManRandy Robert StairRichard SpeckRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert CardRobert CrimoRobert HawkinsRobert LongRobert SteinhäuserRuslan AkhtyamovRyan PalmeterSantino William LeganSatoshi UematsuSayfullo SaipovStephen KazmierczakThe Twinkie ManThomas Matthew CrooksThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneTobias RathjenTrystan Andrew TerrellTyler PetersonUnabomberWade Michael PageWalter SeifertWellington Menezes de OliveiraZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Multiplayer Co-Op Mode

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Civilization and Great Prophets

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetAum ShinrikyoCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

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Ruslan Akhtyamov
is part of a series on
An Heroes

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Died Alone

1-14 Jakarta AttacksAaron BushnellAaron HowardAaron SwartzAcidChanAdam LanzaAdolf HitlerAkbarzhon DzhalilovAlan TuringAlexis PilkingtonAmanda ToddAn HaloAndrea PignaniAndrew KehoeAndrew KoenigAnthony WarnerAnton Lundin PetterssonArtyom KazantsevAsa CoonAugust AmesBen VoddenBob8466Brandon CleggBrandon CrispBrandon HoleBrenda WilliamsBrigit GonzalezBroadt LedetBruce PardoBubba CopelandBudd DwyerCandyjunkieArcan CetinCharles BishopCharmaine DragunChloe SagalChris BenoitChris DornerChristine ChubbuckChristopher FosterChris Harper-MercerCho Seung-HuiClay DukeCodey PorterDavid RitchesonDerrick BirdDevin KelleyDustin MichaelsDylan KleboldElliot RodgerEmma JonesEric HarrisEtikaEuler GrandolphoGeorge HennardGeorge SodiniGizgizGleb KorablevHannah BondHeath LedgerHunter S. ThompsonIsrael KeyesJake RobertsJames LeshkevichJarrad WillisJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJenny GrantJewWarioJiverly VoongJodie Gater and Stephanie GestierJoe StackJohn HouserJonathan Kendrick LewisJosé BettsJürgen ConingsKevin Neil WhitrickKlerckKurt CobainLeelah AlcornLivecorpseLowtaxMatthias SchoormannMario FerreyraMarvin HeemeyerMcSkilletMegan MeierMercedes HerreraMia JaninMitchell HendersonMr. HandsMatti SaariJosh BallardNathaniel BerhowNghtmrchld26Nikita LytkinNikki CatsourasOldDirtyBtardOtoya YamaguchiPanya KhamrabPaula GoodspeedPekka-Eric AuvinenPetri GerdtPhilip MarkoffQuentin HubbardRachele RuddRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRichard JeniRina PalenkovaRobert CardRobert HawkinsRobin WilliamsRonnie McNuttRudolph ZurickRyan PalmeterSadie DavilaSalman AbediSam LeesonShane HalliganShaun DykesShawn WoolleyShayShuaibySol PaisStephanie Michelle BrownStephen KazmierczakStephen HuffStephen PaddockStiletto oneTang YongmingTatiana the TigerTerry DavisThe An Heroes of BridgendTim KretschmerTimothy HendronTony48219Tyler ClementiTyler DumstorfTyler PetersonVerne TroyerWilliam Atchison

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Adf-fuensalidaAhuviya HarelAlek MinassianAmber ButtrumAmy BishopAnton BichivinAriana RaykottoAudrey HaleAydin PaladinBernie MadoffBrandon ClarkBrenda SpencerBrian ClydeBrian ConnorsBrook HigginsCampo DelgadoCharles ZieseCobanermani456Colonel McBadassCrystal ShinkleDavid GrayDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann RoofGabe ParkerGeorge StinneyHugo JacksonIlnaz GalyavievImma-The-DeerJakrapanth ThommaJames HubertyJamethJarrod RamosJeffree MoonJessica EvertJonathan RossJoseph CampJustin-anonLindsay SouvannarathLolo FerrariMamoru TakumaMartin BryantMary BellMichael CarnealMichael GimsonMissyMychal BellNeograntNikkineko333Nikolas CruzNoah EsbensenNuzzieKomaOwen WilsonPikacat39PogoRooRainBoy107Richard ReidRandan FontaineRex FowlerRobert CrimoRobert LongSalvador RamosShaan SinghShinji AobaSienna JohnsonSirtom93SneakylizardStephen FryTakeShotActionTimur BekmansurovTJ LaneToaster SteveTom PrestonTooDamnFilthyTumbles the StairdragonViper

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