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Disney
Disney also known as Das Mausefalle (The Mousetrap) is an entertainment company, created by Walt Disney. ( See also). Upon posthumous commands from Führer Disney himself, current Disney Kompanieführer Robert Iger commands troops from (insert insane number) factions of old media as well as teh internets. With the use of said troops, Kompanieführer Iger furthers the eventual goal to make us all brainwashed, 16 year old, yiffing flamersticks so that we may be the hookers to his Blow. Above all, Disney is a master at the art of IRL trolling, sending 16 year old stars out to their doom.
Disney History
Disney was started at the same time as McDonalds, when two Swedish midgets called Ronald McDonald and Walt Disney turned to each other in their concentration camp cell and started scheming the best ways to pwn children's money. Their dastardly jew plan was to create food and films that appeal to pedophiles who would spend all their money in cinemas and restaurants, watching children having fun.
After pedophilia became illegal in 1948, in his depression Walt Disney created suicidemouse.avi in a vengeful attempt to cause the mass suicide of children. He had to appeal to other audiences, so Disney started preying on colored folk. [1] But slavery was abolished and white-ass crackers forgot black people existed and only about 100 people saw the cartoon. Disney's next move was at multiculturalism, to show people of all races having fun and living in harmony. [2]
Disney also cared about animals and liked to push innocent lemmings off of cliffs.
But that was bullshit and Disney was banned from the internets, so he got a job making serious news programs for the azns and was criticized when Japanese people wrote in, complaining that they could tell the difference between the characters. [3]
So Disney gave up and made pro-Nazi films. These were received with universal acclaim. Since everyone hated everyone else and every child wanted to be a Nazi. Herren Hare, Meister Mouse and Fuhrer Frog became the most popular cartoon characters EVAR!!!![4] [5]
Walt Disney died in 1975 (actually nobody really cares when he died) breaking his neck while fellating himself. Some time later his brother Ray "Krock" Disney tried to merge the company with McDonalds. After this failed his other brother and sometimes lover, Roy, took over and ran the company into the ground by releasing terrible movies. In 1980 he was slaughtered in a coup by Michael the Eisner who ruled with an iron fist. His known sexscapades with the seven dwarves stirred much controversy. Most recently Mr. Eisner was killed by an assassin in a Goofy costume, rumored to be Steve Jobs.
Nowadays, the only people who watch Disney are creepy bastard furfags, who like to pretend they're fellating "the Beast" or something similarly sick, with Minnie Mouse, etc. The other audience seems to be fat 20 year old girls, who obsess about Disney, because they have such a princely high standard. They will settle for a drunken wife-beater at age 30.
The Disney Theme Park
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Orgy Time!
Disneyland (AKA Der Jüdenland) is known for being the shittiest place in the universe, since you have to wait several hours in the line, just to be in the ride around 10 minutes and listen to a 30 minute speech about how short life is. Normal people stay as far away as possible because (cost aside) it is filled with single, 40 something feminists dragging their 10 year old daughters around by the arm, goths, gays, fatties, emos, Eurofags and a few Japanese. The only good thing to pass time there is revealing the truth and watching how the little kids are scared to death when Mickey Mouse takes off his head to show the person that really is. Which is what the kids deserve.You would have to be some kind of sick fuck to enjoy dressing up like a cartoon character and touching kids.
The only thing moar stupid than the park itself are the people who buy year-long passes. They are those zombie-like basement dwellers who show up EVERY FUCKING DAY, believe that they have the same entitlement as the company's executives and shareholders and be super anal about "their park" and therefore get pissed when they are treated the same as everyone else or find a screw missing from a trashcan, then put dirty diapers inside the towel hampers instead of using 'that broken trashcan'. These peoples lulz is to piss off everyone around them as much as they can, then complain to the employees so they can get as much free crap from Disney as possible. They can be spotted by the Mr. T style necklaces covering their shoulders. Instead of being made of gold, 80's and win, the "lanyards" as they are called are covered in pins that are pure AIDS and FAIL. These pins are a status symbol; the more you have the cooler you are and they are often traded for money, sexual favors and sold at exorbitant prices to children trying to get in on the trading fun. The artsy photographer pass holders flock around the characters proving that they too are closet furries. Commonly these pass holders will drone on about how terrible or awful things are in the parks and in the same sentence will tell you about how they keep up with all the changes no matter how insignificant. The term most belched from the pass holders or "p'assholes" as they show their Disney issued I.D. card is "how much of a discount do I get?". If they wanted to save money they would have not spent $10.00 on a hamburger or $5.00 on a drink.
