User:Jacksfreeman/Travis McCrea

	“	I am a terrorist.	„
	—Travis McCrea, on October 4, 2011

Unresolved kernel trap(cpu 0): 0x300 Data access DSISR=0x40000000 DAR=0x0000006c PC=0x06d77510 MSR=0x00009030

Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me ... -Steve Jobs (The Wall Street Journal, 1993)

Death from PC

The pitfalls of gambling.

Travis McCrea is an unemployed man-child, americunt, self proclaimed terrorist, and master of Computer Science III.

Beginnings

Travis Mcrea (the Digital Faggot), is a fan club leader of the canadian "pirate party" and public advocate of anything that could possibly get him arrested. Born a hermaphradite named "Tabitha" Travis's mother made the devision to sew up his vagina and spare it's penis at an early age. Travis shared a double wide trailer with his mother in Wisconsin before fleeing to canada to espace the regular beatings he would receive from the local neighborhood children. It is here that his true faggotry would be accepted by his widely uneducated and ignorant canadian friends. Travis excelled in homeschool and made his mother's "favorite son" list (numbered 3rd after a cat and a potted plant), before pursuing an online college degree in "Knowitallism" from Kaplin University.

TUEBL

In June 2010, Travis begun a feverish campaign of spamming admins of various torrent trackers begging them them to give control over so he could get arrested on their behalf. After months of trolling and lisp bitching, travith finally found hith holy grail - TEUBL.com. TEUBL is a great place to find literature for people not accustomed to the operation of google. There you can find many ebooks of novels frequently found in 99 cent bins or in public library giveaway shelves. The original creator of TUEBL bitched out after one DMCA notice was sent to their USA based host. Despite this, Travis often takes credit for it being entirely his own creation and continues to get a massive boner every time he receives a DMCA notice. His dream of of owning a top level domain torrent tracker and getting arrested by US federal authorities was within his grasp. Travis follows up with all DMCA's from hot goth authors, hoping he might lose his virginity to AeliusBlythe before getting raped in prison.

_____shit below (and above) this line is unfinished and probably sucks __________

TorMovies.org

A few months after the founding of TUEBL, 23 year old travis was dissapointed to find no arrest warrents for himeself had been made, and he was still a virgin. Life at his mother's house went on as normal. Realizing that book publishers were broke as shit he made an educated Kaplan decision to start TorMovies.org, another top level domain torrent tracker - this time aimed at the weathier movie/entertainment industry. This added risky venture helped travis acheive climax when masterbating to the idea of apache helicopters decending on his mothers apartment complex. "It's only a matter of time" he wrote on his blog.

Travis, the Terrorist

The first web server. Without the various WWW-protocols, you wouldn't be able to surf the internets for pr0n as easy as it is now. All thanks to a bunch of eurofags, neither Jobs nor Gates nor you.

After witnessing the exciting raid on Osoma Bil Laden's compound, Travis became extremnly arroused and on Dec 25th, 2011 he offically declared himself a terroist to the Unites States. "I am a domestic Terrorist. I am a terrorist of love… and I will declare my love jihad on every government in the world. I am Travis McCrea, I am a terrorist..." Osoma Bin McCrea figured this would be the quickest and easiest way to get arrested in style, after all it worked for Bin Laden, Right?

Historians would later call this Jobs's blue period.

Pixar

In 1982, Steve Jobs heard that his good buddy George Lucas was going through a divorce. Reaching into his wallet and giving him a crisp $10 million bill (the very one that was given him by the sole owner of the NeXT toaster), he bought Lucasfilm's animation division. Renaming the company Pixar, Jobs promptly forgot he ever owned it. For this reason, he became an billionaire when Pixar went public.

Second Tenure at Apple

Note the smug smile that lets you know that you want to buy an iPod

Stevus Christ delivering Power Macs to his followers, all of which didn't work. A few minutes later he was nailed to a Windows logo.

Again using the Reality Distortion Field, Steve Jobs convinced Gil Amelio to buy out NeXT. Then, after hiring hitmen to kill Jean-Louis Gassee (founder of the BeOS), he forced Gil Amelio's resignation from Apple by placing a bloodied dogcow's head in Mr. Amelio's bed while he was sleeping. This is how he became CEO of Apple.

