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Job

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>Gray at 09:03, 27 December 2012. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
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As well as being another word for boring, a job is something that unemployed people and students don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a robot could do better, a human is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are Mexican, as paying a Mexican is purely optional. Why don't blacks like blowjobs? It's a job.

How to Get a Job

 
Ash Ketchup can get a job and so can you.

Ask Mommy or Daddy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "want-ads" your pop talks about (or alternatively, a new browser window) and start circling interesting ads. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your attention for 8 hours every day!

Some Advantages of Having a Job

  • You get some money - After the Government takes its cut for taxes.
  • You might meet people you can have sex with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment lolsuit.
  • Free coffee, if you work as a pilot, at a hotel or a Starbucks.
  • See that pen over there? Take it.
  • No seriously, take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
  • Here, have a company car too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
  • Get promoted to Senior VP of Sales and make more money than God
  • Some people will cruelly call you 'a loser' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a luser with a job', with all the humiliation-guzzling sqiLlz that implies.


And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so boss has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company insurance plan might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and false-teeth supplies!

Some Disadvantages of Having a Job

  • Less time toplay on the internets, unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
  • Too much IRL drama, from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
  • More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst
  • Most jobs don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and during breaks mandated by law
  • Drug testing is mandatory; potheads/Niggers need not apply
  • Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at ED while working
  • Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
  • Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
  • Going back to finding a new job

There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality.

Some Different Jobs You Might Choose

If you apply yourself correctly you could rise through the ranks of the corporate ladder to become a productive member of society.

People Who Clearly Made Bad* Job Choices


*(for everyone else in existence beside them---THEY did AWWWWRIGHT)

See Also

 
Job
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]
 
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