Keep in mind there are only a few ways to see Disney parks:
- When it is crowded and hot as fuck
- Crowded and raining (Christmas)
- When there are boards and walls up over most of the park, which is about 70% of the time.
When you do get to see everything you find that Disney Parks have 4 fun types of rides. There is a dark ride with black lights and swerving cars, boat rides through tunnels - there are several of these, all giving you a "tour", spin rides and roller coaster rides. Once you've waited in line long enough to pass out from the heat and get inside, it is customary to close the ride just after waiting a little over one hour. This usually results in rage by those who have dared to think anything is actually going to change since the last time they tried. The rage from those turned away can be a source of great fun to those only wishing to observe other people. To increase the effect, inform those people who are going to complain that crying is anti-american and not supporting Disney means Al Qaida wins.
Fat people also get stuck in the rides causing closures. It is almost impossible to witness, but worth every second of wait to watch them squealing like a stuck pig. Considered by many as the reason to even go on the rides.
Disney movies
Disney got rich by making, or rather shitting all over, movies of stories that had been public domain since at least the 1800s. However they will sue and threaten anybody else who tries the same thing, claiming theft of Intellectual Property or some other excuse to cover up their butthurt.
In a typical Disney movie, they sing to death about love and life and emo crap. The goal of Disney movies is to enable parents to avoid spending time with their families and save a few bucks on a babysitter. Just put a Disney dvd, press play and you can have buttsecks with your wife, husband, or have a happy family incest with your sister or your teenager daughter, while the little children enjoy retarded crap such as The Little Mermaid, The Nightmare Before Christmas or Cars.
Over 99% of Disney movies depict some 16-year-old girl liking some Fucktard just because he is famous, aristocratic or has money. This is where being true to life ends. Except that one movie in which this girl is kidnapped, raped and ends up with Stockholm syndrome. Why don't they foreshadow life itself for a change, and quit filling kids' heads with notions of happy endings and talking candle sticks?
Some long lost Disney Scenes showcasing alternate endings [6]
Science has proven that allowing your child to watch Disney movies will turn them Ghey.
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Disney Today
Disney is now known for its family entertainment . The sordid history has long since been forgotten by all but a few, and, thus, people get very upset when you disparage any of Disney's otherwise clean-cut characters. Disney now makes only movies geared toward 12 year old girls, such as Camp rock. They also churn out awful direct-to-video sequels and take credit for films made by other, better companies such as Miramax and Pixar.
Thus, all of Disney's revenue now comes from its TV shows, Lindsay Lohan and its popular theme parks, Disneyland and Disneyworld (The fact that Disneyland is located in Orange County, California and Disneyworld is located in Orange County, Florida is to pay homage to how Walt loved having cans of Agent Orange shoved in his ass).
Disney owns some land in Europe, where actors are encouraged to yiff on camera[7], which is the only exciting thing to happen there since most people there prefer theme parks based on their own crappy characters.
Disney has been very busy hiring sick pedophile fucks into their company. This practice is very prominent in the last few years, as shown in the making of Loli and Stitch, a cartoon about extraterrestrial bestiality, Winnie the Pooh and other stuff that nobody dares to point out, for fear of being pwnt by the Disnimati.
They just bought Marvel Comics. Enjoy the crossover comics and movies.
Television Shows
When Disney creates a show, they'll almost always cancel it around 65 episodes. As a rule, all Disney shows must have the character's name in the title. Recent pieces of shit released have been titled "Hannah Montana", "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", "Life with Derek", "JONAS", "Phil of the Future" and "That's So Raven". Notice that the stars of these shows also have music careers. "Corey In The House" is a popular show, largely because of a young girl, "Madison Pettis". A trademark of a Disney show is its hideous puns, typical characters, and forced laugh-tracks. Of course, this is fucking hilarious.
