Bayeux Tapestry

From one-liners...

...to hilarious narratives...

...to declarations of liek...

...to sordid tales.

Thou hast been pwn-ed!

...for non-lethal weapons.

...and NEVAR FORGETTING!

And epic tales of cunning bandits!

The Bayeux Tapestry is a very large piece of embroidered fabric, more than 70 meters long and only half a meter wide (that's about 230 feet long and 20 inches wide, for the Americunts in the house). It was created in the late 11th century to document the leading tapestry memes of the time, most of which were remarkably similar to the internets memes of our modern day, as well as the events leading up to the invasion of England by William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy in 1066.

The Battle of Hastings

The Tapestry contains hundreds of images, divided into scenes, each describing a particular meme or historical event. The scenes are joined into a linear sequence, allowing the viewer to "read" the entire story, starting with the first scene and progressing to the last. However, because at some point in the past thousand years it was cut up into numerous sections, no-one is really sure what the correct sequence actually was. In the final analysis, it doesn't really matter. We know that the English lost because most of the army was out mucking around in Scotland and Wales, and Harold of England's forces were mostly local farmers he forced into service for a six-week period before harvest-time.

Fail becometh Win

Thus, the scarecrow English team got their asses kicked by the feet and swords of the heavily armored knights of French Normandy - the Normans were Vikings from Norway, who had moved to France for the tax advantages - but surprisingly, they grew to be very happy about the aftermath of the invasion. For one thing, thousands of rich Frenchies swarmed over and built up a bunch of luxurious castles, cruised around the countryside in their shiny oxcarts on the weekends, mead-tasting, and the local people realized that these rich assholes actually spent a lot of money on expensive shit, so there were lots of opportunities for commerce. Soon it became cool for the local people to mince around practicing their French, and the old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon grunting noises they used to have as language didn't sound so good anymore. Eventually, the French and Anglo-Saxon sort of blended, and eventually became the language we all know and love today.

But the memes

This is where a study of the memes becomes imperative, as their appearance on the Internet is not only instructive from the historical point of view, but also helps to illuminate the meaning of a whole range of memes. The past is mostly a bad memory, and the future is uncertain, but the memes of the Bayeux Tapestry provide for the internets a precise and ancient mirror of today.

How to make

A Bayeux Tapestry for any drama or meme can be created with a Historic Tale Construction Kit, a magical place that can be used to illustrate anything.

Skillz to write tales

• Use ye olde English. For example instead of "Yo mother is a hoe," you could say "Thy mater maketh her wealth upon her back."
• Fit as many people into each frame as possible.
• Claim you drew the final image.
• Photoshop "Goatse and friends" into the image.

Topics

When on the internet drama hath taken place and the affairs all a huggermugger, generally the fray canst be summarized in a great tale. Tis shall serve two purposes: Firstly, it shall produce great mirth for the onlookers of the fray; secondly, the situation shall be told to the tardy masses.

Topics regarding the intrigues of the Court are can also serve for much amusement, but thou wouldst do well to make use of ye olde English. For example, "lol, bush sucks" shall become "Thy king's engagement in questionable activity doth stir in me great mirth."

Gallery

Ye Olde Gallerie About missing Pics

• 
• 
  Over 9000
• 
• 
  The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
• 
  IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER
• 
• 
• 
  U wot, knave?
• 
• 
  Balloon Boy/Itty Bitty Baby
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Alle thy base hath come into oure possession.
• 
• 
• 
  Indeed
• 
• 
• 
• 
  I can tell from some of the stitching.
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  The Companion I most Prefer.
• 
  Gentlemen
• 
• 
  Buzzkilling Tapestry
• 
  O shiiit
• 
  Oh, and...
• 
• 
  F40PH
• 
  KILL IT WITH FIRE
• 
  Additional Pylons
• 
  (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS TAPESTRY)
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Pokemans
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
  Lord Horatio of Caine
• 
  I see yon undecided wench!
• 
  I Hath Seen What Thou Hast Done There!
• 
• 
  In Thy Base, Killing Thy Warriors!
• 
• 
  Pomf =3
• 

See also

• Circumlolcution

External links

• Historic Tale Construction Kit
• All Your Base
• Bayeux Tapestry
• As a book

	Bayeux Tapestry is part of a series on YTMND [YES, YES!PUNCH THE KEYS FOR GOD'S SAKE]
PEOPLE Founder: Max Goldberg✡ Fanboys: Front page fags MEMES/ FADS Bayeux Tapestry • Brian Peppers • Cat on a keyboard in space • Corn • Epic Red Ranger Manoeuvre • Garbage Day • Having A Wonderful Time • Katamari Damacy • Khaaan!‎ • LOL INTERNET • Lazy Town • Leeroy Jenkins • I Am In Your Base Killing Your D00ds • Meatspin • Monorail Cat • Moon Man • MySpace Suicide • Nigga stole my bike • NEDM • Needs more cowbell • O RLY? • Patrick Stewart • Poland • Put Shoe On Head • Rainbow Stalin • ROFLCOPTER • Secret Nazi • Sonic • The Spanish Inquisition • The Great Dumbledore Dies Meme of 2005 • Thewillpower • What is Love? • X Doesn't Change Facial Expressions

Bayeux Tapestry is part of a series on Memes Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.

Bayeux Tapestry is part of a series on The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People] In Chronological Order 399BC: First recorded troll-banning 0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL 571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed 600: Blood orgies 1077: Invention of the meme archive 1100: DEUS VULT! 1337: Start of the Hundred Years War 1492: The Americas are culturally enriched 1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic 1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism. 1789: The beret is mightier than the crown 1801: Invention of the Triforce 1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image 1865: End of the Nigger Market 1877: Trolling world record broken 1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz 1914: World War 1 1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting 1939: World War 2 1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen 1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman 1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea) 1955: America gets BTFO 1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered 1963: CIA did JFK 1987: First televised An Hero 1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco 1999: Counter Strike played IRL 2000: End of teh world due to computer errors. 2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC 2004: ED founded 2005: Katrina and 7/7 2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters 2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened 2013: ISIS founded 2015: Paris Attacks 2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.) 2017: Country music is back 2019: First livestreamed kebab removal

Featured article September 8, 2007
Preceded by The Anti-ED Club	Bayeux Tapestry	Succeeded by Vanessa Hudgens