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Danielspengies
Danielspengies (Steven Duane Newcomb of Rocklin, CA) is a phenomenon amongst other YouTube Nobodies, because he was butthurt by ED almost from the start. Who is danielspengies you ask? At first glance, you'd expect him to just be some bald, overweight faggot who has no sense of humor and poses as a comedian. Feel free to judge the book by its cover though, because that's exactly what you're getting. Steven claims to have been abducted by fatty loving aliens.
Apparently, Steven (danielspengies) feels that with the army of subscribers (he has amassed 120), he feels it necessary to make TL;DW diatribes against ED. Although he claims that the internet is not srs bzns, his videos are all about how the internet should be srs bzns. Perhaps if he were able to make a video without being so wet over the collective dong of YouTube, his videos would actually be entertaining. Wait, we take that back; he's just a stupid fat fuck of little concern. He is completely comfortable allowing his wife to work two jobs to support his YouTube video production. He has also cheated on his wife causing her to attempt suicide, her marriage counselor eventually told her to leave the fat bastard. Steven announced on July 3, 2010 that his wife was actually able to escape her cage and flee to San Jose with their son who was amazed to find a whole planet existed outside of their rent-controlled apartment.
The truth is DanielSpengies is a troll, even though he is a known associate of the internet humanitarian Mission: MySpace. And after years of prizing him self as one he is now crying like a little girl about ED's article on him. ED suggests you acquire a hugbox for comfort Steven. How you like them apples?
Nevertheless, while danielspengies proclaims that ED has fallen right into his hands and playing us like a fiddle, his videos feature over 9000 moments of individual irony. For instance, he claims to not be obsessed with ED, but has managed to put two videos on ED in the same night (moar irony: since this ED article, he's made about ten separate videos on ED). While he claims to not be bothered by ED users, he has effectively blocked all EDiots from his channel.
He claims to not be funny, yet is listed as a 'comedian.' Steven has a clear case of unwarranted self-importance and feels a bachelor degree entails that he is intellectually superior to all people. Steven also feels that his parents didn't love him enough and his therapist feels he isn't happy. ED would suggest you decide for yourself, but it's clearly obvious that this guy is a dumbass who, criminally, will only have more channel views because of the "hate" ED justly delivers. A meaningful sacrifice in lieu of revealing how much of a faggot danielspengies is.
* This sentence was rewritten at Danielspengies's request. However, everything will be left in tact as he admitted to every part of the article being completely and utterly true. Video below.
Quotes
—Danielspeniges, suffering from a severe case of USI | ||
Ye Olde Update
To quoth the YouTube video, danielspengies hath referred to ED's new article on him. He hath proclaimed that, unbeknownst to us noble EDiots, we hath all fallen into his cleverly executed trap!
Almost Had A Masters
As if his failure wasn't enough already, danielspengies has made a video rebuffing the critics of his E-psychology by telling them that he almost got a masters !!!11!oneoneone11! but didn't finish his thesis because he was too busy eating all the pies. He has, though, read over 9000 peer reviewed psych papers (at least 100 of which he seems to have saved on his hard drive) but unluckily for him you have to actually sit down and finish what you're fucking doing if you want to get a masters but why go to all this effort when making an eight minute sixteen second boring as fuck video is sooo much easier amirite?
He's An E-Comedian
Note the smug look on his fat face as he says "You might be an ED fan if..."; this man could be the next Jeff Foxworthy. In fact this is a perfect pastiche of Jeff Foxworthy as it achieves both anti-lulz and mild homo eroticism in one. Many questions may stir when you watch this video. Such as: Why is this obese man accusing all ED writers/fans of using 4chan memes IRL and being a sexual deviant?
He's An E-Comedian and Troll (cont.)
Due to the pretty intense critical acclaim achieved by his first comical jab at Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Our hero decided to attempt yet another satirical jab (BALEETED!) at the users of both ED and 4chan.
