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Xenu (German: Xemu) is fictional character invented by L.Ron Hubbard as the main bad guy in his sci-fi story that scientologists base their religion on. It is not to be confused with "Xeno" Which is greek for "alien." Xenu is supposed to be a super secret, only known to the admins, but it was leaked by South Park and L.Ron Hubbard.
tl;dr: Xenu ruled all 76 planets.
They were overpopulated w/something-billion people.
He didn't want and had developed a plan to fix it.
He got help from teh renegades to destroy some people.
Then some psychiatrists helped and called billions of people for tax inspections & instead they injected them with something to paralyze them.
Then they put them in space planes that looked similar to DC8s.
He put them on planet Teegeeack, stacked the bodies around volcanoes, put H-bombs in said volcanoes, and sploded them at the same time, thus pwning them.
BUT since all people have a "thetan"(soul), you have to trick them into nevar coming back again.
So, while the "thetan" were being blasted around via nuclear wind, he had magical electric traps set (cause everybody knows that things stick to electricity).
Afterwards, Xenu packed the souls in boxes and made them watch some 3D movies about how life should be and other crap, including fake pix of the "real" God, devil, & Christ.
This process is called implanting.
They then somehow got confused and stuck together since they though they were the same people and stayed that way, resulting in fewer bodies.
Xenu was eventually overthrown by the Loyal Officers and was locked on top of a mountain on a planet.
He's still alive today and is kept in by an eternal battery-powered forcefield.
However, he recently escaped and is now an Australian politician. Xenu was an asshole who got put into a rock for being Hitler.
Sci-fags don't want you to know
Many Scientologists, when confronted with questions about our favorite intergalactic warlord Xenu, are quick to dismiss him as a lie, and that he does not exist in their dogma. However, the products of the Xenu story -- thetans -- are not met with the same dismissal. Without Xenu murdering his space alien constituents, there would be no thetans, and thus no basis of their religion (which, from what I understand, is removing the thetans from your body). Poor Xenu.
(IOW: removing Xenu from Scientology is like removing a literal devil and a literal Adam and Eve - and therefore original sin - from Christianity. It makes the entire religion pointless, because it removes the problem that the religion purports to fix.)
It isn't known if they don't want you to know about Lord Xenu because either you haven't paid enough money yet or because they know how stupid it sounds, but Sci-fags all over the world will deny the Xenu story, especially if confronted by the recording of L.Ron Hubbard telling it.
Note, Scientology having google remove xenu.net from scientology searches: [1]
When a random new-fag posed a question about Xenu on yahoo answers, [2] a sci-fag gave the typical response, not mentioning Xenu at all but was very quick to point the finger and shout "BIGOT!"
—TL;DR BAWWWW you 4CHAN peoples suck cos you dont's know anything about us except on you H8TERS sites!! |
Well, this editor WENT to Scientology.org, and he found that it boils down to the following message: BUY MY SHIT, BITCHES!!!11!!1
This information came at the cost of roughly one minute of the editor's life; he is currently suing the Church to make them give it back for all that bullshit.
Origin of Xenu
Xenu (as Xemu) first appeared in 1962 in Marvel Comic's Strange Tales Vol. 1 #103 as the evil prime minister of the fifth dimension, against the Human Torch. L. Ron Hubbard, Who we can only assume loved the Human Torch, gave him a promotion to Overlord of the galaxy and Plagiarized the character to star in his "Space epic", in 1967. And of course would become the equivalent of Satan in his church.
Gallery of Xenu
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Xenu, as depicted in the Panorama TV series. -
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South Park version of Xenu. -
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As seen in EverQuest II, as a healer god. -
See also
External links
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Xenu is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |