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Creationist

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Note: This article will never be as funny as the truth.

They don't call it circular reasoning for nothing


Oh the wit.
Certainly not
File:Noevolution.jpg
At least creationists are PARTIALLY right.
Many creationists willingly accept the worldview of this convicted felon.

A creationist is someone that maintains that 150 years of consistent, peer reviewed, tested and retested scientific data produced by thousands of people who spent much more than $1200 and 2 months of "studying" to get a PhD are all wrong and that Earth and life were not created by a slow but observable process over millions of years but by an infinitely knowing, loving, and powerful, yet seemingly indecisive and possibly bipolar deity in less than a week.

Generally, creationists will argue that evolution (and pretty much everything else that people didn't pull out of their asses and called "scripture" at least 100 years ago) is false, because it hasn't been proven and because everything could not have spawned from nothing. Therefore "creationism is correct", because it makes far more sense that an omnipotent super human created everything from nothing 6000 years ago by talking, and everything was already finished in that instant, including life, and this is all proven true because it was in a book written by people who were raving mad from epidemics and wigging out on spoiled grain. Evolution is well acknowledged as a scientific fact, even by most christfags. Creationists, however, would bathe in their own shit if the Bible or Kent Hovind told them to do so.

One of the many repercussions of being of this brand of Christfag is that your career choices are limited to either harassing customers about Jesus at the grocery store you push carts at or conning people out of their money by completely making shit up and calling yourself a scientist until eventually getting partyvanned for fraud.

Creationist Education

Here is the 'How Do You Know if you are a Creatard?' Test:

  1. Are science, logic, observable data, and rationality completely and utterly incorrect?
  2. Is God correct?
  3. Do I have a Doctorate from an unaccredited, Christian diploma-mill?
  4. Am I from the South?
  5. Am i rite?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, you are a Creatard. Well done! Buy shares in tinfoil hats.

Unintelligent Design

Some creationists call themselves "proponents of intelligent design" and pretend to understand science. Here is your test!:

  1. Was the world created 6,000 years ago?
  2. Do you quote-mine to support your position?
  3. Can you prove this assertion using carbon-dating and the fossil record?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, you are either lying or painfully, and willfully, ignorant. Modern science has obviously been pwnt by cave-dwelling sheep-fuckers from at least 100 years ago, and you're going to prove it by using modern science!


  • Which is why "Christian scientist" is an oxymoron and Richard Dawkins is a professor.
    Which is why "Christian scientist" is an oxymoron and Richard Dawkins is a professor.
  • Creationist logic
    Creationist logic
  • What creationism does to the public school system.
    What creationism does to the public school system.

Other Creationist Beliefs

What God thinks of creationist.
God created this on purpose?
File:Copy of Mudskipper trollface problem creationists v2.png
THESE CREATURES ARE THE WORK OF THE DEVIL AND MUST BE DESTROYED.

Strategies And Scare Tactics

File:Creationism comic.jpg
Explaining evolution to a creation-tard.
The Typical creationist Response.

This is their idea of a Scare Tactic

Spot the Troll

As creationists come up with (and believe) the most ridiculous arguments it's not always easy to tell whether they actually believe such bullshit or whether they are trolls in disguis. You be the judge.

Satan Invented Evolution!

science I has it!

The reason why evolution exists, according to this intellectual genius named VenomFangX (more like VenomFAGX, amirite?), is not because some old guy thought it up. No, it was Satan!! Satan started evolution in the Garden of Eden, who told Eve everything in order to further his plans for world domination. Also, VenomFangX states that scientists just merely thought up the idea from their imagination that all Hu-Mans are related to either dogs or bananaz, or sporks, and that we are all idiots for reading books. Though Creationists, such as VenomFailX, fail to realize that this argument is flawed, since furries exist.

Videos

Creationists are completely incapable of handling rejection and critique of their ideas. As such, they are virulent proponents of censorship. This ranges from banhammering to filing false DMCA claims in order to "do it for jebus"

Sadly no - this was not drawn by a troll.

Previous Video | Next Video

VenomfagX, a well-known creatard who has used such strategy against thunderf00t. Another more recent strategy is to now use votebots, which votes down a youtube video. This tactic of course sparked some outrage and backfired, causing more people to be aware of their dirty tricks than before.

So in conclusion, creationist tactics usually end up with a lot of fail. Let's recap;

Video gets voted down using votebots

  1. Video is viewed less
  2. They have less chance of being seen as wrong.

Christfags think it stops here...

The next steps are...

  1. People hear about the votebots
  2. People ALL react with anger and vote videos back up
  3. The message is spread to MANY more people than it would have reached.
  4. The tactic backfires and they are even worse off than if they hadn't been a jackass.

Famous Creationists

  • "Dr." Kent Hovnid - Famous for his Creationist Museum/giftshop/tax fraud scam showing humans living with dinosaurs. Earned his MA and Phd from Patriot Bible University, a prestigious educational institution held in some guy's split level house in Denver, which moved to a much bigger prefab house in 1997. He was later V& by the IRS for tax fraud and is now doing 30 years in a federal prison, because he felt he is too jesusy to be held liable to Federal, State and Local laws.
  • "Dr." Carl Baugh - Another creationist with questionable education credentials, who always appears when the were some creationist vs evolution controversy in the USA. He always appears with some "evidence" proving his claims but when the PROOF is always exposed as a fraud under real scientific tests. Just like Hovnid even creationist orgs such as Answers in Genesis, are critical of him just because his antics make their views look as respectable as Time Cube.
  • Dr. Pepper - While not a creationist, this soft drink made from 64 flavors is still more of a Doctor than any of these fools.

See also:

THE PROOF OF GOD THE LOONY LEFT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE

Even retards are smarter than you.

EVILUTIONISTS TRY BUT THEY CANT WIN!

Creationist
is part of a series on
Christianity
Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
Pissing Off the Almighty [-+]
Heathens [-+]

Creationist is part of a series on

Truth

Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.

Creationist is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

[FizzlePop]

The Circlejerk of Creationist Trolls

'Want more Creationist Troll Aktion?'
BEHOLD! the Circlejerk of Creationist Trolls!
Eye2EyeIIIV...Frank'sVoice...GEERUP...JezuzFreek777...Mr.CrazyDudeful...NephilimFree...
 ShockofGod...TruthfulChristian...VenomFangX...VyckRo...Yokeup...YouLoveMolly
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