Here is recorded a select few of the most comical mistakes danielspengies made in this, his latest assault on the honor of Anonymous.
- Real ED or Ed (as he calls them) users are much fatter then Danielspengies
- Real ED users only have one love in their life, the lulz.
- Real ED (or 4chan for that matter) users didn't hack applemilk's password. That was Jewbacca, an Ebaumsworld user
- It is not pronounced "poned" or at least, it shouldn't be.
- It is not pronounced "weebaboo". Internets motherfucker: Do you speak them!?
- Real ED users don't think applemilk is a whore; we love her; at full force.
- He seems to think that having one's mother as one's girlfriend is bad in some way.
- Steven claims he is part of "Troll House".
Internet Wins! (In the most minor way possible)
On the 23rd of August Danielspengies posted an oh-so-emo!!oneoneone video about how he was considering leaving YouTube.
—What Danielspengies appears to say. | ||
—What Danielspengies actually recorded before he spent a couple of hours "putting together this video that no one's gonna watch." | ||
All in all, a pretty thorough summary of all of this sorry drama is recorded below :
Moar
I’m a 27 year old psychology grad student in REDACTED California. I’m married to REDACTED, and am the father of REDACTED, toddler, who I love, even when he is running away with my socks on his head. I am also a notorious retired LiveJournal troll, and am here on myspace because the powers that be over THERE decided it was time for a daniels_pengies permabanning… My main hobbies include trolling (retired), [[pedophile|running after toddlers]], [[lie|running]], [[internet tough guy|weight lifting]], being naked on the internet for laughs, and other various things that lead people to either love or hate me (no in between possible). Anyway, read at your own risk…. I am banned from the following websites: Live Journal: home of the worst trolls on the internet Deviant Nation: Feel free to express your opinion, BUT only if everyone else on the site agrees with it. Encyclopediadramatica: AKA the biggest waste of bandwidth on the internet. The Unofficial Art Bell Chatroom: I wonder how many times they actually HAVE reported me to both my ISP AND the FBI.
From his Weblog: Apparently Encyclopedia Dramatica, which I have described in the past as being “the biggest waste of bandwidth on the internet,” is suffering from a sudden lack of disk space, and is begging it’s readers to donate money to keep the site’s owners’ idiotic idea of comedy afloat. I can only laugh at this, since I have frankly wanted to see that unfunny piece of crap destroyed for a while. It is run and maintained by individuals from the “livejournal circle jerk,” which, for anyone who didn’t know me back during my LJ days, is a collection of cliquish trolls who all thought their own shit was the funniest thing ever, and tended to regard me as being so un-humorous that I deserved to be banished into the dark corners of the special-needs internet (aka myspace) forever. Even after more than a year, I have yet to understand what people think is so entertaining about ED and its staff. Frankly I think their take on such things as racism and rape is utterly pathetic and downright appalling, and I can’t imagine anyone who would be falling over and laughing at such utter stupidity. The rest of their articles are amateurish at best, with the majority of their entries covering in-jokes about other Livejournal users that only a select group of people (i.e. the circle jerk members themselves) would actually understand. So it comes as no surprise, to me at least, that the site owners would be lacking user donations, since the entire enterprise is so narrow in audience that it probably escapes about 99.9% of those occupying the cyber-world. Oh well, good riddens I say. Hopefully their domain name can be recycled and given to a group of people that are actually talented at provoking laughs, and don’t have to solely rely on shock-value to bring in readership. Doubtful, I know, but a former troll can wish can’t he?
Over 9,000 conversations about one thing
A conversation a fellow EDiot had with Danielspengies (Stephen):
weatherman0009 (6:40:05 PM): hey fag
daniels pengies (6:40:45 PM): yes bitch?
weatherman0009 (6:40:48 PM): Steven
weatherman0009 (6:40:48 PM): hai
weatherman0009 (6:40:53 PM): how are you ?
daniels pengies (6:40:56 PM): hello weatherman
weatherman0009 (6:41:03 PM): How goes it ?
daniels pengies (6:41:11 PM): eh, I'm awake
daniels pengies (6:41:15 PM): that's about it
daniels pengies (6:41:16 PM): how are you?
