Laurelai/An Open Letter To My Rapist, Laurelai Bailey

<Laurelai

An Open Letter To My Rapist, Laurelai Bailey 

TW: suicide, rape(graphic), victim blaming, abuse, manipulation, mental health, psychopaths

>>My name is Zoey and I'm one of the people Laurelai Bailey indirectly blamed for her suicide.  Laurelai Bailey raped me and then manipulated me into helping her. The feelings i have put into this letter will not change even if the suicide turned out to be a lie in order to gain sympathy, which I highly suspect that it is.  If she is dead: this is how I feel. <<

I shall light no candle for you, Laurelai Bailey. I shall cry no tear, I shall feel no regret. For I am finally free of your curse.  Free of the fear you wielded over me. I can stop fearing that you'll sell me out to the TERFs. That you'll dox me and send legions of your followers to harass me and try to drive away my friends. That you can no longer wield the power that the ignorant bestowed upon you.

  I can forget about you forever.  I can forget that you made me defend you. That you had the gal to ask me to use my own rape at your hands to defend you against another rape accusation.  That your last act on earth was to further abuse me by attempting to burden me with the guilt of your death.

I used to hate you. The memory of you getting me so high that I couldn't see or talk is still there although I wasn't present for most of it . All I remember is you tugging me by the hand as I stumbled up the stairs.   I could barely walk or stand. Then I'm on my back. Then nothing  but a cold sensation and  I feel your body over mine.  I feel your cock sliding into me and I scream and pass out.  I wake up and there you are grunting over me.  I'm going in and out of lucidity.  I convince myself that I enjoy it and play along, still struggling to stay conscious.  You finish painfully in me and I roll over and I can't remember anything else from that night.

You then attempted to rule my life.  You sought to assuage your worry that I might betray your secret so you asked me to give my blessing to what you had done to me. Then you used it against me when I finally spoke against you a few days ago. 

You would isolate me and the others you controlled by radicalizing us. You would use the threat of isolation from your community and the larger trans community as a whole in order to keep everyone in line. We all saw what happened when you said someone was no longer welcome. You used my empathy against me to convince me that you were worth defending.  

The trans community remained permissive or at least apathetic of the harm you caused.  There is no way to claim to be fooled by you anymore. The people who defend now are every bit as awful as you made them to be.

Eventually I cut you out of my life and you claimed I was abusing you by not talking to you.  You implied that I was a psychopath trying to harm you. As you do with all of your detractors.

Now I feel only joy. I can now experience life without fear. I'm relieved that I don't have to live life without worrying in the back of my mind that you might attempt to ruin my life as you had so many others.  When I finally spoke out against you I feared for my mental health and ability to be employed. But you played your hand and you had nothing.  My friends stood by me. Your death was just another weapon in your arsenal. A scorched earth tactic to try to punish me and those others for the rest of our lives for standing against you.  It didn't work.

I am free.  I am rid of you.  I am at peace.

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