Make your own Disney movie plot
Follow this simple outline and you too can produce your own blockbuster hit and make millions of dollars:
Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived a young (boy/girl) who had tragically lost (his/her) (mother/father/both parents). One day, an (evil/old/homosexual/ethnic stereotype) villain devises a (sinister plot) and takes over the entire kingdom with (bumbling, comic-relief sidekick) voiced by (Gilbert Gottfried/Cheech Marin/Patrick Warburton/The guy who played Charles on M*A*S*H). Though shy and reluctant at first, our hero eventually rises up with courage after suffering another horribly traumatic event somehow involving said dead parents. With the help of a (talking animal/fat guy/inanimate object) voiced by (Robin Williams/John Goodman/Tim Allen/Rosie O'Donnell/The guy who played Charles on M*A*S*H), (he/she) will defeat the villain despite impossible odds and everybody learns a lesson about (kindness/honesty/friendship/family values/whatever). Just add a soundtrack with (Christina Aguilera/Hilary Duff/Elton John) and you're set.
"Borrowed" Ideas
For those who think that Disney is creative...
- The Big Bad Wolf and The 3 Little Pigs - James Orchard Halliwell, 1853.
- Pinocchio - Italian children's story, published in 1883.
- Dumbo - written by Helen Aberson, drawn by Harold Pearl. First showed up on backside of cereal package.
- Bambi - by an Austrian, Felix Salten in 1923, also a Pornographer (LOL)
- Robin Hood - Very old British folk tale. Disney's version, however, has anthropomorphic animals in place of the human characters.
- Aladdin - From "1001 Arabian Nights" author unknown, 600~800AD.
- Pongo and the 101 Dalmatians - Dodie Smith, 1956.
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo.
- The Lion King - a mash up of Osamu Tezuka's Kimba the White Lion and Shakespeare's play about a Danish Prince.
- Hercules - Greek myth. It can be argued that this movie was trolling English majors, because they left out all the really lulzy/gay stuff, like slaughtering his family and dressing up as a handmaid for a year.
- The Little Mermaid - by an unpopular Danish author in 1837.
- Aaron Stone - was stolen from a show called ace lightning.
- Minutemen - was stolen from Back To The Future.
- Wizards of Waverly Place - was stolen from Harry Potter.
- Oggy and the Cockroaches - "borrowed" from Tom and Jerry.
- High School Musical - "Grease" or "Hairspray".
- Gizelle (Character on Enchanted) - from an Mexican painting.
- Atlantis - Plato's Timaeus and Critias, 360 BC.
Links
"Role Models"
Since the creation of Disney, they've been a really big help in getting little girls's self esteem up. It first started with Disney Princess, who helped as much as Barbie girl, but, as opposed to Barbie making every black girl wish that they'd straight hair. Disney Princess make every 1-90 year old girl/woman wait for the shining prince charming. Which, is the reason why you're a Virgin.
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Disney fap gallery
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The legendary Disney Memorial Orgy
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Bambi gets raped by a hunter. -
Insane Reynard drew this. -
Boyz liek Disney too.
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Disney also caters to emos. -
Jasonspeaks, the prime example of a Disneyfag. -
Autumn Dopey, by artist Keith Boadwee. -
Madison Pettis, Disney Bait
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Selena Gomez, role model.
See also
- THE NEEDS TO EXTUIGNISH HER CROTCH AND GO BACK TO DISNEY CHANNEL
- Ashley Tisdale
- Toontown
- Pixar
- Gaston
- Final Fantasy, which uses a similar plot-writing method
- The Aristocats, a famous Disney movie
- The Lion King
- DisneyFan01
- Mouseboy - Notable donald duck porn maker
- Mickyy Moo
- Jasonspeaks
- Kovu 01
- Goatse
- Tubgirl
- Pain Series
- Crap
- Jonas Brothers
- The Anti-Disney Movement
- Jews - Their mortal enemy
- Pooh's Adventures
External Links
- A Report for your Fifth Grader to Plagiarize
- Disney is evil!
- The Three Rs lays into Disney and specifically Hollywood Records
- Minnie Mouse sex tape
- Minnie gets groped by 60 year old man!
- a badly made Chinese version
- Some Disney characters like to get drunk
- Pluto gets pissed off!
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Disney is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