Lame E-war with Jipsik
Sometime around November 2007 the fat fuck was engaged in e-battle with another YT lolcow Jipisik. The JewTube staff already hated jipsi and wanted an excuse to suspend his ass. So Jipsi dropped his dox and got permaB&.
Pengies and The Failures Guild
In early to mid 2008 Danielspengies began to campaign for some self-initiated Jewtube troll collective (the term "troll" is used very loosely in this instance) comprised of shamed and ineffectual outcasts of the YouTube "community".
They are currently "gunning" for failing at trolling Gimmeabreakman. When asked about being targeted by a bunch of grown men who talk like pirates on YouTube, Victor said he was too busy trying to fuck azn women after "English" lessons in GLORIOUS NIPPON.
In the spring or early summer of 2009, DP was pwned by Tamara (Nico) on facebook, shaming him to join twitter and continue "trolling" on the site. To date he has left myspace, livejournal and facebook.
MOAR
The guild managed to "hack" a FiveAwesomechannel by convincing a user named Angellizzie to "join" the "Guild" - a former member of the channel- some fugly basement dweller from Louisiana. Of course, by "hack" we mean she simply handed over the password for a FiveAwesomechannel knockoff that no one cared about to begin with. The people in the Fiveboringpeople channel bawwwed for about 5 mins and then became preoccupied with the next inane and idiotic drama on the tubes. The channel was brought back only 2 days later by the YouTube staff.
Of course, anon successfully got Angelizzie's dox and she baleeted her account...only to return with less subscribers. Of course being a buzkill, she deleted all of her videos because no one now cares about her TL;DW bipolar rambling.
Of course the fat whore is buying a dog thanks to Anonymous and is "leaving the guild" Anon successfully got a SWAT team to think that she was holding 30 people hostage!
In 4-5 short videos some milf named Nessalu basically tore buzkill a new asshole. Of course, lard ass pengies made a video GOING AFTER HER NEXT. Nessalu proudly joined Myboss and the YT alien family who successfully got buzkill to baleet her vids after trolling her at her IRL job.
Anonymous
Despite him constantly claiming he detests everything about Anon and ED, he can often be found spouting memespeak and kissing Anons ass like revealing some sort of passive-aggressive and desperate need for any supporters at all. Apparently he has even attempted to recruit on Anontalk.com. On the bright side, /b/ has instantly saged any of his requests to join his group of ass pirates in an effort spare it any more cancer than it already has. More than anything Pengies feels somewhat disgruntled that Anon is typically too busy milking Co$, Fetch, and Mangerie to even notice yet another attention whore on the tubes.
Having already had EVERYTHING deleted and being laughted off of youtube constantly, he has returned to MySpace to troll Myspace groups. He and Sarj have been targeting mostly gay and lesbian groups and 13-year-old boys. It is worth noting that trolling MySpace forums is typically considered about as effective as shitting in an already rancid pile of shit or pissing in a ocean of piss.
Resources
theguildisundefeated TROLL AGAIN...it will probably get B& again danielspengies LiveVideoPOOL'S CLOSED BALEETED!His Stickam ProfileBALEETED!- His new Stickam
- Daniel Spengies Blog Full of Fail (Archived)
Stephen's Butthurt ED rantBALEETED!
stevenduanenewcomb 
- whois info
danielspenglesVitalSecurity's expose on Captain AsshurtDanielspengies on xtubeSpengies Dancing With himselfBALEETED!
See Also
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| Danielspengies is part of a series on LERNIN 2 INTERNET 
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Pitfalls: Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance Previous Hiscores: PROTIPS: |
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