Pepsi

You, after a life of Pepsi and Cheetos

Pepsi bottle from Zaire

Gentlemen

Pepsi is liquid cancer. It is made from Kike smegma, taint juice, menstrual blood and toenail fungus. It's pseudo-nemesis counterpart Coke, is the same shit, but with a different label. They both taste like stale ass-water mixed with sugar. It is rumored that this is the concoction of the devil and it is made by demons in order to brainwash silly humans and turn them into zombified cretins. Well, what the fuck do we know? Besides giving you a notoriously long list of health problems, Pepsi will also make you look like a faggot, because more then likely, you'll be drinking it with a bendy straw. Pepsi is the only known, field tested, working, dumbfuck detector. While at a social gathering, scan the crowd for how many people are consuming this shit. Now, take a pen and piece of paper and write down the number. After you finished, climb onto a chair and start yelling towards each and every last person, while pointing your finger, that they're indeed, dumbfucks. You'll be the coolest guy there.

What you can do with a Pepsi

Pepsi is a world renown drink known for helping thousands upon thousands of healthy people get diabetes faster than chugging ten cargo containers filled with sugar every 6 hours. You must be fucking stupid if you don't drink Pepsi every break in-between fapping marathons. It will help make your cum the texture of S'mores, so you can more easily make cumballs to fling after your mom when she brings you fresh clothes from the dryer.

You hate going to the dentist? Great! By drinking Pepsi non-stop, your teeth will rot faster than the flesh-eating disease we used to get back in 'Nam. Why do you think every sugarmonkey down at the plantation couldn't hold more than 3 teeth together before their 11th birthday?

Sumo wrestles use Pepsi to maintain the aspect of their moobs in good form, thus when you look straight at a sumo wrestler, the gravitational pull of their tits will pull their opponents into their grabs.

Best marketing campaign

See also

• Caffeine
• Coke
• Dub the Dew
• Mountain Dew

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