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DarksydePhil

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Every time Phil says something stupid, this timer will reset.
   
 
Well it says here: I have to use a BUGGED button mechanic. Stupid fucking buggy game! The trigger buttons aren't even buttons! This game is fucking buggy as shit. OH MY GOD, what shitty programming! Oh my god! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! Eeehhehehehehethe ...
 

 
 

— DarksydePhil, sharing his endless wisdom on games.


DarksydePhil dspgaming, (Powerword: Phillip Burnell), AKA the self-proclaimed "King of Hate" is the living embodiment of everything wrong with todays' gaming in video format and the arch-enemy of /v/.

He's known for being a hypocritical, money-whoring, borderline-retarded, obese, disgusting, misanthropic man-child with a crippled back who can't play games without being an insufferable cunt, even if his life depended on it. Oh wait, it actually does!

If Tom Preston is the king of delusional washout hacks and Chris-Chan is the king of basement-dwelling retards, DSP has to be the king of untalented USI scrubs.


No matter how much you think you suck at video games, you will never be as big a scrub as DSP.


Rise to "fame"

Getting pwned, DSP-style.


Circa 2007, with the advent of YouTube, Mr.Phil started recording videos of him playing Street Fighter 4 Online with a view on his TV, using a shitty camera.

More than 60% of the time he would get his ass kicked and lose the match. Now this wouldn't be anything special, if it wasn't for the fact that he acts like a complete mongoloid every time he plays, no matter if he's winning or losing. This attitude has not changed up to this day.

Once upon a time he won a Street Fighter tournament that was using a broken port. When he beat the last guy, he declared himself the "King of Hate". That supposedly was his "lifetime achievement".

Ever since he started making videos, he uploaded about more than 20000(!!!) videos on his channel dspgaming and created countless other channels to whore out as much money as possible from YouTube. If you ever searched for a Street Fighter gameplay video, chances are you came across this "King of Scrubs".


95% of a DSP video

DSP is a scrub




I'M PRESSING BUTTONS!


Scrub Extravaganza


Once a scrub, always a scrub


Part 2


Part 3


Part 3,5


Even his girlfriend thinks he's a scrub (6:20)


DSP tries censoring


DSP is intelligent


People strife to be just like him


He's not only a scrub in Street Fighter


More Ragequitting


SHITTY FUCKING GAME!


Shit DSP says









DSP LOGIC: If somebody else wins, its cheating. If he wins, his opponent is not worthy for his fighting game expertise and they suck.












   
 

I can't stop watching this.

Romans used to always talk up the skill of their opponents in anything competitive for the sake of good will and honor. If you lost to your opponent, he was just that good and you'd be proud to compete with him. If you won your victory was glorious for triumphing over such a capable opponent.

Phil does the opposite (always spouting shit-talk from a face that resembles an ass) and makes himself look like the inferior human being whether or not he's winning or losing.
 


 
 

— Nobody Important TurmoilTom, Clint Eastwood of YouTube.

Traits & Abilities

How he deals with games.

- Incredibly obnoxious voice.

- Constantly burps & farts while recording gameplay.

- Downright retarded.

- Constantly makes a PFFFFFFFTFTFTTF noise that makes you want to perforate your ear drums.

- Every time a woman shows up, be it a half-naked hooker or a well-dressed female scientist, he will ALWAYS start doing embarrassing sex jokes.

- Films both his tv and his computer screen, because he is the laziest piece of shit known to man. He can't figure out how to use FRAPS and a microphone simultaniously. The viewer therefor has to deal with all the shitty room/controller/keyboard noises

- No editing what so fucking ever.

- Him, slowly plaything through a game for hours on end and grinding for achievements.

- Hates cutscenes, always talks into or skips them.

- Ignores all hints and obvious signs.

- Doesn't give a shit about the story or world of a game.

- Has never said anything funny or interesting, EVER.

- Nothing is ever his fault.


Things he repeatedly spews out

  • I'M PRESSING BUTTONS! - Him trying to do a combo or just basic moves in a game.
  • I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING! - Usually blames the game while randomly pressing buttons.
  • I'M BLOCKING! - Wishful thinking.
  • I DIDN'T DO THAT - Blatant lying
  • CAN'T DO THAT! - Him, being too stupid to figure out a button combination.
  • CAN'T DO ANYTHING (ABOUT THAT)! - Him giving up.
  • OH MY GOD! - You'll hear him say this line more often than in all movies of the world combined.
  • FUCKING ONLINE GAMING! - Him blaming lag for being total shit at a game.
  • HE'S AWFUL! - Almost every time he says this line, combined with 'SCRUB', he gets his ass kicked.
  • ONLINE PLAY ONLY THE SHITTY MAY APPLY! - Moments before getting pwned.
  • FUCKING SCRUB! - He shouts this one as if he has tourettes.
  • HAHAHA! - Either laughing about his own terrible jokes (Note: He's always alone) or for no reason at all.


DSP and money



Kojima World Order

What got DSP so many haters in a short amount of time, were his MGS live playthroughs. He already was known for being a terrible player and an annoying asshole prior to these events, but nothing, NOTHING came close to the pure stupidity that unfolded with the following videos. As you normally expect from a DSP video, he ignored every hint, made every obnoxious sex joke as many times as possible, and couldn't do the simplest Boss fights without taking several hours sometimes. He fucking sucked so bad at playing these games, it has become legendary.

Many trolls made fun of DSP which made him cry about it so much that he kept making videos about them. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the man who calls himself the KING OF HATE can't withstand hate. Some YouTube videos exposed every single problem in his MGS "Let's Plays". He started with the second game and then the third and then he played the first Metal Gear Solid ... he sure knows when to pick up a series because it won't make any problems understanding the plot.


The following videos show the ULTIMATE downfall of DSP:



How not to play MGS1


How not to play MGS2


How not to play MGS3


He stupidly mocks Kojima by singing his "KWO" song.


DSP & racism.


This is how you don't play (INSERT GAME HERE)


Fanboys of several games are sacrificing their lifetime to bring you the following video compilations



Dark Souls


Demon Souls


X-Com Enemy Unknown


Sonic Generations


The Witcher 2


Motorstorm Apocalypse


Splinter Cell: Blacklist


Castlevania: Lords of Shadow


GTA III


GTA IV

DSP himself

If you think it can't get any worse, watch this stuff



Getting a job is silly


You cannot grasp the true form of DSPs' repulsiveness!


Hating his parents


Faking illness


DSP will make you pay


Drunken rant


Deflection & lying


Insulting the people who pay him money


Censorship


Bullying


In case you wish to see more of these videos, check out DSPcultleader


Conclusion



Gallery

A fistful of scrubbiness About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also


External Links

  • dspgaming - His main channel. Don't forget to use an Adblocker.
  • DSPcultleader - An archive of DSPs' fuck-ups, taken long before this article was conceived.


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Featured article September 26 & September 27, 2013
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