It was then discovered that Jobs was actually Jesus Christ when he started selling jellybean computers, creating Mac OS X with his bare hands, and releasing the iPod to the world. He is also Luke Skywalker even though he embraced the dark side when he allowed Microsoft to buy $150 million worth of Apple stock. During this time, Jobs also discovered U2 and Ellen Feiss.

In June 2005, Steve Jobs provoked millions of Macintosh fanboys to jump of the George Washington Bridge with a Rutgers student in hand when they discovered that Apple was having hot incestuous sex with Intel (see OSx86).

Steve Jobs had AIDS

ZOMG, i has AIDS

i can haz aids?

After years of hard anal sex with his fellow mac faggots, Steve Jobs got the AIDS, but no one cares because it's not cool as cancer. Apparently his turtleneck sweaters were used for auto-erotic asphyxiation with various homosexual partners (including obese fuck buddy, Steve Wozniak.) He was forced to trade his MacBook Air and iphone for Broth Soup, A Robe to clothe his frail body and a dog. Of course he wasn't able to feed that dog since he was too busy dying and getting his AZTs. He lost a shitload of weight. Before croaking his t-cell count was lower than Crapple's stock!

ValleyFag shows him slowly dying due to AIDS - Unfortunately the pool wasn't closed.

Before his death, Steve had to pull out of MacWorld. He later said he would leave the company for 6 months due to a "hormone problem". Steve probably stayed at a bath house in San Fran getting treatment.

Liver's Closed Due to AIDS

Jobs actually died in 2009, his liver was the only non-salvageable part when he paid them 5 billion iPhones to bring him back to life.

In 2009 it was found that Steve-O's liver was shot. No one knows the precise reason why. Waiting lists in the US for liver transplants are horrendously long, upwards of five years, but sure enough within months old Steve had a new liver and was off wrecking it in no time. The doctor at the transplant clinic that treated him was quoted as saying "We provide transplants to patients regardless of race, sex, age, financial status, or place of residence." but some argue that it's more likely they stripped the organs from a Thai hooker when Steve flashed his platinum card.

Death

The truth...it stings doesn't it?

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

LOL CANCER

....Or maybe the New World Order assasinated him? It could easily be possible.
As soon as he stopped manafacturing, the illuminati had snuffed him off, possibly because he attempted to go against them.

Quotes about his death

	“	I hope he rots in hell for not revealing the iPhone 5.	„
	—From a disappointed Anon.

	“	Everyone hyperventilating, repeat after me: I am not defined by the products I buy. My computer is not a part of my identity. My computer is a tool. And like all tools, it's only useful if I make it useful. A brand is not a lifestyle. I don't owe gratitude to a billionaire I helped create. Steve Jobs was a business man who charged exhorbitantly for his products. He didn't do us any favors. He didn't make us. We made him.	„
	—Maddox.

	“	Guess Jesus got tired of waiting for an iPhone	„
	—Anon.

And one more thing...

Why so Sirious?

After fooling the world and his own company of his passing, Steve returns ten years later in the year 2021 to announce the invention of iTron.

Apple's website, giving away the truth of the situation.

Things Steve Jobs has invented

#thankyousteve

He craved dicks, as we all do.

Perhaps most important of all things Steve Jobs has done is the hundreds of things he has invented to advance mankind with his bare hands. These include, but are not limited to:

• MP3 Recorders
• Touchscreens
• Camera Phones
• Internet communication devices
• The only existing alternative to Microsoft
• Email
• HTML5
• Apple I
• Apple II
• Apple IIe
• The clever line, "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
• Penis_into_anus
• The iHole along with the iDong, Apple's venture into the sex toy business.
• Viruses
• Haircut with Bill Gates
• Youtube App (to watch shitty Youtube videos without having Adobe Flash installed)
• Spreading viruses
• Humility
• Hipsters
• MicroSoft
• Windows
• Bill Gate's career
• Steve Ballmer's career
• iMac
• iDiot
• 4S
• Sudden death from cancer

See Also

• Apple
• MacRumors
• Advice Steve

External links

• The History of Steve Jobs
• JewTube video of what really happened in Japan
• Subtle Troll Memorial video is Subtle

Jacksfreeman/Travis McCrea is a part of a series on Apple Inc.

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